Hi,
About going to meetings. my husband and I went to Nar Anon meetings for a year or two. They are hard to find, but very good if you can find one to go to.
Here are all of the good things I can say about the meetings:
You can freely talk about your situation with people who know what you are going through. It was such a relief to have someone talk to that was Not a family, friend. I leaned on a few people, but your friends and family cant help and get tired of hearing it. I could talk at the meeting and not need to talk about it to family and friends.
The basis of the meetings are to teach you how to let go and get Your Life Back.
They are sympathic and will listen to your story, but the meeting is for you, not your addict.
because my husband and I both went, we were able to get on the same page, and not be so divided about how to handle our addict.
We would drive there with questions and drive home discussing a plan of action.
The first step is to get them out of your house. Second step, give no money.
We heard so many stories that were similar - it is all the same pattern. When we are only seeing ourselves, we think our situation is unique. when we hear the same from every newcomer, we know we are not fighting our child, we are fighting a drug.
In NarAnon I learned that I did not cause it. If the addict is smart enough to find the drugs they are smart enough to feed them selves. only the addict can fix it.
The sad part is that the drug does make them act like the dumbest person, yet they think they are function correctly and well. They dont think anyone can notice.
Our son is in recovery, but on the brink of relapse. paying he own rent. has no car, no tv, no internet. we pay his phone on our plan, struggles to have enough for rent and food. it is still heart breaking, but we have not given $$ in 3 months. sometimes I feel myself getting weak.
Thanks for posting. I too learned a lot and got my life back. Many there who know exactly what we go through and have much support and suggestions. Keep up what your doing. You may want to return for added support at this time.
Nar-Anon and Al-Anon have the same 12 Steps that AA/NA have.
Addiction is a family disease and we ALL need the help of a Higher Power and others.
Without all 12 Steps we have nothing (half measures availed us nothing)
Addiction is a family disease and we ALL need the help of a Higher Power and others.
Without all 12 Steps we have nothing (half measures availed us nothing)
So right.
If nothing changes........Nothing changes.
When you become aware there are solutions to your problems, you are no longer a victim but a willing participant.
If nothing changes........Nothing changes.
When you become aware there are solutions to your problems, you are no longer a victim but a willing participant.
nicely said!
so true - my child is recovering. lives far away. is working, paying rent, eating. I wonder why he/she is not doing a little more, getting some other stuff in order. he/she says its too hard. or says thats a good idea, i will. but a week goes by and doesnt. i get tricked by that glimmer of hope. then i wonder if there was any intention to do those chores. or it is was an agreement just to get some praise, have a good phone conversation.
when he/she no longer sees themselves has the victim of society, maybe there will be some motivation.
when I see over and over that nothing, or not a lot is changing, then I stop being a victim and stop being a willing participant.
I have to remind myself that it takes time. time for him/her might be slower than my time.
It took them years to get to the point of having nothing. It is going to take more than a few months to get one's life back.
at this point, he/she makes enough $$ to pay rent and eat. if there was more $$ there would be room for purchasing drugs. reality - better to have too little than too much. when ready to take on more responsibility, it will come to them.
so true - my child is recovering. lives far away. is working, paying rent, eating. I wonder why he/she is not doing a little more, getting some other stuff in order. he/she says its too hard. or says thats a good idea, i will. but a week goes by and doesnt. i get tricked by that glimmer of hope. then i wonder if there was any intention to do those chores. or it is was an agreement just to get some praise, have a good phone conversation.
when he/she no longer sees themselves has the victim of society, maybe there will be some motivation.
when I see over and over that nothing, or not a lot is changing, then I stop being a victim and stop being a willing participant.
I have to remind myself that it takes time. time for him/her might be slower than my time.
It took them years to get to the point of having nothing. It is going to take more than a few months to get one's life back.
at this point, he/she makes enough $$ to pay rent and eat. if there was more $$ there would be room for purchasing drugs. reality - better to have too little than too much. when ready to take on more responsibility, it will come to them.
I think you are so right when you mentioned not happening in your time. They didn't become addicted in one day so it may take awhile. We can be there to support. When my daughter struggled, I would just say-somehow it will work out and keep doing positive things and positive things will happen. Before I was rewarding any behavior. There were days I didn't or couldn't answer the phone for my own sanity. I had to learn to say NO and not have to have a reason for it. I found most addict are so smart and very resourceful. Somehow they find ways to get what they want/need. Keep posting. It helps to talk about it. Do something nice for yourself today.
