My daughter is 17 and has just started her second attempt at getting clean on subutex and had her first doze of 4ml today at 5pm. She's also been prescribed Mirtazapine 30mg which i have read up on and was surprised to find they are antidepressants. The doctor said they were supposed to help her like they were sleeping tablets. She's rattling bad now and has taken one of the mirtazapine about 30mins ago.
What can i do to help her. I hate seeing her in such a state and worry that if it gets too hard at such an early she'll be straight back on the gear again like she did last time. Although she seems far more motivated this time I wonder if any one has any good advise. I just want to help her get her like back
Christina
Just be there for her.
She will get her dose titrated up over the next couple of days and should feel better.
She will get her dose titrated up over the next couple of days and should feel better.
TINman here..
Hope your little girl is still sticking with it, i know those first couple of days can be hard to deal with for evryone, not least you coz your her mum.
She should have waited at least 24 hours before she took the subutex, i know itz sooo hard but it is best, that way it really kicks in and she won't feel half as bad as if she has took them like it suggests on the in box leaflet(about 8 hours after heroin or something like that) i know it iz hard to wait an she will be suffering but it will be better in the long run.
Also <my opinion> Mitrazipine arn't really any good at helping you sleep (they gave them to me in prison coz it woz the only thing that other prisoners wouldnt wanna buy off you) an tamazepam or zopiclone (UK names, i guess your from UK??) would be better, but really after about the third day you find she will sleep fine once she is steady on the 8mg,12 or 16mg whatever she is going up to.
I done subutex detoxes lots of times and they do work if you wanna stick with it, so much better than methadone, and she really wont need nothing, <my opinion> to help her sleep after day 3, if she really does then try Sominex or some other (not herbal coz they are not really any help when your comin off opiates) behind the counter but not prescription sleeping tablets from say, Boots or your chemist - they do work, if you take them as directed an are better and non habit forming like valium(diazepam), temazepam, zopiclone and so on.
GOOD LUCK 4 UR GIRL,
TM,UK.
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
Hope your little girl is still sticking with it, i know those first couple of days can be hard to deal with for evryone, not least you coz your her mum.
She should have waited at least 24 hours before she took the subutex, i know itz sooo hard but it is best, that way it really kicks in and she won't feel half as bad as if she has took them like it suggests on the in box leaflet(about 8 hours after heroin or something like that) i know it iz hard to wait an she will be suffering but it will be better in the long run.
Also <my opinion> Mitrazipine arn't really any good at helping you sleep (they gave them to me in prison coz it woz the only thing that other prisoners wouldnt wanna buy off you) an tamazepam or zopiclone (UK names, i guess your from UK??) would be better, but really after about the third day you find she will sleep fine once she is steady on the 8mg,12 or 16mg whatever she is going up to.
I done subutex detoxes lots of times and they do work if you wanna stick with it, so much better than methadone, and she really wont need nothing, <my opinion> to help her sleep after day 3, if she really does then try Sominex or some other (not herbal coz they are not really any help when your comin off opiates) behind the counter but not prescription sleeping tablets from say, Boots or your chemist - they do work, if you take them as directed an are better and non habit forming like valium(diazepam), temazepam, zopiclone and so on.
GOOD LUCK 4 UR GIRL,
TM,UK.
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
Thank you so much for your advice and supportive words, they really do help. As you say TINman you've been through it so you know how she feels. Thanks also for the advice about the sleeping tablets; I'll definitely be taking up on that one. I've taken the day off work to be here for her today, whilst she hopefully gets over the worst.
She seems to be ok but like I say its early days yet and I'm taking each day as it comes.
You get used to doing that when your child is an addict you build up your hopes and they get smashed down time and time again. Ive learnt so much and have definitely learned to back off just enough but always let her know I love HER and Im here for her. Ive also come to realise (very painfully I admit) that she has to want to do it for herself. No matter how much I want it for her it HAS to be what SHE wants. and finally (I say with everything crossed) I think shes ready.
Ill keep you up to date and no doubt Ill be asking you for more advice as we go along.
Thanks again from a very grateful mum xx
She seems to be ok but like I say its early days yet and I'm taking each day as it comes.
You get used to doing that when your child is an addict you build up your hopes and they get smashed down time and time again. Ive learnt so much and have definitely learned to back off just enough but always let her know I love HER and Im here for her. Ive also come to realise (very painfully I admit) that she has to want to do it for herself. No matter how much I want it for her it HAS to be what SHE wants. and finally (I say with everything crossed) I think shes ready.
Ill keep you up to date and no doubt Ill be asking you for more advice as we go along.
Thanks again from a very grateful mum xx
hi,I'm a recovering herion addict.my thoughts and prays are with u both.Mom hang in there with your daughter,she needs all the love and guidesness that u can give.I also am a mother,grandma and just signeed divorce papersw 2 months ago and I again for the tenth time have 60 days off dope.It was rough espeically at my age 48.But I want to live.My ex is still using as I breath today.He has kidney failure from herion.I suggest hot showers or baths,herb tea plenty of rest.If u would like to chat some more let me know love rena
TINman here again,
Hope all is well with you an your daughter, thanx 4 your support too.
You are right, i was gonna say exactly the same to you about only doing it when your ready, i know that is the truth, an if your girl dont do it this time just hang in there..the road is long..with many a winding turns, that leads us to who knows where, who knows when.
I havn't used since the other day but then i knew i wouldnt, i am over that scoring evry day thing, i used to spend 's evry day, get arrested evry week almost, in an out of prison, but now those days are gone, i cant do it ne more, i havnt been prison since september an i havent used on back to back days since End of January,
So, am kinda at a new crossroads where i never been b4, or at least never been for a long long time, one way is saying...go back to the start...the other is saying...new road ahead, but i am scared of the new road coz evry time i start to go down it a littlle voice tells me "youve got money tommorow...you aint gonna score are ya?? Surley not....but it wouldnt be that bad, just a little bit of money and save the rest....oh go on then...." so i go back to them crossroads evry time i have used an have to start back down that new road evry two weeks when i get my benefits.
An no matter what i cant get rid of that bloody voice in my head, no matter hw hard i try an no matter what i do...itz still there, not all the time just the day before an morning i get money, it iz crazy i iknow, i sumtimes think i am going mad, why the hell cant i see a life without getting that temporary high?
Enough of my problems, i am sure your daughter is a big enough worry for you to think about, i really hope she does it, you know it is not the getting off its the STAYING OFF that is the real real hard part. As i am testament too.
You really do have to change your life in evry way, no contact with any users is the big one, places where you used to score are a no go, finding something to do with your time iz a massive thing an just changing your thinking (my BIGGEST problem) coz if you really want it you can score NE WHERE - u dont have to know anybody, have no numbers of dealers etc etc, u wanna score - YOU WILL. FACT.
See I do know all the bloody answers but i still do it - IT IS DRIVIN' ME CRAZY!!!
Stay strong 4 your girl and support her all the way through hell and high water, unconditional positive regard - let her know that u love her no matter what she does even if it is wrong sometimes.
Keep me posted babe..
TMUK
thetinman07@hotmail.co.uk
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
Hope all is well with you an your daughter, thanx 4 your support too.
You are right, i was gonna say exactly the same to you about only doing it when your ready, i know that is the truth, an if your girl dont do it this time just hang in there..the road is long..with many a winding turns, that leads us to who knows where, who knows when.
I havn't used since the other day but then i knew i wouldnt, i am over that scoring evry day thing, i used to spend 's evry day, get arrested evry week almost, in an out of prison, but now those days are gone, i cant do it ne more, i havnt been prison since september an i havent used on back to back days since End of January,
So, am kinda at a new crossroads where i never been b4, or at least never been for a long long time, one way is saying...go back to the start...the other is saying...new road ahead, but i am scared of the new road coz evry time i start to go down it a littlle voice tells me "youve got money tommorow...you aint gonna score are ya?? Surley not....but it wouldnt be that bad, just a little bit of money and save the rest....oh go on then...." so i go back to them crossroads evry time i have used an have to start back down that new road evry two weeks when i get my benefits.
