I have been with my husband for 5 yrs but known him for 30. He has been an alcoholic since he was 14 or so. He's 41 now, his father died from alcohol very young. I don't drink ever nor do I use drugs! He works all day with no alcohol, but once he's off at 5pm his first stop is to get a beer I have fussed, talked even begged him to cut down. Now instead of a 12 of cans a night, he drinks 3- 40ozs, and says that's cutting back, but do the math its the same amount!!! I have been thru his lieing, not coming home,you name it! My question here is : what do I short of just leaving him?
If you've decided to stay, go to AlAnon...
No, it will only make him worse, if you will leave him. As you can see he already reduce the amount of alcohol he drinks everyday right? So it means that there's a chance for him to change. BTW have you tried to seek for a professional help?
He hasn't really cut down. He just went from coming in with 2 six pack 12oz bottles which is 144 ounces, to coming home with 3-- 40 oz bottles which is 120 ounces, then some nights he will go get another 40, which ends up being 160 ounces. The only thing that got down was the # of bottles in the trash!! And he will drink all this in about 5 hrs. So he's drunk by bed time, he's not a mean drunk but annoying, you can't carry on a conversation with him or even just watch TV, cuz he won't shut up but nothing he says makes sense. The kids come to me and say mama come get him he's getting on my nerves
He won't agree to any help. His Dr already told him his liver is about gone and that he really needs to stop before he dies. It doesn't phase him
Dear Boop It's so hard for a loved one to have to watch helplessly as their loved one continues on a destructive path of addiction whether it be to alcohol or drugs....I read where you said the doctor said his liver is basically gone....it bought me back I feel your pain...I understand the frustration. ..My older brother my best friend my hero died from alcoholism. ..He had just turned 32...I remember he went to the doctor and the doctor stated to him his liver was damaged due to the alcohol...He didn't seem to care either. ..I still remember he said I came in partying I guess I'll go out partying...that was 1989...Feb 22....The day is the day my heart broke.....to this day I hurt for him...I still resent the time we missed the fact my boys didn't have an uncle....for he was a functioning alcoholic he'd work you could always count on him to be there but when it was his free time he'd drink and drink....there is little you can do...He is a grown man and he has free will to make his own decisions. ..but what you need to talk to him about is his decisions have an impact on you....You will be the one left alone and behind ..you will be the one that will have to pick up the pieces and try and rebuild ....your the one that will have the emptiness left in your heart...it's not all about him...tell him you will assist him in anyway he might need assistance in recovery....He needs to understand he is a married man it is no longer all about him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I also lost a life long friend to alcohol a few years back, he was 32 and had the same philosophy as your brother, nothing was gonna stop his partying. His sister took a bold stand and posted the last pic of him alive in the hospital, yellow, bloated and tubes keeping him breathing on Facebook as a way let ppl know where alcohol got her brother. My husband was with me when I lost that friend, he even went with me to visit him in the hospital, so he saw first hand a guy 8 yrs younger than him during because of alcohol, it had no effect on him!!! If that didn't scare him enough to stop, I don't think anything will!! And I have talked till I'm blue in the face, nothing changes
Dear Boop, Thank you ....if he won't change then sadly you have to...You need to stop worrying about him as he doesn't care to change his path...and minimize how his addiction will effect you....addiciton really stinks. ..if love could cure them they'd all be saved.
That is such a true statement!!! If only love could win
I have always held the belief that love conquers all. Sadly our loved ones have chosen to love their drug of choice instead of themselves and their families. I pray that they shift.
That's so true and sad, I have often wondered how they love the drug over family, but the drug almost always wins. I'm so greatful that I never fell victim to any kind of drug or alcohol abuse, I had my oldest son when I was 20, and when he was born my life focused on him and I never let anything come before him, after him my 2 other sons. I let being a mom become my addiction!
