Hi all, I have a long winded plea for help on the coke/crack board. I have been 5weeks clean from my doc with very little struggle with thanks mostly due to my good friends on that board helping me learn about myself & my addiction.
I need help in how best to deal with my daughter. If you folks are anywhere near as kind & insightful as those on the coke board I welcome you're input & thank you in advance
kind regards, joe
What is exactly the problem with your daughter?? Does she have the same problems as you??
People here will be happy to give some advice...
Izzy X
People here will be happy to give some advice...
Izzy X
Hey Joeblow congradulations on 5 weeks, in regards to your daughter check out any Alanon meetings in your area and look after your own recovery first, and time plus a good example will hopefully plant the seed of recovery in her mind.
When i was active heaps wanted me to stop but in the end it was only rock bottom and being sick and tired of wanting to die that got me into recovery.
Your daughters journey is hers and you need to build your own strentgh and gratitude for yourself because if you are back out and active nothing changes, the only thing you can do is be clean one day at a time and check out Alanon for what to do in regards to not enabling your daughters addiction.
Joe you are the important one at the moment build your foundation strong in recovery and hand your daughter over to gods care.
Light and love Zac
When i was active heaps wanted me to stop but in the end it was only rock bottom and being sick and tired of wanting to die that got me into recovery.
Your daughters journey is hers and you need to build your own strentgh and gratitude for yourself because if you are back out and active nothing changes, the only thing you can do is be clean one day at a time and check out Alanon for what to do in regards to not enabling your daughters addiction.
Joe you are the important one at the moment build your foundation strong in recovery and hand your daughter over to gods care.
Light and love Zac
izzy, my daughter gets way too drunk on occasion. perhaps its normal for a 20 yr old. I don't wanna overreact by kicking her out because I have found this board & it seems to be the popular answer. I honestly don't know.
Zac, In my short 5 weeks clean, I have learned a lot about myself & my addiction. for me personally, I am on a joyous ride. I feel very strong & very good about myself. wonderful things are happening all around me since i've taken my life back.
All I want is to do the right thing for my daughter. I kinda know it's down to tough love & staying strong in our dicipline. I guess it's pretty simple eh? live in our house & live by our rules or get kicked out
thanks to you both for your concern. I love her. Is it a phase that lots of 20 yr olds go thru or is it more serious. thanks & bless you
Zac, In my short 5 weeks clean, I have learned a lot about myself & my addiction. for me personally, I am on a joyous ride. I feel very strong & very good about myself. wonderful things are happening all around me since i've taken my life back.
All I want is to do the right thing for my daughter. I kinda know it's down to tough love & staying strong in our dicipline. I guess it's pretty simple eh? live in our house & live by our rules or get kicked out
thanks to you both for your concern. I love her. Is it a phase that lots of 20 yr olds go thru or is it more serious. thanks & bless you
Hi Joeblow
welcome to our board.
I guess it depends on whether your daughter has a problem or not.
Too much drinking like that ata young age COULD mean a problem or then again it could just be that "thing" that many young people do and grow out of in a few years and settle down.
Just be careful you are not projecting your own addiction issues and recovery issues onto her. And also I would try to carefully examine your motivations (many times a desire to "help" is actually a desire to "control" in disguise).
Not knowing your whole situation, there's only 2 things I can suggest.
1. Set an example by the actions of your own recovery (not talk).
2. If your daughter is living at home, set house rules that you think are reasonable.
Beyond that there' not much you can do.
I think you're doing great with your own recovery by the way!!
all the best
Idgie
welcome to our board.
I guess it depends on whether your daughter has a problem or not.
Too much drinking like that ata young age COULD mean a problem or then again it could just be that "thing" that many young people do and grow out of in a few years and settle down.
Just be careful you are not projecting your own addiction issues and recovery issues onto her. And also I would try to carefully examine your motivations (many times a desire to "help" is actually a desire to "control" in disguise).
Not knowing your whole situation, there's only 2 things I can suggest.
1. Set an example by the actions of your own recovery (not talk).
2. If your daughter is living at home, set house rules that you think are reasonable.
Beyond that there' not much you can do.
