I was curious to hear personal experience from the suggestion from this story. How many of you have prayed for a person/situation/defect for two weeks and had it work.
I'd love to hear peoples experience regarding this.
Right now I am praying about jealousy. This could be included for this suggestion, right? Specifically, praying to let go of a lost love that I still find myself missing, hoping in the future that we may have another chance. I am TRYING to let go and let God.
Hi Zipper I am also praying to be released from the resentment and anger and hate that I have toward the man who harmed my daughter. I have to admit though that I wonder about it because God knows that in my heart I am still feeling this way toward the man. I am only saying the words and not meaning it especially the times when I have prayed for him. That makes me feel worse because it's like I am not true to my own feelings and I feel like I am betraying the one I love instead of the one I resent. It's all a pretense and to me it feels like I am trying to deceive God. God who knows all ! I would like to know if others have felt this way when they have done a similar prayer. I hope your prayer works for you and that you can be released from your jealousy . Me... I am beginning to think I am a lost cause because when I do the things that are suppose to help me it only makes me feel worse and then I want to drink. Maybe what is the answer for some is not the answer for others. I do hope zipper that you find your answer and that you will be set free from your jealousy. I am sorry I have not been much help to you here but I was just letting you know the way I feel about it." to thine ownself be true." I take that to mean feelings and all. good or bad. and you know maybe its not all wrong to feel the way we do sometimes. Maybe God really do understand and that our feelings are justified. The creator of life also created human emotions so I think these too were created for a reason. God bless Zipper and take care and I wish you all the best in your recovery.
Pirate
You are very new to recovery, hon. No one expects you to be perfect. The reason praying for the person you are resenting is to help you. If it is not working now, if you can just trust the process, it will get easier in time. If you can't get rid of the resentment now you can't get rid of the resentment. Pray for acceptance of the situation. We don't have to like situations but it sure helps if we can accept that things are the way they are. Not all situations can be changed. We are not going to get better over night no matter how badly we want it. Just keep doing what you're doing and things will change. Probably not as fast as you want them to change but they will change.
big smooches
Zipper
You're on the right track. God can help you with those character defects. When I was using I had a problem with jealousy and a man I was desperately in love with. It drove me crazy. I wish I could say it went away with recovery but the fact is he died from smoking crack so that pretty much took care of my jealousy problem.
You are very new to recovery, hon. No one expects you to be perfect. The reason praying for the person you are resenting is to help you. If it is not working now, if you can just trust the process, it will get easier in time. If you can't get rid of the resentment now you can't get rid of the resentment. Pray for acceptance of the situation. We don't have to like situations but it sure helps if we can accept that things are the way they are. Not all situations can be changed. We are not going to get better over night no matter how badly we want it. Just keep doing what you're doing and things will change. Probably not as fast as you want them to change but they will change.
big smooches
Zipper
You're on the right track. God can help you with those character defects. When I was using I had a problem with jealousy and a man I was desperately in love with. It drove me crazy. I wish I could say it went away with recovery but the fact is he died from smoking crack so that pretty much took care of my jealousy problem.
| QUOTE |
| We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. |
Chances are, Zipper, that you've reached analysis-paralysis, and you've over stated certain things, understated certain things. And for what? Yesterday? A world of tomorrows?
Yesterday's gone. Absolutely NOTHING I've done will change it. Tomorrow is never guaranteed to me--I only have today. That's why it's called Present. Take it and be grateful--the One Cool Thing everyday is that I wake up instead of coming to, I don't have to manage everyone else's life, and through The Program I've learned how to let go of past resentments--either of myself or another--and get on with my recovery. Really, Z, find yourself a Sponsor who'll work The Steps--and learn about the spiritual principles that enrich the lives of everyone who completes them.