An no matter what i cant get rid of that bloody voice in my head, no matter hw hard i try an no matter what i do...itz still there, not all the time just the day before an morning i get money, it iz crazy i iknow, i sumtimes think i am going mad, why the hell cant i see a life without getting that temporary high?
Enough of my problems, i am sure your daughter is a big enough worry for you to think about, i really hope she does it, you know it is not the getting off its the STAYING OFF that is the real real hard part. As i am testament too.
You really do have to change your life in evry way, no contact with any users is the big one, places where you used to score are a no go, finding something to do with your time iz a massive thing an just changing your thinking (my BIGGEST problem) coz if you really want it you can score NE WHERE - u dont have to know anybody, have no numbers of dealers etc etc, u wanna score - YOU WILL. FACT.
See I do know all the bloody answers but i still do it - IT IS DRIVIN' ME CRAZY!!!
Stay strong 4 your girl and support her all the way through hell and high water, unconditional positive regard - let her know that u love her no matter what she does even if it is wrong sometimes.
Keep me posted babe..
TMUK
thetinman07@hotmail.co.uk
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
Thanks again Tinman and Rena too!!!
I never dreamed I'd find such a good site and get so much support....... and its this kind of support I need from people who really do know how it feels because you're either there of been there. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today Tinman. I see what you're saying about being at a new crossroads. You know with the money thing - that when you have some 's you get that voice in your head. Well is there anyone you could trust to keep hold of your money for you and maybe be there for you when you need to get some food or essentials. That way it may be less tempting to go out and score and it may keep those voices at bay. Just a suggestion but I'm not sure if is an easy solution and you do need someone who's going to be strong for you too.
I hope you find the strength to fight against those voices. Maybe when the voices start telling you to go out and score you could try to imagine your son's face and his voice saying how proud he is of you now you're clean. I know its easy for me to say and you can tell me to f**** right off it you like - I probably would if it were me and I'd be thinking how the f**** does she know how it feels. You'd be right, I can't imagine how hard it must be because I've seen how the smack messes with your head and how it makes you. I'll be thinking of you, whilst watching over my daughter but I'm certain you have an inner strength too So take a turn before you reach that f***ing crossroads - get off at the junction before Tinman - and if you miss the junction this time just make a note of it for next time YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Rena you are doing so well, I know you've been here before and its tough but god you are doing so well. I admire you for seeing what you needed to do by signing your divorce papers - that takes some guts and your DESIRE TO LIVE is so positive. I hope you have support from your family too, it must be tough for you. I think people always think of addicts as younger people (please don't think I mean that in any way offensive) its just peoples misperception. The don't really know or give a s*** I suppose - if it doesn't affect them they don't bother to find out. This is the thing about getting through to youngsters I suppose, so that they have a better chance of getting clean and not having to go through what you've been through. I think the stigma that comes with this addiction is still within society but there is more help now for youngsters but its still seems s*** for anyone over the age of 18 to get support. Good luck Rena and thanks for your advice and support I will suggest these to my daughter.
So far my little girl seems to be holding her own and not rattling so bad now. Tomorrow she goes up to 12mg subutex. Apparently she should start to feel better from here on but its like you say Tinman; its one thing getting off the gear but its the staying off thats going to be hard for her. Its a hard age to be isolated from so called "friends" but she has at least finished seeing the f****ing boy that got her on the s*** in the first place. Its going to be hard trying to get her out of the habit of her daily routine and keeping her mind on something else other than her next hit. She's very creative so I've got loads of fiddly stuff for her to do, magazines, books, girly stuff etc. Thats the most frustrating part really - she was always a real high flier at school, real bright and was predicted to get brilliant exam results. That was until she took up with a lad who introduced to a "different kind of life" she started bunking off school, not doing her course work and flunked her GCSE's. What a real f*** up! Anyway, thats the past now so we don't look back and I don't judge her, we always look forward and concentrate on working towards a brighter future.
If I said it hasn't broken my heart I'd be lying and it's split me and her dad up too but I love her to bits and I'll always be here for her all the way, which I keep telling her. Its been tough and I know its going to get tougher but I'm here to stay.
Sorry I've rambled on a bit, its just that these aren't the kind of things you can talk to many people about are they? When I listen to some people I know that if they knew about my little girl, they'd just be disgusted and think I should wash my hands of her. THAT is NEVER going to happen......NEVER!!! but I'm sure you know where I'm coming from.
Mind you it may help that I've always had the philosophy that if you havent been there yourself don't judge others that have...... because you don't have the right and YOU NEVER KNOW what will happen to YOU in YOUR life. I guess I just hate self righteous people really I reckon thats the bottom line.
Anyway thats enough of me going on, I'm just going to check on my daughter and make sure she's ok for the night then I'm off to bed (though I don't sleep too good because I listen out to make sure she's ok - but I don't let her know I do). I have to get up for work in the morning and have a load of work to complete (which I haven't because I've rambled on too much) oh well what the hell I can catch up tomorrow evening - my baby needs me more.
Take care both and stay strong.... don't forget I need your help and advice!!!
I'll chat soon and thanks again
Christina x
I never dreamed I'd find such a good site and get so much support....... and its this kind of support I need from people who really do know how it feels because you're either there of been there. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today Tinman. I see what you're saying about being at a new crossroads. You know with the money thing - that when you have some 's you get that voice in your head. Well is there anyone you could trust to keep hold of your money for you and maybe be there for you when you need to get some food or essentials. That way it may be less tempting to go out and score and it may keep those voices at bay. Just a suggestion but I'm not sure if is an easy solution and you do need someone who's going to be strong for you too.
I hope you find the strength to fight against those voices. Maybe when the voices start telling you to go out and score you could try to imagine your son's face and his voice saying how proud he is of you now you're clean. I know its easy for me to say and you can tell me to f**** right off it you like - I probably would if it were me and I'd be thinking how the f**** does she know how it feels. You'd be right, I can't imagine how hard it must be because I've seen how the smack messes with your head and how it makes you. I'll be thinking of you, whilst watching over my daughter but I'm certain you have an inner strength too So take a turn before you reach that f***ing crossroads - get off at the junction before Tinman - and if you miss the junction this time just make a note of it for next time YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Rena you are doing so well, I know you've been here before and its tough but god you are doing so well. I admire you for seeing what you needed to do by signing your divorce papers - that takes some guts and your DESIRE TO LIVE is so positive. I hope you have support from your family too, it must be tough for you. I think people always think of addicts as younger people (please don't think I mean that in any way offensive) its just peoples misperception. The don't really know or give a s*** I suppose - if it doesn't affect them they don't bother to find out. This is the thing about getting through to youngsters I suppose, so that they have a better chance of getting clean and not having to go through what you've been through. I think the stigma that comes with this addiction is still within society but there is more help now for youngsters but its still seems s*** for anyone over the age of 18 to get support. Good luck Rena and thanks for your advice and support I will suggest these to my daughter.
So far my little girl seems to be holding her own and not rattling so bad now. Tomorrow she goes up to 12mg subutex. Apparently she should start to feel better from here on but its like you say Tinman; its one thing getting off the gear but its the staying off thats going to be hard for her. Its a hard age to be isolated from so called "friends" but she has at least finished seeing the f****ing boy that got her on the s*** in the first place. Its going to be hard trying to get her out of the habit of her daily routine and keeping her mind on something else other than her next hit. She's very creative so I've got loads of fiddly stuff for her to do, magazines, books, girly stuff etc. Thats the most frustrating part really - she was always a real high flier at school, real bright and was predicted to get brilliant exam results. That was until she took up with a lad who introduced to a "different kind of life" she started bunking off school, not doing her course work and flunked her GCSE's. What a real f*** up! Anyway, thats the past now so we don't look back and I don't judge her, we always look forward and concentrate on working towards a brighter future.