I think you're doing great with your own recovery by the way!!
all the best
Idgie
thanks idgie,
you know what is so great about these forums for me? what I learn about myself. I had no idea about what you mentioned about inflicting my recovery onto to those around me a short while ago. My nature is to do that anyway. thanks for the reminder & my friends on the coke board have helped me become aware of this potential problem.
We are going to set reasonable rules for her and I asked for help here mostly because I don't wanna over react to a drunken night out because nothing else is swimming in my mind these days but the dangers of drugs & alchohol.
thanks for responding. I will simply stand strong side by side with my wife. We don't wanna send her mixed signals.
you know what is so great about these forums for me? what I learn about myself. I had no idea about what you mentioned about inflicting my recovery onto to those around me a short while ago. My nature is to do that anyway. thanks for the reminder & my friends on the coke board have helped me become aware of this potential problem.
We are going to set reasonable rules for her and I asked for help here mostly because I don't wanna over react to a drunken night out because nothing else is swimming in my mind these days but the dangers of drugs & alchohol.
thanks for responding. I will simply stand strong side by side with my wife. We don't wanna send her mixed signals.
Hi Joeblow... all I can say is that I'm 21 and have BPD... that's been the root of my drinking all the problems and issues...
My 'friends' don't get drunk the way I did/ do...They always were a little shocked at my attitude... you go to a pub.... you gotta get drunk or it's pointless... You sit at home you gotta have a drink while you watch tv or even have guests round...
Everyone's situation is unique but you gotta assess whether she's got a problem or just going through a phase... but ultimately you can't solve it either way... she's gotta be the one who sees the light...
Don't worry...
Izzy X
(P.S... one thing that's bothered me about your post is that tough love thing... live by our rules or get kicked out... my parents did the same thing to me and I felt so rejected I went even further down the road to ruin... that's one thing I will never agree with is kicking your children out when they have problems... support and love albeit with YOUR opinions thrown in there... This is just my opinion but it f***ed me up good style to hear they weren't going to be there for me when I needed it the most.)
My 'friends' don't get drunk the way I did/ do...They always were a little shocked at my attitude... you go to a pub.... you gotta get drunk or it's pointless... You sit at home you gotta have a drink while you watch tv or even have guests round...
Everyone's situation is unique but you gotta assess whether she's got a problem or just going through a phase... but ultimately you can't solve it either way... she's gotta be the one who sees the light...
Don't worry...
Izzy X
(P.S... one thing that's bothered me about your post is that tough love thing... live by our rules or get kicked out... my parents did the same thing to me and I felt so rejected I went even further down the road to ruin... that's one thing I will never agree with is kicking your children out when they have problems... support and love albeit with YOUR opinions thrown in there... This is just my opinion but it f***ed me up good style to hear they weren't going to be there for me when I needed it the most.)
sounds good Joe - hey you really have an open mind and that's fantastic.
Yep the boards help me too. I think for me its getting input from people who have dealt with similar issues/situations but aren't emotionally involved in my situation.
For me, I get so emotionally tied up in my own stuff that half the time I can't see the forest for the trees LOL.
That is getting better for me the longer I stay sober though. It sure is nice to look at the world though clear eyes and with a clear head.
Yep the boards help me too. I think for me its getting input from people who have dealt with similar issues/situations but aren't emotionally involved in my situation.
For me, I get so emotionally tied up in my own stuff that half the time I can't see the forest for the trees LOL.
That is getting better for me the longer I stay sober though. It sure is nice to look at the world though clear eyes and with a clear head.
JB, I've got a daughter who is most likely "one of us", but I can't label her alcoholic because she will have to decide that for herself...I've shared this before with others on this board and it amazes me when my ex-husband or others that are close to me seem astonished by her behavior, etc...afterall she was raised by two alcoholic/addicts...and most likely has the disease which is shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. My oldest daughter who is 19 so far shows no signs of alcoholism or addiction. I've taken my youngest daughter to AA meetings with me, planted the seed, and I'm saving a seat for her in the rooms...today I pray for her and turn it over and make her responsible for her actions to the best of my parenting ability. Sometimes the best I can do is just model sober and appropriate behavior on a daily basis, and I take it one day at time just like I do with my recovery. Best of luck to you and yours.
