Gratitude

The former Internet pharm shoppers will understand this best:

Today, for the first time in more than 30 months, I used the online FedEx tracking system. It triggered strong memories from early 2004, before i quit in May, when on a weekly basis I would obsessively track a very different kind of package being delivered to a rented mailbox. For a few moments, I could still feel the pained urgency and paranoia I felt back then, waiting for delivery, wondering if this time the shippers would get wise and open it......

I can't adequately express how grateful I am for the fact that -- today -- I am checking the online FedEx tracker for delivery of a snowboard, for my daughter, for Christmas....not the next delivery of Norcos. I feel very blessed and fortunate.

Gratitude doesn't come particularly easy for me. I guess that sometimes I have to be reminded of where I was at the depths of my addiction, in order to truly appreciate the gift of freedom that I have today.

This isn't a bad time of year to take stock...can anyone else relate?
OMG! I can soooooooo relate, did the same thing for years, in different names, and all that. Its funny how so many things in our sober life remind us of when we were high, but we were always high!

Felicia
36days
One day at a time!
I'd like to share....gratitude is one of my favorite topics and most days, I am there but sometimes there are days I have to work hard on gratitude.....

Tonight, I am going to a company Xmas party/dinner...today I am grateful that there are no more butterflies about what I'm going to say, how I am going to interact, no expectations of how the dinner needs to "be"...I am grateful I don't have to swallow a handful of pills so I can be able to socialize and I am grateful that I no longer have to have a drink to relax, fit in or have a good time and the best part is I am grateful since I no longer drink/drug, I will be able to wake up in the morning and have it as a memory and not panic about what I might have said or might have done....

For me, being clean and sober is the best gift I have today....

Thanks for letting me share...
Stacey
Nice topic None4Me

I like the fact now that I can walk, rather than skulk, into pharmacies.....

And actually look at the pharmacist......
Awesome None.I am grateful today that happened to you.

I called the DEA yesterday about a pharmacy who is still trying to call me on my cell phone.I was petrified because the DEA was the last person I have ever wanted to have a conversation with.The guy was so nice and understanding and we ended up talking about 10 minutes on the phone.I told him the truth.I said that I was a recovering addict and it really pissed me off that these people still called me.
He said they get complaints about this daily and there is no way to control it?
They have call block and every high tech way not to get tracked.
I felt better though.
It was almost like I took a good shower.
Good for you, Tim!

Felicia
day 36
Tim I've heard a lot of stories like that, about the incessant calling. Makes me glad I changed my cell number within weeks of quitting -- I did it outt of paranoia, but I guess it also had the effect of not getting the annoying phone solicitations. Good for you for calling them out on it....
Maybe I'm silly, but why are pharmacy's calling you? Is it to tell you that you are due for refills.

Felicia
None:

Thanks for sharing that story. I am grateful I don't live in that insanity anymore, either. Happy Holidays!

~Rachel


None, Great post. Can I ever relate! These days, my UPS and FedEx guys are coming to my door regularly........but not for pills! I almost want to ask them if they've missed me. LOL They used to come here almost daily, I had them on speed dial on my cell. They had to know what I was getting, it's not like the IOPs did a lot to diguise the package, huh? But today, the packages are from Macy's, Barnes and Nobles, etc., so I know they know it's not pills anymore, and when I open the door to greet them, I don't feel like a .....like a.....well, like a drug addict, hungry for her pills, like I used to.
Yea, I am VERY grateful for that, among other things.
Tim, I have called the DEA a couple of times with the same request. I have finally stopped most of the calls, after 2 years, but every now and then I still get one on my home phone. What are you gonna do? Pill pushers need to make a living, too, I guess.
Merry Christmas, Mike. Hope your daughter likes her new board.
Felicia, congratulations on your 36 days -- that's awesome!

To answer your question, online pharmacies come and go, but they sell their call lists to other pharm operations, who then feed on the addicts listed on the call lists. Pretty sick when you think about it.

Carol, I never had to meet the Fedex/UPS delivery folks as mine were delivered to a Mailbox etc., or hub, but I know exactly what you mean. I remember when i went back to that mailbox etc. to actually buy stamps -- and only stamps -- and how good it felt to look the guy behind the counter in the eye and not feel ashamed or paranoid.
my dear friend, none ~

if the only prayer i said in my whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice.

i am so grateful for you and all who take the time and effort to share the love they are on withing this community.

namaste' ~

sammy
Thanks None4me, I did not know that, thanks for the warning, I guess I better change my number as well then.

Felicia
I never did the iop thing, but I did go into the liquor store to buy cigarettes. I used to be in there always, usually drunk, and looking like it.

I felt good when they said they missed me; and I had absolutely no desire to drink; in fact, the though repulsed me. They noticed a big change, and that was good.

Life is so much better like this.