Hi I am a mom with a son addicted to heroin for last 10 years. I have realised that I've been enabling him. I cannot take it anymore. He still lives with us but separate from the house - we feed him and give him money to got o office.
He goes to his job regularly and has a girl friend. What am I to do?
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Hi, can you explain what you mean by you give him money to go to office? Do you mean an office where he works? A doctor's office? What kind of office? I didn't understand what you mean there.
I don't know what you can do "for" your son. Does he want to get clean? Has he tried rehabs, meetings? Does he pay rent for living on your property? How old is he? Sorry for so many questions.
If he wants to get clean, you can help him by talking with him, giving him guidance. I think some people might say that's enabling or being codependent or whatever, but I don't think so. Does he have insurance? If so, tell him he can call the # on his insurance card and ask to speak to someone who can help him with a behavioral health/substance abuse issue. They'll guide him to treatments that are in his network of providers.
NA meetings are free. Does he have a car? Is transportation available? Does he want to go to NA meetings? If he has no transportation, I think it's ok to drive him there.
I don't know what you can do "for" your son. Does he want to get clean? Has he tried rehabs, meetings? Does he pay rent for living on your property? How old is he? Sorry for so many questions.
If he wants to get clean, you can help him by talking with him, giving him guidance. I think some people might say that's enabling or being codependent or whatever, but I don't think so. Does he have insurance? If so, tell him he can call the # on his insurance card and ask to speak to someone who can help him with a behavioral health/substance abuse issue. They'll guide him to treatments that are in his network of providers.
NA meetings are free. Does he have a car? Is transportation available? Does he want to go to NA meetings? If he has no transportation, I think it's ok to drive him there.
If you make it comfortable for us.....give us money...babysit us...feed us...make it easy for us...we will never see any reason to stop using....if you stop enabling us and let us find our own way out by hitting the bottom we need to hit...we'll figure out how to stop using eventually. ...I'm a heroin addict...trust me....you can do nothing to help but give him the freedom to fall as far as he can...
I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM, MY 29 YEAR OLD SON MOVED OUT YEARS AGO. WHEN HE DID LIVE AT HOME IT WAS A NIGHTMARE, BUT ONCE HE LEFT .......THINGS GOT 100 TIMES WORSE. I BOUGHT HIM CARS, WITH THE PROMISE OF ' I AM GONNA DO GOOD NOW MOM' THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO PAY OFF TRAFFIC TICKETS, SO I THOUGHT. STEALING AND LYING TO EVERYONE HE KNOWS. ALWAYS ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW FROM EVERYTHING FROM TRAFFICE FINES AND DRUG VIOLATIONS. HE HAS OVERDOSED 3 OR FOUR TIMES AND ONCE WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS VEHICLE AND LUCK WOULD HAVE IT A POLICE OFFICER NARCONED HIM. MY POINT IS....IT DOESNT MATTER IF THEY LIVE AT HOME OR NOT, IF YOU DONT GIVE UP THE GUILT AND THE HOPES THAT THEY WILL CHANGE, ONLY YOUR LIFE IS REALLY AFFECTED HERE, NOT THEIRS. THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY WANT TO DO. I LOVE MY SON AND DONT WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO HIM , BUT HE MUST HAVE THE STRONG DESIRE THAT WE CARRY WITH US EVERYDAY FOR THEM TO WANT TO CHANGE. ADDICTION HAS TAKEN YEARS FROM OUR LIVES.
I had to put my then 26 year old daughter out of my home last april 2015 due to her continued roller coaster existence she had lived with me off and on since she was 18 she had alot of live in boyfriends that she lived at their homes not mine and to be honest those days although worrisome where peaceful due to the fact she was not at my house destroying myself and her brother and sister she has been a handful for many years my exhusband became a drug addict and after years of trying we divorced and he basically fell into a hole and is just now coming around but when I put my daughter out of my home I never had any idea of what I was unleashing into the world the amount of destruction she has caused so many people I am so sorry for that although I know now of these where my decisions as a parent you feel it has something to do with you thats a natural feeling but this is terrible gut wrenching feeling I have daily is thank God I dont have to deal with her daily when she does call me I dont answer she will text me and I always feel so bad after having any contact with her she lies about everything you have no idea. So here is just a little of what she has done this last year she got pregnant by some guy she knew in high school she called her sister to tell her she really thought that was going to soften me and i would have her come home with open arms that was not good news I did go and meet her to give her bedroom set at the place she was living which i knew not to bring everything because she would not be there long and lose all of it which that did happen but I took to the side and spoke to her about giving her baby up for adoption gave her several numbers explained about open adoption and explained that I loved her and love her unborn child and that is why I know she should not care for any living being that this would only turn into horror for that poor little baby I am not in any position to raise another child he deserves a shot to be with a family who can open there arms to him any anyway that being said she understood thanked me hugged me and we did not speak again until march 2016 she had during that time she had pulled alot of bad things on me and made me out to be a monster how could a mother not be there for such a sweet little pregnant girl well this mother was right i am heart broken to say she was doing heroin while she was pregnant and playing the role of perfect little lady but a few days before she had the baby in late january 2016 she told on herself and the state has had the baby in their custody since he was born so I will get back to that after this part of the story so i get a text the saturday before easter saying mom i just got out rehab my boyfriend died of a overdose in my bed I overdosed but was outside in the cold so i guess that kept her alive she was laying on her balcony so the story goes that her dad was staying with her she awoke went to her room saw the man (he was 29 years old and this in not father of her baby this is a new boyfriend since she had the baby) so she saw this man dead yelled for her dad and tried to cpr she called 911 but the man died. I dont know who he was or his family but I am so sorry for his family I cant even say how much that breaks my heart I finally just last night spoke with my exhusband and he told me all the details what a horrible horrible situation I cant believe what I am hearing at times so lately my exhusband and I are trying to mend some legal isssues that are long overdue and he is clean and sober so we are making head way with that which positive feedback from out 2other children which are so sick of their sisters crap they dont even want to know anything they are both off facebook so that have no contact with anyone who may tell them something. anyway i speak with my daughter through text and she tells me that is 2 months pregnant again and that her and the baby father are so happy now this father is the same of the baby she just had so he took her back after all that poor guy he has no idea what he is dealing with. So they have 1 child in state custoday and they are going parenting classes and she is in a 15 month rehab through the courts but will nightmare ever end for her what do I do now I cant get involved with her she is living at her aunts house with her dad and her boyfriend too but as you know those situation are always short lived im not really looking for an answer I just needed to tell this part of the her story i know that she was just as destructive when she lived with me i know there is no stopping her from making these decisions but I do feel her pain and the pain of everyone she has hurt that poor little baby i saw his little pictures he is so cute but she did the worst thing I think a woman can do I dont know how I will ever be able to look at her and not feel tremendous anger towards her i will continue to pray and stay away from her at this point in my life because she gets me so upset my body starts to shake and I feel sick I just cant do it anymore
