I had dreams about him all night, its funny how in my dreams he's not an addict. I woke up upset, I missed him, not who he is but I'm sure you guys know what I mean. That was shortlived. He phoned and asked if he can see me today. I said no..then he got upset with me.
I said you came and lied to me to stay at my place, took back your clothes and you want to come and hang out?
He said yes. He REALLY doesn't understand why I'm upset! He must be insane.
He said me keeping his clothes as collateral was not part of the deal. I said neither was you not paying me back, he said and neither is you making me lose my job. I had to gently remind him how he's made so many people lose their jobs but GOD FORBID someone does it to him!
Then I asked why ask me to put more things on Visa if you had no intentions of paying me back? I couldn't believe him, he said he had intentions to pay but I was being mean. (he used a not so nice word to describe that)
I wasn't! I asked him so I guess if you owe someone money but they are mean to you then you don't have to pay them back right, thats how it goes?
He said you got it.
I told him to go overdose and die and hung up.
I don't get it, you'd think after everything he's done and he has to know he's in the wrong, he's still blaming me for everything and saying I deserve everything I got!
So basically I guess I was a horrible person: I lent him money and after scamming me once, I trusted him stupidly for a second time.
I fell for his story about not wanting to be around his brother to stay at my place so I let him stay at my place even though I didn't want to because I was concerned for him? He doesn't see the good things I do for him at all, instead I get called a horrible person?? He just makes me cry! I know I'm a good person, I'm always there for my friends and family and have been for him! If anyone needs something I am always there to help and he's making me feel like a I'm the monster!
Anyways I just needed to vent but the bottom line is this, he just is making it easier to push me away. And he doesn't even see it. He's in the right of course.
hey kittycat, as ya know my ex owes me 5 grand and i was really trippin as time went by and i was not getting paid, got a call yesterday that he was in the ghetto bar 2 blocks away, oh yea he is in fresno, uh no he is in oregon a block away from me. my main concern is keeping myself from going crazy and all i can hope for at this point is my recovery and as time goes by it gets a lil easier. trust me if i was pilled up i would have marched straight over to the bar and done a bit a damage, but its not worth it anymore, he knows he owes me and maybe probably not i will get some money in the future. i am not focused on the money or him anymore, i sure could use the money, but my sanity is far more important than the money he owes me. keep hanging up on him or change your number
take care
carol
take care
carol
Thanks Carol...your right, its not worth it to get myself all wound up like this. I'm just appalled that he thinks I'm going to let him come over and hang out like none of this ever happened. He truly is insane! I need to focus on myself right now. He hasn't even bothered to call back anyways (can't block cell phone numbers) so of course since I told him off rather harshly, again I'm the horrible one and he thinks he's going to punish me.
So it does get easier? I hope so because its hard. Its hard being with him too of course, perhaps harder but I do love him still despite everything but he's an impossible case, kinda like your ex. Seriously if his mom moves out, he has no where to go.
I think I'm gonna take a shower and go to the mall, I had to lie to him about this savings account I have and I'm gonna go treat myself.
Do you still love your ex? Is this hard or is it really getting easier?
So it does get easier? I hope so because its hard. Its hard being with him too of course, perhaps harder but I do love him still despite everything but he's an impossible case, kinda like your ex. Seriously if his mom moves out, he has no where to go.
I think I'm gonna take a shower and go to the mall, I had to lie to him about this savings account I have and I'm gonna go treat myself.
Do you still love your ex? Is this hard or is it really getting easier?
kittycat, yes i still love my ex, however his lifestyle does not allow me to be around him, and what makes it easier as i become more focused is that i deserve more than what i was getting. dont you deserve a man who will treat you with the respect you deserve? all we are getting are leftovers and that is not good enough for me. do you really want a man who you cant even trust in your house, a man who says he loves you but wont pay you back? love doesnt mean torture and agony. your man and my ex have proven beyond a reasonable doubt that they are actively using and that is their true love, we dont exist when they are on the run. it was hard to just turn my back in a sense however i dont miss the drama, the worrying, the lying and everything that goes with active addiction. since i am in recovery myself and also dealt with him i see both sides of the fence. i dont know how you feel about 12 step meetings, however al-anon for people who have loved ones who use could be helpful, becuz you will find out you are not crazy or to blame. the key word is choice and for me today i choose not to use and today you can choose not to let this man burglarize your mind, all the craziness didnt start overnight and it wont end today, but you can make that choice on whether you want to stay on the rollercoaster.
