I am 19 years old and i am seeking for help in getting my possibly dangerous older 24 year old addicted brother out of my house. He has been addicted to smoking weed every day at every hour for the past 2-3 years now. 2 Years ago he recieved a DUI and he has still not fixed that situation because of his addiction. He claims not to do any other drugs other than marijuana but i do not believe it. My brother has a history with other drugs such as ecstasy and to this point i believe he is doing way more. He has lost interest in everything including family and cannot be sober for more than 5 min. In the past 2 years there has not been one day he has been sober and he is a threat to my household. He shares a room with my younger sibling who is 14 years old and my 24 year old addicted brother whom steals money from my parents to buy weed bullies him. For example, my brother sleeps all day everyday and gets high all night every night so when my little brother is getting ready for school, he is not allowed to have the light on in the room in the morning because my addicted brother is going to bed and when my younger brother kept the light on, my older brother flipped over his bed and cursed him out. He threatens my little brother by telling him if he tells my parents on him, he will make my younger brothers life miserable. My older brother also threatened to break my face when i told him he needs a job. He is jobless, friendless and he torments my younger brother daily who at this point is depressed! My parents tell my brother to do something productive with his life but his excuse is that he is a "writer" and that is more than enough productivity for my brother. He writes in his tablet about his life while he's high, that is all. When my mother cries to him to get his life together he laughs in her face. Also, he is influencing marijuana to my younger 17 year old sister. He has been getting her high everyday for the past couple months and i see her turning into him if he stays here any longer. I need help in getting him out of this house because i have a strong feeling one day he will hurt one of my family members.
I am not sure you can do anything yourself if you don't own the house where he is living. The owner or legal renter, your parents, would need to ask your brother to leave. You might inquire with the local police department to see what your legal options are to make him go. If your parents don't want to do anything, could you and your siblings go stay with a relative? Sounds like a bad situation. I hope you can figure something out.
probably the best you can do is to quietly talk to your younger brother to let him know that you see what is going on and that it is not OK - to validate his feelings. perhaps let him know he can go to your room as a safe place if he is being harassed or scared. give him suggestions on how to cope by getting his stuff ready the night before so he does not need to turn lights on. etc.
Nicely tell your younger sister the dangers of getting high, that she should expect more from herself, education, good job etc.
talk to your parents if you can. they probably see what is going on but feel helpless or afraid to do anything. maybe the family can pull together - united front. it is best to communicate. secrets and walking on egg shells do not help (and enabling only keeps the bad behavior going) if everyone is afraid of violence, there should be a plan in place for the safety of you, and siblings.
your parents should go to NarAnon, stop enabling, find a rehab for your older brother, tell him to stay for the longest length of time and then for him to find a sober living house and a job, 'cause he will not be allowed back home.
If nothing else is possible, you should try to move out and also take your younger brother, or by you moving out, he will have his own room. you may be able to save yourself and save them by your example.
Nicely tell your younger sister the dangers of getting high, that she should expect more from herself, education, good job etc.
talk to your parents if you can. they probably see what is going on but feel helpless or afraid to do anything. maybe the family can pull together - united front. it is best to communicate. secrets and walking on egg shells do not help (and enabling only keeps the bad behavior going) if everyone is afraid of violence, there should be a plan in place for the safety of you, and siblings.
your parents should go to NarAnon, stop enabling, find a rehab for your older brother, tell him to stay for the longest length of time and then for him to find a sober living house and a job, 'cause he will not be allowed back home.
If nothing else is possible, you should try to move out and also take your younger brother, or by you moving out, he will have his own room. you may be able to save yourself and save them by your example.
I would NOT run to the police BEFORE speaking to your parents....unless you want to all end up in foster care.
I think it's very sad there are not more resources for families in this situation. I am sorry you have to go through this.
From your story, I definitely would not discuss this with your brother or with others when your brother is present. Only you know your parents-if you can trust them, I would discuss this situation with them and offer to help find resources to get your brother out. However, they need to keep this confidential or it may reflect on you (your brother may turn his nastiness on you).
I suppose a bright spot is that you can leave when you are 18. Not ideal for your poor family and I know you care about them, but you can leave and start your own life. I would encourage you to get some space as soon as you are able. Unfortunately, as much as we want to, we cannot fix situations.
So, I guess I am saying, if it is safe for you, talk to your parents and offer to help. However, I truly believe you have to take care of yourself and move out as soon as possible. Not that you shut your family out completely, but give yourself a healthy distance.
From your story, I definitely would not discuss this with your brother or with others when your brother is present. Only you know your parents-if you can trust them, I would discuss this situation with them and offer to help find resources to get your brother out. However, they need to keep this confidential or it may reflect on you (your brother may turn his nastiness on you).
I suppose a bright spot is that you can leave when you are 18. Not ideal for your poor family and I know you care about them, but you can leave and start your own life. I would encourage you to get some space as soon as you are able. Unfortunately, as much as we want to, we cannot fix situations.
So, I guess I am saying, if it is safe for you, talk to your parents and offer to help. However, I truly believe you have to take care of yourself and move out as soon as possible. Not that you shut your family out completely, but give yourself a healthy distance.
There is a law in most states that prevents adults from 'contributing to the delinquency of a minor'. I thought you might use this as leverage to get your brother to move out of the house. He is an adult giving drugs to a minor. You can threaten to turn him in because it is a crime. I don't think the police would take teenage children from their parents for an infraction like this. They might at worst give your parents a warning that your brother has to leave. That would put them in a position where they have to do something about the problem. I thought the police might be able to clarify the laws in your state. You should definitely talk to your parents and tell them what is going on before doing anything. They may have an alternative idea.. maybe a relative where you all can stay while they deal with your older brother. Maybe they don't know how bad the problem really is?
I guess Im also wondering why there are so many ADULT children..including yourself...still living with your parents? It would be best if you could all pull your resources and get out. Then its no longer your monkeys or your circus. You WILL find as you get older the only person you can change is yourself. You need to find the courage to do that.
CMC, I hope the repies gave you some new ideas on how to handle the situation. As codependends we tend to get stuck in someone else's problem when freeing ourselves is the best way to start seeing the situation in a brighter light. Easier said then done. This forum can be hurtful or helpful - be careful when choosing what helps your unique yet similar situation. You got here so You know addiction is what your family is dealing with, get informed, Google every question you have and look for help, for yourself. Serenity prayer - look for it. God bless your family.
