I've recently left rehab for heroin, diazipam and crack cocaine. I did a 4 week detox which was probably the easiest detox i've ever done. I entered the rehab on 3 grams of heroin per day, up to 10 grams of crack a day and 50 mls of diazipam.
I had been a heroin addict for 8 years and it came to the point where this was my last option. It was either that or death!
I was started on 60 mls of methadone a day and dropped 5 mls every other day. When I got down to 15 mls I went on to subutex. I had used subutex before and every time I had gone onto subutex prior to this time I'd spent the first 3 days feeling like death, but not this time. I think the lower you you can get on the methadone the better. The only thing I really struggled with was not sleeping after coming off all the drugs. I had 8 sleepless nights were I felt like an absolute zombie. The best part of it was being surrounded by people who had been through the same and people who genuinely cared.
Coming off heroin is scary thing to do. I had personally used heroin to cope with day to day issues. Maybe I didn't realise that at the time, but as I dug deep into my past I found a pattern. I used when I felt bad, I used when I felt good.
Really the detox was the easy part, it was what came after that I found difficult. Dealing with the guilt and shame, all the hurt I had caused my friends and family, All the lies I told just to satisfy my next hit.
I'm 4 months clean now and although I still have crap to deal with, I find i can do it in a much healthier way. Things do get a lot better when you're clean and I don't think it is coincidence.
I would advise anyone who is truely ready to give up to give rehab a chance. Be honest with yourself because it is the only way you can get better. There are no garentees with rehab, everybody leaves with the same chance, its down to you what you do with it.
Hey steve i like you have more than one addiction Methadone 125ml heroin Valium and Zimovane ive stopped the smack and pills but its hard how did you cope.kit
How long were you an addict for Dave.
My man was a H addict for 24 yrs he's also just done a detox but has relapsed recently. He was clean for a month or so. Many on this board have done several detoxes. Well done but remember it is early days and keeping working it.
My man was a H addict for 24 yrs he's also just done a detox but has relapsed recently. He was clean for a month or so. Many on this board have done several detoxes. Well done but remember it is early days and keeping working it.
Hi Steve,
Welcome. Good for you. You've sure been through it.
That guilt it eats ya alive when you first get clean don't it? Like you said. Then you HAVE to face it.
Hoping you'll keep posting as that was an encouraging post. Again, hey and welcome.
Welcome. Good for you. You've sure been through it.
That guilt it eats ya alive when you first get clean don't it? Like you said. Then you HAVE to face it.
Hoping you'll keep posting as that was an encouraging post. Again, hey and welcome.
You say your pattern was > you used when you felt bad, and then you used when you felt good - -Hmmmmm
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That pattern doesnt leave mush else does it??- - Unless you didnt use when you felt only so-so. Im willing to bet ,you used on those days too
Yeah, that why its about starting over- -our patterns of using were > basically all the time,****
My patten was- I only used if it was light out or if it was dark out - ya see what I mean???-
Developing a pattern to stay clean requires a lot of help fron those who have done it- -who changed thier patterns-
Whatever it takes,
jack
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That pattern doesnt leave mush else does it??- - Unless you didnt use when you felt only so-so. Im willing to bet ,you used on those days too
Yeah, that why its about starting over- -our patterns of using were > basically all the time,****
My patten was- I only used if it was light out or if it was dark out - ya see what I mean???-
Developing a pattern to stay clean requires a lot of help fron those who have done it- -who changed thier patterns-
Whatever it takes,
jack
Yeah it is early days for me. I've been out of rehab for 5 weeks now. I moved back to my old area which wasn't my plan, it's just too easy to fall back into old habits.
I was a heroin addict for 10 years the last 6 I was injecting. I tried countless times to give up but the lack of sleep and all the guilt and shame just took over and before long I through the towel in. I think it was 4 years ago, I lost my best friend of 20 years to heroin I just gave up trying to give up and went at it full on.
I really did hit some all time lows, selling to fund my habit, which im sure you all know does not work! "don't get high on your own supply etc". I got myself into such a hole that I couldn't see anyway out of it, it was either suicide or rehab. Fortunately I got funded for rehab.
Getting off the drugs wasn't the difficult part, it was what came after, the throw in the towel stage it would have been had I not been surrounded by people who had been through the same and cared. I know it's not possible for everyone to get funding for rehabs but I would seriously suggest that you get some sort of support from people in the same boat, people who understand. The guilt that I felt when I finally finished my last dose of subutex and diazipam was absolutely overwhelming! I spent days crying and if I hadn't had the support there I would have relapsed for sure. The good thing about being with people in the same boat as you, is when you do start to share the guilt and shame no body is shocked by it, because as sure as night is night somebody if not everybody in that room has done something to equal it. You're all on a level playing ground and nobody will judge you for that.
