Ok, here I go....needing advice on how to get over a divorce of an addict. 20 years we were married. I found out about him using meth the last 7 years of our marriage. He went to rehab 2 times and we separated 3 times over this. Money missing, and him making me think I could not keep a check book. Also, he was not wanting to be with me sexually for a long time? Can meth or other drugs do this to a person? (I found a bong, burnt aluminum foil, pills, and pot around in the garage after he left.) We basically became roommates. His behavior started to affect my daughter where she didn't want her friends to come over and was nervous when he acted high. I bought drug tests. He went to AA. We went to counseling. I decided to divorce him thinking this would make him try to do better, but he said he still would need to get high and this is who he is. The divorce went through and I am shattered that he did not want to work out things.
Hello Debra:
Call the great folks at Al-Anon, they are in your phone book.
Al-Anon is for friends/family of alcoholics and they will help you through this.
All the best.
Bob R
Call the great folks at Al-Anon, they are in your phone book.
Al-Anon is for friends/family of alcoholics and they will help you through this.
All the best.
Bob R
you have done the right thing- the drugs will always come first - i am an alcoholic and drug addict- i have just walked away from the woman i love - no-one belongs in our diseased world - you cannot make him change - only he can do that - and to do that he has got to want it - want it really badly - only then will he try to beat this thing we got- walk away - painful as it is - it is nothing to the pain you will endure if you stay in his addiction - walk away -
Debra,
Yes, drugs will do it. So sorry after 20 years. He won't stop til he is ready and willing. Sorry it took 7 years of hell to divorce him. There always remains that little spark of just maybe.... but it always leads to disappointment. Don't allow what he is doing with his life to ruin the rest of yours. Go on a vacation, get together with your girl friends, start a hobby.
Has he always been an addict/alcoholic?
Yes, drugs will do it. So sorry after 20 years. He won't stop til he is ready and willing. Sorry it took 7 years of hell to divorce him. There always remains that little spark of just maybe.... but it always leads to disappointment. Don't allow what he is doing with his life to ruin the rest of yours. Go on a vacation, get together with your girl friends, start a hobby.
Has he always been an addict/alcoholic?
Don't take it personally that he didn't want to work it out. No matter who he is with they will just be tools for him. As long as he is using all he cares about is where his next high will be coming from. When the brain is altered from the chemicals those of us who don't use drugs cannot relate to how they think and behave. Care for you and your daughter and I hope and pray that one day he will be able to find strength to stay clean forever.
Thank you so much for your posts. This is my first time to try this. It was recommended to me by a friend, and I am grateful for your thoughts. Praying the pain will go away and that I can move on. What is sad to me is that I'm sad without him, and was crazy with him. I want to be at peace and healthy. Wish this would come soon. So hard in this state of mind right now.
Yes, looking back I know he always was an addict. He is a functional addict. So hard to see how he is when in the public's eye, he seems to have it all together. He blames his moods, and troubles on diabetes. I believed this for years, until I found the drugs, and through counseling and his going to rehab. It has been a roller coaster. What is weird, is I got used to this roller coaster, and hard to get my footing now that I am off of it. Weird that I am not jumping for joy? ...but I'm not.
Yes, looking back I know he always was an addict. He is a functional addict. So hard to see how he is when in the public's eye, he seems to have it all together. He blames his moods, and troubles on diabetes. I believed this for years, until I found the drugs, and through counseling and his going to rehab. It has been a roller coaster. What is weird, is I got used to this roller coaster, and hard to get my footing now that I am off of it. Weird that I am not jumping for joy? ...but I'm not.
i am sorry its so hard for you, but it will get better- you have made the right decision - you will find your feet soon enough- now you are on solid ground- may god watch over you and bring you future happiness- good luck in the future -
Thanks so much.
I highly suggest you go to counseling for yourself. AA can be helpful and supportive but the people there are not professionals to help you deal with your loss. This is a loss, much like a death and if you are struggling professional counseling may be a great way to give you perspective to help you move forward with your life.
