I am sorry to bother you all but I have to make a tough decision and I figured the best people to ask would be addicts. My 22-year-old son is a heroin addict. IV style. So is his girlfriend. He got on Sub a year ago but doesn't usually take it. he trades it for Heroin or pain pills. He does take it sometimes. Anyway. He and his girl were living with me last summer when I found out he had moved from snorting pills to shooting D's to shooting Heroin. I was devastated and told him that when we moved into the new place if he continued using drugs his girlfriend would have to move out. I am not ready to throw him out but she would have to go. So we moved in about a month ago. I checked his top dresser drawer about two weeks ago and found three used spoons and two needles. I threw the needles out. Last week two more appeared. I confronted him. He and she claimed they were "old" from before we moved. I don't believe it but have no proof to the contrary. So tonight I knock on the door and walk in to tell his girlfriend about a job I saw that she might like and apply for.. and when I walk in she is standing there trying to quickly remove a belt that she had cuffed around her arm. He was in the bathroom...I can only imagine why. (sad face) She insisted she was just playing around.. I know better. She had the door locked but it opened anyway because she had not closed it all the way and I opened it without realizing the lock had been turned.
Anyway, she told him what happened, he stormed in my room and asked why I entered their room in the first place and tried to make it my fault. I refused to discuss it other than to say I am disappointed he has chosen to date another junkie... (the last girlfriend shot up with him too). After they stormed out of the house I went to their room opened that top drawer and sure enough there are two more needles there. They were NOT there two days ago. He filled his suboxone today. When they got home I said that I found the needles, and all the cellophanes and the spoons and that I wanted an explanation. He yelled at me for searching his room, and said he is a man and I have no business going through their room. He dared me to drug test him but he knows I don't have the money for the tests.
They live here for free and I pay everything including groceries.
On the flip side he and she just started college this week. I am very proud of them for going to classes and working toward a degree. I paid for his tuition etc but I am afraid his drug use will cause him to screw it up. I am very tight financially and had to take a title loan to get his tuition paid but I did it in the hopes that going to class and being around non druggies in school would make him want to stop using. Then tonight I find her "playing around" with a belt and the needles in the dresser.
I am so scared of making the wrong decision right now. My gut says all of this evidence is PROOF of shooting up and I need to follow through and kick her out. She can go back to her dad's. He says if I kick her out he will go with her and then who knows what will happen to him etc etc. He says I should let her stay and stop searching their room as it is an invasion of their privacy. And that they are NOT using.. I found OLD needles etc. I know factually that part is crap. Do I let them stay and hope as they get more involved in school they decide to stop using? Do I kick her out and hope it doesn't cause him to follow her, (he can't live at her dads so they would most likely move in with their dealer)..... I am at a lost about how to handle this.
Please tell me your opinions.
PS I have given up thinking I can make him stop using. I am finally enjoying my life in spite of this issue in our home. But I am scared to death that I am going to walk into his room and find him dead of an overdose and also when he gets high he is a pain in the rear.
Please advise me on what you all think I need to do?
Oh wow...im so sorry...jeez...well...first off, welcome...seems like im always the one on when these posts pop up latley ...(sad smileof my own )....im so sorry your going through this...really though, you need to be on the family and friends section; perhaps the moderaters could move this ?...or else please post this there...but if you want an addicts opinion i will give it to...sadly though...yes, he's using, and so isnt she....but you know that...you really dont need us to tell you that...you already knew...im an x-iv heroin addict....and i will also say; just to give the girlfriend a tiny bit of support; is, yes, we do sometimes just "play" around wth the needles, and yes, the belt too...ive done it...so...theres a tiny tiny little bitty peice of hope that just maybe thats what she was really doing..but...i dont think so...not when there are 2 new rigs in the drawer...im thinking most of the people on the family board are going to tell you to stick to your rules, and kick him out...he broke the rules...and having the equipment around is part of the rules of no using in your home...they shouldnt even have the tools there...and i agree with them...he's using you ...your giving him and her a safe place to bang ....addicts will do and say anything so they can have their drug...dont give in ...your only prolonging his recovery...he will use regardless of whether he is in your home or not...it makes no difference...except that if he finally has no where to go, and nothing else...he might just then, decide to get himself off the drugs...but you cant do it for him...my thoughts are with you...please please get over to the family section and read and read...many many wise and wonderful people there with sons and daughters who know this game and have much to offer you...welcome to the board...your in the right pplace...take care of yourself
Con
Con
A 22 yr old in your house> with his g/f > using it like a shooting gallery(old term)- is showing you absolutely no respect . Never mind if the cops ever followed him there for any reason, they would find needles and all kinds of paraphernalia. You will get dragged thru that deal too.
I hate to tell ya this, but if he is going to be so brazen about it. If he wants to come off like YOU did something wrong - like opening a door- you might have to tell him "that while he is using, he cant live there. I would tell him that I love him & will support any type of recovery he chooses> but this getting off under your nose , is so freaking inappropiate on so many levels.
Now,all this being said, I did use my parents house for awhile but I was in & out of the bathroom as fast as possible - never brought anyone over to join me- & was scared sh*tless that I might have left a drop of blood on the sink.
