Hi everyone. I had a fight with "J' my addict fiance, and I told him that I could not marry him knowing the history he has had with relapse. Well, I ended up saying some things that I probably shouldn't have said (about how I feel) but strangely I feel much ligher. This ring on my finger feels like a jail cell! How am I supposed to trust him, and bring children into this world when he could relapse?? Family, friends, everyone bothering me, inquiring about when the "big day" is!! It's all too much, coupled with university exams, and my brothers wedding! It's all bound to get worse. I need strength to leave this man, but then part of me says I am making a mistake,and that I will never find anyone else...but again, if loving on feels like this... isn't it better to be alone??
Antelope
Antelope
thanks for sharing your feelings and fears. How much clean time does your partner have behind him?
I think you are doing the right thing in making sure of your feelings before marriage and thinking ahead to the effects of his addiction on you and your future family.
I think the answer lies in your heart but I would advise that a long period of sobriety and a solid support plan should be the very least that you expect before thinking of marriage
best wishes
Sean
thanks for sharing your feelings and fears. How much clean time does your partner have behind him?
I think you are doing the right thing in making sure of your feelings before marriage and thinking ahead to the effects of his addiction on you and your future family.
I think the answer lies in your heart but I would advise that a long period of sobriety and a solid support plan should be the very least that you expect before thinking of marriage
best wishes
Sean
Yes if you don't really feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with him, don't marry him. You sound like you have a lot of doubts.. That is not good to enter a marriage with. What is his drug of choice? How long has he been clean? I agree I would rather be alone and happy than with someone I don't truly love.. Rae
Antelope
a wise person recently posted this advice.. it might help you:
Please just leave him. I know that it sounds harsh and that you think that he will stop somehow. It is very difficult: no money for food, mortage, insurance..nothing. Please don't let yourself live like this!! I know it is hard.. but image living like I do: wondering where his is, if he has spent all the money we have, if I have enough money to get to work in the morning... if I have something more than honey and bread to eat.... Please believe me when I say they care about nothing more than getting high. The high is what they life for.... not you. Sorry, but you can do better.
that wise person was you.. time to follow your own advice?
best wishes
Sean
a wise person recently posted this advice.. it might help you:
Please just leave him. I know that it sounds harsh and that you think that he will stop somehow. It is very difficult: no money for food, mortage, insurance..nothing. Please don't let yourself live like this!! I know it is hard.. but image living like I do: wondering where his is, if he has spent all the money we have, if I have enough money to get to work in the morning... if I have something more than honey and bread to eat.... Please believe me when I say they care about nothing more than getting high. The high is what they life for.... not you. Sorry, but you can do better.
that wise person was you.. time to follow your own advice?
best wishes
Sean
Thanks Sean, I guess it's time to wake up. Thanks... feel a little embarrassed, but thank you.
didnt mean to embarass you but sometimes we ignore our own reflection in the mirror