Hello, I have been visiting the MJ board on and off since last year and haven't till now had the courage to post anything. Recently I've been reading this (alcohol)board and have found comfort in the posts. I have been smoking and drinking heavily for ten years. This past year has been the worst of all to date. Everyday I drink large amounts of beer or wine or liquor and smoking large amounts of marijuana, missing work, withdrawing socially from friends and family, gaining weight, spending money carelessly.... the list could go on for ever. I hate myself for this behaviour. I'm far to foggy headed to think straight, and drunk and high. I really want to live a life without this monkey on my back. I need to decide on a quit date and commit to it. I always find it hard to ask for help from others. God help me find the courage to do what i need to do. I want to be able to trust others and open myself up, something i find difficult, but I see that i need to connect with others to heal.
P.S I worry about myself because I've never let it get this bad before. I need to do something before it becomes even more of a problem.
Thanks for listening
Athena
hi Athena
great job on reaching out. God will help you and so will others you've just got to reach out and keep reaching out.
Have a plan for yourself, learn about alcoholism so you can try and avoid some of the pitfalls.
Have you considered AA? Its free and meetings most everywhere. Even if you find the thought of meetings scary you can start with the literature, just call their service office. But AA is actually not scary once you get over that initial fear of going. Its such a relief for me to talk to others who have been where I am - you might find this relief too.
There's lots of other options to get sober but AA is free which is a bonus if you've got yourself in any kind of financial mess due to drinking and drugging.
keep posting
Idgie
great job on reaching out. God will help you and so will others you've just got to reach out and keep reaching out.
Have a plan for yourself, learn about alcoholism so you can try and avoid some of the pitfalls.
Have you considered AA? Its free and meetings most everywhere. Even if you find the thought of meetings scary you can start with the literature, just call their service office. But AA is actually not scary once you get over that initial fear of going. Its such a relief for me to talk to others who have been where I am - you might find this relief too.
There's lots of other options to get sober but AA is free which is a bonus if you've got yourself in any kind of financial mess due to drinking and drugging.
keep posting
Idgie
Hi Athena,
Two years ago I was exactly where you are. Out of control, hopeless, lost and miserable.
But a friend introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous and they taught me a way to live that was free of alcohol and drugs.
I ended up losing weight and have become better with my $$ and the best of all....I have a quietness and peace within me that all the weed and wine could not give me.
I truly like the woman I see looking back in the mirror.
There is a better way to live....you never have to feel this way again.
My suggestion is call your local AA hotline # ....find a meeting....and go.
God Bless,
Carolyn
Two years ago I was exactly where you are. Out of control, hopeless, lost and miserable.
But a friend introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous and they taught me a way to live that was free of alcohol and drugs.
I ended up losing weight and have become better with my $$ and the best of all....I have a quietness and peace within me that all the weed and wine could not give me.
I truly like the woman I see looking back in the mirror.
There is a better way to live....you never have to feel this way again.
My suggestion is call your local AA hotline # ....find a meeting....and go.
God Bless,
Carolyn
Athena....I remember the place you are in and it is lonely and scary...I too found peace and a new life by going to AA...and working the 12 steps...I think it is great you are reaching out...that is an important 1st step...Keep posting and reading...Love Gina
Thank you everyone for your words of kindness and encouragement.
Yes I have been to AA before. Last summer I was going to meetings regularly when my partner and I had 3 months of clean time. The main problem there is that he and I are terribly co-dependent and he didn't feel comfortable going to meetings, not that I always did either, but I still went. The short and sweet of it was that I was focusing on his recovery and neglecting my own. I can not worry if he goes to meetings or not. I must stay strong when he wants to do something else when I want to got to a meeting. He doesn't feel comfortable there and thus tries to pull me away when he wants time with me, I must see this co-dependency and continue to focus on myself.
It's really hard living with another addict. We can so easily pull each others strings into doing what we selfishly want for ourselves. Co-dependency runs deep into my family and his too. I know it will not be easy to reprogramme those attitudes and ways of copping. I will never give up. Thank God for ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
Just last night I was thinking about getting my Big Book out. I always find so much in it and it helps me a lot.
It's strange to me that I hold myself back from healing, part of me wants/likes the punishment of using and abusing. Perhaps another side affect of sexual abuse?!?! I haven't come to fully realize it yet but I know enough to know it happened. It still blows me away to think about it.
Anyway, enough cheery talk. I haven't yet set a quit date yet. Still thinking on it. I'm going to try really hard to go slow and take my time, cause I really want this to stick.
