I'm running every morning now, as I've said before. I'm increasing my mileage and today I took a new route. It so happened to be one of the country roads (I live in a rural community) I used to travel while cruising around with Me, Myself, and My Addiction with Sheryl Crow's, "All I Wanna Do," and lots of other theme songs.
ANYHOW, so I'm running in the morning light and low and behold, a broken mini wine bottle along the bridge. I used to throw them out the window for obvious reasons. Was it mine? Which time was it? Where are the REST? Does it matter? I felt like utter CRAP, seriously. I'm greener than that! Rushes of memories came back.
I found myself stumbling along the passage in the promises, "We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace."
Ta DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! All better!
:)
I LOVE my sobriety!
Ha ha, cool !!!
And running - how amazing is that!!!! You must be feeling pretty fit. How far do you run?
And running - how amazing is that!!!! You must be feeling pretty fit. How far do you run?
Whatever 'chuff' is, I think I feel that. Does it mean, "Smug?" The whole thing is different now, though, isn't it? For me, just being able to WAKE UP at 5-5:30 AM before the sun rises and go running--go do ANYTHING--is a complete turn of events! Let alone running! I even know where my clothes are....
:)
But for the grace of My HP, AA and the folks of this board!
:)
But for the grace of My HP, AA and the folks of this board!
I couldn't be happier then to see anyone addict or not, realize physical fitness is the anwser to being more whole.
Good for you SKG, keep running the healthy way. Love and trust, You gotta , I actually think you always were close to the surface & profound to. Nice to see you helping yourself/others.
Good for you SKG, keep running the healthy way. Love and trust, You gotta , I actually think you always were close to the surface & profound to. Nice to see you helping yourself/others.
Gidday Skg
Great posts buddy and thankyou for your honest and open sharing it really does work if we work at it.
The past is the past and i still meet people who i either drank with and all the rest, 11 years down the track and i have no bloody idea who they are but they know me. Now this has caused some very awkward moments and if they have kids in tow i sh#t bricks, but that is all my addictive fear looking for a weakness so the madness can creep in.
I cannot change the past and the serenity prayer and a wife who understands are good but sometimes she can only take so much, there are little panic stations in my head that alarm when all this sort of thing is happening and they used to say drink,drink, drink now they say i can make amends where to do so would not harm me or others.
light and love zac
Great posts buddy and thankyou for your honest and open sharing it really does work if we work at it.
The past is the past and i still meet people who i either drank with and all the rest, 11 years down the track and i have no bloody idea who they are but they know me. Now this has caused some very awkward moments and if they have kids in tow i sh#t bricks, but that is all my addictive fear looking for a weakness so the madness can creep in.
I cannot change the past and the serenity prayer and a wife who understands are good but sometimes she can only take so much, there are little panic stations in my head that alarm when all this sort of thing is happening and they used to say drink,drink, drink now they say i can make amends where to do so would not harm me or others.
light and love zac
SKG, I have reminders all over the area I live in of how it use to be....I'd like to start doing some exercise but I never get around to it...did you just jump into the running? I will walk for maybe a day or two in a row, then I find some excuse not to do it...and then weeks go by again...ugghhhhhhhh!
Yeah, I've always been a runner. I even did the "Run for Liberty" back in the day when we paid $5 US and got a T shirt, medallion, etc., and the proceeds went to the eventual refurbishment of the Statue of Liberty! Pretty cool, huh? I pushed my daughter (2 years old at the time) in a stroller and myself and 3 other young guys ran together (they'd pick up the stroller to go off curbs and over tracks). Afterwards we drank WAY too many beers to "replace carbs." EVERYTHING in my life was about partying. Seems it was called 'partying' when I was young and 'drinking' when it's the fun's been replaced by desperation, huh?
Thanks everyone for the sharing. It works.
Zac: Keep sharing your thoughts. I sometimes have a hard time understanding the NZ or Aussie phrases, but it's fun to shuffle through it. Thanks for the e-mail, too.
LookinUp: Yeah, I think the time I run allows me to purge and commune with my HP, too. I have to be outside, though. Gotta be in the world--there are alot of similies with running and sobriety.
VWGirl: My shiny... :) I've always been a runner as I said, but I spent SO much time out of it that I had to start by just plain going for walks! I couldn't get off my couch for the longest time! I'd always understood that the exercize eventually resulted in having more energy, but getting up the energy to get energy was a BEAST! I finally started walking right after work, and eventually to jogging. There were still too many vehicles and people (and dogs) around and the weather turned hot, so I got my a** out of bed a bit earlier every day to where I could run a few miles, commune with MY HP and nature, and it was cool--and most of the dogs were still sleeping...
:) I found a kajillion reasons NOT to do it. It's when I stopped thinking about it and just took a few steps that it clicked. DOH! Sort of like AA! Try parking in the "truck section," where folks with oversized vehicles tend to park in the shopping areas. It's a longer walk. EVENTUALLY it clicks (after the aches and muscle pains fade and they start doing what they're built for) and walking around the block or on a trail (?) becomes an objective. Then it becomes recreation--fun. Something to do besides TV.
