He came home from work everything was fine in fact better it was a great afternoon. We played as a family until she went to bed, and out of no where his mean, cruel and hurtful words pure out of his mouth. Just as fast as the beer goes in. My God I tell myself that it doesn't bother me. IT DOES !!! Why can't I run like I want to. He told me "leave me alone," so I thought I will go for a drive and give us both time to cool down. He says to me "You better be back by 10 cause I am leaving at 10 !" I ask "what about the baby ?" Well, if your not back then that's all on you. How could a man who is a good father one of the best, just threaten to leave his 2 year old daughter all alone in the middle of the night? I want to scream and yell why !!! I never asked for booze to be apart of my marriage or any addiction for that matter. I am stuck !! I am trapped and damn it I feel like I can't breath.
Under water movements at times, and I can't swim to the top. If only I can find a way to fix this. I know I can't. God grant me the power to except things I cannot change and to change the things I can, and the knowledge to know the difference!
All I ever wanted was to be and have a happy family. It is slipping trough my hands so fast I can't even tell how far gone it is at this point. Attack me, be mean to me fine whatever I can take it. To threaten a little girl who has done NOTHING wrong..................... how could he do that. I don't understand. I can't understand. I won't allow it! I won't forgive it or forget it !!!
Yes you will, once he is nice again, you will forgive it, forget it, and things will carry on like this until the next time.
Then you will feel this way all over again, and it will keep happening more and more often, so that you will then become the person who starts the horrible treatment, just so that you can get it over and done with, you will become addicted to this drama, you will push his buttons, so that he will be mean to you, then nice to you. You will ache for the nice times in your life.
Maybe you will get them once in a while and that will be enough for you to stay.
Maybe you will decide to move on, I think you won't though.
You say he is a great Dad, but do you know what this is doing to your child?, if it is a girl you are teaching her that this is okay and if it is a boy you are teaching him that this is okay.
I have lived that life as the child and as the partner.
It's not worth it.
I don't want to upset you, I want you to think about what you are putting up with in your life.
Please keep coming back.
Karen
Then you will feel this way all over again, and it will keep happening more and more often, so that you will then become the person who starts the horrible treatment, just so that you can get it over and done with, you will become addicted to this drama, you will push his buttons, so that he will be mean to you, then nice to you. You will ache for the nice times in your life.
Maybe you will get them once in a while and that will be enough for you to stay.
Maybe you will decide to move on, I think you won't though.
You say he is a great Dad, but do you know what this is doing to your child?, if it is a girl you are teaching her that this is okay and if it is a boy you are teaching him that this is okay.
I have lived that life as the child and as the partner.
It's not worth it.
I don't want to upset you, I want you to think about what you are putting up with in your life.
Please keep coming back.
Karen
Oh sweetie, you know the drill, it is you first and your little angel. Nothing is more important......You know where he is as well, that hell wraps them up it had you as well.
I hate to see you going through this, and I hate to think what it might do to your head now. It is important for you to remember that you did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, neither did your daughter....and for him to say that and to be so cold. I think I would had to take Bad out if he ever talked like that about the girls......
I am here and will stay on as long as you need me....I really wish I could take this all away, make it some bad dream......But I can't, I am sorry. I wish I was closer as well you need a big hug now....
You are safe right, if not grab the baby and go....You have to it is a must, no hesitations if he is out in left field not like normal, run and run fast....
Love Yah.....
I hate to see you going through this, and I hate to think what it might do to your head now. It is important for you to remember that you did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, neither did your daughter....and for him to say that and to be so cold. I think I would had to take Bad out if he ever talked like that about the girls......
I am here and will stay on as long as you need me....I really wish I could take this all away, make it some bad dream......But I can't, I am sorry. I wish I was closer as well you need a big hug now....
You are safe right, if not grab the baby and go....You have to it is a must, no hesitations if he is out in left field not like normal, run and run fast....
Love Yah.....