Thanks for listening,
Athena
Yes I have been to AA before. Last summer I was going to meetings regularly when my partner and I had 3 months of clean time. The main problem there is that he and I are terribly co-dependent and he didn't feel comfortable going to meetings, not that I always did either, but I still went. The short and sweet of it was that I was focusing on his recovery and neglecting my own. I can not worry if he goes to meetings or not. I must stay strong when he wants to do something else when I want to got to a meeting. He doesn't feel comfortable there and thus tries to pull me away when he wants time with me, I must see this co-dependency and continue to focus on myself.
It's really hard living with another addict. We can so easily pull each others strings into doing what we selfishly want for ourselves. Co-dependency runs deep into my family and his too. I know it will not be easy to reprogramme those attitudes and ways of copping. I will never give up. Thank God for ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
Just last night I was thinking about getting my Big Book out. I always find so much in it and it helps me a lot.
It's strange to me that I hold myself back from healing, part of me wants/likes the punishment of using and abusing. Perhaps another side affect of sexual abuse?!?! I haven't come to fully realize it yet but I know enough to know it happened. It still blows me away to think about it.
Anyway, enough cheery talk. I haven't yet set a quit date yet. Still thinking on it. I'm going to try really hard to go slow and take my time, cause I really want this to stick.
Thanks for listening,
Athena
Athena
I know it would be hard but it might be a good idea to go to a meeting alone. I see couples all the time in early sobriety sitting together and you can tell they are worried about each other instead of focusing on themselves. We can't get sober for someone else. We can only work on our own recovery. I know the support of a partner is comforting but some things we can only do for ourselves. I know a lot of couples in recovery that go to separate meetings. It's easier to pay attention when we aren't worried about how the other person is doing.
I hope you find that quit date soon. Today is a good day not to drink though <smile>.
I know it would be hard but it might be a good idea to go to a meeting alone. I see couples all the time in early sobriety sitting together and you can tell they are worried about each other instead of focusing on themselves. We can't get sober for someone else. We can only work on our own recovery. I know the support of a partner is comforting but some things we can only do for ourselves. I know a lot of couples in recovery that go to separate meetings. It's easier to pay attention when we aren't worried about how the other person is doing.
I hope you find that quit date soon. Today is a good day not to drink though <smile>.
Athena
I can really relate to your situation, I too live with an alcoholic as well as being one myself - I'm sure our relationship could be described as co-dependent.
My H is still actively drinking and not seeking recovery. I have let that be my excuse to drink so many times. I am slowly, slowly learning to put the focus on myself and not worry about what he is or is not doing.
Every day I say the serenity prayer and I accept that I cannot change him, I can only have courage to change myself.
I asked a longtime sober member recently what's the best thing I can do to help my H. He told me, stay sober yourself and work the program - the example you set is the best kind of teacher there is.
So that is what I'm working on now - my own program, my own recovery and trying to shut my mouth and mind on his.
Idgie.
I can really relate to your situation, I too live with an alcoholic as well as being one myself - I'm sure our relationship could be described as co-dependent.
My H is still actively drinking and not seeking recovery. I have let that be my excuse to drink so many times. I am slowly, slowly learning to put the focus on myself and not worry about what he is or is not doing.
Every day I say the serenity prayer and I accept that I cannot change him, I can only have courage to change myself.
I asked a longtime sober member recently what's the best thing I can do to help my H. He told me, stay sober yourself and work the program - the example you set is the best kind of teacher there is.
So that is what I'm working on now - my own program, my own recovery and trying to shut my mouth and mind on his.
Idgie.
Hey Athena theres a saying in AA "fake it till you make it".
Go to meetings ASAP even if you are still active because you might not get a chance to if you are still deciding and alcohol gets there first......
Light and love Zac
Go to meetings ASAP even if you are still active because you might not get a chance to if you are still deciding and alcohol gets there first......
Light and love Zac
Hey Athena,
Well done on realising you need to do someting. You mentioned you have never let it get this bad before. That is addiction. The disease is progressive, and it will get worse and worse.
But you have a good awareness of what is requred. You already have a relationship with a higher power, a big book, know what meetings are like. So posting here it seems is to just get that last bit of support to do it. Thatts the bummer about recovery - its a doing thing.
It is gonna be tough with your partner, but you seem aware of the challenges there to.
God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. But only you can set that quit date. I agree, today is a good day to quit!
Take care, and I wish you strength on your journey to being who you truly are.
calabash
Well done on realising you need to do someting. You mentioned you have never let it get this bad before. That is addiction. The disease is progressive, and it will get worse and worse.
But you have a good awareness of what is requred. You already have a relationship with a higher power, a big book, know what meetings are like. So posting here it seems is to just get that last bit of support to do it. Thatts the bummer about recovery - its a doing thing.
It is gonna be tough with your partner, but you seem aware of the challenges there to.
God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. But only you can set that quit date. I agree, today is a good day to quit!
Take care, and I wish you strength on your journey to being who you truly are.
calabash
