Hello, my brother (37) has a serious drug problem and denies it to all of us when confronted. We know for a fact that he is useing hard drugs. He tells a lot of lies to cover up his ways and allways thinks that we are against him. My mother and sister feel sorry for him so they pretend to believe his lies, I on the other hand I tell him that he is a lier and that he needs help. All he does is get mad at me and calls me names and says that I am just against him and never did like him. Which of corse is not true because he knows just as well as I know that when we were growing up we were allways close and did things all together. We are a very close family. He is living with my mother and father and has not gotten a job in a year. He says he looks every day, but I know better. My grandmother gives him money for food and gas and she refuses to believe anything I tell her. I tell all she is doing is hurting him by giving and believing everthing he says. I think that my mother needs to tell him he needs to get out of the house because there is 2 small children that has not been yet, but most probably will be exposed to whatever he is using. He also has a bad temper. I went and bought a home drug test and told my mother to tell him to take it or get out of the house, but she won't. All she keeps saying is "I don't know what to do". I try telling her to tell to take the test or he needs to leave and be on his own with no help, but she just keeps saying the same thing. How do you tell some one you know for a fact, and do you just ignore it or start getting down and dirty and not back down to his lies? Please help, I am loosing my brother.
I am a mother of a 29 year old recovering addict. The best thing I did for him was to make him move out. Don't get me wrong, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but if I didn't I knew he would die.
Yes, there was a chance he would die anyway but there was nothing I could do to stop the train wreck. If I hadn't have given him the opportunity to hit bottom there would have been no hope.
He has relapsed a few times but he picks himself up and starts over. I give him all the moral support I can when he is in recovery and drive him to detox when he asks. NO money!
Tell your Mom it is time! Good luck
Let your mother and grandmother read this.
Yes, there was a chance he would die anyway but there was nothing I could do to stop the train wreck. If I hadn't have given him the opportunity to hit bottom there would have been no hope.
He has relapsed a few times but he picks himself up and starts over. I give him all the moral support I can when he is in recovery and drive him to detox when he asks. NO money!
Tell your Mom it is time! Good luck
Let your mother and grandmother read this.
Hello,
First off, you are thinking and saying all the right things to your brother.
You family on the other hand is enabling him, to continue to behave the way he does, such as not getting a job at his age, and still living at home is one issue that is harming him, not helping him. TUFF LOVE needs to taken strong there.
Then, the drug situation needs to be addressed by the whole family, when one family member hurts everyone hurts! Turning you head and not looking at the situation at hand is showing that they really don't care about him. If he was waving a gun at his head would they still continue to turn away.....???
It seems your fighting this alone, as being the only family memeber facing him off with his poor choice of life choices. He has to not want to do drugs, and has to want to get a job for himself. There is know magic word to say, until he makes the choice to better himself. You cannot have a relationship with some when the other person is not a participating player. Cut your loss so you do not become part of his game. His list of reasons not to live a normal, successful life is his choice and right now your other family members are helping him in doing this. If he had to fend for himself then possibly he might find it harder to sit like a log.
Also, his attacks on you are not really how he feels, its just that he does not like himself so how can he like anything or anyone. I am sure he must deep down have no respect for his other family members that are push over's and cater to his bad needs.
Until all the family members join together as one with his situation, there is not much if any chance he will take the step forward to seek help or make better choices. The family needs to make a plan and all of you stick together no matter what. Until he changes he will continue to control the rest of the family memebers. I have been through 2 different family members with the use of
(speed type drugs) and each time we as a family band together and knew what each one would say and do. It was hard to see the addict cry, beg, pleed, show hard signs of anger, abusive, name calling, etc....... but I am happy to say the today we are all close and each of them Thanked there family for showing them that this life style was no good.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP WITH THE MONEY.... no money for gas for the car will make him stumble to get drugs. Giving money makes it easy to get in his car and drive to the drugs, do his drugs in his car. Beside, would your family like it if another person under the influence hit there family member because someone was giving them free money to make bad choices. They need not contribute to this. If he does not have a job then he should just sit. One year to get a job.... come on....... where is the true effort to that. There is always a job. He is setting himself way up at the top of places he wants to be, without the effort to get there?
Geez, flip burgers, it does give you pay check, right? Its $200.00 he didn't have....
and would not have to borrow, and would keep him busy and self esteme.