If I said it hasn't broken my heart I'd be lying and it's split me and her dad up too but I love her to bits and I'll always be here for her all the way, which I keep telling her. Its been tough and I know its going to get tougher but I'm here to stay.
Sorry I've rambled on a bit, its just that these aren't the kind of things you can talk to many people about are they? When I listen to some people I know that if they knew about my little girl, they'd just be disgusted and think I should wash my hands of her. THAT is NEVER going to happen......NEVER!!! but I'm sure you know where I'm coming from.
Mind you it may help that I've always had the philosophy that if you havent been there yourself don't judge others that have...... because you don't have the right and YOU NEVER KNOW what will happen to YOU in YOUR life. I guess I just hate self righteous people really I reckon thats the bottom line.
Anyway thats enough of me going on, I'm just going to check on my daughter and make sure she's ok for the night then I'm off to bed (though I don't sleep too good because I listen out to make sure she's ok - but I don't let her know I do). I have to get up for work in the morning and have a load of work to complete (which I haven't because I've rambled on too much) oh well what the hell I can catch up tomorrow evening - my baby needs me more.
Take care both and stay strong.... don't forget I need your help and advice!!!
I'll chat soon and thanks again
Christina x
Hi Christina
I really hope you are both okay an your daughter is still on the straight and narrow. You haven't posted for a couple of dayz so i was wondering how ya r?
I was just reading your post again and it is such a familiar story, the boyfriend f**ks the girls life up an she is forever in debted to the smack dealer.
You know that if your girl ever sees him again that will spell trouble with a capital T , how long have they been split up for? Don't let her go back with him coz as long as he is on the s*** he will drag her back down again - trust me, it will happen if they get together.
An your daughter sounds just like me (or what my mum used to say to me) see my mum was a teacher, my bro and sis done well, got jobs, my mum was like a pilar of the fu*kin community and then there was me in the local paper "heroin addict,28" an my name was there for all the town to see, an its a smalll town too so evryone knows everyones business and that must have been real hard on my mum, but no matter waht she still supported me all the way through thick and thin and never stopped giving me luv and support - f**k what anyone else thought of me, she didnt give a sh*t, an thats what being a mum is all about. My dad, i gotta say, is another story - but there you go - you cant have it all ways can you !
I was clever at school and done well in gcses but then came the bit where it all went wrong, just meeting the wrong people and having f*** all else to do an there you go - i hav an addictive personailty so if it aint drugs, its gamblin, if it aint that its drink etc etc.
You gotta stand by your girl like i sed she may not do it this time but let her no she CAN do it, you sound like you are a real diamond as far as support for her goes, she is half the way there, now it really iz down to her, i know its a big thing on her shoulders but the responisibilty now lays firmly on her.
just keep her away from that w***** who got her on the sh*t in the first place, i know we cant blame others as it is our own minds at the end of the day, but she was supposed to be LOVED by the C*** - not f***** HATED, an anyone who intro'z partners to B is not a friend at all. It will probably be hard for her if she aint over him yet coz luv does stupid things and makes crazy decisions (i cant spell that word!) 4 ya....lets jus pray..
TM07UK,Nrth.LONDON,
"ITZ FREEZING 2DAY!! GOTTA DIG THOSE THERMALZ OUT AGAIN!HA HA"
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
I really hope you are both okay an your daughter is still on the straight and narrow. You haven't posted for a couple of dayz so i was wondering how ya r?
I was just reading your post again and it is such a familiar story, the boyfriend f**ks the girls life up an she is forever in debted to the smack dealer.
You know that if your girl ever sees him again that will spell trouble with a capital T , how long have they been split up for? Don't let her go back with him coz as long as he is on the s*** he will drag her back down again - trust me, it will happen if they get together.
An your daughter sounds just like me (or what my mum used to say to me) see my mum was a teacher, my bro and sis done well, got jobs, my mum was like a pilar of the fu*kin community and then there was me in the local paper "heroin addict,28" an my name was there for all the town to see, an its a smalll town too so evryone knows everyones business and that must have been real hard on my mum, but no matter waht she still supported me all the way through thick and thin and never stopped giving me luv and support - f**k what anyone else thought of me, she didnt give a sh*t, an thats what being a mum is all about. My dad, i gotta say, is another story - but there you go - you cant have it all ways can you !
I was clever at school and done well in gcses but then came the bit where it all went wrong, just meeting the wrong people and having f*** all else to do an there you go - i hav an addictive personailty so if it aint drugs, its gamblin, if it aint that its drink etc etc.
You gotta stand by your girl like i sed she may not do it this time but let her no she CAN do it, you sound like you are a real diamond as far as support for her goes, she is half the way there, now it really iz down to her, i know its a big thing on her shoulders but the responisibilty now lays firmly on her.
just keep her away from that w***** who got her on the sh*t in the first place, i know we cant blame others as it is our own minds at the end of the day, but she was supposed to be LOVED by the C*** - not f***** HATED, an anyone who intro'z partners to B is not a friend at all. It will probably be hard for her if she aint over him yet coz luv does stupid things and makes crazy decisions (i cant spell that word!) 4 ya....lets jus pray..
TM07UK,Nrth.LONDON,
"ITZ FREEZING 2DAY!! GOTTA DIG THOSE THERMALZ OUT AGAIN!HA HA"
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
Mom Christina, you got the best advice right here already.
Recovering heroin addict as well.....and I'm up there in age like Rena...my heart breaks wide open for these kids....young kids.......your a good mom.....you're doing great with her.......and looking ahead.....that is the tough part.
Do you think she'd post.....like on here......it helped alot of us......ya tap the keys and vent.....and we've all been there......wide awake and sick for days on end.......hope it's going good today.
No matter what........even the creep that hooked her on that crap....he may not be out there, but there's a million more.......she's going to have to know that and work on it........as a mom I know y'ad like to torture the creep, but it's all about your girl now.......by this time she knows where to cop and how to and all that awful business......I learned the hard way......she's young.....you're doing great......hang in there mom, Christina.
Recovering heroin addict as well.....and I'm up there in age like Rena...my heart breaks wide open for these kids....young kids.......your a good mom.....you're doing great with her.......and looking ahead.....that is the tough part.
Do you think she'd post.....like on here......it helped alot of us......ya tap the keys and vent.....and we've all been there......wide awake and sick for days on end.......hope it's going good today.
No matter what........even the creep that hooked her on that crap....he may not be out there, but there's a million more.......she's going to have to know that and work on it........as a mom I know y'ad like to torture the creep, but it's all about your girl now.......by this time she knows where to cop and how to and all that awful business......I learned the hard way......she's young.....you're doing great......hang in there mom, Christina.
Hi all I've been bit tied up the last few days. On top of dealing with my little girls problems I'm also studying at the minute so I've loads of course work to catch up on which entails loads of reading as well as the research and assignments so I was trying to get on top of that. I also went to see my husband last night to talk (as we are separated at the moment).This is another story which I will enlighten you to another day but as for now I'm pleased to say my daughter seems to be doing well. As we speak she is in her bedroom making a birthday card for her brother who'll be 19 next Thursday, he's living with his dad. Again another story.
A really good sign is that she's finally eating well again and not being sick. I used to wonder why everytime she was at home and had a good meal she would by sick afterwards. I just put it down to her eating junk food when she wasn't here. Of course now I know better.
She had a good session with her drug worker yesterday who said she was pleased to see Sarah so motivated and positive. She said she's spoken at length about the temptations and possible causes for Sarah to relapse and gave her advice on finding ways of avoiding them i.e. stay away and keep occupied.