Hi Marina,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this now. As I was reading your post it reminded me of when I was a kid. My Dad is an alcoholic/addict. I remember hearing him say those things to my mom. I always wondered why she didnt leave. Why she put up with it. Part of me understands she loved him and was standing by him as her husband, but the other part of me hates the fact that she didnt leave. He didnt get clean until a few years ago for any length of time.I have some resentments because there is a part of me that blames her and my dad on me being an addict/alcoholic. Growing up watching that seemed normal to me. My mom was the only one that wasnt an addict in my home. My dad went to 9 rehabs and still couldnt stay sober for any length of time. It wasnt until my mom told him that she was gonna leave that he did finally clean up his act. He did relapse once since then and he had to make a choice. My mom went back on her word cause she told he she was leaving the time before. But he knew she meant it this time. She was prepared to leave him for good now. He's been clean and sober for about 5 years now. I do remember how nasty he would get and some of the things he would say when he was drunk. I could never understand how someone who says they love there family could be so nasty. I dont know Marina, I wish I had the answer for you but I dont. I guess the only thing I can say is follow your heart and dont put your self or your child in danger, if that is the case, I would definitely leave. I know for me if my husband were to relapse and became nasty I would have to leave. I refuse to live with that crap ever again. Growing up that way was enough for me. I wont let my children grow up like that. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic myself but I still wont put up with it. I know its easy for someone to sit here and tell you ...you should do this or that but you are the one that is living it. I know its not easy. I would pray...alot! I would suggest maybe going to Al anon to help you cope ...not sure if you already go or not but it is a good idea. I have gone and it has helped me alot. I also go to AA but Alanon helps me deal with my husband ..even though he is sober ..there are things that I still resent from the past that I have to let go of and alanon helps with that. Plus the way I grew up it helps me there as well. Well I wish you the best...and sorry for rambling here..lol ...stick with misty...she wont steer you wrong.....God bless
take care
gina :)
I'm so sorry that you are going through this now. As I was reading your post it reminded me of when I was a kid. My Dad is an alcoholic/addict. I remember hearing him say those things to my mom. I always wondered why she didnt leave. Why she put up with it. Part of me understands she loved him and was standing by him as her husband, but the other part of me hates the fact that she didnt leave. He didnt get clean until a few years ago for any length of time.I have some resentments because there is a part of me that blames her and my dad on me being an addict/alcoholic. Growing up watching that seemed normal to me. My mom was the only one that wasnt an addict in my home. My dad went to 9 rehabs and still couldnt stay sober for any length of time. It wasnt until my mom told him that she was gonna leave that he did finally clean up his act. He did relapse once since then and he had to make a choice. My mom went back on her word cause she told he she was leaving the time before. But he knew she meant it this time. She was prepared to leave him for good now. He's been clean and sober for about 5 years now. I do remember how nasty he would get and some of the things he would say when he was drunk. I could never understand how someone who says they love there family could be so nasty. I dont know Marina, I wish I had the answer for you but I dont. I guess the only thing I can say is follow your heart and dont put your self or your child in danger, if that is the case, I would definitely leave. I know for me if my husband were to relapse and became nasty I would have to leave. I refuse to live with that crap ever again. Growing up that way was enough for me. I wont let my children grow up like that. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic myself but I still wont put up with it. I know its easy for someone to sit here and tell you ...you should do this or that but you are the one that is living it. I know its not easy. I would pray...alot! I would suggest maybe going to Al anon to help you cope ...not sure if you already go or not but it is a good idea. I have gone and it has helped me alot. I also go to AA but Alanon helps me deal with my husband ..even though he is sober ..there are things that I still resent from the past that I have to let go of and alanon helps with that. Plus the way I grew up it helps me there as well. Well I wish you the best...and sorry for rambling here..lol ...stick with misty...she wont steer you wrong.....God bless
take care
gina :)
Thanks guys !! We still have not spoke since last night. He came home from work and went to bed. He hasn't started drinking yet. I will leave when the time comes. So far the baby has not been exposed to it yet. I won't allow that, the day that happens is the day I am gone. Being an addict myself I know it is up to him to make the changes that need to be changed.
I won't put my recovery in jeopardy either I have worked to hard. I am going to see my therapist next week to talk about all this. I have a plain B in place. I know love is blind, but I see............. oh do I see !
I won't put my recovery in jeopardy either I have worked to hard. I am going to see my therapist next week to talk about all this. I have a plain B in place. I know love is blind, but I see............. oh do I see !
Oh Marina, I am so proud of you. Go and tell the therapist everything, see about going to alanon meetings too, they will help.
Good for you girl, good for you.
Karen
Good for you girl, good for you.
Karen
Around 10 p. m last night we finally spoke. He cried when I pointed out his threat to our daughter and I told him that he made me scared of him. Finally after over a year he has agreed to go to a marriage consoler. Maybe that will be a start to work on our problems and maybe he will decide to fight his drinking problem. He knows and admits to being an acholic. He is just not read to do anything about it. I am praying for him !! I am still keeping my recovery 1st and that is where it will stay.
One day at a time !
One day at a time !
Marina,
I just divorced an alcoholic and we have a 5 year old daughter. When she was little I never thought she was affected by his or our drinking but she was probably as long as she was born. You may not think that a child is affected if they do not "hear" all the nasty comments but they feel the tension, etc. My daughter always acted like the "perfect" child, but very shy. She just finished weekly therapy for 4 months and she is a new child. She was definitley affected by our relationship. She became the "perfect" child so that she was not causing any more turmoil, she held everything in, even at such a young age. I learned so much during her therapy process and at first I thought it was alot of B.S. until I went through it with her and now see the positive results. She may be harder to deal with at times because she expresses herself more, etc. but I have learned that she was very affected by the alcoholic relationships in her young life and at least I'm hoping she's getting a chance now to have a better life.
I just divorced an alcoholic and we have a 5 year old daughter. When she was little I never thought she was affected by his or our drinking but she was probably as long as she was born. You may not think that a child is affected if they do not "hear" all the nasty comments but they feel the tension, etc. My daughter always acted like the "perfect" child, but very shy. She just finished weekly therapy for 4 months and she is a new child. She was definitley affected by our relationship. She became the "perfect" child so that she was not causing any more turmoil, she held everything in, even at such a young age. I learned so much during her therapy process and at first I thought it was alot of B.S. until I went through it with her and now see the positive results. She may be harder to deal with at times because she expresses herself more, etc. but I have learned that she was very affected by the alcoholic relationships in her young life and at least I'm hoping she's getting a chance now to have a better life.
Hi Marina,
That is a good start that he is willing to go to a marriage counselor. I will keep you all in my prayers...and hopefully soon he will want to face his own problem.
That is the first step in admitting he has a problem...so the seed is planted...take care
gina :)
That is a good start that he is willing to go to a marriage counselor. I will keep you all in my prayers...and hopefully soon he will want to face his own problem.
That is the first step in admitting he has a problem...so the seed is planted...take care
gina :)
