I haven't forgotten about you... sending you best wishes. Say hi when you can....
Take care of your self... Cookster
Hi Cookster & all the rest of you fine people.
As you probably have all guessed by now I've been drinking again. I didn't drink for 40 days & life did get much better for the most part. When our oldest daughter moved back home it was a big trigger for me & seeing my Mom go blind was too much for me. You can all call me a baby if you want. Drinking for me is just a symptom of bigger issues. I relapsed Memorial day wknd. Missed re-hab, private counseling, AA,Gym-self care etc. Was to busy helping others at the time. I haven't been to re-hab or AA since the end of May. I had a $1,500 dollar benefit which ran out quickly. I now owe the hospital $1,200 dollars. The good news is the City of Portland chose to adopt a new Parady law that passed in Oregon 1/07. So, as of 7/1 I will have uniform coverage for behavioral health only a 20% co-pay. My case mgr. is so booked that I can't see him until 7/10. I'm looking forward to taking the relapse prevention class. The problem is I don't feel comfortable with him as I do with the other counselor who doesn't do case wk. I'm just going to have to be honest I'm sure he's heard it before anyway.
I still read everyone's post's just feel embarrased & kinda stupid that I'm not doing as great as the rest of you. I'm happy for all of you that your doing well in your sobriety. One of my problems is there's still this small part of me that wants to drink. I decided to quit worrying about it so much & just be me. I can't keep beating myself up because if I do then I might as well end it all. I just say here ya go God you take it now. I don't drink near as often as I once did & have had some times where I wasn't smashed, sober days to. When I started this journey in March & look at where I am now I've improved in all areas of my life. My husband just this morning told me what a huge turn around I've done. I still know I need the help of professionals & will continue on in my journey for peace,sobriety. I'm going to PT 3x wk. for frozen shoulder. The cortizone shot hurt like hell,but it has relieved some of the pain.
A dear old friend that I haven't seen in far to long told me I'm still in the race and the finish line is waiting for me. Were headed to the coast this wknd. I so, miss my favorite place on Earth the Ocean. It's been over a yr. The Oregon coast is so beautiful wish you could see it. Cookster have you been up in your Ultra Lite? I also wish you & the other board members the best. Chris
As you probably have all guessed by now I've been drinking again. I didn't drink for 40 days & life did get much better for the most part. When our oldest daughter moved back home it was a big trigger for me & seeing my Mom go blind was too much for me. You can all call me a baby if you want. Drinking for me is just a symptom of bigger issues. I relapsed Memorial day wknd. Missed re-hab, private counseling, AA,Gym-self care etc. Was to busy helping others at the time. I haven't been to re-hab or AA since the end of May. I had a $1,500 dollar benefit which ran out quickly. I now owe the hospital $1,200 dollars. The good news is the City of Portland chose to adopt a new Parady law that passed in Oregon 1/07. So, as of 7/1 I will have uniform coverage for behavioral health only a 20% co-pay. My case mgr. is so booked that I can't see him until 7/10. I'm looking forward to taking the relapse prevention class. The problem is I don't feel comfortable with him as I do with the other counselor who doesn't do case wk. I'm just going to have to be honest I'm sure he's heard it before anyway.
I still read everyone's post's just feel embarrased & kinda stupid that I'm not doing as great as the rest of you. I'm happy for all of you that your doing well in your sobriety. One of my problems is there's still this small part of me that wants to drink. I decided to quit worrying about it so much & just be me. I can't keep beating myself up because if I do then I might as well end it all. I just say here ya go God you take it now. I don't drink near as often as I once did & have had some times where I wasn't smashed, sober days to. When I started this journey in March & look at where I am now I've improved in all areas of my life. My husband just this morning told me what a huge turn around I've done. I still know I need the help of professionals & will continue on in my journey for peace,sobriety. I'm going to PT 3x wk. for frozen shoulder. The cortizone shot hurt like hell,but it has relieved some of the pain.