take care and i am thinking about you
carol
take care and i am thinking about you
carol
kitty cat, for whatever reason, you are chosing to wallow in it.
you have not chosen recovery. you don't seem to be in recovery.
let us know if you want help.
IHi Kittyc: I just read your posts now, I haven't been online all weekend. I Bfeel like a "fake" giving you advice because I don't practice what I preach, I think he is manipulating youu, he knows what buttons to push. ALL I can tell you is take it one day at a time, maybe even an hour at a time. He is driving you crazy and what good will that do to either one of you.
I'll be back tomorrow......
Try to get some rest...
I'll be back tomorrow......
Try to get some rest...
Kittycat, I can relate to how your bf talks. My husband does it as well. He got mad because I didn't call him when I went out with my friends. said I was hiding something. Said people call the ones they love to let them know where they are at so they won't worry. We didn't make any plans to see each other that night. He said all this after I asked him where he went the night before and why he didn't call. He was tired and went to bed. I was expecting him to come over.
There is a lot of "payback'. If I don't answer my phone, he says i am avoiding him. (I got a new phone and can't hear it ring.) If he doesn't answer his phone it is because he left it somewhere or some excuse. Whenever I do something it is seen as intentional. His actions are not.
but what hurts the most are the unsincere promises or statements he makes to me and the kids. He will promise something to give hope and when the goal is within sight, he says he never meant to do that.
There is a lot of "payback'. If I don't answer my phone, he says i am avoiding him. (I got a new phone and can't hear it ring.) If he doesn't answer his phone it is because he left it somewhere or some excuse. Whenever I do something it is seen as intentional. His actions are not.
but what hurts the most are the unsincere promises or statements he makes to me and the kids. He will promise something to give hope and when the goal is within sight, he says he never meant to do that.
Kittycat:
Why do you let him tell you that "you made him lose his job"? Were you the one forcing him to do crack and forcing him to not go to work and forcing him to leave work early to do crack?
I'm sorry - but how are you responsible for him losing his job? And why do you keep letting him use that against you? And letting him punish you for it?
Everything he says and does is completely irrational and completely selfish on his part. He does not care about you and your feelings and your opinions. He has made that blatently obvious.
It is up to you if you want to keep taking it because he will definitely keep dishing it out. Especially since he is admittedly using heavily now.
You will not get the rest of the money that he owes you because he would rather use it for crack that face up to any of his responsibilities in paying you back because he doesn't care about paying you back.
Kittycat, please ask yourself - what is it going to take for you to hit your "rock bottom"? You keep saying you are close or getting closer, but what else does he have to do to you for you to actually reach that point?
I'm just worried about you because you seem to be getting deeper and deeper into this and not getting out or making any steps to.
Peace,
Mickey
Why do you let him tell you that "you made him lose his job"? Were you the one forcing him to do crack and forcing him to not go to work and forcing him to leave work early to do crack?
I'm sorry - but how are you responsible for him losing his job? And why do you keep letting him use that against you? And letting him punish you for it?
Everything he says and does is completely irrational and completely selfish on his part. He does not care about you and your feelings and your opinions. He has made that blatently obvious.
It is up to you if you want to keep taking it because he will definitely keep dishing it out. Especially since he is admittedly using heavily now.
You will not get the rest of the money that he owes you because he would rather use it for crack that face up to any of his responsibilities in paying you back because he doesn't care about paying you back.
Kittycat, please ask yourself - what is it going to take for you to hit your "rock bottom"? You keep saying you are close or getting closer, but what else does he have to do to you for you to actually reach that point?
I'm just worried about you because you seem to be getting deeper and deeper into this and not getting out or making any steps to.
