Hi all, I hope this finds everyone in good health and spirits. I'm new here,and looking for fellow addicts to chat openly with. I'm a 2 gram a day user for the past 2 years. I have been on subs for 3 days now. I feel ok I suppose, but I am struggling so hard with the mental aspects. This is my first time clean mind you. I was only sick once or twice ever. I always managed to stay high. Now with no job,family,car,boyfriend (in jail for dope as of a week ago) I find I have so much time and nothing to do. Even tho I don't "need" to be high I feel like it's my only option to this maddening emptiness. My fears outweigh my needs so for now I remain sober. How long can this last? Will I always feel so alone? Is this even normal?
Hey Cheeks,
Congrats on your clean time. Naw, you are not alone and we have all been where you are. It's frightening, ain't it? Yeah, the mental part is absolutely tough.
Plus you've got tremendous changes going on besides getting clean. Basically your whole world has changed.
Kind of I used to think of it newly clean like I lost my best friend, lover, partner all at once. The one person I thing I had for well for you two years day in and out. No doubt why we mourn almost. Give yourself a chance, Cheeks. Welcome here too. Lots of us crazy people on here all the time if ya have read. Just stay tough. You can do this thing. Nope, you're not alone. Man, thinking back too the first time I ever got clean that was scary stuff. I'd say that's about normal. You hang in there, Cheeks. You can do this.
Congrats on your clean time. Naw, you are not alone and we have all been where you are. It's frightening, ain't it? Yeah, the mental part is absolutely tough.
Plus you've got tremendous changes going on besides getting clean. Basically your whole world has changed.
Kind of I used to think of it newly clean like I lost my best friend, lover, partner all at once. The one person I thing I had for well for you two years day in and out. No doubt why we mourn almost. Give yourself a chance, Cheeks. Welcome here too. Lots of us crazy people on here all the time if ya have read. Just stay tough. You can do this thing. Nope, you're not alone. Man, thinking back too the first time I ever got clean that was scary stuff. I'd say that's about normal. You hang in there, Cheeks. You can do this.
Thanks Bryn, I am scared to death...almost more so than I ever was of a hot dose or overdose. I don't even remember what my life was like without dope. I guess thats why they say one day at a time. I suppose if I could sleep I might not feel so stressed.
sleeping patern will come back cheeky,plus u wont be alone when he gets back out.did he get a big one?when u r clean u will want to get out and about,is your sub a detox or maintenence?i would try and avoid alchohol when u come of the subs,i f***ed up loads of times doing the dreaded detox then going out and getting pished,totally f***ed me up,couldnt handle the hangovers so went and self medicated.hope ive learned my lesson this time,my plan is to work and get educated for something better,something i can be proud of,would really like to help people,gives me a feeling so good i cant describe.u hang in there cheeky-girl and visit the site,some say they should let everyone out of the asylums and gather the peeps on the site,specially bryn and put a fence round us.im eckie by the way its nice to make your aquantiance,please forgive my vocabulary its just that i was educated to a higher standard to most and went off my f***in head......only kiddin,,nice to hear from u..eck
Cheeks,
CONGRATS to you! Fear is apart or this process but don't let it rule you or block your path. Take each day for the gift that it is and make it the best you can. You may be struggling now but the more you hang in there the better it will get...trust me on that one! All the best to you!!!
CONGRATS to you! Fear is apart or this process but don't let it rule you or block your path. Take each day for the gift that it is and make it the best you can. You may be struggling now but the more you hang in there the better it will get...trust me on that one! All the best to you!!!
Thanks for all the support. It really means a lot to me. I don't drink so no worries there.I finally slept...almost 4 hours. I wish I could say man that was stellar, but,for some reason I woke up in a state of pure panic. It took almost 2 hours for me to calm down. It's really hard without Ry around, he kept me grounded. He's in big trouble fer sure. He's looking at least a year in jail. He's never even gotten a speeding ticket,so he's in over his head too. I got to speak with him on the phone today,he's not as sick as he was(obviously)the last time I talked to him.(3 days ago). Talking to him made me feel guilty,I have a problem assuming guilt even when not justifyable.One of the major reasons I became an addict.But anyway,today is day 4 thats 3 days longer than I've ever been sober. As I sit here and write I'm thinking wow HOLY CRAP 4 DAYS? I said 4 days ! Thats a long time. Well once again thanks to one and all,you don't know how much I look forward to reading and writing here. Hope all is well on your end.
Four days is ALLOT to be proud of!!! Just keep the faith and stay in the battle to reclaim your life.....you can do it!
cheek-wlcome to the board--you sound like your figuring it all out, maybe it was a blessing disguise the boy went in--as it seems its a direct correlation to you getting clean-all i can say as far as your guilt--the best thing you can do for him is--write him, thats a biggie in jail. the waking up in a panic--man that took me back for sure--i rememer that--what a horrid feeling, it will pass--sonner than you think,take your time--dont hurry through the subs, get stabile--youve gotta get busy--start going to meeting, talk on the phone, read get a job, go swimming, make beaded jewelry--get out of the house--stay away from the old haunts(people and places) your gonna be fine--you will feel happy again and "normal" better than happy--proud!!!!keep us posted no matter what--ok we need u as much as u need us!!
Thanks Aminty, Yes perhaps him going to jail is a mixed blessing. We were most def. out of control. Our house was raided on more than one occasion,pulled over and harrassed everytime we got in the car. Not to mention the really messed up things we did and didn't get caught. Thats a lil insight into the last 2 months of my life. As for staying away from the old haunts, I moved out of state the day after he got cuffed.Not that I can't score here. But I'm less likely to. The sad thing is,we were talking about sobering up just before this. Thats how I got on the subs. We both had Dr.'s Appt.s. Now today day 5, my last dose of sub long gone.( I didn't want to take it any longer than that.) I'm unsure how I feel about having nothing. I'm just so afraid of replacing one with the other. (Thats my life story) So we'll see how this plays out. For now I'm ok.
I hope this finds you all in good health and spirits.
I hope this finds you all in good health and spirits.
hey cheeksgirl, sounds like you're doing really well! very impressive stuff to go straight onto subs and not use on top 5 days straight - believe me, it takes many people days, wks, months to get a few days strung together without using on top of meds!!!! you should take comfort in the fact that you've obviously got good focus and are really doing well.
re swapping one thing for another, i presume you mean extending your sub and therefore swapping a gear habit for a sub habit? it's an understandable thought because you want to just be off everything. if you can do it, that's fantastic. but if you do need the support sub gives you, it is definitely not the same thing as being addicted to gear!! it is controlled and gives you the chance to get your head and everything else sorted out while not dealing with the physical.
good luck and let us know how you get on.
jude
re swapping one thing for another, i presume you mean extending your sub and therefore swapping a gear habit for a sub habit? it's an understandable thought because you want to just be off everything. if you can do it, that's fantastic. but if you do need the support sub gives you, it is definitely not the same thing as being addicted to gear!! it is controlled and gives you the chance to get your head and everything else sorted out while not dealing with the physical.
good luck and let us know how you get on.
jude
Hey Cheeks,
Congrats on your five days............that's good..........cool you're in another State as well................it helps.
Hoping you're doing well and check in if ya feel freaked out tomorrow....you're going to be alright I think..........stay chill, babes and good for you on your five days.
Congrats on your five days............that's good..........cool you're in another State as well................it helps.
Hoping you're doing well and check in if ya feel freaked out tomorrow....you're going to be alright I think..........stay chill, babes and good for you on your five days.