Rather than wringing hands over what was or wasn't, I've learned HOW to let them go. Forever. And the doors that have opened before me have enabled me to see time as a gift, not a threat, and I'm living life without remorse. Finally. There IS a solution. MY HP doesn't may junk, and the life-lessons and experience He/She/It has shown me have prepared me for who I am--and what I can give back. You have the opportunity to either learn from your life, or continue to regret what might have been. I SO pray that you find the solution...
The way I see it if we pray for something we're denying God knows what's best for us. How can we use God like a butler to deliver what we want? How arrogant! And if we don't get what we want, why is that? Do we then feel we're not good enough, that we're bad and don't deserve God's love?Do we feel He doesn't care or isn't listening or is punishing us? What if my child dies...wasn't I good enough Lord? Didn't I pray hard enough? Don't you care? Do you even exist?
God is God. No-one else is God.
I pray for the wisdom to know His Will for me and the courage to carry that out.
Not my Will Lord, but Thine.
I take no credit for that insight...He took me to Al-anon....I'll do my best to do the next right thing and my character defects will vanish....if only I can open myself and listen to hear what He wants me to do....that's the next Right Thing.
How can it fail? We're all right where we're supposed to be. Isn't that what Faith is?
Sorry, feeling evangelical this morning! just trusting the process....take what you like....and the rest isn't here for you but maybe for someone else, maybe even only for me.....He works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.
Love,
M
God is God. No-one else is God.
I pray for the wisdom to know His Will for me and the courage to carry that out.
Not my Will Lord, but Thine.
I take no credit for that insight...He took me to Al-anon....I'll do my best to do the next right thing and my character defects will vanish....if only I can open myself and listen to hear what He wants me to do....that's the next Right Thing.
How can it fail? We're all right where we're supposed to be. Isn't that what Faith is?
Sorry, feeling evangelical this morning! just trusting the process....take what you like....and the rest isn't here for you but maybe for someone else, maybe even only for me.....He works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.
Love,
M
Every morning I pray that I will remain sober that day and that I know God's will for me. Every night I thank God for another day of sobriety and for what He's given me and taken away from me. I agree God is not Santa Claus but I believe if I do not remember where my sobriety came from I will lose it. I also ask God to help me accept the things I cannot change. What is pray if not asking God for understanding of His will and thanking Him for the day's blessings?
12stepper, yes, you speak true wisdom when you say "I also ask God to help me accept the things I cannot change."
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
And God decides which is which for us at that point in time. Maybe zipper, if you really can't let go of this thing right now there is a reason....maybe it's not clear yet....maybe there's something still to be learned, felt, endured....maybe you will find strength you never knew you had, maybe you will discover why it is so important to forgive, maybe you will learn how hard....God knows.....
Never thought I'd end up spouting about God.....lol
I wish you well and I wish you peace and strength in your struggle with this. So far my own ESH is that every step, every tortuous moment and glimmer of joy, every argument, hurt and stumble, every tear and howl and struggle with rage, has brought me closer to knowing myself and loving Him......He already loves me....and you. He knows you and holds you closer than you can know.....perhaps sometimes you can feel Him....you are exactly where you need to be. Trust the process and do the next Right Thing. He won't fail you. We just have to realise that what we want and when we want it isn't always what we need.
Bless you all.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
And God decides which is which for us at that point in time. Maybe zipper, if you really can't let go of this thing right now there is a reason....maybe it's not clear yet....maybe there's something still to be learned, felt, endured....maybe you will find strength you never knew you had, maybe you will discover why it is so important to forgive, maybe you will learn how hard....God knows.....
Never thought I'd end up spouting about God.....lol
I wish you well and I wish you peace and strength in your struggle with this. So far my own ESH is that every step, every tortuous moment and glimmer of joy, every argument, hurt and stumble, every tear and howl and struggle with rage, has brought me closer to knowing myself and loving Him......He already loves me....and you. He knows you and holds you closer than you can know.....perhaps sometimes you can feel Him....you are exactly where you need to be. Trust the process and do the next Right Thing. He won't fail you. We just have to realise that what we want and when we want it isn't always what we need.
