Well its almost 2 months since dad died.I'm coping ok not as well as i thought. I used to say I want him to just die so I wont have to worry anymore. Well, its not better. Logically I know he is not suffering anymore. I just feel so overwhelmed with all the things left unsaid. Well when we cleaned out him room at the shelter he lived before the hospital I found a big bottle of Xanex, Everyday I look at those pills, and want to escape. I have 3 beautiful children and yert I feel the urge to do what he did. Just clock out. I see so much support on this sight, and hoping someone out there knows how I feel. Emotionally I still feel so vulnerable.My husband is not the most perceptive guy and doesnt even see the tailspin I find myself in. For the past 12 years I put a wall between my good memories with my father beacause it just hurt to much to think about the good times while I watched slip further and further. Now that he is gone the good memories hit me like a ton of bricks and my Dad more and more. Anyone got any idea how long this lasts because Im starting to lose my mind. I have been taking the Xanex off and on. I know its playing with fire and yet when I feel the pain coming I just want to escape and sometimes I cave. Any help????? Thanks
Donna I know you are looking for support in dealing with your grief, and you will get that here.
For my part I want to tell you how important it is to flush the Xanax. These pills are poison. If you start taking xanax you will end up in your own personal hell. Even if you manage to get off them you are at risk of developing untreatable anxiety and depression that can haunt you for years.
Please, please, flush those pills.
For my part I want to tell you how important it is to flush the Xanax. These pills are poison. If you start taking xanax you will end up in your own personal hell. Even if you manage to get off them you are at risk of developing untreatable anxiety and depression that can haunt you for years.
Please, please, flush those pills.
donna, maybe a place to start is with a chat with your husband, letting him know what is going on with you.
Hi,Donna-
Im sorry to hear that you lost your father.I too am the daughter of an alcoholic/drug user.My dad used xanax daily and drank himself to death.His journey of self destruction ended nearly 3 years ago. I understand what you mean when you say you had blocked out any good memories. I too had done the same thing,avoiding my father and angry for the way he chose to live his life.I know that you feel bad for all the missed oppurtunities to tell him how you felt, I was and at times still feel that. Grief is hard to overcome but taking the xanax may seem like it is helping you and it may for a short time.You have to remember that if you play with fire,you get burned.I agree that you should flush the pills and talk to your husband.
After living the life as I did as a child,I am now married to an addict.It didnt start out that way .I have wanted to escape all the pain and grief so many times that Icant even count.I just look at my daughter and remember that this child needs me to be strong as well as my husband who is in recovery.I avoid taking anything because I know that it isnt the answer and I look to God for my comfort and this board for great advise.
You hang in there and take care of you and your family.All things heal with time.
FLUSH THE XANAX!!!!!!!!
Im sorry to hear that you lost your father.I too am the daughter of an alcoholic/drug user.My dad used xanax daily and drank himself to death.His journey of self destruction ended nearly 3 years ago. I understand what you mean when you say you had blocked out any good memories. I too had done the same thing,avoiding my father and angry for the way he chose to live his life.I know that you feel bad for all the missed oppurtunities to tell him how you felt, I was and at times still feel that. Grief is hard to overcome but taking the xanax may seem like it is helping you and it may for a short time.You have to remember that if you play with fire,you get burned.I agree that you should flush the pills and talk to your husband.
After living the life as I did as a child,I am now married to an addict.It didnt start out that way .I have wanted to escape all the pain and grief so many times that Icant even count.I just look at my daughter and remember that this child needs me to be strong as well as my husband who is in recovery.I avoid taking anything because I know that it isnt the answer and I look to God for my comfort and this board for great advise.
You hang in there and take care of you and your family.All things heal with time.
FLUSH THE XANAX!!!!!!!!
I agree to flushing the Xanax, like everyone has said. It is a demon that you do not need to wrestle. If your husband is like mine, he would rather bury his head in the sand, then bring things out where you have to deal with them. Xanax is a beast to kick, as is any drug. Do you have any friends that you can talk with, or a counselor? Just stay on this site and there are ppl that can relate to your story and help. FLUSH!