where to start - I wrote a couple of years ago about my son -and for a while I thought it was getting better - I think I have been in denial - the whole time - My son had a good job - but got into serious debt because of his habit - so my hubby worked out a budget plan for him - he was sticking to it - and things went well for a while - then he met a girl - and she moved in with him - later she moved to the US and he decided he was going with her - He got a visa waiver - and told us that he would be able to go for job interviews and find a job. My hubby and I just wanted him away from where he was and stupidly believed him and bought him his flight ticket. The company his girlfriend works for paid for all his furniture to be shipped to the US. Then the other day he told me he is going to the UK - as he cannot stay in the US for more than 90 days - and he would go to his brother - He said all was organised. Then the other night he called me and screamed and shouted at me and told me I am a bad mother - etc.,etc., This morning we were woken up by my son calling from the UK - he was very very upset - as he said to his brother - I hope you are organised financially because I cannot support you -he has two very small children - and my son screamed and shouted at him - the next thing my son sent me a message - I am not going to the UK - you have your wish. I know that this aggressive behavior is because he is using again. I so want to say to him I love you - let me help you - but I have told him that so many times - he said he doesn't need rehabilitation. I am living in another country - far from the US and the UK - I just don't know what to do. I didn't reply to his message - it will end up in a fight - I know - because he is so agressive! I just don't know what to do - Help
Hi, You never said how old your son was? I would imagine about late twenties early thirties? I take it he's from the U.K. Is the girlfriend still around and is she American or British? If your son is from UK seems to me he would be better back in the U.K. especially if he's broke up with his girlfriend. America is a huge place to be for an American on drugs let alone a foreigner on drugs. Don't send him money because if he's using he'll buy drugs with it. Depending on which part of America he's in can he find a British Embassy for help to get home? Your other son should feel no obligation to letting his brother stay with him especially with kids around. I'd tell him he couldn't stay there. Good luck. Mary.
Hi Mary, my son is turning 35 this year - he has dual nationality of UK and one other country - not US - I don't think he has broken up with his girlfriend - but she never communicates with me - even though I tried. Fortunately, his ticket was from country of origin to US and return to UK. - I think he is now lashing out - because he has no finances - and I honestly believe his girlfriend is enabling him - because I know when he left country of origin he didn't have a cent. :( He will definitely be leaving the US in the next couple of days - I just don't know if I should call him - and try and talk to him :(
dont call and dont talk to him if he calls.. why would you when he is so disrespectful towards you who only loves him and wants him to be happy? Whatever you do do not offer hi to come home to you , you dont want all the trouble he is bringing with him and having 35 years he should be well enough to stand on his own 2 feet and not running to parents for every problem he encountered. On another hand you cant believe anything he say ... I know its hard its your son so naturally you feel like helping but try to refrain yourself from doing this but you an always point him in right direction if he wants to change
Good Luck
Good Luck
I lived in the UK for over 10 years, if he is using there are many places that will help him for free. So let him fall where he may. My son is 36 One year ago I gave up and stop enabling. He is not clean but he is not sucking off the country again.
Don't fret , or panic as I know both of those well. Just let him figure it out. If you need to talked to him let him call, however I would suggest you asked for him not to be rude on the phone.
My son would go months without calling then when he was needing something he would call. So if you don't hear from him for a couple of months he is gone underground and using. Once he becomes desperate again he will call. If he is in US, he can get help here but he has to find it.
Take Care and don't panic our addicts always figure things out.
Don't fret , or panic as I know both of those well. Just let him figure it out. If you need to talked to him let him call, however I would suggest you asked for him not to be rude on the phone.
My son would go months without calling then when he was needing something he would call. So if you don't hear from him for a couple of months he is gone underground and using. Once he becomes desperate again he will call. If he is in US, he can get help here but he has to find it.
Take Care and don't panic our addicts always figure things out.
Thank you so much ladies - both of you have given such good advice - I think I have to let go - and yes stop panicking - it hurts so much to see this happening - up until the 10th of January - everything was fine - he was calling me - video calling me - he had put on so much weight - he looked happy - was exercising - walking - it was awesome and then the phone call - and I knew something isn't right - this is not my son talking, he was so disrespectful - and yes I should not call him - you are both right. Thank you so much for your help.
Hugs to you. We are all going through a similar situation. My son tries for a day or two, then back to the crazy stuff.
All we can do is let go.
All we can do is let go.
Thank you so much - today hasn't been an easy one - he is constantly on my mind - and the questions start - what did I do wrong - he had everything growing up - he was always good at sport academics - he was kind thoughtful, trustworthy - he excelled at University - I just don't know what happened - where it went all so very very wrong. I long to call him - but I won't as all have said not to but it so hurts - I just want him to know how much I love him.