My use became obvious ,but not because they "found or saw me doing it"( I think all the court dates and pleading for bail money probably was a clue)
Anyway- -Its a tough thing to ask your kid to leave but the stress of him there is worse than the stress of him not there- -
Just ask my mom-
HopingyouFindPeace,
jack
I hate to tell ya this, but if he is going to be so brazen about it. If he wants to come off like YOU did something wrong - like opening a door- you might have to tell him "that while he is using, he cant live there. I would tell him that I love him & will support any type of recovery he chooses> but this getting off under your nose , is so freaking inappropiate on so many levels.
Now,all this being said, I did use my parents house for awhile but I was in & out of the bathroom as fast as possible - never brought anyone over to join me- & was scared sh*tless that I might have left a drop of blood on the sink.
My use became obvious ,but not because they "found or saw me doing it"( I think all the court dates and pleading for bail money probably was a clue)
Anyway- -Its a tough thing to ask your kid to leave but the stress of him there is worse than the stress of him not there- -
Just ask my mom-
HopingyouFindPeace,
jack
Southern Sarah,
Caught you on the Families Board.
You ain't bothering a soul. Ask away. That's why we're here. You've gotten advice from two wonderful people. Thinking of you.
Caught you on the Families Board.
You ain't bothering a soul. Ask away. That's why we're here. You've gotten advice from two wonderful people. Thinking of you.
Thank you for all of your kind words. I have been to hell and back with his drug use. I have found blood spatters on the walls in my bathrooms in the past and black smudges on the counters. And of course he always wants to argue about it and explain it away. I am finally at the point where I don't even bother to talk to him about it anymore. It is what it is and I know what I know and I refuse disrespect myself by continuing to pretend he has convinced me just to avoid an argument. So I just don't talk to him about it anymore.His rationale is that because he no longer steals from me it is a massive improvement and I should be glad he is moving in the right direction. That is when he is not denying he uses. He stole thousands of dollars at me over a 3 year period... and doesn't steal anymore. I am not sure if its because he realized how wrong it is or because I no longer keep any cash around, or I no longer have much money to steal and I guard my debit card by keeping it on my person at all times. He says its because back when I made a lot of money he felt it didn't hurt me to take it..but now that I make MUCH less it would be wrong because its all I have. There have been times recently he had access to it and didn't take it so I guess he is trying not to steal my money but he is still using and that is something I no longer want to deal with either. Its hard to explain. When you first find out...you fight like heck to stop their path... when that doesn't work you fight like heck to convince them to stop...when that doesn't work you finally give up and accept that your child chooses to remain an addict...then you have to decide whether or not to allow them in your life anymore. That is where I am and it feels just as bad as finding out that first day that he uses drugs.I can't talk to anyone in real life because I have a public job and it is so embarrassing to admit that he is not only a junkie, but he thinks so little of me that he shoots up in my home.
I hope you don't mind if I stay awhile. I finally feel like I am in a place where others "get it". I will post for advice on the family board from now on but I enjoy reading here too.
I hope you don't mind if I stay awhile. I finally feel like I am in a place where others "get it". I will post for advice on the family board from now on but I enjoy reading here too.
Sarah....you stay as long as you want...We are happy your here...i felt like that too when i first came here; like; people "get it"...Im so sorry your at that point with your son; but as an addict; this is the point where you can make a difference by putting down the rules and sticking to them; kicking him out if he breaks them...you have to take care of you...and he's 22 years old ...he's not a baby...and as for being embarrassed about it...you would be soooo surprised at how many well to do families have an addict in the closet :)....hugs
Con
Con
My brother was using meth and coke in my Mom's house for years. It took many years of fighting, pleading, begging, denying, etc. for my Mom to get the courage to kick him out. One day she packed up his things and put them outside. When he came home from work the locks were changed. She told him he was no longer allowed in the house. He worked at a hotel and stole rooms for about a week. He got caught and was told he was gonna lose his job. He had nowhere else to go but the streets. After many years of abuse he hit rock bottom. He went into rehab and has been clean ever since. I NEVER thought he would stop using. I though he was going to die. It took about a week of being kicked out to finally get the help he needed. My mom often wondered why she didn't do it sooner and thought that maybe she would have saved him years of his life.
Anyway I know that throwing a child out of the house has to be the hardest thing to do. However in this case you may be doing him a huge favor. He is in serious denial if he can justify stealing from you because you had the money at the time. Sounds alot like my brother. It has been over 20 years he is clean. He eventually met a girl and got married. At 53 years old he has a child in elementary school who he is crazy about. Good luck and prayers sent your way.
Anyway I know that throwing a child out of the house has to be the hardest thing to do. However in this case you may be doing him a huge favor. He is in serious denial if he can justify stealing from you because you had the money at the time. Sounds alot like my brother. It has been over 20 years he is clean. He eventually met a girl and got married. At 53 years old he has a child in elementary school who he is crazy about. Good luck and prayers sent your way.
Howya Sarah......from were stand yer son and his g/f are taking the piss bigtime,if ya do dope in yer Mas house ya gotta clean up ,it sounds like yer son has got a bitta mouth on him as well,Jesus ya dont do the litany of things they are doin, rent free on top they are just using you simple.Im an rec.addict.......and also used i.v in my Mas house many times but had some??respect for her that i didnt leave blood everywere and spikes all round the house.They must be getting high and just not giving a flying f*** about you or themselves,time to stop the cycle Sarah.Take and get back to us..........Davey
