In very nearly three years of being drug free I have kept my distance or rather completely removed myself from anyone who does pills. So as far as seeing any I haven't. Today I have been feeling like s***. Toothache ongoing cold and just basically dragging a**. I was complaining around the office like I do sometimes. This girl in my office says come here I have something. I am thinking she has a cold pill. She actually handed me a Loritab 10. I said and I quote "I don't do those anymore the last time I took one I ended up in jail with charges" I just made a joke of it and told her no not unless she wanted to bail me out. My heart is pounding and I am freaked and I needed to share this with someone who could Get it. In the past this would have been just the day that a pill would have cured all ills. Very strange that it was so easy yet so hard and wierd. Still nearly three years later. Shwew! Thank God I prayed this morning LOL. God took over.
PS I generally don't share the jail thing with anyone at work. This girl and I are fairly close and she is not the judging kind. But still just freaking out.
Love,
Jane
Jane.......This may not make you feel better but I don't believe those things are accidents.We all at some time in our sobriety will have to face situations like that.I have this year on several occasions.
The spin I put on it is that we have some tools we've hopefully learned in the last 3 years so that we can say "no".If this would have happened on say the first month....how would it go down?
God rarely puts more on our plate than we can handle.You handled that beautifully as well as carried the message to possibly another addict?
I'm back off to work but give yourself some kudos.Yes,it brings back bittersweet memories but it will only make you stronger.
The spin I put on it is that we have some tools we've hopefully learned in the last 3 years so that we can say "no".If this would have happened on say the first month....how would it go down?
God rarely puts more on our plate than we can handle.You handled that beautifully as well as carried the message to possibly another addict?
I'm back off to work but give yourself some kudos.Yes,it brings back bittersweet memories but it will only make you stronger.
Tim,
Tears came to my eyes. Party feeling sorry for myself that I can't lean on pills anymore. And party because you are right and I would rather lean on God. I have learned that through this all that is for sure. But you hit the nail on the head bittersweet. Sighing and shaking my head. I am stronger but got that made my knees weak. What kind of power those devils have!! I will never again under estimate it. Something that I may have done in early recovery. Thanks for being there for me. That was weird experience.
Love,
Jane
Tears came to my eyes. Party feeling sorry for myself that I can't lean on pills anymore. And party because you are right and I would rather lean on God. I have learned that through this all that is for sure. But you hit the nail on the head bittersweet. Sighing and shaking my head. I am stronger but got that made my knees weak. What kind of power those devils have!! I will never again under estimate it. Something that I may have done in early recovery. Thanks for being there for me. That was weird experience.
Love,
Jane
Jane, It's a good feeling to be able to say no isn't it. I remember months into my recovery an old friend who I hadn't seen in years came into where I worked. We started talking and right off the bat I knew she was on something. She had no idea I was in recovery. Stupid me asks her what she was on and she goes into this story about how she was in an accident and was on this and that. Her knowing what we use to do together in the old days says hey they're in my purse if you want some. I gotta admit I did look and I saw the bottles and it was there for the taking but I put myself in check real quick. I told her about my addiction but at that point it didn't phase her. Knowing it wasn't a good situation to be in I had one of the other girls take over in helping her pick out eyeglasses. I gotta admit I was in panic mode for a minute or two but I played the tape to the end. Good for you for saying no thanks. It's not worth it. Shantel
posted by justjane
Oooooh, I am sure you are not too serious about what I bolded. The "pill crutch" often breaks. And I don't just mean legal troubles either....
Pills vs. God? Hopefully that becomes more and more of a no-brainer....
I often get a tad uneasy when I see your posts. Not because of their content. More about your story. Hits waaaayyy too close to home. I did the exact same thing you did and I was not prosecuted (well deferred, no record). I didn't deserve grace anymore than you. I feel relieved and guilty all at the same time.
Oh yeah...the topic.
I look at that as part of the "sobriety by default" sort of thing. Or the "out of sight, out of mind". Which, given the somewhat restricted access to opiates, can work.....sort of. I find it one of the things that attracts me to AA. No such methods for the alcoholics, unless they live on Mt. Everest (and there probably is a bar on the summit too). I get to hear at my meetings about how they have to turn down drinks (often from family). And they still avoid bars and drinking parties and the such. It is just so hard to run from alcohol.
I figure if they can learn that spiritual/mental fitness to avoid something like that, I can if by perchance confronted with opiates do the same. There is something to be said for desensitization..........
| QUOTE |
Party feeling sorry for myself that I can't lean on pills anymore. And party because you are right and I would rather lean on God. |
Oooooh, I am sure you are not too serious about what I bolded. The "pill crutch" often breaks. And I don't just mean legal troubles either....
Pills vs. God? Hopefully that becomes more and more of a no-brainer....
I often get a tad uneasy when I see your posts. Not because of their content. More about your story. Hits waaaayyy too close to home. I did the exact same thing you did and I was not prosecuted (well deferred, no record). I didn't deserve grace anymore than you. I feel relieved and guilty all at the same time.
Oh yeah...the topic.
I look at that as part of the "sobriety by default" sort of thing. Or the "out of sight, out of mind". Which, given the somewhat restricted access to opiates, can work.....sort of. I find it one of the things that attracts me to AA. No such methods for the alcoholics, unless they live on Mt. Everest (and there probably is a bar on the summit too). I get to hear at my meetings about how they have to turn down drinks (often from family). And they still avoid bars and drinking parties and the such. It is just so hard to run from alcohol.