Peace,
Mickey
Thanks to everyone for your responses. I know he'll never change. He started acting like this the second month into our relationship and its NEVER gotten better, he'll never change. This much I realize. I REALLY have no idea why I stuck it out for as long as I have. But one thing I am definitly not seeing him, he wants to but I keep saying no. I wonder if he acts the way he does not only due to his addiction but because theres other underlying mental issues? Like if he quit his drug use, would he still be a self absorbed jerk?
Mickey you are right, why should I keep letting him blame me for losing his job? Ya I made the call and ratted him out, but its not like I lied! He himself chose to stay home to smoke crack! I didn't do that part of it. He phoned this morning at work and said that I'm a good person..ya right, new tactic? After all the horrible things he's said about me now I'm a good person?
Oh he just phoned my work and said if things are ruined between us its because I made him lose his job! He said thats something your immature brother would do..
IS HE SERIOUSLY forgetting that he made lots of other people lose their jobs?
Right when he said that this cute guy I work with walked by and I said oh Hi hows it going? And he said its going great..who are you talking to? I said my ex...
He got mad cause I was talking to another guy like that so he hung up. God he doesn't realize just how easy he is making it for me to stay away when I start feeling like I miss him!
Mickey you are right, why should I keep letting him blame me for losing his job? Ya I made the call and ratted him out, but its not like I lied! He himself chose to stay home to smoke crack! I didn't do that part of it. He phoned this morning at work and said that I'm a good person..ya right, new tactic? After all the horrible things he's said about me now I'm a good person?
Oh he just phoned my work and said if things are ruined between us its because I made him lose his job! He said thats something your immature brother would do..
IS HE SERIOUSLY forgetting that he made lots of other people lose their jobs?
Right when he said that this cute guy I work with walked by and I said oh Hi hows it going? And he said its going great..who are you talking to? I said my ex...
He got mad cause I was talking to another guy like that so he hung up. God he doesn't realize just how easy he is making it for me to stay away when I start feeling like I miss him!
He's trying to project the blame of anything onto you (as a way to manipulate you of course). I notice he only seems to have that one thing to "blame" you for. And it is something that he lost as a result of his actions anyway so it is not something that he can blame you for anyway. It's not like he would have been still working there considering all the time he was missing. They would have caught up with him sooner or later and fired him anyway.
Also, how many things can he "punish" you for as a result of that ONE thing?? And how can a relationship be over for that. If that was the reason for the relationship to end, then it should have ended at that time by him if that was the case. He's full of crap and you know it.
You seem to be a glutton for punishment. You keep letting him make you feel guilty and manipulating you. You will never be able to convince him of rational thoughts or behaviours or convince him that he is in the wrong. Because that doesn't work in his favour so he will never accept that.
And the fact that you are still talking to him at all is allowing this to continue and allowing him to continue affecting you and manipulating you, etc.
It seems that you want to convince him that you are right and it's one of the reasons you continue associating with him. But I can pretty much guarantee that it's not going to happen. Would you rather be right in his eyes (since everyone else thinks and knows you are right anyway) or be happy?
I wish I could come there and fight your fight for you because then he wouldn't be able to manipulate me or twist things like he does you. I know it's harder when you are in the relationship. In my last relationship, I chose happiness instead of being right to him and it worked. It's funny too - now that I am out of the relationship, people come up to me that know him and say things about how he is and surprised that I could put up with it for soo long and how he is very screwed up person and has huge emotional issues and that I was right in everything I did and was doing. I wanted to know why nobody told me this when I first got into the relationship. I asked one of them and they said it was because they thought maybe it would be different with me. It couldn't be though, because it's not a matter of the girl being different because that's not where the problem lay. It was a matter of him changing himself and his problems which he would never do or face up to. He still hasn't. He's with someone else now and it will be interesting to see how that turns out. But I really feel sorry for her because I know what she's in for and I know for a fact that the same things will happen to her because he hasn't changed and no matter the type of person she is, until he changes and gets help, things will not be different for her.
