Full Of Gult And Shame,

well this time last week things were going realy good for me, i won my setlment,so i wiil be getting some cash soon but in the mene time iv done a lot of damege to myself and hubby, i owe him about 2grand, for monny iv had to borow, till my monny comes in and yes it was spent on pills, not all of it but a nuff, yesterday his check came in so i put it in my bank acc, and withdrue 180, but i did not till him till last nite, well he fliped out i new he would its ok if he gives it to the casino, but not me, and im paying him back ever dime,when my monny comes in, but now he won,t talk to me owr sleep in the same bed, i guess i don,t blame him, i could sit here and do his invertory, but that does now good, i have to be accountble for what i do in my life, weve been downe the blaming road to long, but i have somthing else to till him but i think ill wait, eny words of wisdom would be great writ now. thanks karen.
Hey Karen:

Want to understand - did you spend the money on drugs - if so, what and how much were you on? I'm sorry if you have already posted this info and I missed it.
With this settlement, would be a good time for options, I have heard that Sub is kind of expensive. I know I would have considered that had I known anything about it rather than CT.

Just wondering - would love to help - I know money's doesn't solve e'thing and can hurt if you spend it on the wrong stuff but it can really help you get clean.

Love, Jean
hi jean, yes some of it i died, if i was to ask him the adsuer would be no, it would not matter what i neaded it for that is the way he is, its to long of of stoer to go into, my maerig is not like other mairges, what is his is his what is mine is his, he also has a gambling problem,and would rather give it to them then me,i no that does not make it better but it just pis,me of, its been a long 3 years waiting for this to be settled, now its done, and i whant to chang somethings in my life, fierst pay him back and pray i never have to go to him for monny again, and get sober and stay that way, start by going back to my mettings, but the fear always comes in, and thats what stopes me, iv been checing some recovery places out, but i have to go to one that takes ohip, ther is a number im calling today, what i don,t understan is that you have to be detoxed befor you can go, if i could get detoxed i would just go to mettings, iv been throu recovery 17 years ago, but keep relapsing, thats my problem and i think i can do it ct, until the time i have to do it then the uergs start, and the sick filling so i fail.thanks for listening karen.
Karen
You can still go to meetings if you are using. It is suggested that you sit and listen but you would be welcomed. Perhaps someone there can advise you about a detox in your area. You don't have to live the way you are living, honey. There's a better world out there.
Dear Karen:

It's good, you know that you can do it and as Stepper said, you know meetings worked for you before so you can go ahead and start those now, bet you would feel better right away knowing you had started working on your plan.
I guess you are waiting for this p'work to be over before you check yourself in somewhere - I think I u'stood that.
You said you knew you could do CT - it sounds like me - I know I've stopped more than 50 times but only 2 have really stuck. The other times would last 2-3 days and I would give in. I hate CT but if I have the pills, gonna take them.
You do have a plan, that's good - if you are on the phone today and meetings work - then I would go to meetings forever if I were you. It seems that helped you before. I would start today.

Just keep posting - I know how much reading and posting to this board helped me. Let us know what we can do to help, any information that we may have or anything we can do to try and help.

If he has a gambling problem, you didn't ask for this but I don't think I wouldn't want to be one type addict living with another type addict. I'm no professional but that seems toxic.. Smart that you plan on not keeping money together but his part won't last if he's a gambler, the ones I have heard of always lose more than they win.
Hope I didn't over-step - just 2 addictive behaviors - I don't think a good idea --
mainly because of the stress and that's not what you need while stopping the drugs.

Keep in touch.
Love,
Jean