Hi everyone.
I haven't smoked since Feb but im falling apart. I had a drink last monday which set off a craving for a 1000 more. Then the thought of a bong jumped into my head. My kids are driving me crazy with all there arguing and talking back. I cant handle it. It's what sent me for a bong when i was smoking most of the time. I know i cant blame a 7 and 3 year old for my choices as it is my stuff that got me into being a daily smoker. Still toady being "out of it" would feel great. But i know with a little time i'd be daily smoking and i'd have me deppressive life back again.
AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im not going to smoke today. Tomorrow i will say the same thing. One day at a time. At least im not the walking zombie i used to be when i smoked from the time i woke up until i went to sleep. Today i am here for myself and my family straight (and a little mad.) But straight is the main thing.
Tomorrow is another day. May it be great with no urges to deter me from my life goals.
Hope i have not deppressed you. It's not all bad. I have a life now that doesn't revole around the next smoke and where im going to get it. I dont have to lie anymore to my family about where i have been. My 3 year old is no longer mimicing me pulling a bong and blowing out the laundry door. I love my life now but i am human i still have bad days. The good just outweigh the bad. This was not the case when i was smoking everyday was the same. Stoned, boring, deppressed, sad, guilty, more smoking, anger, rage, CRAP.
Have a good day and i will try to improve mine.
Hang in there Sharkgirl. I'm feeling much the same today. You're not alone.
Funny how sometimes I can read this board for days and not really relate, and then I read something that sounds like it came out of my head....
Hope tomorrow is easier for you.
~AngelBaby
Funny how sometimes I can read this board for days and not really relate, and then I read something that sounds like it came out of my head....
Hope tomorrow is easier for you.
~AngelBaby
sharkgirl
great to hear from you. so sorry your having a rough time. but your right. you are human and you are going to have bad days.are you able to get a day or evening away from the kids? i find this really helps. we all need a break once in a while. maybe think about some parenting classes. im not saying your a bad parent. but you learned to be a parent when you were smoking and drinking. maybe some classes or a support group could give you some new ideas on how to deal with the kids. having a drink wont help. but you already know that. also might looks into some methods of relieving stress. just some suggestions. it will get better. children of this age are always a handful. but they do grow up so fast. keep us posted. would love to chat with you more ofter. did you see the internet relay chat idea of plowkings. we could hook in and chat together that way.
great to hear from you. so sorry your having a rough time. but your right. you are human and you are going to have bad days.are you able to get a day or evening away from the kids? i find this really helps. we all need a break once in a while. maybe think about some parenting classes. im not saying your a bad parent. but you learned to be a parent when you were smoking and drinking. maybe some classes or a support group could give you some new ideas on how to deal with the kids. having a drink wont help. but you already know that. also might looks into some methods of relieving stress. just some suggestions. it will get better. children of this age are always a handful. but they do grow up so fast. keep us posted. would love to chat with you more ofter. did you see the internet relay chat idea of plowkings. we could hook in and chat together that way.
sharkgirl,
my kids are 19 months apart... now they are 19 and 21.
when they were probably 2 and 3 i really had my hands full! my mom bought me the most wonderful framed verse, that i still read every day, and think of it probably a dozen time during each day... it says:
"some days children are a handfull, but all days children are a heartfull."
i think there are no truer words.
enjoy your baby.... they grow up so fast!!!
i will be praying for you in your recovery...
patricia
my kids are 19 months apart... now they are 19 and 21.
when they were probably 2 and 3 i really had my hands full! my mom bought me the most wonderful framed verse, that i still read every day, and think of it probably a dozen time during each day... it says:
"some days children are a handfull, but all days children are a heartfull."
i think there are no truer words.
enjoy your baby.... they grow up so fast!!!
i will be praying for you in your recovery...
patricia
I want to send you lot of strength and courage to remain sober.
It is scary that after three months you still feel like smoking. I hope the desire stops at some point.
Kids are sometimes difficult but it will pass too.
Best wishes
It is scary that after three months you still feel like smoking. I hope the desire stops at some point.
Kids are sometimes difficult but it will pass too.
Best wishes
thanks for support friends.
Today was a great day. I climbed the hill behind my house this morning before the kids woke up. It is such a beautiful day and the view is always amazing.
Today i went to a AA meeting and there was a lady (35 ish) who has a pot addiction. She also has cancer. It put my problems in perspective. I am so lucky to have my health and i am so grateful i didn't pick up yesterday.
Today i am happy and calm. I have a great life when i don't use drugs and drink. I have to remember that on a daily basis.
Cajun lady- maybe your idea about the parenting lessons is worth a look at.
codependantnomore- i like the saying i'll try to remember it in those times of stress.
Tomorrow i am starting power yoga classes. I can't wait.
Thanks again for this board it really helps to know others can feel like me too.
Today was a great day. I climbed the hill behind my house this morning before the kids woke up. It is such a beautiful day and the view is always amazing.
Today i went to a AA meeting and there was a lady (35 ish) who has a pot addiction. She also has cancer. It put my problems in perspective. I am so lucky to have my health and i am so grateful i didn't pick up yesterday.
Today i am happy and calm. I have a great life when i don't use drugs and drink. I have to remember that on a daily basis.
Cajun lady- maybe your idea about the parenting lessons is worth a look at.
codependantnomore- i like the saying i'll try to remember it in those times of stress.
Tomorrow i am starting power yoga classes. I can't wait.
Thanks again for this board it really helps to know others can feel like me too.
