First of all let me say god bless for sights like this or I dont know where I would be. I am married to a 34 year old EXTREME crack addict, among other drugs. But the drug of choice is crack. We have 2 beautiful children together 4 and 10. We separted 2 years ago. Things just were so messed up his attitude change, mood swings everything that comes with an addiction ruined us, but I was blind then and didnt even think that he was using. Slowly I began to figure things out and it was until 5 days ago I relized how bad the problem was and it was going on way before we even separted. He used to be a FANTASTIC husband and loving father, I was so lucky...even my friends were envious. SO to make along story short, not only did I have to try to mend our relationship which I thought that was the reason he was using and he also stated this, because he was depressed he had lost his home and children. Anyway, please bear with me.......More and more money started missing, He was handling the finances and he made 80+ grand a year but we never had any money and I slowly started figuring it out and set up separate accounts and had him pay child support,,,,,even though we had separted we still kept everything joint. Once I could no longer INTERFERE sort of speak and know how much money he was spending he got worse. The children started noticing and started to take a back seat to his habit. And he started missing days a work which turned into missing weeks which ended in no job after 16 years with the same company. He came to my house after missing for 5 days which he tried telling me he was in jail later I found he went on over a thousand dollar binge. He came to me seeming desparate for help as he has so many times and broken promise after promise. IT seems the more I take away,,,,,,the more he uses. He has finally hit rock bottom but that doesnt seem to matter.....sorry I am jumping ahead.....so much to say....when he was with me he did good the first day.....and night, the second day was rocky,,,,,he was feeming and goinf through withdraw pretty bad......I finally got him to sleep only to wake up at 1 am and find all my money in my purse gone and my truck gone. I called the police but there was nothing they could do it was his truck too and its community property. He finally came back early that next morning and I told him first thing rehab........no ifs ands or buts.....he agreed...but I knew once he came down he would never agree to it and i was right the next morning he was just as mean and nasty as ever and say he wasnt sick and he didnt need help.......then about 1/2 later I walked down my steps and found him hitting the crack pipe I knew then I could not help him as I have tried so many times before. I burned my hand up grabbing it from him. And he says thats all he wants is to smoke that crap. Screw this and Screw everyone he dont care anymore,,,,,,,or wheather he lives or dies. I have done everything and exhausted every resource. He live now in a crackhouse,, His children hate him and know what is going on, my children and I spend more time at therapy then at home. I got his credit card records when he turned his cards over to me when he came to me for help and in less than 2 months over 6,000 dollars of cash with draws were made. He weighs less than 130 lbs and is almost 6 ft tall . His hair is falling out, and I swear his bicepts are as big as my wrists.....you can see every bone in his body. He looks like he has cancer. Unfortunatly, his brother is the same way and his parents are NO HELP and say he is a grown man respondsible for himself. They dont understand he is sick......but they are exhausted from dealing with this from there first son. I kicked him back out. I dont know if this was the right thing todo. BUt with him home......i wasnt sleeping the kids were a mess I was just afraid of everything. Now I am afraid the next call will be he is dead. He uses leathal amounts in a binge that even other crackheads cant believe. I had to find out when he left if he went back to the crack house ........i went there sure enough he was there. Do I give up,,,,,I promise him I would never turn my back on him, but where do you draw the line. My children and I have nothing anymore thanks to him. I still love him very much, because I know what he was and used to be, but I hate him for doing this to us and putting us in this position. I work with counslers and NA and every resource out there, but I still cant get a grip on the concept that he would pick a drug over his own children. His 10 year old told him, he doesnt have a father anymore if he doesnt get help and begs me to just let him go. He is taking us down with him. Do I give up and go on with my life and pray and hope he sees the light.....but I am almost positive he will be dead in a few months if not sooner. I am lost. I want my children to have there father back.....i want my husband back. I just dont know what to do or where else to turn. Please help.....anyone who can relate........
Like everyone always says, they have to make the decision on there own. It doesn't seem like you being there for him is helping him quit. And it is also putting you and your kids a stressful position. I think you should give him one last chance tell him rehab or get lost. Make a date and if he still hasn't gone then say goodbye. You know as well as me it will never get better if he continues. And your 10 year old has already told you to give up. Believe me it is not an easy thing to just walk away, but the stress will eventually begin to go away. What ever happeneds to him will happen if your in his life or not. But there is always a hope that he would relize if you and the kids were gone. Good luck and do what you feel is a good choice for YOU and the KIDS, not him.
What an awful situation. Your poor children...and you....God bless you. Normally I would say RUN as fast and far as you can. Fo whatever reason I agreee with the other reply. I think you should give him one more chance. ONLY IF HE GETS HELP, ONE screw up and he's gone and you should never look back. Try to remember the good man you once had and end it at that. It might even be wise for you to move away from where you are. The only other thing I might suggest is to make a photo album. Have tons of pictures of you and him and the whole family. Then have a picture of him the way he looks now. That may shock him. Let him know that if he is willing to get help you will be there for him this one last time. If he is willing everything else will fall into place, he will get his family back and he will get another job. If this happens (and for your sake and the children I hope it does) MOVE....get away from the devils that are selling him this garbage. I am not saying that they aren't everywhere, hopefully he won't be foolish enough to make the same mistake twice.
God bless you and I wish you all the best.
God bless you and I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much for the replys. I thought by letting him come back I was giving him one last chance. I told him rehab or thats it.......it didnt work. I have also tried sending him pics......I made an album of old pics of us and the kids and "THE WAY WE WERE" sort of speak and its not that he doesnt relize how screwed up he is or what he has done he is just in so so so deep I even believe he cant get out. I will still pray for him everyday. Dont know what good it will do.......sometimes it just feels my prayers are unanswered. God BLess
No your prayers are not unanswered your husband isn't complying. The answers are there. He has to get clean for HIM, not you the family or anything else. FOR HIM OR HE WILL ALWAYS RELAPSE!
I have been where you are only 9 mos ago I told him to leave....now I have a custody case going on but I have faith that it should all work out.
Set your children free of this nightmare they deserve better.
Good luck and God Bless!
I have been where you are only 9 mos ago I told him to leave....now I have a custody case going on but I have faith that it should all work out.
Set your children free of this nightmare they deserve better.
Good luck and God Bless!
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Visit my website and contact me if needed. I would need more information to evaluate the situation.
Hi,
Visit my website and contact me if needed. I would need more information to evaluate the situation.