Well its 4 30 AM .Even though I'm not in the place I was brought up in (that would be in Manhattan) & I have memories flooding my head here in NJ.
I remember waking up my 2 brothers & sister and sneaking down the hall to check out if Santa was here yet. He always was- no matter what time it .The milk & cookies we left out for Santa & his Reindeer were never finished ,but always dug into a bit. (I imagine my dad had to have coffee as I never saw him drink a cup of straight milk)
We kids would rip into the loot like we never saw toys before in our lives. It wasn't till much later would I really realize how fortunate we were ,and there were plenty of kids who didn't have it like this.
Mom& Dad would shortly follow and play up the whole thing. "Did Santa bring ya what you asked for ..
After a quick breakfast ,we would get ready for church,and a day of visiting every relative on boths sides- taking hours before we would get home (but picking up more sh$t along the way from aunts,uncles,grammas, grampa,etc...etc..
Just walking out to the city streets was overwhelming, it always seemed like snow was on the ground & the whole city( & this wasn't a good time for NYC)was bubbling with people & kids all friendlier than usual.
As time went on , we all got older & Dad took a job in NJ. Christmas Eve became the big day- we weren't waiting for Santa anymore. More emphasis was now put on church & family. The visits were more fun & meaningful- the relatives were thinning out,getting older, so seeing them was more important .
Now fast forward to today/last night- its a whole different scene. Loved ones are no longer with us, my brothers & sisters kids became the focus of the families get together. My own kid had to travel 600 miles just to get here & stay for 2 days.- My mom tries desperately to keep the Christ in Christmas & to her credit she has done a great job.When the grandkids presented her with a DVD of a montage of christmas,s from the last 50 years it was both wonderful & heartbreaking for her- a special moment at last nights festivities.
So now, speaking for myself, Christmas has become more about the memories of Christmas,s past. Which is a good thing, as long as I don't lose focus on the present- - the future who knows? we can only continue to lay a foundation for the new kids. Christmas has finally become more spiritual for me- the whole celebration is about giving to others & beginning anew.
I purposely left out the parts (the years) were I was so strung out on Christmas I had to steal Dads car at 5 am - get downtown to cop, rush to get back and shoot 3 bags of dope in the bathroom while I heard all the joy on the other side of the door.- Even though these memories are seared into my brain & choose not to even go there in my mind. It was a bad time & I do believe my family knew what was going on- and although it broke their hearts- they just prayed I would make it through the day( & my life)
Yeah- Ill look for an early Christmas Movie, put on the coffee & wait for Sandy(who is back for a few days) and my kid (also until tomorrow)- to wake up and get ready for for Christmas mass(One of the 2 or 3 times I go all year)-
Another day of family & friends- Im fortunate as Hell Im still alive to enjoy & understand the real meaning- . So while things change, they do stay the same-just with different faces, more memories, and new hopes for all.
Merry Christmas to all my friends from this shining sea to yours.
love,
jack
Jack ...firstly happy christmas to you and yer family.......me having an 8yr.old who still believes in Santa(rare these days)i loved it this morning when as ya said ripped open the presents.....mayhem and mess for me ...plus getting the right batteries for the right toy...is a nightmare in its self.....but it was the small stuff she has seemed to treasure more i.e a new jacket and cool jeans with trainers to match....but the bigger stuff like a Bratz working hair salon will be used this afternoon...also she got a really cool Monet calender to put up in her room.Anyhow i have to treasure this xmas coz i think it will be the last one before she gets wise.
Take care Jack and to everyone on the board.....you have all been an inspiration to me.Happy xmas........Davey
Take care Jack and to everyone on the board.....you have all been an inspiration to me.Happy xmas........Davey
Yeah --Wow-you are a greawt storyteller, you really should considern writing a book, your thoughts are very well conveyed your words seems to come so easily. I feel you when you speak of what the "important" things are and I agree we do not focus on the family enough i am younger than you and i have been brouh=ght up in this materielistic generation and i have had to learn the hard way what to appreciate and how to appreciate the good things in life--next year i wont remember what i gave or what i got ill remember who i huggede and who i did not,. I truly believe that this technology that we velieve brings us closer to gether and helps us communicate actually in many ways pulls us apart and makes words and love seem less genuine(in many ways) but on the bright side its wonderfull to be alive and able to reflect and appreciate the little things--not being ill, being able to relax and not worry about having to go get $ or a fix, having my own home to go to with the heat on the bills aid and food in the fridge. I was worried I would not be able to give what i wanted to but it all turned out fine because i decided it would--shall i worry and stress or just enjoy the moment--thank you god, higher power--inner being, whoever you are for allowing me this opportunity to love myself enough to love my family and the time i spend with them.
Good times, Jack.
Tried to do the nostalgic thing today as well.....all came to mind was seeing my dad drop dead before my eyes...........paramedics laying him next to the tree his mouth all deformed from I guess a stroke.........zapping him over and over and getting a flat line........me in a cast up to my waist trying to get my daughter upstairs.
Most haunting that Barbie Plane.......the impossible gift to get that year, and my dad went all over trying to find one.......finally did........my daughter never touched the thing again.
Yeah we leave out the dope part..........scamming an advance on who was giving us money........rushing on two buses and an El to cop in the slush and snow...........being pelted by the kids down in the Badlands as we waited in the dope line...........family wondering why running to the bakery took two hours.....making it to Mass at 6:00PM..........kids choir singing........and itching and nodding in the pew..........good times as well.
Good times.
Tried to do the nostalgic thing today as well.....all came to mind was seeing my dad drop dead before my eyes...........paramedics laying him next to the tree his mouth all deformed from I guess a stroke.........zapping him over and over and getting a flat line........me in a cast up to my waist trying to get my daughter upstairs.
Most haunting that Barbie Plane.......the impossible gift to get that year, and my dad went all over trying to find one.......finally did........my daughter never touched the thing again.
Yeah we leave out the dope part..........scamming an advance on who was giving us money........rushing on two buses and an El to cop in the slush and snow...........being pelted by the kids down in the Badlands as we waited in the dope line...........family wondering why running to the bakery took two hours.....making it to Mass at 6:00PM..........kids choir singing........and itching and nodding in the pew..........good times as well.
Good times.