I just take 1 day at a time, I stay in touch with support workers, I attend NA even though I don't follow the 12 steps, I just surround myself with people, safe people and I also try to share my experience because it keeps me straight and I like to give others hope. I was a mess this time last year, i'd given up all hope for myself and I just didn't care anymore. Now I can find things about myself that I like, and I want to hold on to that. If I can do it anyone can!
I was a heroin addict for 10 years the last 6 I was injecting. I tried countless times to give up but the lack of sleep and all the guilt and shame just took over and before long I through the towel in. I think it was 4 years ago, I lost my best friend of 20 years to heroin I just gave up trying to give up and went at it full on.
I really did hit some all time lows, selling to fund my habit, which im sure you all know does not work! "don't get high on your own supply etc". I got myself into such a hole that I couldn't see anyway out of it, it was either suicide or rehab. Fortunately I got funded for rehab.
Getting off the drugs wasn't the difficult part, it was what came after, the throw in the towel stage it would have been had I not been surrounded by people who had been through the same and cared. I know it's not possible for everyone to get funding for rehabs but I would seriously suggest that you get some sort of support from people in the same boat, people who understand. The guilt that I felt when I finally finished my last dose of subutex and diazipam was absolutely overwhelming! I spent days crying and if I hadn't had the support there I would have relapsed for sure. The good thing about being with people in the same boat as you, is when you do start to share the guilt and shame no body is shocked by it, because as sure as night is night somebody if not everybody in that room has done something to equal it. You're all on a level playing ground and nobody will judge you for that.
I just take 1 day at a time, I stay in touch with support workers, I attend NA even though I don't follow the 12 steps, I just surround myself with people, safe people and I also try to share my experience because it keeps me straight and I like to give others hope. I was a mess this time last year, i'd given up all hope for myself and I just didn't care anymore. Now I can find things about myself that I like, and I want to hold on to that. If I can do it anyone can!
Thanks for sharing that Steve - sorry I got your name wrong.
Hey Steve -
Its really good you found hope again. Some people dont see any hope for years and things end badly.
As long as you know you can do it, and are motivated to stay clean - and get humble enuff to ask for help,knowing that its not something that you can just stop all by yourself your ahead of the game.
Getting humble enuff to ask for help is a hard one to those of us that have done things by ourselves and achieved a certain amount of respect and success.
---but its a very important one- -
I myself have stayed off of dope for many years with the help of methadone. I put a shattered life back together and for pulling that off >Im proud and amazed.
There are times when I get down about the methadone- - but Ive been on it so long, it just part of my life- I dont do anything else and life is very normal (almost too normal) l do things now that I never wouldve done when I was using.
Like I had to get high-just to do the laundry- crazy isnt it???
Im grateful that there is a medicine that works for me-its not for everyone ,thats for sure- - but if I could show you a film of my life's trials and tribulations 20 years ago- - you would bet that I would have been dead or locked up for good- before the film was over
So- -stay focused- dont get too down during this ordeal,because the days are going to seem very freaking long sometimes, but its only to the next day- -if ya know what Im saying**
best regards
jack
Its really good you found hope again. Some people dont see any hope for years and things end badly.
As long as you know you can do it, and are motivated to stay clean - and get humble enuff to ask for help,knowing that its not something that you can just stop all by yourself your ahead of the game.
Getting humble enuff to ask for help is a hard one to those of us that have done things by ourselves and achieved a certain amount of respect and success.
---but its a very important one- -
I myself have stayed off of dope for many years with the help of methadone. I put a shattered life back together and for pulling that off >Im proud and amazed.
There are times when I get down about the methadone- - but Ive been on it so long, it just part of my life- I dont do anything else and life is very normal (almost too normal) l do things now that I never wouldve done when I was using.
Like I had to get high-just to do the laundry- crazy isnt it???
Im grateful that there is a medicine that works for me-its not for everyone ,thats for sure- - but if I could show you a film of my life's trials and tribulations 20 years ago- - you would bet that I would have been dead or locked up for good- before the film was over
So- -stay focused- dont get too down during this ordeal,because the days are going to seem very freaking long sometimes, but its only to the next day- -if ya know what Im saying**
best regards
jack