I must say I have noticed that she is quite irritable though which is not normally in her nature apart from when she's been rattling before. I suppose its due to withdrawal but at least she isnt rattling any more, she seems over that now. I'm walking on egg shells at the moment but I suppose she must feel frustrated and s****y in her self.
I've asked her if she would like to come on and add to this site but she doesn't want to. She said she finds it all patronising. I told her it isnt like that at all because these arent counsellors but real people who have been exactly where she is now who know what they are talking about and trying to help and offer advice. I havent pushed it, I think its just where she's at right now and she's still adjusting to getting back some kind of normality. I think in time she may come on......... so watch this space!
Its good just to see her looking more like my little girl again in such a short time. I'm just hoping she can stay off the gear.
I'll have to cut it short tonight as I have to go now because she wants to watch Along came Polly but I will be back on tomorrow with more to say.
Thanks again all for your kinds words of advice and support... you really are a fine bunch of people
All the best for now
Christina
A really good sign is that she's finally eating well again and not being sick. I used to wonder why everytime she was at home and had a good meal she would by sick afterwards. I just put it down to her eating junk food when she wasn't here. Of course now I know better.
She had a good session with her drug worker yesterday who said she was pleased to see Sarah so motivated and positive. She said she's spoken at length about the temptations and possible causes for Sarah to relapse and gave her advice on finding ways of avoiding them i.e. stay away and keep occupied.
I must say I have noticed that she is quite irritable though which is not normally in her nature apart from when she's been rattling before. I suppose its due to withdrawal but at least she isnt rattling any more, she seems over that now. I'm walking on egg shells at the moment but I suppose she must feel frustrated and s****y in her self.
I've asked her if she would like to come on and add to this site but she doesn't want to. She said she finds it all patronising. I told her it isnt like that at all because these arent counsellors but real people who have been exactly where she is now who know what they are talking about and trying to help and offer advice. I havent pushed it, I think its just where she's at right now and she's still adjusting to getting back some kind of normality. I think in time she may come on......... so watch this space!
Its good just to see her looking more like my little girl again in such a short time. I'm just hoping she can stay off the gear.
I'll have to cut it short tonight as I have to go now because she wants to watch Along came Polly but I will be back on tomorrow with more to say.
Thanks again all for your kinds words of advice and support... you really are a fine bunch of people
All the best for now
Christina
Oh you guys are watching a movie or show together? That's a really good sign.
Great sign she's making her brother that card as well.
You got a whole lot going on there.....she knows that.....without a doubt she's watching how you're doing it ALL.......and handling it and having her come FIRST........you're an excellent mom.
That irritable stuff....that's way normal......for quite awhile and can go up and down......back and forth........sounds like she really wants this.......she may get depressed too......some of us guys take that Omega-Fish stuff......Omega-3.
A good multi vitamin and that if you can afford that stuff....that will help....I wouldn't tell her that though....let her maybe see you take them and kind of just offer them.....you're wise not pushing her........not for nothing....that's good.
Hopefully you can take care of you too......soon anyway....I'm glad to hear she's doing well......best to ya with the studies too..
Great sign she's making her brother that card as well.
You got a whole lot going on there.....she knows that.....without a doubt she's watching how you're doing it ALL.......and handling it and having her come FIRST........you're an excellent mom.
That irritable stuff....that's way normal......for quite awhile and can go up and down......back and forth........sounds like she really wants this.......she may get depressed too......some of us guys take that Omega-Fish stuff......Omega-3.
A good multi vitamin and that if you can afford that stuff....that will help....I wouldn't tell her that though....let her maybe see you take them and kind of just offer them.....you're wise not pushing her........not for nothing....that's good.
Hopefully you can take care of you too......soon anyway....I'm glad to hear she's doing well......best to ya with the studies too..
Hi Christina
Glad to hear that you are doing so well with your girl, you really sound like you are supporting her 100 percent - well done to the both of ya!
I know what she means though about this site - most people i tell about it laugh and look at me as if im stupid or something - i dont think it is patronising on here at all - in fact some people have been BIG help 2 me when i am down, try an get her to post but i spose if she dfont know what shes missing she'll never take the plunge???
The thing iz on here you can talk to people who u probably wouldnt talk to in the real world, people wiv much more experience etc in gear and everything that goes wiv it - not just text book junkies.
Irritable? I cant really say i woz irritable, specially by this stage (where your girls @) Everyday that passes she will get better an better, eating yeah - same! I put on 2 and a half stone when i was on subutex - that was the bad part!
I suppose she is sleepin okay now as well??
I just got some of those ZOPICLONE tablets off the doc yesterday an if she needs something tell her get them - you suppposed to take 1 7.5g tablet, but take two and she will be OUT! Plus they arent addictive like barbituates - temazepam etc.
She has got a key worker then - if you got a good one she will be sorted, mine was brilliant, got me my place im living in now, food when i needed it, even bought me 20 B&H ! But you get some that are RUBBISH - an never help ya at all, do you go with her to the meetings??? You can if you both wanna. It may help, it might not.
Making a B'card 4 her bro - that is sweet....she sounds like a really great kid...
Tell her I WONt Patronize her...Come and enter the magical world.....whger all your questions will be answered, just click them shoes and you'll be here...soon as you see the shiny yellow bricks you will KNOW...
TINmanUK
Glad to hear that you are doing so well with your girl, you really sound like you are supporting her 100 percent - well done to the both of ya!
I know what she means though about this site - most people i tell about it laugh and look at me as if im stupid or something - i dont think it is patronising on here at all - in fact some people have been BIG help 2 me when i am down, try an get her to post but i spose if she dfont know what shes missing she'll never take the plunge???
The thing iz on here you can talk to people who u probably wouldnt talk to in the real world, people wiv much more experience etc in gear and everything that goes wiv it - not just text book junkies.
Irritable? I cant really say i woz irritable, specially by this stage (where your girls @) Everyday that passes she will get better an better, eating yeah - same! I put on 2 and a half stone when i was on subutex - that was the bad part!
I suppose she is sleepin okay now as well??
I just got some of those ZOPICLONE tablets off the doc yesterday an if she needs something tell her get them - you suppposed to take 1 7.5g tablet, but take two and she will be OUT! Plus they arent addictive like barbituates - temazepam etc.
She has got a key worker then - if you got a good one she will be sorted, mine was brilliant, got me my place im living in now, food when i needed it, even bought me 20 B&H ! But you get some that are RUBBISH - an never help ya at all, do you go with her to the meetings??? You can if you both wanna. It may help, it might not.
Making a B'card 4 her bro - that is sweet....she sounds like a really great kid...
Tell her I WONt Patronize her...Come and enter the magical world.....whger all your questions will be answered, just click them shoes and you'll be here...soon as you see the shiny yellow bricks you will KNOW...
TINmanUK
Hi there Tinman and Bryn
Thanks again for all your good advice and support it REALLY IS helping me loads and although she may not know it, its helping Sarah too.
We did enjoy watching our movie together last night thanks (although it was me who fell asleep this time). It was great though and such a long time since we've done anything together like that.
Today is the anniversary of her first whole week staying clean - RESULT!!! Yeh Tinman she does have a good key worker who is great, really supportive and knows her stuff. I think what helps is; she has two teenage daughters herself and has life experience (I know thats not the same as an having been an addict) but she doesn't take any s*** from Sarah and knows all the tricks. That really p*****s Sarah off (I admit it makes me smile inwardly). You know how devious addicts are, thats how it makes them, well Sarah gets away with none of it. Although having said that her worker is really supportive and great with Sarah. She definitely goes way beyond what she needs to do and it obviously isnt just a job to her. She's been brilliant, even phoning to see how Sarah was last weekend and whilst she's on leave. Its all been a real learning curve for me, although its not one I recommend!!!