OH! I volunteered to CHAIR the AA meeting tomorrow! ~GASP~ How awesome is that? I would normally have done it because, "Nobody else would do it and it would be incumbent of me to contribute." Now it's because I can do it for myself. How's that for growth?!
Peaceness. It works if you work it....
Thanks everyone for the sharing. It works.
Zac: Keep sharing your thoughts. I sometimes have a hard time understanding the NZ or Aussie phrases, but it's fun to shuffle through it. Thanks for the e-mail, too.
LookinUp: Yeah, I think the time I run allows me to purge and commune with my HP, too. I have to be outside, though. Gotta be in the world--there are alot of similies with running and sobriety.
VWGirl: My shiny... :) I've always been a runner as I said, but I spent SO much time out of it that I had to start by just plain going for walks! I couldn't get off my couch for the longest time! I'd always understood that the exercize eventually resulted in having more energy, but getting up the energy to get energy was a BEAST! I finally started walking right after work, and eventually to jogging. There were still too many vehicles and people (and dogs) around and the weather turned hot, so I got my a** out of bed a bit earlier every day to where I could run a few miles, commune with MY HP and nature, and it was cool--and most of the dogs were still sleeping...
:) I found a kajillion reasons NOT to do it. It's when I stopped thinking about it and just took a few steps that it clicked. DOH! Sort of like AA! Try parking in the "truck section," where folks with oversized vehicles tend to park in the shopping areas. It's a longer walk. EVENTUALLY it clicks (after the aches and muscle pains fade and they start doing what they're built for) and walking around the block or on a trail (?) becomes an objective. Then it becomes recreation--fun. Something to do besides TV.
OH! I volunteered to CHAIR the AA meeting tomorrow! ~GASP~ How awesome is that? I would normally have done it because, "Nobody else would do it and it would be incumbent of me to contribute." Now it's because I can do it for myself. How's that for growth?!
Peaceness. It works if you work it....
Thanks for the push...SKG...I really need to start doing something! Great job on leading the meeting! I went to Boxing class with my daughter, this is her third week, and it is changing her attitude, or perhaps my attitude is changing, ya think...? They invited (the Boxing class people) to take a class this weekend and go at my own pace, but they suggested I spar with my daughter...which actually sounds like fun! Oh yeah, about the "partying" ~ I always use to say "just leave me alone, I just wanna party, you would to after the <put any verb in this spot> I've been through today"...blah, blah, blah...my sister reminded when I shared at meeting about "my partying" ~ she said, "ya know, it's not a party when you are locked and alone in your room by yourself...doing your coke and drinking...." ~ I finally heard that! Partying, yeah, partying, I was the life or should I say death of my own party.
"I was the life or should I say death of my own party. "
Isn't that the truth! I just can not believe how incredibly stoopid things got--and for how LONG! I didn't do coke 'cause, "You know, that's addictive sh*t!" and I knew I was suceptible to addictions. Except for alcohol, of course...
LOL
I'm addicted to additions, for hell's sake!
I'm grateful that I finally dropped my charade when I did. I look back at the last 111 days of sobriety (yes, I'm addicted to counting) and absolutely astounded at how much LIFE has changed. I'm actually SLOWLY progressing into a person of some depth and thought and spirituality. If I'd only allowed myself to Give In, Give Up, and Give MYGod earlier. I wonder, whimsically, where/what I would be had I not been so damned stubborn.
Thanks to everyone on this board who've become my net--I'm sure we get extra points for caring, huh?
:)
peaceness.
Isn't that the truth! I just can not believe how incredibly stoopid things got--and for how LONG! I didn't do coke 'cause, "You know, that's addictive sh*t!" and I knew I was suceptible to addictions. Except for alcohol, of course...
LOL
I'm addicted to additions, for hell's sake!
I'm grateful that I finally dropped my charade when I did. I look back at the last 111 days of sobriety (yes, I'm addicted to counting) and absolutely astounded at how much LIFE has changed. I'm actually SLOWLY progressing into a person of some depth and thought and spirituality. If I'd only allowed myself to Give In, Give Up, and Give MYGod earlier. I wonder, whimsically, where/what I would be had I not been so damned stubborn.
Thanks to everyone on this board who've become my net--I'm sure we get extra points for caring, huh?
:)
peaceness.
SKG, I have wished that I could've got this thing (sobriety) earlier too...but for me I had to be beaten into submission by alcohol and drugs and received the gift of desperation before I could surrender, to finally get humble and find my HP.
Oh, btw, I've got the counting thing too...slight form of OCD I think; I count out so many things during the day...I am very comfortable with repetition and routine. I know it sounds crazy but I count out how many strokes of mascara I put on in the morning...count out what I eat so it's an odd number, etc...not sure if this has anything to do with alcoholism and/or addiction, but it's an interesting thought.....
Oh, btw, I've got the counting thing too...slight form of OCD I think; I count out so many things during the day...I am very comfortable with repetition and routine. I know it sounds crazy but I count out how many strokes of mascara I put on in the morning...count out what I eat so it's an odd number, etc...not sure if this has anything to do with alcoholism and/or addiction, but it's an interesting thought.....
