Five years ago I met my boyfriend, after a few months he was acting strange, disappearing, not showing up when he said, not answering my calls.... I found out after a few months that he had been for a short amount of time (a few months) addicted to heroin, but as I found out he has realised he was in too deep had gotten a drug worker and got himself on a methadone program. I was so niave to all of these things but because he had already made the steps to come off it I chose to stick by him, we went to doctors appointments, counselling sessions, all of it for months and months.
Eventually things went back to normal and got good, we have had a few ups and downs about it if he has acted strange I may have jumped down his throat when I shouldn't have. But we got through it! During this time I read every book, and found all I could out about it, he also told me openly about his decent into addiction and the things he did during that time.
About a year ago we moved into a council flat, we had a really rough start because it turns out the previous tenent had also been a heroin addict, throughout the first six months we kept finding paraphernalia and I would blame him, it was rarely needles, just empty packets for acid, spoons or needles, often it was tiny tear offs or something but I knew what it was straight away because of all my research and his open and honest account of it all when I first found out. I blamed him we had rough patches for months on end I was upset we argued a lot about it, probably quite loudly...
Up until about a month ago everything had been fine, but then out of the blue a girl knocked out door, it was clear to see she was an addict,my Boyfriend had been asked by a man round the corner if he would be able to charge his phone for him as his charger has broke, my bf said he knew this guy from before so agreed, when I opened the door to this girl she asked if she could have her friends phone back, that my bf had told this guy not to knock the door, when I asked him why he said because I know what you are like you'll get suspicious and I can't be bothered with another row. Obviously we had one anyway because this girl was a clear addict.
For a few weeks after that I kept seeing the girl round the area, she kept saying hello to me, I tried to ignore her, she tried to explain she meant to harm by knocking the door, I didn't care. My bf told me she had tried to speak to him too a few times and he had mentioned me not being happy about her knocking the door. A neighbour across the road told me she seen him speaking with her and warned me and him of her reputation of a druggie round the area. After that my bf said he would not speak to her again.
It went quiet for a few weeks. And life went on. A next door neighbour had an argument with us regarding something stupid and called my bf a smack head along with other names and that upset me, but in our block of flats she is a known crazy woman. Who smokes weed and drinks heavily so we moved past that, but then a few days ago I received a message from her informing me she was going to put a complaint in because of the druggies my bf brings into the block, when I'm not there...she claims that the local druggie woman I mentioned earlier comes round often, bangs the door and windows of my bf doesn't let her in.
This made me sick to my stomach, during this time my bf has been doing a course and sorting out all of the back back garden that had not been touched since we moved in, I check his pockets every day for my own peace of mind, and one day I found a empty needle packet I confronted him and he said he found it in the back of the garden and because since what had happened before he kept it to show me he had found it so I wasn't suspicious only he didn't tell me he forgot to mention it and now it looks like it was his.... A few days after that he was still working in the garden and when I got home we went out and he said oh I meant to tell you I found more and pulled it out of his pocket, then I got that message from my neighbour and it destroyed me.
At first I told my bf it was over I was hurt angry and upset, he asked me to come home to talk about it and I did, he tried to tell me he wasn't doing anything that she was just causing trouble and he was very very angry he said if I was on drugs I wouldn't be here now, I would be out all day and night like I used to be, things would go missing, I wouldn't have a top of the range smart phone I would sell it.
Since then I have been broken, I hate being at home with him but I'm too scared not to be, I feel sick constantly, it's affecting my work, I'm so upset and stressed I have chest pains, no one has ever banged the doors or windows while I have been home and sometimes I am home during the day, my bf has been spending a lot of time with his parents lately (I know this is true I have followed it up to make sure it's not just an excuse) i am so scared, I watch him like a hawk I watch his eyes, check for needle marks, I feel like I can't cope I'm living scared. Watching waiting for something else to happen.
