I am sorry for being all sour in my last few posts. I cannot explain that.
I've been going to meetings about every other day the last 2 weeks. Ive met some really sincere and good people; one has emerged as a possible sponsor; he has offered to get together for dinner/coffee and talk or go over readings. He told me from day 1 that i shouldn't hesitate to call, whatever the time. But, I cannot get myself to call him. Last night, it had been about 40hrs or so since my last drink, it was 230am and i was laying there, could have gone to bed, but my obsession with drinking wouldnt let me. I had about 4 shots of vodka in the freezer. No surpise, I drank it. I called him today. He told me I should have called him. Sorry, but I cannot help feeling that since I am still drinking, what responsibility does this man have for talking me out of drinking when Im not even working the program like he is? Its not fair to him. I cannot go to meetings, use, and expect these people to be there for me. That is selfish. AA is largely for those that plan on putting a legit effort into quitting. They say it is for anyone who has the desire, but the people ive seen in AA, at least in my town, have been sober for quite some time and are friends, and my showing up just seems like a bad joke. I talked to my sponsor today, and he said: Are you an alcoholic? I said: Yes, of course....Well, then you belong in the program...he also told my calling him, helps him stay sober...so that made me feel good. But, skg and others Im sure would agree with my concern: I'm just not ready.....damn, that scares me.
thanks for listening.
Dodsworth
Hey there Adam. Stop beating yourself up so much. You NEED AA because you are an alcoholic. This man who offered to help you ,he knows what you are going through. I am sure he would have welcomed your phone call whatever time of night. My poor sponsor and husband have put up hell with me. I can understand why you didn't feel like calling tho because I have thought the same way and I did not want to be a burden but we should not feel like that. They WANT to help us achieve sobriety. The least we can do for those of us trying to help us is listen to what they have to say ,they must have done something right to stay sober. I know all about the urge to drink. I still get cravings and its been almost 5 months for me. It is a struggle but one I will win because I am gonna be one stubborn old broad. lol At least Adam you have one good thing going for you and that is, you don't have to put up with PMS every month while trying to quit,so you got a head start right there LOL.Adam I am glad you are here and seeking help. You are doing good by trying.It's a start and a positive one. I know you will do it because you want to and some day you will. Just let that someday be now. I met with my sponsor this week (I have to go out of town to meet him) I had cravings so bad day before and that morning. He took me to meet a man who had lost both his legs. 2 legs gone Adam up to the groin because of alcohol. I met a woman 41 years of age who is trying to get clean now, she's a teacher who lost it all,her job,her marriage her health. she has her liver ,sleen and pancreas,damaged from alcoholism.They spoke of a man who had committed sucide 2 weeks earlier. This is all we have to look forward to if we continue to drink,nothing but heartache and pain and a life of misery until we die . It is difficult,it takes courage and no life will never be the same. we have to change the way we think,the things we do,the people we hang with. A lot of change is required but the biggest change has to be in us and our attitude. I KNOW what you are going through and I UNDERSTAND.I know all about the loneliness,the empty feelings,the cravings. I try keep telling myself I am not alone in this,there are millions in this world who have gone through and going through the same thing and they have done it and lived without booze and have found happiness and peace. They have learned to love themselves and the world around them the way life is supposed to be. Take care Adam and God bless and you are doing great by still hanging in. Keep hangin my friend and you will do fine.
Adam,
Our heads mess with us. That's why we need others to shout from the sidelines. Listen to the man - why do you think he'd lie to you? Do you really think all these people are lying to you? This alcoholic thought he could do it on his own - I don't need all these strangers telling me what to do. Of course not. I can handle it.....right up to the point I lost control at 90 miles an hour going around a roundabout....
Don't wait for that mate. LISTEN.
People know of what they speak. They've been there. I was lucky and avoided most of the pain that waits for us at the bottom of this oh so slippery slope....and believe me, I give thanks....boy do I give thanks....
If you're smart you'll listen. Alcoholism is a maze of mirrors.....let those who know the way out take your hand, and count your blessings that human beings are such wonderful, generous creatures. There is love for you here.....don't turn away from it....you deserve to be happy....you deserve a great life.....LISTEN to those who can help you get it....
Martin
Our heads mess with us. That's why we need others to shout from the sidelines. Listen to the man - why do you think he'd lie to you? Do you really think all these people are lying to you? This alcoholic thought he could do it on his own - I don't need all these strangers telling me what to do. Of course not. I can handle it.....right up to the point I lost control at 90 miles an hour going around a roundabout....
Don't wait for that mate. LISTEN.
People know of what they speak. They've been there. I was lucky and avoided most of the pain that waits for us at the bottom of this oh so slippery slope....and believe me, I give thanks....boy do I give thanks....
If you're smart you'll listen. Alcoholism is a maze of mirrors.....let those who know the way out take your hand, and count your blessings that human beings are such wonderful, generous creatures. There is love for you here.....don't turn away from it....you deserve to be happy....you deserve a great life.....LISTEN to those who can help you get it....
Martin
If you want to quit drinking why do you have vodka in your freezer?