A dear old friend that I haven't seen in far to long told me I'm still in the race and the finish line is waiting for me. Were headed to the coast this wknd. I so, miss my favorite place on Earth the Ocean. It's been over a yr. The Oregon coast is so beautiful wish you could see it. Cookster have you been up in your Ultra Lite? I also wish you & the other board members the best. Chris
Hey Lookinup, good to hear from you! I'm sorry to hear that your recovery isn't going as well as you want. However the progress that you have made cannot be taken from you, and it has been progress and if you keep a positive attitude, you will resume your recovery at some point.
Yes Chris, I have been up in my ultralite a few times, and I'm looking forward to some more now that its summer holidays!...
Stay in touch Chris... Cookster
Yes Chris, I have been up in my ultralite a few times, and I'm looking forward to some more now that its summer holidays!...
Stay in touch Chris... Cookster
Alcoholics drink alcohol. It's what they do lookin up - until they don't! So, I wouldn't be too down on yourself about it.
I think you are doing really well, even if you have turned to the booze for comfort again at the moment. Getting to being sober is a path of slip ups and messy bits!! It took me a good few years. I truly was an emabarassing mess - that hid it well, or at least I think so. Musn't forget I can't remember half of it!! Excuse the sort of pun!!
I hope you find inspiration when you are over looking the ocean this weekend. Funny, I am off to Wales for the weekend - in a minute when I have had another cup of tea, and my ultimate destination is the ocean!! Doesn't it just leave you spell bound and in awe of this amazing planet!
Good luck to you and have a great weekend!
I think you are doing really well, even if you have turned to the booze for comfort again at the moment. Getting to being sober is a path of slip ups and messy bits!! It took me a good few years. I truly was an emabarassing mess - that hid it well, or at least I think so. Musn't forget I can't remember half of it!! Excuse the sort of pun!!
I hope you find inspiration when you are over looking the ocean this weekend. Funny, I am off to Wales for the weekend - in a minute when I have had another cup of tea, and my ultimate destination is the ocean!! Doesn't it just leave you spell bound and in awe of this amazing planet!
Good luck to you and have a great weekend!
Gidday lookinup
Willingness is the key and you have heaps, recovery is just that recovery and you are well on the path and small steps add up to a big distance over time as long as the things you are doing are positive in your life then gratitude builds and attitudes change and with all that you have in front of you in regards to counselling you are right just be honest and god will take care of the rest as long as you do the footwork.
Try not to look at your issues in one big lot, break them down and work on them one at a time.
Your heart and emotions and love can be your mums eyes, whenever you are up to it and tell your ma gidday from zac in NZ.
Have a think about what fear it is that your daughter brings out for you and ask god to help take it away.
Lookinup your post is full of positvity and the fear comes through in the life issues, given time you will handle all this.
Never feel ashamed to post because addiction wants you to keep the fear in your head where it can build, keep posting and getting any fears in your head out.
Light and love Zac
Willingness is the key and you have heaps, recovery is just that recovery and you are well on the path and small steps add up to a big distance over time as long as the things you are doing are positive in your life then gratitude builds and attitudes change and with all that you have in front of you in regards to counselling you are right just be honest and god will take care of the rest as long as you do the footwork.
Try not to look at your issues in one big lot, break them down and work on them one at a time.
Your heart and emotions and love can be your mums eyes, whenever you are up to it and tell your ma gidday from zac in NZ.
Have a think about what fear it is that your daughter brings out for you and ask god to help take it away.
Lookinup your post is full of positvity and the fear comes through in the life issues, given time you will handle all this.
Never feel ashamed to post because addiction wants you to keep the fear in your head where it can build, keep posting and getting any fears in your head out.
Light and love Zac
Hey LookinUp.
You know the drill: "Keep coming back, it works if you work it." I'm an addicitve personality by genetic predisposition--or by nature, if you wish. I can be addicted to being addicted, for goodness sake! Right now, I'm between addictions and being addicted to AA is the best I've felt since I was, well, an adolescent! I don't even know who the hell I really am and that's okay, because I'm not drinking--poisoning myself inside and out--and I've found a genuine peace that I've never EVER experienced. It's what I've been searching for my whole live.
My point is that I've been addicted to stuff and tried a kajillion ways to quit them: Nicotine was the worst--I must've tried a hundred different ways to quit. It finally became apparent that one was too many and 20 wasn't enough. Of anything. Excessive to excess--that's been MY motto. And as long as I allow myself even the smallest belief that I MAY sometime be able to do it again, I WILL relapse. I WILL be setting myself up for relapse.