I figure if they can learn that spiritual/mental fitness to avoid something like that, I can if by perchance confronted with opiates do the same. There is something to be said for desensitization..........
Elim. Ya of course I did not totally belive the pill cructch statement. It was more of just a knee jerk kind of thing. Kind of in following with the pitty party of not feeling that well for the last week or so. As far as sobriety by default. That just raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Actually that has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Just walk away from everyone and everything I had known and say good bye to that life style. Then choose again and again not to go back to it. Therefore never leaving myself open to seeing or being around pills. That includes my now x-husband, my sister and my brother. I still see them all, but I dont hang around any of them because of they use. I don't think any of them would offer them to me. But ya know even after my root canal my x-husband asked me where all my pills were. I was actually shocked! He knows I don't and won't use anymore. Back to my point. I had to choose when I walked out of the jail that day to do anything and everything I had to long as long as it takes to make my sobriety happen. It hasn't always been easy and at times it has sucked. So I don't consider it a sobriety by default I consider it never giving up, never, never giving up. If I seem a little bristly about that I apologize but that is my take on the staying away from the opiates. It has been and always will be a choice to change my people, places and things for my peace of mind.
Much love and respect,
Jane
Much love and respect,
Jane
justjane
No, no, no, I think you might have misunderstood what I meant by "sobriety by default". I don't mean you use that program for recovery. What I mean is that when something is less visible, it can be harder to "desensitize" to it when it is present. So when it appears it can be more disconcerting. The more one practices saying "no" to something the less it causes consternation.
For example, alcoholics in restaurants. The alcohol bottles are often right at the bar, in plain sight. I know folks in the program who don't even give that a second thought. I am sure that took serious work and many 24 hours of no drinking. Some never get comfortable in restaurants where alcohol is around. I would like to do the same with pain pills. No, that doesn't mean I will work in a pharmacy or such, but someday I would like to not break out in a sweat if I know pain pills are around.
Does that make sense? I apologize profusely if I seemed flippant or in anyway implied you only kept clean by not having pain pills around. Better put, is that your experience gave you a chance to "desensitize". Again, my deepest apologies....
No, no, no, I think you might have misunderstood what I meant by "sobriety by default". I don't mean you use that program for recovery. What I mean is that when something is less visible, it can be harder to "desensitize" to it when it is present. So when it appears it can be more disconcerting. The more one practices saying "no" to something the less it causes consternation.
For example, alcoholics in restaurants. The alcohol bottles are often right at the bar, in plain sight. I know folks in the program who don't even give that a second thought. I am sure that took serious work and many 24 hours of no drinking. Some never get comfortable in restaurants where alcohol is around. I would like to do the same with pain pills. No, that doesn't mean I will work in a pharmacy or such, but someday I would like to not break out in a sweat if I know pain pills are around.
Does that make sense? I apologize profusely if I seemed flippant or in anyway implied you only kept clean by not having pain pills around. Better put, is that your experience gave you a chance to "desensitize". Again, my deepest apologies....
Elim I am the one who is sorry. That obviously affected me more than I realized! Suddenly I took offense to what you said. Normally you post and I just read and nodd my head. I think the whole board could look at the past couple of posts and see right through me. I started questioning my own program right then.
Hard to admit that nearly three years later and the thought crossed my mind. That is all that happened there. G'z I am sensitive.
I see your point completely. I am a SPAZ!!!! Forgive me. Progress not perfection huh?!?
Love,
Jane
Hard to admit that nearly three years later and the thought crossed my mind. That is all that happened there. G'z I am sensitive.
I see your point completely. I am a SPAZ!!!! Forgive me. Progress not perfection huh?!?
Love,
Jane
justjane
eh, the sad truth must be told. you are....not a spaz or SPAZ. I am sorry to break that to you.....
No worries whatsoever. No apologies needed.
It is why I write books. I really want to make sure people understand what I am trying to communicate. I do not have None4Me's efficiency.....
eh, the sad truth must be told. you are....not a spaz or SPAZ. I am sorry to break that to you.....
No worries whatsoever. No apologies needed.
It is why I write books. I really want to make sure people understand what I am trying to communicate. I do not have None4Me's efficiency.....
Jane-I bet you feel totally different this morning?
I always do the next day like Whew! I'm glad that's over.
I am grateful to be sober and clean this morning and I'm glad you are too.
The BB is becoming very depressing to me over the last few days.There are so many people still using something ...I get discouraged so when I hear stories like yours,I know there is still hope.
Thanks again
I always do the next day like Whew! I'm glad that's over.
I am grateful to be sober and clean this morning and I'm glad you are too.
The BB is becoming very depressing to me over the last few days.There are so many people still using something ...I get discouraged so when I hear stories like yours,I know there is still hope.
Thanks again
Tim- I do feel differently and thank you for writing back. The thing about these tests is. The fact that I didn't use is reward enough in itself. I know that I am thouroughly done with whatever that life before had to offer (wich is nothing) I know that now. I had a very clear memory of aching bones and aching heart nearly constantly that was my world when I used. The only time I didn't feel like that was when I had a fresh new bottle of something or another. I woke up this morning grateful again for a full nights sleep. All the simple blessings of living drug free popped into my mind. I no longer suffer sleepless nights, constant phantom pains, and all the psychological bulls***. I am healthy (well mostly) I am grateful.
Love,
jane
Love,
jane