AA is all about helping one another. I remember how heavy that phone was in the beginning. I sure didn't want to call a strange woman and tell her I wanted to drink. YUCK! I was sure she would think I was nuts. My sponsor made me call 3 women off my phone list and I hated it but it helped save my life. Believe me, we've all gone thru what you're going thru. I'm still not good at phoning strangers but I have no problem when a newcomer calls me. I love chatting with them. It helps ME. If you call this guy you'll be helping HIM. He will completely understand that you still want to drink. He was in the same place you are once. We all were. Early sobriety is a b****. We all understand that. Next time call before you drink. And get rid of the booze in your house. It's too hard to ignore it when it's calling your name especially late at night.
AA is all about helping one another. I remember how heavy that phone was in the beginning. I sure didn't want to call a strange woman and tell her I wanted to drink. YUCK! I was sure she would think I was nuts. My sponsor made me call 3 women off my phone list and I hated it but it helped save my life. Believe me, we've all gone thru what you're going thru. I'm still not good at phoning strangers but I have no problem when a newcomer calls me. I love chatting with them. It helps ME. If you call this guy you'll be helping HIM. He will completely understand that you still want to drink. He was in the same place you are once. We all were. Early sobriety is a b****. We all understand that. Next time call before you drink. And get rid of the booze in your house. It's too hard to ignore it when it's calling your name especially late at night.
Get a call list from the group that you've been attending. Call two people every day--just to say hello--and tell them you're doing something that was suggested in order to keep from picking up the first drink (One's too many, one dozen is never enough). You shouldn't need a reason, but it's because if you're making calls everyday, you're less likely to listen to The Committee in your head. And it'll give you other people to talk to, as well.
And get rid of the 'stash.' Stashing proves you're not committed to saving yourself; THINK about that: You've set yourself up for failure, you've failed, and you're friggin' surprized? That's alcoholic thinking and it needs to be smashed. Not you, the thinking.
Got to the next meeting and tell on yourself. And don't drink if your a** falls off.
And get rid of the 'stash.' Stashing proves you're not committed to saving yourself; THINK about that: You've set yourself up for failure, you've failed, and you're friggin' surprized? That's alcoholic thinking and it needs to be smashed. Not you, the thinking.
Got to the next meeting and tell on yourself. And don't drink if your a** falls off.
So many people don't even have the desire, yet alone start the process until their in their 30's, 40's, 50's etc. I think it's fantastic when a person in their 20's recognizes they have a problem and are beginning their recovery journey at a young age. When I read your posts they reveal someone who's searching and beginning the sobriety journey. Today is a new day! Just start over! Don't spend to much time wallowing in negative thoughts about what you didn't do right. Learn from them and move on. I think it's pretty typical that most people don't want to call a stranger. Once you start practicing it, it will be come easier. Just like playing the piano. When you find yourself looking for more ways to stay sober verses being drunk you will be moving closer and closer to your goal. Which hopefully is sobriety. The one that brings life, true peace even in the storms.
My sponsor told me that her sponsor told her when she called in the night craving the drink. Just don't drink tonight and if you still feel like drinking in the morning you can then. It's just about now. This 24 hr. period. And for some people this second, minute, hour. I've been one of those people. You can do this just for today. If you want to. Since you first came to the board I'm reading improvements in various areas. You are moving into action. You already have seen some positive results. I have anyway! Keep at it! You are worth it!
My sponsor told me that her sponsor told her when she called in the night craving the drink. Just don't drink tonight and if you still feel like drinking in the morning you can then. It's just about now. This 24 hr. period. And for some people this second, minute, hour. I've been one of those people. You can do this just for today. If you want to. Since you first came to the board I'm reading improvements in various areas. You are moving into action. You already have seen some positive results. I have anyway! Keep at it! You are worth it!
Thoughts and prayers to you, Dodsworth. I hope you are feeling better this afternoon. As for calling someone BEFORE you drink, I used to wonder, why? I'll still drink anyway. Guess what? It DOES work. Usually a simple phone call can quiet my head and help me start thinking straight. It really does WORK.
Thinking of you.
Thinking of you.
Hey Dodsworth,
No need to be sorry about your moods. We all know what that was about. We have all been there.
Dump the booze out. You are using that as your "just in case" in the freezer. What the hell are you doing with vodka when you are trying to get sober? I will tell you what. I know because I did it too. You figure that if things get too crazy or you can't handle it you will have a shot or two to take the edge off and just get straight. Possibly thinking you can taper. Just get rid of it. You are only prolonging the inevitable.
Hang in there. Can't remember who said it in this thread but I agree that it's pretty cool that you are so young and realize you have a problem. It took alot of us years and years before we would even admit we had a problem with alcohol.
Valarie
No need to be sorry about your moods. We all know what that was about. We have all been there.
Dump the booze out. You are using that as your "just in case" in the freezer. What the hell are you doing with vodka when you are trying to get sober? I will tell you what. I know because I did it too. You figure that if things get too crazy or you can't handle it you will have a shot or two to take the edge off and just get straight. Possibly thinking you can taper. Just get rid of it. You are only prolonging the inevitable.
Hang in there. Can't remember who said it in this thread but I agree that it's pretty cool that you are so young and realize you have a problem. It took alot of us years and years before we would even admit we had a problem with alcohol.
Valarie
