He Thinks I'm Stupid!

Well from my other posts I've been saying that my boyfriend has been thinking of not going to the one year rehab program because he doesn't want to lose me. And that he can quit only if I believe in him (ya right, if he quit because I believed in him then I'd start believing I'm a millionnaire). So it was an argument over the course of the week. Well he kept saying he doesn't want to do crack anymore, that he can quit for good as long as I keep him under lock and key etc. So today he got his first big check from WCB and gave me my rent money, and then he admitted that now that he had money he wanted to do crack. He said I was right, and that the only reason he felt like he could quit was only because he didn't have any money to do it.
So I was like well now you know that you can't quit on your own and you are going to NEED to go to rehab for that year! And he agreed.
So no more arguments there.
So this evening we're at his moms and she's ready to drive us home, when he decides he doesn't want to come, that she is to drive me home and then come back and drive him home. For what?? Both her and I start freaking out on him. She's saying if she comes back and he's doing crack she's going to phone the police on him. I said if he comes back to my place and does crack, I'm going to kick him out, AND phone the police, again. He'll go to jail because he's on probation and isn't supposed to be doing drugs anyways. Plus he's got court tomorrow morning for theft under $5000 so he's stressed so hmmm, like I can't put two and two together, he has money, he is stressed about court tomorrow of course he's going to do crack! I'm so mad, I think his mom is going to bring him back here but I'll just make his life miserable if he thinks he's going to do crack tonight, I'll stay up with him and he won't be allowed to go to the bathroom with the door shut, I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow. Now I'm asking myself, is this how I want to live for the rest of my life? The answer is NO! I hate being suspicious like this, and I think I have reason to be suspicious because he normally doesn't act like this.
I'm so angry, I know he's supposed to leave for rehab July 15th but if he doesn't go, thats it, its over..having a life with a crack addict is taking its toll on me. I can handle another (almost) month of this before he leaves but more than that? Forget it! Anyways sorry I had to vent...I kinda hope he gets sentenced to jail tomorrow so that he is away from that crap till he goes and I can be stress free....does this make me a bad person?
Why would anybody think of themselves as bad persons for wanting to protect oneself? You did not cause his addiction, he did, or he had the makeup to get that "disease".

The first person you have to think of is yourself, not him. He doesn't eat, walk, breathe for you so why should you do that for him, or anybody for that matter?

The best way to help him is not to help him. Just let him hit his own "rock-bottom". He may never come back to you but that is probably for the best for both of you.

Stay safe and think of yourself. :O)
Thanks Tough Love,

He had court today, and he pleaded guilty but he goes in for sentencing on Wednesday.
The lawyer brought up the fact that he's planning on going to that one year rehab program next month so that will play a major factor in his sentencing. Now he just has to get proof from that rehab (a fax) stating he's going. Otherwise the judge wants to give him 6 months jail time, or house arrest. So now its no longer an argument, he has to go to this rehab or he can go to jail. God sure does work in mysterious ways.
hey julie,
how are you holding up? what are your plans for when he goes away? ok, we know if he doesn't go to rehab, you are out. right? so, if he does go, that means you will wait for him for a year? how has his attitude been with all this? like lost soul once told me, aim high cause this is the only life you've got!! i know these days must be really hard so pls come to the board if you need to vent.
good luck!!!!!
c
I strongly hope the judgement isn't for house arrest. Phones are very useful to call a pusher. Mind you, he can get just as much stuff in jail. Let's hope therapy works for him, eh?

BUT! You must think what you must do for yourself to be safe and out of harm's way, meaning out of that kind of existence.

Take care of yourself, Julie :O)
Thanks Tough Love, you're right, if he's under house arrest, he can still get access to drugs. Being under house arrest isn't too different from right now anyways he just sits around and watches tv anyways ever since a huge metal thing smashed his finger at work and he's on WCB.

I hope therapy does work for him..he's been to rehab many times and it hasn't worked. But thats because he wasn't ready to quit. But this time he wants to quit and he's going to need therapy to get to the root of the problem.

Ckat, if he doesn't go for whatever reason, I will leave him. And it will be easy too because his lawyer told him that if he doesn't go to rehab for that year, then he is getting 6 months in jail which will give me time to get used to be away from him.

If he does go away for that year, will I wait for him? I don't know. I love him so much but I'm confused, I'm scared he'll relapse anyways. Ya guys get clean after this program but they don't come with a guarantee.
So I don't know what I'll do. A girl at my school left her boyfriend who was an addict. She moved to a different province and was forced to be away from him for a year. She said during that year apart she knew even though he was getting help, there was too many bad feelings and no trust anymore. She was also scared he'd relapse one day. So she got back together with him but it just wasn't right anymore and finally left for good. That could happen to me too.

If during the time he's gone I meet someone I'm interested in (who is clean), then I will give him a chance I think. I love my boyfriend but this past two years of being with him have been miserable and I've got this fear he will relapse anyways. I've watched my best friends boyfriend get clean for five years..but then they lost everything, their house, furniture, everything because he relapsed after 5 years.

I don't know what do you think?