I don't know her, but I still see my ex (through work) and I notice he is staying at work after for beers again more and more. That started happening at the beginning of our relationship too. The beginning signs are starting to crop up with him and I am sooooo relieved that I am out of it. And I don't give 2 cents about him anymore. It's great!!! And I never thought I would feel that. So trust me, you will love again and you will wonder why the hell you stayed so long!!!
Hope your day gets better! Keep us updated!
Mickey
Also, how many things can he "punish" you for as a result of that ONE thing?? And how can a relationship be over for that. If that was the reason for the relationship to end, then it should have ended at that time by him if that was the case. He's full of crap and you know it.
You seem to be a glutton for punishment. You keep letting him make you feel guilty and manipulating you. You will never be able to convince him of rational thoughts or behaviours or convince him that he is in the wrong. Because that doesn't work in his favour so he will never accept that.
And the fact that you are still talking to him at all is allowing this to continue and allowing him to continue affecting you and manipulating you, etc.
It seems that you want to convince him that you are right and it's one of the reasons you continue associating with him. But I can pretty much guarantee that it's not going to happen. Would you rather be right in his eyes (since everyone else thinks and knows you are right anyway) or be happy?
I wish I could come there and fight your fight for you because then he wouldn't be able to manipulate me or twist things like he does you. I know it's harder when you are in the relationship. In my last relationship, I chose happiness instead of being right to him and it worked. It's funny too - now that I am out of the relationship, people come up to me that know him and say things about how he is and surprised that I could put up with it for soo long and how he is very screwed up person and has huge emotional issues and that I was right in everything I did and was doing. I wanted to know why nobody told me this when I first got into the relationship. I asked one of them and they said it was because they thought maybe it would be different with me. It couldn't be though, because it's not a matter of the girl being different because that's not where the problem lay. It was a matter of him changing himself and his problems which he would never do or face up to. He still hasn't. He's with someone else now and it will be interesting to see how that turns out. But I really feel sorry for her because I know what she's in for and I know for a fact that the same things will happen to her because he hasn't changed and no matter the type of person she is, until he changes and gets help, things will not be different for her.
I don't know her, but I still see my ex (through work) and I notice he is staying at work after for beers again more and more. That started happening at the beginning of our relationship too. The beginning signs are starting to crop up with him and I am sooooo relieved that I am out of it. And I don't give 2 cents about him anymore. It's great!!! And I never thought I would feel that. So trust me, you will love again and you will wonder why the hell you stayed so long!!!
Hope your day gets better! Keep us updated!
Mickey
kittycat, i just wanted to add something you mentioned will he be a self absorbed jerk when he stops using? well i have learned in my meetings you can remove the drugs or alcohol and many people have issues that are still there, they are just clean and sober, which is a good thing, but just getting clean wont turn him into your prince, when i saw my ex clean and sober he was different however he still had alot of work to do, but he choose to go back out and use. for whatever your b/f is using for, its only a symptom of what the true problem is. only when he can get honest and make a CHOICE that he is tired of being sick and tired nothing will change.
{{{hugs}}}
carol
{{{hugs}}}
carol
Thanks Mickey and Tropical..I'm sorry I know how frustrating I must be to keep letting him talk to me this way. And you are totally right Mickey I'm trying to show him I'm right but I think he knows I am, I think he knows he's the one whose caused 90% of the problems due to his addiction and like Tropical said, whatever underlying issues he has because he sure is verbally abusive to everyone, he has a big mouth and the day will come when he gets the crap kicked out of him.
I have to stop this madness. Mickey thanks for sharing the story about your ex. They don't change with anyone don't they? My bf said he left his last girlfriend because she cheated on him. Well gee I don't blame her the way I heard he treated her! She even told him "I feel sorry for the next girl you get involved with"
well lucky me!
So I guess the cycle always continues.
I have to stop this madness. Mickey thanks for sharing the story about your ex. They don't change with anyone don't they? My bf said he left his last girlfriend because she cheated on him. Well gee I don't blame her the way I heard he treated her! She even told him "I feel sorry for the next girl you get involved with"
well lucky me!
So I guess the cycle always continues.