Sarah has really launched herself into her creativity and is busy making cards and Easter crafts as we speak. Its good because it takes a lot of concentration without being too taxing.
She is sleeping well at the moment but I will take into account what you said about ZOPICLONE thanks Tinman. The Omega 3 is also a good idea Bryn. I actually already take vitamins so I'll try the approach you suggest and maybe she'll buy it. Only problem is she isnt very good at taking tablets - laughable really isnt it?? An addict but doesnt like taking over the counter meds. Thats the part that made me laugh when the doctor wanted to do her bloods to check for hepatitis. She didnt want a needle in her arm - Yeh right!! whats that all about?
Anyway she's holding her own and seems a little brighter day by day and her appetite it getting better too. She can afford to put weight on as she only weighs 84 pounds (6 stones).
I'm not going to push her about coming on her to post, at least not for the time being. She obviously isnt ready yet, but hopefully she will come on and benefit just as I have. She says she's happy for me to come on and do whatever if it makes me happy (cheeky little bugger) but she aint interested (her words not mine) teenagers hey!
I'm keeping a close eye on the depression, but I'm not sure when it will kick in. I suppose everyone is different. She does have a rather nasty lump on her arm which I'm going to get checked out tomorrow when her key worker comes. Sarah tells me its where the needle has missed her vein and its the actual gear which has formed the lump but apparently she says this will disperse. Her arms are nowhere near as bad as they were when I first saw them in January. She hasnt been injecting herself long, it was that w****** of a boyfriend who was doing it to her and he couldnt even do that right. He's in court on Monday and is looking at being sent down for a few years, so I'm told. To be honest the way I feel about him at the moment, he's probably safer inside.
Anyway Tinman, I hope things are going well for you, it sounds like you are getting some sleep which at least I hope is helping. How is it going and have you seen your son?
Its amazing just how similar youre "going off the rails" was to my little girl Tinman. It just goes to prove that it doesnt matter what kind of background or upbringing you have, you just never know. Thats why when I see some of these self righteous parents I think to myself; you just wait and see how your kids turn out. Don't get me wrong I would never wish this on anyone' least of all you kids who got hooked.
That was one of my first questions to Sarah WHY? And HOW did you think you were any different from anyone else who becomes hooked. Like all addicts she said she thought SHE would be ok to have a bit a few times and SHE wasnt going to get HOOKED.......... just like every other addict before her.
Main thing is I love her to bits and to see her getting stronger every day and getting more like the kid she was fills my heart with joy. Don't get me wrong I'm still paranoid about every little thing, but I'm working on that and I do keep telling her I'm sorry and I really do believe in her. Do I trust her.... though I obviously don't tell her this NO I don't (not yet). Thats something she lost a long time ago and she has to earn back. I know that may sound harsh but I've put my trust in her so many times only to have every hope dashed and my heart broken time and time again. But there are certain levels of trust arent there and some of these bridges have been already build, the others are still in repair....
Still, its all positive here so I'm keeping everything crossed and still taking each day as it comes.
Past my bedtime again I'm afraid and my little girl has just told me it's time for bed. Hee!
Speak to you soon and sorry for rambling on tonight
Thanks again for all your good advice and support it REALLY IS helping me loads and although she may not know it, its helping Sarah too.
We did enjoy watching our movie together last night thanks (although it was me who fell asleep this time). It was great though and such a long time since we've done anything together like that.
Today is the anniversary of her first whole week staying clean - RESULT!!! Yeh Tinman she does have a good key worker who is great, really supportive and knows her stuff. I think what helps is; she has two teenage daughters herself and has life experience (I know thats not the same as an having been an addict) but she doesn't take any s*** from Sarah and knows all the tricks. That really p*****s Sarah off (I admit it makes me smile inwardly). You know how devious addicts are, thats how it makes them, well Sarah gets away with none of it. Although having said that her worker is really supportive and great with Sarah. She definitely goes way beyond what she needs to do and it obviously isnt just a job to her. She's been brilliant, even phoning to see how Sarah was last weekend and whilst she's on leave. Its all been a real learning curve for me, although its not one I recommend!!!
Sarah has really launched herself into her creativity and is busy making cards and Easter crafts as we speak. Its good because it takes a lot of concentration without being too taxing.
She is sleeping well at the moment but I will take into account what you said about ZOPICLONE thanks Tinman. The Omega 3 is also a good idea Bryn. I actually already take vitamins so I'll try the approach you suggest and maybe she'll buy it. Only problem is she isnt very good at taking tablets - laughable really isnt it?? An addict but doesnt like taking over the counter meds. Thats the part that made me laugh when the doctor wanted to do her bloods to check for hepatitis. She didnt want a needle in her arm - Yeh right!! whats that all about?
Anyway she's holding her own and seems a little brighter day by day and her appetite it getting better too. She can afford to put weight on as she only weighs 84 pounds (6 stones).
I'm not going to push her about coming on her to post, at least not for the time being. She obviously isnt ready yet, but hopefully she will come on and benefit just as I have. She says she's happy for me to come on and do whatever if it makes me happy (cheeky little bugger) but she aint interested (her words not mine) teenagers hey!
I'm keeping a close eye on the depression, but I'm not sure when it will kick in. I suppose everyone is different. She does have a rather nasty lump on her arm which I'm going to get checked out tomorrow when her key worker comes. Sarah tells me its where the needle has missed her vein and its the actual gear which has formed the lump but apparently she says this will disperse. Her arms are nowhere near as bad as they were when I first saw them in January. She hasnt been injecting herself long, it was that w****** of a boyfriend who was doing it to her and he couldnt even do that right. He's in court on Monday and is looking at being sent down for a few years, so I'm told. To be honest the way I feel about him at the moment, he's probably safer inside.
Anyway Tinman, I hope things are going well for you, it sounds like you are getting some sleep which at least I hope is helping. How is it going and have you seen your son?
Its amazing just how similar youre "going off the rails" was to my little girl Tinman. It just goes to prove that it doesnt matter what kind of background or upbringing you have, you just never know. Thats why when I see some of these self righteous parents I think to myself; you just wait and see how your kids turn out. Don't get me wrong I would never wish this on anyone' least of all you kids who got hooked.
That was one of my first questions to Sarah WHY? And HOW did you think you were any different from anyone else who becomes hooked. Like all addicts she said she thought SHE would be ok to have a bit a few times and SHE wasnt going to get HOOKED.......... just like every other addict before her.
Main thing is I love her to bits and to see her getting stronger every day and getting more like the kid she was fills my heart with joy. Don't get me wrong I'm still paranoid about every little thing, but I'm working on that and I do keep telling her I'm sorry and I really do believe in her. Do I trust her.... though I obviously don't tell her this NO I don't (not yet). Thats something she lost a long time ago and she has to earn back. I know that may sound harsh but I've put my trust in her so many times only to have every hope dashed and my heart broken time and time again. But there are certain levels of trust arent there and some of these bridges have been already build, the others are still in repair....
Still, its all positive here so I'm keeping everything crossed and still taking each day as it comes.
Past my bedtime again I'm afraid and my little girl has just told me it's time for bed. Hee!
Speak to you soon and sorry for rambling on tonight
Christina...glad to hear all is okay at "Subutex Towers"....you are both doing fantastic....lets hope that b/f of hers does go down today (i wouldnt normally wish prison on someone but....) coz that will maybe get him off the B and then make him realize what a sh** he woz for getting your lil girl on the pin.
You speak sense Christina, an at times you sound just like my mum! Big Hugz 2 ya for making me remember her wordz.
