"We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want."
Yesterday (in an AA meeting) we started to talk about "fears," and "hope," and step 3 and all that.
I'm doing a Step 4 (although I think I gave it a shot earlier) and my searching moral inventory has unveiled plenty of stuff--good and bad--but I don't think I ever thought of freedom from fear as a means of my inner peace. I mean, yeah, sure, there's FEAR like being in an immediate danger of disaster or catastrophe, but that's like an instant fear where my physical being is being threatened. I'm a fairly smart cookie, but I never considered FEAR as being a stumbling block to inner peace. Moreover, I never saw it as being the reason I drank. But it has been. Fear of acceptance, or Pride (I approached this step with the Seven Deadly Sins as comparison even though I'm not Catholic), has been my bigger fear--and what my alcoholism had been developed around. I've got other baggage, but this is by far my largest issue--and it permeated my entire life!
I was bouncing around on the ol' John Deere X-585 4WD Lawn Tractor (I love my tractor) this past weekend and had damn near convinced myself that I was all better. The thought of drinking became ALL I thought about and it was at that time I decided I needed a meeting. When I get all up in my head and start becoming cynical, and that's followed by Judgementalism, then I'm only a few steps away from getting drunk. For a long time. And why? Because the fear of being inferior far outweighs any rational thought, that's why! I'll save you from the how-come, as it's tedious, but suffice to say that finding a freedom from that (namely by recognizing that it's the basis for my character flaws), has been another "AH-HA" moment.
Peaceness.
Thanks Skg
Yet again another though inspiring post of honesty.
Fear my friend, my comfy, my existance, my enemy and my killer if i let it.
Every aspect of my negative thinking is based on fear and its many different forms and fear and negative thinking are more dangerous than dynamite in my head...drinking and blackout were my saviour when fearful.
Now that i am sober one day at a time i have to encounter my fear and look at why i am scared of whatever the moment or decision etc and yeah Skg it comes down too the acceptance or image that i see myself or more mind F...ing how i think others see me.
As soon as i start the mental bulls#it i do an inventory on it and try and stop the process and work through the fear, sometimes i just delay it and sometimes my routine just emmerses it, so i have to change my comfort zones and do and try things that create fear in my overworked fear centre part of my head and to counter all this i have to have faith.....
I looked up a little book called As Bil Sees It and i looked up Worry it said see pages for Fear and i looked up fear and it said see pages for faith....simple but it works if i work at it.
light and love Zac
Yet again another though inspiring post of honesty.
Fear my friend, my comfy, my existance, my enemy and my killer if i let it.
Every aspect of my negative thinking is based on fear and its many different forms and fear and negative thinking are more dangerous than dynamite in my head...drinking and blackout were my saviour when fearful.
Now that i am sober one day at a time i have to encounter my fear and look at why i am scared of whatever the moment or decision etc and yeah Skg it comes down too the acceptance or image that i see myself or more mind F...ing how i think others see me.
As soon as i start the mental bulls#it i do an inventory on it and try and stop the process and work through the fear, sometimes i just delay it and sometimes my routine just emmerses it, so i have to change my comfort zones and do and try things that create fear in my overworked fear centre part of my head and to counter all this i have to have faith.....
I looked up a little book called As Bil Sees It and i looked up Worry it said see pages for Fear and i looked up fear and it said see pages for faith....simple but it works if i work at it.
light and love Zac
Wow, Zac, seems you share a brain with my daughter. She goes through all that same stuff. but lacks the maturity yet to handle it all in a meaningful and constructive way. She's always thinking about what others are thinking of her - and it's never anything good. I wish she could see what we really see - the kindness, the sweetness, the big heart, and the beauty that is there both inside and out. At 20 she's still very much a teenager in her thinking, but the disease stole her growing up time and she'll just need a bit longer to get there. I always enjoy your posts and take much wisdom and comfort from them, and skg's as well. Thanks for sharing so thoughtfully.
Peace~MomNMore
Peace~MomNMore