When we arrived home last night he asked if I wanted to go for a walk I declined he went anyway he was gone for about an hour he said he met his friend for a beer, I made him describe his friends gf to me and what she was wearing to see if he had to stop and think about it, he didn't he told me straight away and his eyes and attitude were all normal as they were when he left.
He went for a bath and I did my ritual of checking his pockets, I found a packet from an empty spoon and I went crazy and started crying. He kept trying to tell me it was from the garden from a few days ago (I hadn't washed his shorts since then) I said I didn't believe him I couldn't, he said it was all the stuff he found he forgot it was in his pocket but was gonna tell me he said from now on he isn't gonna bother telling me if he finds anything he's just gonna get rid of it.
I'm so confused, I don't know what to do or what to believe, he seems normal and well to me in himself no alarm bells there, but all of the other stuff make me think he is lying to me, I work everyday and he is apparently at this course but how would I know for sure? He said he will do a drugs test and even bring the paperwork home from the course, he has been cutting down on methadone and trying to get off it ready for this job he keeps saying this year is our year and why would he go back to that.
I just don't know what to believe I hate being at home now but I'm scared of leaving, I love him I have invested a lot of time and effort into this relationship and I don't want it to end but I find this so hard to cope with and I have no one to talk to. He thinks the neighbour has heard us arguing about drugs and maybe seen him speaking to that druggie girl once or twice. Half of me wants to believe him because the way he is isn't the way he was before when he was on drugs but then there is no smoke without fire. My head is all over the place and he's upset that I am going to leave him and that he always knew if he did relapse he could come to me for help.
I just don't know. Please help :(
I'm kind of in the same boat. The lady I'm seeing has a heroin addiction & though she's on Methadone, I believe she's relapsed & is now shooting again. We'll see. I wouldn't abandon him, but I wouldn't enable him. I'm still looking for the answers to help her fight her addiction. Notice I said help??? I can't cure her, she has to want to be clean, she has to choose to be clean, just as he does. I'm not going to say it's easy, I'm not going to condemn her for falling down, but there's a limit to how many times I will put myself out there to pick her up before I stop.
HI! I am sorry about what you both are going through! My suggest is to keep strong and try go to a face to face alnon meeting near you! That would help a lot!
When I got into a situation where I didn't know what to do and I was feeling all over the place, my heart aching of sadness as well as misunderstanding why these things happened to me -I went to an alnon meeting and it helped me immensely by hearing other people talking and sharing their stories as well as sharing my honest feelings! I also would start suggesting in taking care of yourself now as a priority, focus on you and stop thinking and checking what he/she has been up to. Think for you and only you. In addition to that, do what you like to do, have you done something that you enjoy today? If not try to do tomorrow and live one day at time. Do what is right for you not what is right for him/her. You have to put yourself first.
I hope this helps. It's a very tough road but keep coming back!
When I got into a situation where I didn't know what to do and I was feeling all over the place, my heart aching of sadness as well as misunderstanding why these things happened to me -I went to an alnon meeting and it helped me immensely by hearing other people talking and sharing their stories as well as sharing my honest feelings! I also would start suggesting in taking care of yourself now as a priority, focus on you and stop thinking and checking what he/she has been up to. Think for you and only you. In addition to that, do what you like to do, have you done something that you enjoy today? If not try to do tomorrow and live one day at time. Do what is right for you not what is right for him/her. You have to put yourself first.
I hope this helps. It's a very tough road but keep coming back!
I am so sorry to read about your situation. My partner is similar in that he is high functioning but that doesn't mean that all the lies that they spin are not lies. If your gut tells you that something is going on then it probably is, and you acting like a private detective in your own relationship is not a good sign. Go put your energy into seeing a counsellor and look at the big picture. Is this the kind of relationship you can do for twenty years, maybe bring a child into. Relationships are hard enough as it without a third part (drugs, booze). Go get help. My heart goes out to you, but be your own best friend because it doesn't sound as if he is and you are worth it.