It's probably nicer sounding--Obsessive Compulsive DISORDER--because it's harmless to others. Unlike the word "Addiction," which stirs up all sorts of negative connotations, huh?
My children (GRP #1 is 23 in September and she's my Little Girl and GRP #2 is 19 going to Auburn University School of Engineering and he's my father made over!) used to tell me I was OCD because I keep the house so clean and picked up all the time. I didn't have the guts to tell them that THAT is what I did when I drank--cleaned! I remember rearranging the entire kitchen on one of my last binges and even NOW I'm finding pots and stuff that has NO BUSINESS being in the pantry!
SU (spousal unit) can't cook water, and it was always my kitchen. She's losing weight because I've stopped all the cooking--it was my 'thing' to do while drinking. That is, unless I was out driving in the countryside sucking wine and slinging empties! :)
Anyway, yup. I'm pretty much okay with ODC or addiction to counting or whatever--just so's I'm sober! It's easier to remember my place if I stop, too!
:)
peaceness!
My children (GRP #1 is 23 in September and she's my Little Girl and GRP #2 is 19 going to Auburn University School of Engineering and he's my father made over!) used to tell me I was OCD because I keep the house so clean and picked up all the time. I didn't have the guts to tell them that THAT is what I did when I drank--cleaned! I remember rearranging the entire kitchen on one of my last binges and even NOW I'm finding pots and stuff that has NO BUSINESS being in the pantry!
SU (spousal unit) can't cook water, and it was always my kitchen. She's losing weight because I've stopped all the cooking--it was my 'thing' to do while drinking. That is, unless I was out driving in the countryside sucking wine and slinging empties! :)
Anyway, yup. I'm pretty much okay with ODC or addiction to counting or whatever--just so's I'm sober! It's easier to remember my place if I stop, too!
:)
peaceness!
Too funny SKG! About the cooking....I think fear of deviating from routine kept me in alcoholism and addiction longer....oh who knows, I've got to stop analyzing everything. It's sound like you've raised a couple of great kids...can you take my 16 year for me?
~ROLLING!!!~
I don't DO teens! I don't argue with them, I don't applaud their antics, I don't yell at them for their STOOPIDHEAD stuff, I just don't do them. Teen angst is largely a product of how they've been raised and their rebellion against what they believe is oppressive. Alot of it is wanting to belong to something different than their parents' have pounded into them for years and years. It's payback for the parenting (or NON parenting) skills over years. You of all people probably realize this, but I've seen enough and was a teen before to have established the fencing and lawnmines long before my children turned into Teenaged Mutant Knucklehead Wannabes. There were consequences for their stupidity and rewards for their good decisions that I didn't have to preach to them about it because, if we're trying to discipline our kids when they're 14-17, it's WAY TOO LATE. The discipline and boundaries are established when they're 2-5 and the fruits of that work are realized later.
I'm not preaching--PLEASE don't take this as preaching. I was brought up in a "no holds barred" completely free household and I did EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. I figured that, combined with knowledge of repressive households like some of the Baptist and Catholic households that I knew growing up, something in the middle was probably more likely to be successful. In spite of my never having raised children, yes, they've turned out better than I EVER could have hoped. I owe it all to MYHP.
Your 16-er was looking for attention and love, no? It seems like you've gotten your head around her, finally, and that's a good thing. She's obviously got a good heart and you're very fortunate she's not being destructive--she isn't, is she?
Our children are our living testament. I heard one time somewhere that if we lived a good life our children would reap the rewards. I also heard the opposite was true. Now it's a, "Duh" statement, but thinking it through, we really live our lives for our kids. At least, when we're sober....
I don't DO teens! I don't argue with them, I don't applaud their antics, I don't yell at them for their STOOPIDHEAD stuff, I just don't do them. Teen angst is largely a product of how they've been raised and their rebellion against what they believe is oppressive. Alot of it is wanting to belong to something different than their parents' have pounded into them for years and years. It's payback for the parenting (or NON parenting) skills over years. You of all people probably realize this, but I've seen enough and was a teen before to have established the fencing and lawnmines long before my children turned into Teenaged Mutant Knucklehead Wannabes. There were consequences for their stupidity and rewards for their good decisions that I didn't have to preach to them about it because, if we're trying to discipline our kids when they're 14-17, it's WAY TOO LATE. The discipline and boundaries are established when they're 2-5 and the fruits of that work are realized later.
I'm not preaching--PLEASE don't take this as preaching. I was brought up in a "no holds barred" completely free household and I did EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. I figured that, combined with knowledge of repressive households like some of the Baptist and Catholic households that I knew growing up, something in the middle was probably more likely to be successful. In spite of my never having raised children, yes, they've turned out better than I EVER could have hoped. I owe it all to MYHP.
Your 16-er was looking for attention and love, no? It seems like you've gotten your head around her, finally, and that's a good thing. She's obviously got a good heart and you're very fortunate she's not being destructive--she isn't, is she?
Our children are our living testament. I heard one time somewhere that if we lived a good life our children would reap the rewards. I also heard the opposite was true. Now it's a, "Duh" statement, but thinking it through, we really live our lives for our kids. At least, when we're sober....