Still havent scored this week, its payday on Tuesday though so thats the big one....at least i can't do any worse than last pay day..so the only way is up - i can only equal or better it....i am not gonna spend it (all) on gear...we will see what happens i suppose. - .Tuesday : the big DAY - to score or not to score??? Please brain - make me see that scoring iz the wrong option...how can i train my own mind 2 say NO??? ideas on a postcard please! LOL
Well im going to my lil boys soon (tonight) an am looking forward to big hugs and cuddles....my lil babe...he's 11 now an gets a bit embarrassed when i ask him 4 a kiss or a cuddle in front of his mates - which is funny an so sweet, an i laugh so much when he goes all red coz his mates giggle(!!) but when itz just me an him he's still my cuddley little bubz, its sooo sweet when he cuddles me so tight an says "I luv you this much...bigger than the whole world" and he stretches his arms wide) - he's still my Baby (dont tell his m8's though !! he would get the mickey taken out of him BIG time!!!)
Stay strong girl, you r both doing f****** fantastic so far, have a wicked weekend and catch ya Monday....
E-Mail me if you wanna more private chat...
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.ukthetinman07@hotmail.co.uk
TMUK
You speak sense Christina, an at times you sound just like my mum! Big Hugz 2 ya for making me remember her wordz.
Still havent scored this week, its payday on Tuesday though so thats the big one....at least i can't do any worse than last pay day..so the only way is up - i can only equal or better it....i am not gonna spend it (all) on gear...we will see what happens i suppose. - .Tuesday : the big DAY - to score or not to score??? Please brain - make me see that scoring iz the wrong option...how can i train my own mind 2 say NO??? ideas on a postcard please! LOL
Well im going to my lil boys soon (tonight) an am looking forward to big hugs and cuddles....my lil babe...he's 11 now an gets a bit embarrassed when i ask him 4 a kiss or a cuddle in front of his mates - which is funny an so sweet, an i laugh so much when he goes all red coz his mates giggle(!!) but when itz just me an him he's still my cuddley little bubz, its sooo sweet when he cuddles me so tight an says "I luv you this much...bigger than the whole world" and he stretches his arms wide) - he's still my Baby (dont tell his m8's though !! he would get the mickey taken out of him BIG time!!!)
Stay strong girl, you r both doing f****** fantastic so far, have a wicked weekend and catch ya Monday....
E-Mail me if you wanna more private chat...
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.ukthetinman07@hotmail.co.uk
TMUK
Hope you've had a great weekend with your little boy Tinman. Its great hearing you sound so positive.
Unfortunately, all is not well at Subutex Towers. My little girl had a good meeting with her key worker on Friday, I spoke to her on the phone a few times during the evening and all seemed well. However, she stayed with a friend on Friday night and by friend I mean fellow addict, who actually deals to support his habbit (does she f**** hand pick them or what?). I've spoken to him before and he swears he wants my girl to get clean - yeh of course he does and then she wont need him will she. Anyway, on the Friday evening I had a little snoop in her bedroom, (I'm not proud of it) remember I'm still paranoid and I know its wrong but I just couldnt stop myself. I really, really didnt want to find anything, but i did, not only did I find some gear i also found some unswallowed subbis. I was in total dis belief, angry, confused and totally heartbroken yet again. She'd seemed to be doing so well. I thought long and hard about it and as usual probably did the wrong thing. I texted her and told her what I'd found. She denied everything obviously. She said she was upset for me not trusting her. Of course I don't trust her she's a f***** Herion addict.
Anyway I think I've blown it. I spoke to her yesterday and we had more words and I sent loads of texts and phoned her trying every angle I could think of but she didnt come back yesterday for her subbis and we had a huge argument and said some terrible things. She said I didnt support her and it was my fault that she didnt come back because I didnt trust her so there was no point.
She doesnt want it bad enough does she? She's just looking for someone to blame though I thought she really did want it this time but I was wrong.
WHY does she do this? is it because SHE KNOWS I'm always here for her, so she thinks she can take the p***** do what she wants then come running back when she wants another go at getting off the s*****. I love her so much and YES I will still be here for her but I told her I wanted my door key back off her and I'd drop all her things off at this "friends" house and she could stay with him and she wouldnt have to see me again as she hated me so much. Obviously I didnt mean it (well I did at the time) I was just angry and upset but now she won't even answer her phone to me.
I was a bit like an addict myself yesterday, just sat crying all day, totally out of it, didnt get showered or dressed at all just wept for her because she'd come so far. If I could get my hands on that f****** honestly. He's just the same as her last boyfriend, the one who got her started on the pins in the first place, except because he deals he gets money so they dont have to go out robbing like she did with the other one. I suppose she thinks she gone up in the world!
What can I do to make her see. She's going to f***** up so bad for herself and the longer she's on it the harder its going to be.
I'm trying to be positive but I don't know if I can keep it up, I'm exhausted. I'm also having s*** at work because my boss is off ill (long term) and the b**** thats in charge is a f***** bully. Oh yeh and in case I didnt mention it before I separated from my husband of 20 years in September. I moved away from the area just so my little girl could put some distance between her and her then boyfriend (the one who got her on it). If anyone is thinking of doing the same, don't waste your time. It didnt work and all it means now is that I live a long way from work and it takes me longer to get there and back at night and costs me more in fuel.
When the s*** hits it sure hits hard doesnt it. I sometimes wonder why I bother getting up in the morning. Sorry to be so miserable I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
Any advice on the above would be much appreciated.
Unfortunately, all is not well at Subutex Towers. My little girl had a good meeting with her key worker on Friday, I spoke to her on the phone a few times during the evening and all seemed well. However, she stayed with a friend on Friday night and by friend I mean fellow addict, who actually deals to support his habbit (does she f**** hand pick them or what?). I've spoken to him before and he swears he wants my girl to get clean - yeh of course he does and then she wont need him will she. Anyway, on the Friday evening I had a little snoop in her bedroom, (I'm not proud of it) remember I'm still paranoid and I know its wrong but I just couldnt stop myself. I really, really didnt want to find anything, but i did, not only did I find some gear i also found some unswallowed subbis. I was in total dis belief, angry, confused and totally heartbroken yet again. She'd seemed to be doing so well. I thought long and hard about it and as usual probably did the wrong thing. I texted her and told her what I'd found. She denied everything obviously. She said she was upset for me not trusting her. Of course I don't trust her she's a f***** Herion addict.
Anyway I think I've blown it. I spoke to her yesterday and we had more words and I sent loads of texts and phoned her trying every angle I could think of but she didnt come back yesterday for her subbis and we had a huge argument and said some terrible things. She said I didnt support her and it was my fault that she didnt come back because I didnt trust her so there was no point.
She doesnt want it bad enough does she? She's just looking for someone to blame though I thought she really did want it this time but I was wrong.
WHY does she do this? is it because SHE KNOWS I'm always here for her, so she thinks she can take the p***** do what she wants then come running back when she wants another go at getting off the s*****. I love her so much and YES I will still be here for her but I told her I wanted my door key back off her and I'd drop all her things off at this "friends" house and she could stay with him and she wouldnt have to see me again as she hated me so much. Obviously I didnt mean it (well I did at the time) I was just angry and upset but now she won't even answer her phone to me.
I was a bit like an addict myself yesterday, just sat crying all day, totally out of it, didnt get showered or dressed at all just wept for her because she'd come so far. If I could get my hands on that f****** honestly. He's just the same as her last boyfriend, the one who got her started on the pins in the first place, except because he deals he gets money so they dont have to go out robbing like she did with the other one. I suppose she thinks she gone up in the world!
What can I do to make her see. She's going to f***** up so bad for herself and the longer she's on it the harder its going to be.
I'm trying to be positive but I don't know if I can keep it up, I'm exhausted. I'm also having s*** at work because my boss is off ill (long term) and the b**** thats in charge is a f***** bully. Oh yeh and in case I didnt mention it before I separated from my husband of 20 years in September. I moved away from the area just so my little girl could put some distance between her and her then boyfriend (the one who got her on it). If anyone is thinking of doing the same, don't waste your time. It didnt work and all it means now is that I live a long way from work and it takes me longer to get there and back at night and costs me more in fuel.
