Gidday Ruth
New job, new day sober and new beginnings and endings all one day at a time:)
Start collecting gratitude in your mind and heart and on days that are a bit harder rely on that gratitude and even visit the gratitude thread and read as it all helps.
Dont beat yourself up about the slip because addiction relys on that response, just think back remember all the triggers and key moments and learn from it so as you have a plan of attack if the desire arises again. And keep posting and talking to anyone who understands.
light and love zac
Hi again, Ruth.
I just (yesterday) went through Steps 2 and 3--finished yesterday, in fact. My sponsor's an intellectual--probably wouldn't be able to do it any other way--and he approaches the whole step process in a boolean way.
If you read the step without prediliction to rush to judgement, you can SEE that is simply says, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." It doesn't say, "The god of catholic understanding," or "Pagan rituals," or "god of thunder," or whatever.
Consider this: Everyday you walk to work. You can't go another way. You have to go through an alley and 3 thugs beat you senseless and take your money. Every. Single. Day. That's what alcohol did to me. I kept going there by myself because there was no other alternative (because I AM powerless--I proved that by a medical certainty as well as YEARS of my own research in Step 1). If I didn't change something, the insanity would continue. You know the definition of insanity, right: If I continue to do the same thing expecting different results, that's insanity.
Anyway, so what if you decided to take something with you next time? Pick something--anything. A hammer. A book. A cannon. A group of friends. ANYTHING that increased your strength to a power greater than yourself that would enable you to improve your odds of beating the snot out of the thugs that continually messed up your day.
I think most of us are programmed to accept that the whole,"Power greater than ourselves," thing has to be the God that our parents have, or the one that organized religions pick (but even those seem to differ), or even the ones that 'uncivilized' countries or different ones from our own seem to promote. The cool thing is that I got to decide how that Power greater than myself was defined and how it resides in me.
THEN it's very easy to say, "Well, MY Higher Power's will certainly isn't for me to be miserable, dishonest, hopeless, faithless, unhealthy, dishonest, and so on, so THEN I make the decision to turn MY will over to the God of MY understanding (remember that Bill Wilson was a writer, and the rule of redundancy dictates that I change up words with the same meaning) which, if I'm sticking to the principle, means that His/Her/Its will for me is to be honest, full of hope, faithful, healthy, etc.
It works for me.
I just (yesterday) went through Steps 2 and 3--finished yesterday, in fact. My sponsor's an intellectual--probably wouldn't be able to do it any other way--and he approaches the whole step process in a boolean way.
If you read the step without prediliction to rush to judgement, you can SEE that is simply says, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." It doesn't say, "The god of catholic understanding," or "Pagan rituals," or "god of thunder," or whatever.
Consider this: Everyday you walk to work. You can't go another way. You have to go through an alley and 3 thugs beat you senseless and take your money. Every. Single. Day. That's what alcohol did to me. I kept going there by myself because there was no other alternative (because I AM powerless--I proved that by a medical certainty as well as YEARS of my own research in Step 1). If I didn't change something, the insanity would continue. You know the definition of insanity, right: If I continue to do the same thing expecting different results, that's insanity.
Anyway, so what if you decided to take something with you next time? Pick something--anything. A hammer. A book. A cannon. A group of friends. ANYTHING that increased your strength to a power greater than yourself that would enable you to improve your odds of beating the snot out of the thugs that continually messed up your day.
I think most of us are programmed to accept that the whole,"Power greater than ourselves," thing has to be the God that our parents have, or the one that organized religions pick (but even those seem to differ), or even the ones that 'uncivilized' countries or different ones from our own seem to promote. The cool thing is that I got to decide how that Power greater than myself was defined and how it resides in me.
THEN it's very easy to say, "Well, MY Higher Power's will certainly isn't for me to be miserable, dishonest, hopeless, faithless, unhealthy, dishonest, and so on, so THEN I make the decision to turn MY will over to the God of MY understanding (remember that Bill Wilson was a writer, and the rule of redundancy dictates that I change up words with the same meaning) which, if I'm sticking to the principle, means that His/Her/Its will for me is to be honest, full of hope, faithful, healthy, etc.
It works for me.
Hi SKG,
Yes I think I do need to take my own support mechanism with me going down that dark alley!! I did ok for the last few days and am doing well again today. I just feel that the want and desire to be healthy and happy is starting to gain influence over the need for self destruction. I like myself better sober - it really is that simple. I started 2007 in a drunken heap, ill, looking unhelathy, making a total mess of myself at last years Christmas party, on the verge of destroying my relatioship with my partner, and driving my mother into the streets in search of refuge from my outbursts. I was broke, unhappy and just finishing a contract at a job I had worked at for four years.
I plan to finish 2007 sober, healthy, financially a lot healthier, secure in my relationship, beginning a new job, and looking like I am enjoying just being alive for a change. The Ruth who started 2007 is a different person than the Ruth going into 2008. I am willing to accept that I have no control over alcohol and I will put my life in the care of my HP as I come to understand what that means to me. I promise to make total use of the support mechanisms available to me and I am grateful once again for your taking the time to share your experience.
All the best to you.
Yes I think I do need to take my own support mechanism with me going down that dark alley!! I did ok for the last few days and am doing well again today. I just feel that the want and desire to be healthy and happy is starting to gain influence over the need for self destruction. I like myself better sober - it really is that simple. I started 2007 in a drunken heap, ill, looking unhelathy, making a total mess of myself at last years Christmas party, on the verge of destroying my relatioship with my partner, and driving my mother into the streets in search of refuge from my outbursts. I was broke, unhappy and just finishing a contract at a job I had worked at for four years.
I plan to finish 2007 sober, healthy, financially a lot healthier, secure in my relationship, beginning a new job, and looking like I am enjoying just being alive for a change. The Ruth who started 2007 is a different person than the Ruth going into 2008. I am willing to accept that I have no control over alcohol and I will put my life in the care of my HP as I come to understand what that means to me. I promise to make total use of the support mechanisms available to me and I am grateful once again for your taking the time to share your experience.
All the best to you.
| QUOTE |
| The Ruth who started 2007 is a different person than the Ruth going into 2008. |
Cool. Tell her to take it one day at a time.