Bless you all.
| QUOTE |
| The way I see it if we pray for something we're denying God knows what's best for us. How can we use God like a butler to deliver what we want? |
I think you missed the point of praying, Martin....
For me, I used to pray to God when I was in trouble, the 911 prayer "please get me out of this one, God & I'll never do it again"....LOL
Today I pray for others and I stay away from praying for my wants but I do pray for me needs, which, like Miss Katbird stated, is my sobriety. I pray for others on a daily basis, I pray when I need to make a decision, I pray all day long. I read the Big Book, it holds the answers for this alcoholic, and all throughout the Big Book, it is suggested to pray.
And, above all, for all you alcoholics like me, just remember to keep it simple....
You are okay, Zipper...keep up the praying. I know for me, a resentment I carried most of my life was lifted by practicing what was suggested. I was right about at a month of praying every night for this person and it lifted and that in itself was not only a miracle, but a spiritual awakening that this program works if you work it....
xoxoxo
Stacey
| QUOTE |
| 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. |
My best thinking and self-will run riot got me where I am today. I figure it might not be such a bad thing to let MY HP run things considering what a great job I did denying it for so long...
I think I may have given the wrong impression. I am not praying that something will work out with this man. Heavens no. I was the one who ended it, and still believe today that I made the best decision. I am just am trying to process a lost love and not fall back into the pattern of running to him since it is comfortable and I am lonely. The jealousy comes up when I start projecting into the future and thinking about how I will handle it when he meets someone else. Yes, the present, is just that, and I am trying to stay right here and now...it sure is hard sometimes.
SKG...you've mentioned me getting a sponsor a few times. I've writen about my cool experience of meeting my sponsor a few weeks ago. Things are going well and she is hardcore step work...which is great! I've always had sponsors who really just wanted to be my friend and that didn't serve me well at all. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up in case you hadn't read about finding her.
54 days today...still such a newbie, emotions still raw, but I am grateful to be here today.
Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I really do appreciate it.
SKG...you've mentioned me getting a sponsor a few times. I've writen about my cool experience of meeting my sponsor a few weeks ago. Things are going well and she is hardcore step work...which is great! I've always had sponsors who really just wanted to be my friend and that didn't serve me well at all. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up in case you hadn't read about finding her.
54 days today...still such a newbie, emotions still raw, but I am grateful to be here today.
Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I really do appreciate it.
Zipper. I'm an alcoholic. I have to be told things over and over. My apologies for not having picked up on it--I was under the impression you were trying to do this yourself.
Keep in mind this: "4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. " It doesn't say A-moral or IM-moral, but just a searching and thorough MORAL inventory. As an alcoholic, I had no problem finding fault with myself--just finding the good stuff. I couldn't let The Committee derail the process I was undertaking. It was uncomfy, but the spiritual experience is well worth the inspection.
:)
We're praying for you!
Keep in mind this: "4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. " It doesn't say A-moral or IM-moral, but just a searching and thorough MORAL inventory. As an alcoholic, I had no problem finding fault with myself--just finding the good stuff. I couldn't let The Committee derail the process I was undertaking. It was uncomfy, but the spiritual experience is well worth the inspection.
:)
We're praying for you!
LOL...SKG, you crack me up. No worries about the misunderstanding. Heck NO, I am not trying to do this on my own. Dear God, that is what landed me here in the first place. I was just working through some resentments I had with some people at the meetings I attended a couple years ago. Then someone said, "try other meetings". LOL...imagine that! So I've been going to other meetings that aren't part of the fellowship hall and I feel safe and anonymous. It really wasn't even big resentments...just felt that the focal point (and I recognize my part, as I was there for the social aspect) was about hooking up. So I stayed away because I didn't want to have to explain to the men that I just aint interested. :)
Interestingly, this time I haven't even noticed the men. A friend asked me (normie) if I've met any good looking men yet. I giggled and then recognized the growth (I attribute to maturity, not sobriety since I am still soooooooooooo new) - I haven't even noticed!!!!