When the s*** hits it sure hits hard doesnt it. I sometimes wonder why I bother getting up in the morning. Sorry to be so miserable I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
Any advice on the above would be much appreciated.
I am sorry babe, all is not lost though, you have tried your best now its time for option B....
You have done all you can and it hasn't worked - this time. But don't give up on the hope that one day your daughter will be clean and will eventually see sense Christina - coz it will happen, its just obvious that she aint ready for it just yet - i know its harsh to say this but i could have predicted this a mile off, i kinda knew that it was gonna happen but we all have to stay positive don't we?
I knew deep down that she probably was gonna f*** up, but hoped that she wouldnt for yours and her sake. As I said, this ain't the time for her to stop the gear - she ain't ready, and it is no ones' fault but hers, not yours, not her mates, not anyones - so don't be blaming yourself darlin'. I know its hard but try not to get too annoyed abnd upset an make rash devisions with her as she cannot help it, she is not doing it to hurt you, i know that you know and understand that.
Option A was to help and support her to the max, now that aint worked, so you gotta go to the other extreme - its all on her shoulders now.
Option B : let her go it alone, she will carry on using till she wants to, if she dont wanna stop then you or no one else aint gonna stop her.
Let her know that you are always gonna be there for her but make her realise that you aint prepared to take all the lies and b*****, tell her straight - i really think if you just let her get on with it she is gonna fare best, she will realise what shes lost, and eventaully will see sense. I know it will be hard to do but i really believe it is the best way - see my mum alwasy supported me, an i just ended up taking the p***, if she had been more firm with me maybe i would have quit before she died?
You love your daughter, i know, an she knows too - i dont know how long your girl has been on the gear but it aint ever an easy ride or a quick one, i am gonna be honest now, i don't believe in geting your hopes up an then letting you down, i ain't gonna spin u a load of sh**.
The fact is that most addicts do the detox/lapse/replapse cycle for years b4 they finally end up quitting for good or - im putting it blunt now - dead.
It is a long road but it will get easier - i promise ya - you gotta stay strong girl, and keep your head up, sometimes its hard an its never a bed of roses but your girl will do it one day, an until then you gotta keep on fightin'..........
BIG LUV 2 ya babe, it will get better....it cant get any worse can it girl?
TMNT.
TeenageMutantNinjaTinman
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
You have done all you can and it hasn't worked - this time. But don't give up on the hope that one day your daughter will be clean and will eventually see sense Christina - coz it will happen, its just obvious that she aint ready for it just yet - i know its harsh to say this but i could have predicted this a mile off, i kinda knew that it was gonna happen but we all have to stay positive don't we?
I knew deep down that she probably was gonna f*** up, but hoped that she wouldnt for yours and her sake. As I said, this ain't the time for her to stop the gear - she ain't ready, and it is no ones' fault but hers, not yours, not her mates, not anyones - so don't be blaming yourself darlin'. I know its hard but try not to get too annoyed abnd upset an make rash devisions with her as she cannot help it, she is not doing it to hurt you, i know that you know and understand that.
Option A was to help and support her to the max, now that aint worked, so you gotta go to the other extreme - its all on her shoulders now.
Option B : let her go it alone, she will carry on using till she wants to, if she dont wanna stop then you or no one else aint gonna stop her.
Let her know that you are always gonna be there for her but make her realise that you aint prepared to take all the lies and b*****, tell her straight - i really think if you just let her get on with it she is gonna fare best, she will realise what shes lost, and eventaully will see sense. I know it will be hard to do but i really believe it is the best way - see my mum alwasy supported me, an i just ended up taking the p***, if she had been more firm with me maybe i would have quit before she died?
You love your daughter, i know, an she knows too - i dont know how long your girl has been on the gear but it aint ever an easy ride or a quick one, i am gonna be honest now, i don't believe in geting your hopes up an then letting you down, i ain't gonna spin u a load of sh**.
The fact is that most addicts do the detox/lapse/replapse cycle for years b4 they finally end up quitting for good or - im putting it blunt now - dead.
It is a long road but it will get easier - i promise ya - you gotta stay strong girl, and keep your head up, sometimes its hard an its never a bed of roses but your girl will do it one day, an until then you gotta keep on fightin'..........
BIG LUV 2 ya babe, it will get better....it cant get any worse can it girl?
TMNT.
TeenageMutantNinjaTinman
sonoftinman@yahoo.co.uk
Tin Man, you said almost everything I was going to say to Christina....almost to the T, mate....that was a good post.
Christina, I am so, so, so sorry.......I can't imagine how worried you are and how much pain you are in......she's so young!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me sick and about the so called boyfriend.........I would have dome more than call him up.
I sooooooooo KNOW I do that we don't want to hear letting her go.....let her make the mistake on her own........it's your da*n CHILD......but, Tin Man is right on the money........ya have to let Plan B go into action here, ya have to.
TYPICAL ADDICT BEHAVIOR.......her BLAMING YOU.......it's all your fault she's using because ya don't trust her..........WELL she picked up before ya looked.............so ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm HELLO THERE!
We do that.......we blame everyone but the person selling the dope......or the person giving it to us.
Ohhhhhh that won't last long, and personally I think ya did the right thing.......she's waiting for ya to give in.......she is playing ya.......and I so KNOW ya are worried and ya didn't mean it, but let's see how long he will put up with her stuff.......she'll see....she will.....it's just so awful in the meantime.
How old again is she, Christina? 17? What are your laws there as far as adulthood? Just wondering.
I'm so sorry........when you said she wanted to see that Polly or whoever....I thought in my heart........that's either really good.......and I believed it was....or it's really bad and she is high.........and acting...........I'm sorry.
Christina, I am so, so, so sorry.......I can't imagine how worried you are and how much pain you are in......she's so young!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me sick and about the so called boyfriend.........I would have dome more than call him up.
I sooooooooo KNOW I do that we don't want to hear letting her go.....let her make the mistake on her own........it's your da*n CHILD......but, Tin Man is right on the money........ya have to let Plan B go into action here, ya have to.
TYPICAL ADDICT BEHAVIOR.......her BLAMING YOU.......it's all your fault she's using because ya don't trust her..........WELL she picked up before ya looked.............so ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm HELLO THERE!
We do that.......we blame everyone but the person selling the dope......or the person giving it to us.
Ohhhhhh that won't last long, and personally I think ya did the right thing.......she's waiting for ya to give in.......she is playing ya.......and I so KNOW ya are worried and ya didn't mean it, but let's see how long he will put up with her stuff.......she'll see....she will.....it's just so awful in the meantime.
How old again is she, Christina? 17? What are your laws there as far as adulthood? Just wondering.
I'm so sorry........when you said she wanted to see that Polly or whoever....I thought in my heart........that's either really good.......and I believed it was....or it's really bad and she is high.........and acting...........I'm sorry.
Well Tinman how did your weekend go with your little boy, it sounded like you were in for a great time. Hope you both had a blast!!! You keep thinking about him when you get that pay cheque on Tues and try to stay strong. I'll be thinking of you and wish you good luck!!
As for my little girl well what can i say...... except thanks so much for your support and excellent advice. You're spot on man and Option B it is.....
You're right and I know its going to be hard but I think I've already realised this is probably the only option.
Even though I know she's not purposely doing any of this to hurt me its still so f***** hard to get my head around, especially when she told me I didnt support her. What you said about your mum really hit home and that cant have been easy for you and I'm so sorry you didnt get clean before she died. I'm not a religious person but I believe she is proud of you Tinman and is by your side, holding you next to her heart.
I do love Sarah so much and I sent her my last text in the early hours of this morning saying I was sorry she didnt think I had supported her and I accepted that as there is no place for me in her life right now I would not bother her again.
