Hi my name is tabby im gay and maddly in love with my girlfriend of going on seven years now. We have two beautiful children. Her son is 17 and my daughter is 9. My girlfriend and i started off rocky she was an alcoholic at first then lead into dealing drugs mostly weed and pills. She got stuck on pills bad at that time. Dont get me wrong i did my share of smoking weed and a few pills every now and then. However we got busted for selling drugs. I spent like a little over two months in jail she spent a week and was bonded out. While i was still locked up she still did drugs for the high one of her friends introduced her to herion. We served our time for that trouble we got into just finished actuality. Well the beginning of this year my girlfriend was hanging with the wrong crowd and overdosed she died three times and was brought back to life i was at work when this happen. Sad part was the chick she hung with was the one whom saved her and also to one providing the herion for her to get high. Well after like 12days in hospital and tubes and dying my girlfriend again ran straight to herion only this time she wreked her mothers car and is currently sitting in jail for more charges to what we just got done dealing with. I know i enable her alot im the one whom has jobs to support our family. And iv been reading on all kinds or articles on addiction and supporting them. What i dont understand is why cant she learn her lesson and take responsibility for her actions like i did when i was locked up. I lost everything and didnt know what the outcome was going to be for our actions of selling drugs. When i was done with everything i stayed off drugs and focussed on our family its been three years now for me. My girlfriend has mentally issuses on top of her addiction to herion now. Iv tired to do everything i can for support groups and cut off me being a enabler to her and she still thinks im selfish and wrong for not bailing her out of jail right now. My feelings will never leave i love her with every inch i can and our kids. But i cant see her hurt herself or listen to her complaints about me not supoort her. I just dont get why she wont take responsibility for her actions or even stop using basically grow up is how i feel. No job for her since we got together. Bad choice of friends and associates. We tired her way on everything in our relationship but still its either me and the kids get hurt or she in jail!or prison. How can i get her to understand that her way always fail why not try my way for once i may not be the brightest light in the pack of bulbs but it wouldnt hurt to try. Cause i font think i can last much longer in our relationship. Please someone explan to me how or what to do?
you can't get her to understand. That will only come when she's ready, if she doesn't die or end up in prison. The ONLY thing you can do is take care of yourself and protect the kids. She needs to sit in jail. Whomever bailed her out after a week, the last time just reinforced her idea that it's ok to keep doing what she's doing.
Let her pay her way... If she wants to use, she needs to accept the consequences. Jail is a consequence.
Go to Al-Anon or Narc_Anon... They'll teach you how to focus on you and let her do her thing.
Let her pay her way... If she wants to use, she needs to accept the consequences. Jail is a consequence.
Go to Al-Anon or Narc_Anon... They'll teach you how to focus on you and let her do her thing.
Hey Tabby, I'm sorry to say that Persephone is right. You simply can NOT make someone see something that they don't wanna see. They will not look at it. It's the same thing as "you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink." Most addicts continue to make excuses and lies and manipulate every person and every situation that they can to get what they want. It's sad but true. Nothing will really change until she hits her very rock bottom and loses everything- including her child and you and anything else she may value. I always hate saying something like that, but your enabling her is only gonna allow her to go on longer. I really hope that things start to look up for you shortly and you can start to help yourself as well as those kids. Take good care, OL
Tabby,
I agree 100% with Persephone and Opiatelover. YOU cannot help her unless she wants the help. Take care of YOU.
Please read Let Me Fall All by Myself, if you haven't already, listed on the left side of this page under Popular topics. Until your gal wants to clean up she will not. Take care of you and your kids and let her fall. Sorry.
You may also benefit from the Family/Partners of Addicts board. They are GREAT folks who are in your shoes.
Hang tight.
granny
I agree 100% with Persephone and Opiatelover. YOU cannot help her unless she wants the help. Take care of YOU.
Please read Let Me Fall All by Myself, if you haven't already, listed on the left side of this page under Popular topics. Until your gal wants to clean up she will not. Take care of you and your kids and let her fall. Sorry.
You may also benefit from the Family/Partners of Addicts board. They are GREAT folks who are in your shoes.
Hang tight.
granny
I say just take your kids and leave. Maybe that will be a new thought in her head. She's done the jail thing,she's done the being away from you thing and she's even been away from the kids but came out to them still being there. Your not selfish. I say pack the kids up and leave. Don't come back until she gets clean. I'm not saying it will work. I'm saying, the kids don't need to see that crap anyways. That's what rated r movies are for. I grew up watching my mom use heroin since I was seven. Every morning waking up to a house full of junkies. She was never even there. I had my first period by myself when I was eleven. Try to let her be. I know you love her, I can tell. But she's not playing her part in the Family. She's only looking out for herself. That's what heroin addicts do. You know that. Let her see life without the sound of her children in the background and let her wake up and go to bed every night with out you next to her. Give the children a chance to not have to watch their mom slowly kill herself. Or watch their mom choose the dope over them everyday. The kids are just going to grow up to hate her, I know I did to my mom. I'm sorry I wasn't more help. Good luck to you.
