i have previously posted on the Heroin board.
my partner has been clean from H for about 2 months but is on methodone 60mg. he is fast becomeing a alcoholic, his mum was a alcoholic also.
is there anything i can do? i have stood by him through everything but dont know how much more i can take.
is there anyway i can help him.
he has drunk everyday for the past 5 weeks.
i have had so many broken promises its not funny the problem is that when he drinks he becomes another person.
he's unreckongnisable he becomes this angry monster he keeps telling me he's a alcoholic he has pre-mixed drinks and usually just a 4 pack but latley its been 8 bottles.
i know nothing about alcohol so im lost hopefully there will be someone who can proveide some advice
Gidday Crystalrose
All you can do is look after yourself and make sure you are safe, he hasnt hit rockbottom yet, is there a Alanon group near you, if so go to it and help yourself and in doing so it will help your partner in the long run because you will not be someone he can transfer his guilt and hurt to physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
You are more important at the moment because you are seeking help and he is still seeking addiction. When you get stronger later he may still want your help but then it will be on your terms.
You could suggest AA to him and see what happens but please make sure that you are safe and have other options if he continues drinking.
I gave my partner 2 mental breakdowns by transfering my guilt, fear and anger and i thank god that my rock bottom came before i got physically violent with her, and she always said when i was drunk i was another person and that my eyes became dead and she could not see me in them.
I also knew when to say all the right things and cry on cue when i was sober (in between binges) and all the time i was thinking bugga off i want to sleep as im crook with the booze and i was always thinking my next drink. I did love her but my addiction was stronger.
We are still together and i have been sober now for 11 years and i only got sober when i had had enough. And me getting sober didnt help our marriage straight away because my wife had to change her life in ways as well, so in effect we are both in recovery.
Crystalrose....crystals heal and roses bloom so use Alanon as the thorns to his drinking and protection for yourself and you will find new energy and bloom.
Light and love Zac
All you can do is look after yourself and make sure you are safe, he hasnt hit rockbottom yet, is there a Alanon group near you, if so go to it and help yourself and in doing so it will help your partner in the long run because you will not be someone he can transfer his guilt and hurt to physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
You are more important at the moment because you are seeking help and he is still seeking addiction. When you get stronger later he may still want your help but then it will be on your terms.
You could suggest AA to him and see what happens but please make sure that you are safe and have other options if he continues drinking.
I gave my partner 2 mental breakdowns by transfering my guilt, fear and anger and i thank god that my rock bottom came before i got physically violent with her, and she always said when i was drunk i was another person and that my eyes became dead and she could not see me in them.
I also knew when to say all the right things and cry on cue when i was sober (in between binges) and all the time i was thinking bugga off i want to sleep as im crook with the booze and i was always thinking my next drink. I did love her but my addiction was stronger.
We are still together and i have been sober now for 11 years and i only got sober when i had had enough. And me getting sober didnt help our marriage straight away because my wife had to change her life in ways as well, so in effect we are both in recovery.
Crystalrose....crystals heal and roses bloom so use Alanon as the thorns to his drinking and protection for yourself and you will find new energy and bloom.
Light and love Zac
Hi CrystalRose,
At least the guy has someone to feel sorry for him still. That'll go away too, eventually, as he wallows in himself. AA is about "attraction rather than promotion," which means we/they don't go out and solicit addicts. They've got to come to grips with their own demons, first, and allow themselves to be helped. Doesn't sound like he's ready, yet--but that doesn't have to stop you. Addiction is addiction. It's a behavior and character mechanism that NEVER goes away, and it can only be managed through a program which requires acknowledgement. Likewise, YOU become addicted to that behavior and it begins to seem acceptable--you can even become an enabler.
First, keep coming back. YOU need help in understanding that YOU can not help him. You can make ultimatums, b**** and moan, keep his face out of the toilet, hide all the knives, etc., but at the end of the day it's a disease that requires constant gardening. From himself. AlAnon is an organization for people like you who are affected (and effected) by addicted persons of all types. Seek out a meeting and go. You will be absolutely BLOWN AWAY at how many others, like you, there really are. And they can understand and they can help you understand that you no longer have to try to squelch YOU and your life because of the selfish addict.
Also, if you ever want to feel like you're on TV, watch A&E on Friday nights. INTERVENTION is on and it's all about addictions and the hopeless lives of addicts and their families that love them.
Hope this helps.
There IS serenity and peace if you want it.
At least the guy has someone to feel sorry for him still. That'll go away too, eventually, as he wallows in himself. AA is about "attraction rather than promotion," which means we/they don't go out and solicit addicts. They've got to come to grips with their own demons, first, and allow themselves to be helped. Doesn't sound like he's ready, yet--but that doesn't have to stop you. Addiction is addiction. It's a behavior and character mechanism that NEVER goes away, and it can only be managed through a program which requires acknowledgement. Likewise, YOU become addicted to that behavior and it begins to seem acceptable--you can even become an enabler.
First, keep coming back. YOU need help in understanding that YOU can not help him. You can make ultimatums, b**** and moan, keep his face out of the toilet, hide all the knives, etc., but at the end of the day it's a disease that requires constant gardening. From himself. AlAnon is an organization for people like you who are affected (and effected) by addicted persons of all types. Seek out a meeting and go. You will be absolutely BLOWN AWAY at how many others, like you, there really are. And they can understand and they can help you understand that you no longer have to try to squelch YOU and your life because of the selfish addict.
Also, if you ever want to feel like you're on TV, watch A&E on Friday nights. INTERVENTION is on and it's all about addictions and the hopeless lives of addicts and their families that love them.
Hope this helps.
There IS serenity and peace if you want it.
thanks so much for replying.
congratulations 11 years sober is huge!
he does become a stranger when he's drinking he becomes this angry obsessed man who takes his angry out on everyone includeing our neighbours its only verbal but still thats bad enough.
we managed to get through the Heroin addiction together so i hope and prey i can help him through this one as well but im not blinsighted i know he has to do it on his own.
congratulations 11 years sober is huge!
he does become a stranger when he's drinking he becomes this angry obsessed man who takes his angry out on everyone includeing our neighbours its only verbal but still thats bad enough.
we managed to get through the Heroin addiction together so i hope and prey i can help him through this one as well but im not blinsighted i know he has to do it on his own.
Does he go to a clinic for his methadone? If so, don't they give him a urine test? He'll eventually get kicked out of the clinic if he gives several dirty tests. Be careful and have a exit plan in case of emergency.
Shelly
Shelly