I told her I will always love her and be here for her. I just asked her to let me know from time to time that she's ok and to for her to take care. That instantly had an affect as she replied saying she didnt know why I was saying this as she had only been p***** off with me because I hadnt believed or trusted her. She asked me to text her back..... I didnt. I didnt sleep at all last night, thta is not until about an hour before the alarm was due to go off this morning at 6 a.m. So...... yes Tinman I think your option B is definitely the right way.
I admit that as I tried to text her I could hardly see what I was writing, as I was sobbing uncontrollably. Its so hard knowing that you can't hold your baby in your arms to make it all go away and better for them. Even harder knowing that they feel you've let them down. Now thats hard!!
Like you say its going to be a long road but I'm not giving up on my little girl. I damn well want my girl back, she was the bright kid who was always so full of vitality and laughter.
I hope it does get easier because at the moment it doesnt seem possible. But I'm going to stay strong and not let that b****** H get the better of me.
I'm sending a BIG HUG to you Tinman
from a very tired Christina
As for my little girl well what can i say...... except thanks so much for your support and excellent advice. You're spot on man and Option B it is.....
You're right and I know its going to be hard but I think I've already realised this is probably the only option.
Even though I know she's not purposely doing any of this to hurt me its still so f***** hard to get my head around, especially when she told me I didnt support her. What you said about your mum really hit home and that cant have been easy for you and I'm so sorry you didnt get clean before she died. I'm not a religious person but I believe she is proud of you Tinman and is by your side, holding you next to her heart.
I do love Sarah so much and I sent her my last text in the early hours of this morning saying I was sorry she didnt think I had supported her and I accepted that as there is no place for me in her life right now I would not bother her again.
I told her I will always love her and be here for her. I just asked her to let me know from time to time that she's ok and to for her to take care. That instantly had an affect as she replied saying she didnt know why I was saying this as she had only been p***** off with me because I hadnt believed or trusted her. She asked me to text her back..... I didnt. I didnt sleep at all last night, thta is not until about an hour before the alarm was due to go off this morning at 6 a.m. So...... yes Tinman I think your option B is definitely the right way.
I admit that as I tried to text her I could hardly see what I was writing, as I was sobbing uncontrollably. Its so hard knowing that you can't hold your baby in your arms to make it all go away and better for them. Even harder knowing that they feel you've let them down. Now thats hard!!
Like you say its going to be a long road but I'm not giving up on my little girl. I damn well want my girl back, she was the bright kid who was always so full of vitality and laughter.
I hope it does get easier because at the moment it doesnt seem possible. But I'm going to stay strong and not let that b****** H get the better of me.
I'm sending a BIG HUG to you Tinman
from a very tired Christina
Christina,
REMEMBER:
We are all here for you, thru the good times and the bad.
There is nothing more i can really say in the way of my view on the subject other than stick to your guns and make a decision on how exactly you are going to deal with this situation, and remember - it definatley isn't your fault.
My Mum used to say the same thing to me - that it was all her fault and that she hadn't done a very good job in bringing me up, an how I was so bright an I could have done anything that I wanted - I told her -"Mum its not your faut at all, you wasn't the one who decided to smoke the shi*, you wasn't the one who put a needle in my arm, It was ME - I made those decisions, you can't hold my hand forever Mum, it is not your fault whatsoever"
Christina, it sound like your little girl is very bright and could do anything that she wants, and she will, in time. She is only young thank god and time is on her side, she will soon realize that she doesn't want to live the life of a junkie and that will be the day that her life will begin again.
If a member of your family is a heroin addict then you will be an addict too - all the pain that she goes thru you will feel, evry last drop....heroin will F*** all your lives up....that is 100%....but only if you give in to it, you gotta keep on fighting, never give up hope.
__________________________________________________________________
My weekend was good yeah, thanx! But i did spend all my money coz it came thru the door on saturday morning an i cashed it at one of those money shop places.. so i am skint now...but at least it went on good an not bad.
__________________________________________________________________
Keep smilin thru the pain, Christina, stay strong.
TINman x
REMEMBER:
We are all here for you, thru the good times and the bad.
There is nothing more i can really say in the way of my view on the subject other than stick to your guns and make a decision on how exactly you are going to deal with this situation, and remember - it definatley isn't your fault.
My Mum used to say the same thing to me - that it was all her fault and that she hadn't done a very good job in bringing me up, an how I was so bright an I could have done anything that I wanted - I told her -"Mum its not your faut at all, you wasn't the one who decided to smoke the shi*, you wasn't the one who put a needle in my arm, It was ME - I made those decisions, you can't hold my hand forever Mum, it is not your fault whatsoever"
Christina, it sound like your little girl is very bright and could do anything that she wants, and she will, in time. She is only young thank god and time is on her side, she will soon realize that she doesn't want to live the life of a junkie and that will be the day that her life will begin again.
If a member of your family is a heroin addict then you will be an addict too - all the pain that she goes thru you will feel, evry last drop....heroin will F*** all your lives up....that is 100%....but only if you give in to it, you gotta keep on fighting, never give up hope.
__________________________________________________________________
My weekend was good yeah, thanx! But i did spend all my money coz it came thru the door on saturday morning an i cashed it at one of those money shop places.. so i am skint now...but at least it went on good an not bad.
__________________________________________________________________
Keep smilin thru the pain, Christina, stay strong.
TINman x
Tinman first of all Im so glad you spent your money on good stuff, even if you did blow the lot. At least the enjoyment youll have out of that will last a lot longer than the high you'll have got from the pin and whats even better is youll remember the good time you had with your little boy. You did good!
Im so grateful I found this site, knowing I have you guys to help, support and advise me is such a comfort honestly.. actually it blows me away. Its like have friends and family, without the judgement!! Reckon you all know where Im coming from with that one.
..and its because of you guys Im proud to say Ive been really strong today. Im sticking to Option B (well I have so far but its only 1 day). I keep giving myself a talking to every time I feel the temptation to pick up the phone. I just miss her so much. I always miss her; she fills my heart with joy and just having her around makes me happy to my soul. I picture her beautiful face (and Im not just biased she honestly is beautiful) and then I see her injecting herself and that feeling of nausea rises instantly which makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.then the strength returns.
I've decided; this f**** thing isnt going to get the better of me and Im certainly not going to let it take my baby.
At 17 she has so much to live for. However, the law here regarding her age is a rather grey area which is typical. Its that "in between" age where she isnt legally an adult until shes 18 but neither is she young enough to be restricted by certain laws. Bloody politics. It does p*** me off so much, because its so frustrating but I wont get started on that.
I think the following quote sums up how I feel right now..........
Take care you guys, you inspire me to be strong so my girl can come good....
LUV U xxx
Christina
Im so grateful I found this site, knowing I have you guys to help, support and advise me is such a comfort honestly.. actually it blows me away. Its like have friends and family, without the judgement!! Reckon you all know where Im coming from with that one.
..and its because of you guys Im proud to say Ive been really strong today. Im sticking to Option B (well I have so far but its only 1 day). I keep giving myself a talking to every time I feel the temptation to pick up the phone. I just miss her so much. I always miss her; she fills my heart with joy and just having her around makes me happy to my soul. I picture her beautiful face (and Im not just biased she honestly is beautiful) and then I see her injecting herself and that feeling of nausea rises instantly which makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.then the strength returns.
I've decided; this f**** thing isnt going to get the better of me and Im certainly not going to let it take my baby.
At 17 she has so much to live for. However, the law here regarding her age is a rather grey area which is typical. Its that "in between" age where she isnt legally an adult until shes 18 but neither is she young enough to be restricted by certain laws. Bloody politics. It does p*** me off so much, because its so frustrating but I wont get started on that.
I think the following quote sums up how I feel right now..........
Take care you guys, you inspire me to be strong so my girl can come good....
LUV U xxx
Christina