I hope I have help in some way? Prayers to you and your family,
SandyN
First off, you are thinking and saying all the right things to your brother.
You family on the other hand is enabling him, to continue to behave the way he does, such as not getting a job at his age, and still living at home is one issue that is harming him, not helping him. TUFF LOVE needs to taken strong there.
Then, the drug situation needs to be addressed by the whole family, when one family member hurts everyone hurts! Turning you head and not looking at the situation at hand is showing that they really don't care about him. If he was waving a gun at his head would they still continue to turn away.....???
It seems your fighting this alone, as being the only family memeber facing him off with his poor choice of life choices. He has to not want to do drugs, and has to want to get a job for himself. There is know magic word to say, until he makes the choice to better himself. You cannot have a relationship with some when the other person is not a participating player. Cut your loss so you do not become part of his game. His list of reasons not to live a normal, successful life is his choice and right now your other family members are helping him in doing this. If he had to fend for himself then possibly he might find it harder to sit like a log.
Also, his attacks on you are not really how he feels, its just that he does not like himself so how can he like anything or anyone. I am sure he must deep down have no respect for his other family members that are push over's and cater to his bad needs.
Until all the family members join together as one with his situation, there is not much if any chance he will take the step forward to seek help or make better choices. The family needs to make a plan and all of you stick together no matter what. Until he changes he will continue to control the rest of the family memebers. I have been through 2 different family members with the use of
(speed type drugs) and each time we as a family band together and knew what each one would say and do. It was hard to see the addict cry, beg, pleed, show hard signs of anger, abusive, name calling, etc....... but I am happy to say the today we are all close and each of them Thanked there family for showing them that this life style was no good.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP WITH THE MONEY.... no money for gas for the car will make him stumble to get drugs. Giving money makes it easy to get in his car and drive to the drugs, do his drugs in his car. Beside, would your family like it if another person under the influence hit there family member because someone was giving them free money to make bad choices. They need not contribute to this. If he does not have a job then he should just sit. One year to get a job.... come on....... where is the true effort to that. There is always a job. He is setting himself way up at the top of places he wants to be, without the effort to get there?
Geez, flip burgers, it does give you pay check, right? Its $200.00 he didn't have....
and would not have to borrow, and would keep him busy and self esteme.
I hope I have help in some way? Prayers to you and your family,
SandyN
i am a recovering addict and until your brother gets to the point where he feels that he is tired and feels hopless he want change. tel your mom that she is slowly killing him. you can start off by just not giving him any money, the downside to that is that he may start to steal from the family. then maybe that will open up your mom eyes. putting him out will help him reach his bottom faster. once your are out on your own with no means off getting your fix you tend to look at things a little different especially if you are a pampered user (HAVE ALWAYS HAD IT EASY WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING DRUGS) i was a pampered user i always had my family give me money or men to give me money or drugs, but once that all stopped reality sunk in and i realized that i did not want to live like this any more
Your story hit home with me. I have a 38 year old brother that we all lost years ago. We also are a very large and close family. My parents bailed him out of trouble and gave into his every 'want'. One day he began pawning my parents belongings to buy drugs and eventually had to move out of the state because of everybody and their brother wanted a piece of him.
My understanding is that he now resides in a 1/2 way house soon to be released. He claims he's learned. Yeah right....this is at least 8 times that he's been staying in similar places because of this ugly road he chose to go down.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am angry .I love my brother. But, allow me to now make my point. Do whatever you can to give your mother and grandmother the strenght to 'stop enabling' your brother because that is exactly what they are doing. Choosing the look the other way will only bring everyone closer to harms way. I wish you all the best. I know the 'closeness' you feel for your brother. I still do to, even after all these years. Your brother has to decide to want himself first. Until he does, there is little that you will be able to do, I'm afraid.
Take care.
My understanding is that he now resides in a 1/2 way house soon to be released. He claims he's learned. Yeah right....this is at least 8 times that he's been staying in similar places because of this ugly road he chose to go down.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am angry .I love my brother. But, allow me to now make my point. Do whatever you can to give your mother and grandmother the strenght to 'stop enabling' your brother because that is exactly what they are doing. Choosing the look the other way will only bring everyone closer to harms way. I wish you all the best. I know the 'closeness' you feel for your brother. I still do to, even after all these years. Your brother has to decide to want himself first. Until he does, there is little that you will be able to do, I'm afraid.
Take care.