Thanks again for the laugh.
Let me see if I understand the part about moral inventory...are you saying that I need to focus on the moral (good, true principles) aspects? Meaning, focus on the good in myself and others and not the negative? Just want to clear it up so I don't walk away misunderstanding each other.
Interestingly, this time I haven't even noticed the men. A friend asked me (normie) if I've met any good looking men yet. I giggled and then recognized the growth (I attribute to maturity, not sobriety since I am still soooooooooooo new) - I haven't even noticed!!!!
Thanks again for the laugh.
Let me see if I understand the part about moral inventory...are you saying that I need to focus on the moral (good, true principles) aspects? Meaning, focus on the good in myself and others and not the negative? Just want to clear it up so I don't walk away misunderstanding each other.
Ahhh, the 13th Step...
Personally, I think they should be shot, but that's because I still catch myself taking other peoples' inventories...
But they STILL should be shot.....
Keep Steppin'
Personally, I think they should be shot, but that's because I still catch myself taking other peoples' inventories...
But they STILL should be shot.....
Keep Steppin'
Zip
We look at negative and positive. If we don't look at the negative we don't know what needs to be fixed. If we don't look at the good we will never get over self-esteem problems. It all works out in the end. Your sponsor will explain it all when the time comes. What step are you on?
We look at negative and positive. If we don't look at the negative we don't know what needs to be fixed. If we don't look at the good we will never get over self-esteem problems. It all works out in the end. Your sponsor will explain it all when the time comes. What step are you on?
I am actually still working on step one...working on fully conceeding to myself that my life is unmanageable....my sponsor has worksheets she got from her sponsor that she is passing on to me. So of us may balk about 'homework' but for me, it helps me to write thing down...see it in black and white.
Yea, I am very leery of those 13th steppers! :)
Yea, I am very leery of those 13th steppers! :)
A little advice I got when I was new...don't worry about any step but the one you are on. When we aren't ready they can look pretty scary. That's why they are in order.
I didn't realize how unmanageable my life was until I worked step one LOL I thought I had it all together till my sponsor had me write down what was really going on in my life. Boy, was I a mess and didn't even know it. I thought all I had to do what quit drinking and drugging and I'd be all right. I'm so grateful for sponsorship. She really saved my life.
smooches
I didn't realize how unmanageable my life was until I worked step one LOL I thought I had it all together till my sponsor had me write down what was really going on in my life. Boy, was I a mess and didn't even know it. I thought all I had to do what quit drinking and drugging and I'd be all right. I'm so grateful for sponsorship. She really saved my life.
smooches
Jealousy is something I think nearly every human being has thought of felt and had to deal with.
I find that it comes from comparing myself to others unfavorably. Placing to much emphasize on my looks, my material possessions, my skills and talents. Two I find it is because I feel entitled to something. Depending upon whether I've earned it, or not. Will tend to create more jealousy. Three is it self esteem, self concept issues rooted in something much deeper from my past, present, or fear of the unknown. Self esteem means what others think about you. Self concept is what you think of yourself.
There will always be somebody prettier, richer, smarter, more talented and skilled then myself. I must accept this as a fact of life. On the other hand it works in the reverse as well. I am prettier, richer, smarter and more talented and skilled then other people. It's this way for everyone. Even for the rich and famous. We certainly don't have to stay stuck in this negative type of attitude.
As am getting older I don't tend to sweat the small stuff as I once did. I think it's just a part of normal development as a person ages. Well, matures as not everyone matures with age. Priorities often change.
I'm accepting that God made me as an individual. Just as he made others individuals to. I'm also learning the more I sit and complain and whine about my life, or the situation I'm in. It takes God longer to move me out of it as I haven't learned what I'm suppose to learn. One is trusting in him and him alone.
One that I've learned in the work environment is that I'm not really serving my boss. I'm serving the Lord. Not always easy to apply. Especially with disrespectful, or disruptive co-workers, bosses. Even though I'm not at this time in the work force I had to pray to apply this attitude in previous jobs. It also works in uncomfortable social gatherings. Becoming humble. It's OK to not have status!
I pray for God to see why I'm jealous help me see the real root cause, or causes. Show me what I must do to change. Give me a new vision oh Lord so I may follow your ways. I've noticed for myself it's often anger turned inward. I've also found that I'm not grateful for what he's already given me. Self pity doesn't look good on anyone! Neither does greed!
Zipper, I hope this offers you something good. Maybe you won't be able to relate. It's what the good Lord and my common sense are bringing fourth. I'm still learning, still practicing, still applying. Most of all I'm still praying to do the next right thing. Believe me I don't always do the right thing and I don't have all the answers. When the answers don't come, or come the way I want. I wait, I learn to trust. I just keep at it! Sometimes I'm not supposed to have answers, sometimes I'm not suppose to know things I want to know about. Thats the mystery of God.
Love,
Chris xxx
I find that it comes from comparing myself to others unfavorably. Placing to much emphasize on my looks, my material possessions, my skills and talents. Two I find it is because I feel entitled to something. Depending upon whether I've earned it, or not. Will tend to create more jealousy. Three is it self esteem, self concept issues rooted in something much deeper from my past, present, or fear of the unknown. Self esteem means what others think about you. Self concept is what you think of yourself.
There will always be somebody prettier, richer, smarter, more talented and skilled then myself. I must accept this as a fact of life. On the other hand it works in the reverse as well. I am prettier, richer, smarter and more talented and skilled then other people. It's this way for everyone. Even for the rich and famous. We certainly don't have to stay stuck in this negative type of attitude.
As am getting older I don't tend to sweat the small stuff as I once did. I think it's just a part of normal development as a person ages. Well, matures as not everyone matures with age. Priorities often change.
I'm accepting that God made me as an individual. Just as he made others individuals to. I'm also learning the more I sit and complain and whine about my life, or the situation I'm in. It takes God longer to move me out of it as I haven't learned what I'm suppose to learn. One is trusting in him and him alone.
One that I've learned in the work environment is that I'm not really serving my boss. I'm serving the Lord. Not always easy to apply. Especially with disrespectful, or disruptive co-workers, bosses. Even though I'm not at this time in the work force I had to pray to apply this attitude in previous jobs. It also works in uncomfortable social gatherings. Becoming humble. It's OK to not have status!
I pray for God to see why I'm jealous help me see the real root cause, or causes. Show me what I must do to change. Give me a new vision oh Lord so I may follow your ways. I've noticed for myself it's often anger turned inward. I've also found that I'm not grateful for what he's already given me. Self pity doesn't look good on anyone! Neither does greed!
Zipper, I hope this offers you something good. Maybe you won't be able to relate. It's what the good Lord and my common sense are bringing fourth. I'm still learning, still practicing, still applying. Most of all I'm still praying to do the next right thing. Believe me I don't always do the right thing and I don't have all the answers. When the answers don't come, or come the way I want. I wait, I learn to trust. I just keep at it! Sometimes I'm not supposed to have answers, sometimes I'm not suppose to know things I want to know about. Thats the mystery of God.
Love,
Chris xxx
Chris,
Thank you so very much for your reply. The part about the work environment brought much clarity and humbleness. I've had issues at work, feeling like the underdog, and your words brought me to the realization that I've been coming from ego whenever I get resentful in the work place. Thank you for allowing me to see this and in a caring manner.
Thank you.
Thank you so very much for your reply. The part about the work environment brought much clarity and humbleness. I've had issues at work, feeling like the underdog, and your words brought me to the realization that I've been coming from ego whenever I get resentful in the work place. Thank you for allowing me to see this and in a caring manner.
Thank you.