It's only through going to F2F meetings--I'm exploring several groups, but have found a "home group," and exploring myself. I'm working my steps and using the entire group (and this board a great deal) to work them, share, and take from others what will keep me sober another day.
Thanks for coming back. We missed you.
You know the drill: "Keep coming back, it works if you work it." I'm an addicitve personality by genetic predisposition--or by nature, if you wish. I can be addicted to being addicted, for goodness sake! Right now, I'm between addictions and being addicted to AA is the best I've felt since I was, well, an adolescent! I don't even know who the hell I really am and that's okay, because I'm not drinking--poisoning myself inside and out--and I've found a genuine peace that I've never EVER experienced. It's what I've been searching for my whole live.
My point is that I've been addicted to stuff and tried a kajillion ways to quit them: Nicotine was the worst--I must've tried a hundred different ways to quit. It finally became apparent that one was too many and 20 wasn't enough. Of anything. Excessive to excess--that's been MY motto. And as long as I allow myself even the smallest belief that I MAY sometime be able to do it again, I WILL relapse. I WILL be setting myself up for relapse.
It's only through going to F2F meetings--I'm exploring several groups, but have found a "home group," and exploring myself. I'm working my steps and using the entire group (and this board a great deal) to work them, share, and take from others what will keep me sober another day.
Thanks for coming back. We missed you.
Hi Chris...
Thank you for sharing and checking in....xoxo
All the replies on this thread have been awesome...For me, it finally came down to complete defeat before I was willing to surrender...It took me many years, and many attempts, and a few different substances to abuse before I finally got there....
Recovery is a journey, not a destination and as long as I keep trying to do the right next thing, keep trudging forward, and keep it simple, taking it one day at a time, then things seem to get a bit easier....
Take care of yourself and remember, enjoy the miracles today....
xoxo
Stacey
Thank you for sharing and checking in....xoxo
All the replies on this thread have been awesome...For me, it finally came down to complete defeat before I was willing to surrender...It took me many years, and many attempts, and a few different substances to abuse before I finally got there....
Recovery is a journey, not a destination and as long as I keep trying to do the right next thing, keep trudging forward, and keep it simple, taking it one day at a time, then things seem to get a bit easier....
Take care of yourself and remember, enjoy the miracles today....
xoxo
Stacey
LookinUp,
A couple more things I'd like to share--take what you want and leave the rest...
I went to a psychiatrist (prescriptions!) for nearly a year--first as the behest of my SU, and then in an attempt to fix my alcohol problem. Of course, if I were getting mood altering drugs, I was "getting better" as well as getting what I wanted--another high manufactured, of course, under the premise of, "Better Living Through Chemicals," and not addressing the real simple problem: I was simply powerless.
I am off all the Campral and Antabuse--they only worked as long as I took them--and if I didn't take them, I could drink. I am off the anti-deps--who've thunk that alcohol was a depressant and, if you did enough of it for long enough, I'd be depressed?
I am 67 days out of the bottle, I'm working my program and my steps, going to meetings--usually once a day and on the weekends if I get wobbly I attend a meeting which may not be my usual group, but it's a meeting. A fellowship this broadly accessible has GOT to be working for someone, right?
And it does--and it's much less work than sneaking, hiding, lying, pretending, controlling, and all the while fooling the only fool I know: Me. And it's so damned SIMPLE for me. I just stay out of my analysis-paralysis, enjoy the little things, and smile alot because I am more at peace that ever before. My Higher Power is in meetings and in simplicity. Go figure. And all this time I was looking in all the wrong places!
PS. It's been much less expensive, too! :)
A couple more things I'd like to share--take what you want and leave the rest...
I went to a psychiatrist (prescriptions!) for nearly a year--first as the behest of my SU, and then in an attempt to fix my alcohol problem. Of course, if I were getting mood altering drugs, I was "getting better" as well as getting what I wanted--another high manufactured, of course, under the premise of, "Better Living Through Chemicals," and not addressing the real simple problem: I was simply powerless.
I am off all the Campral and Antabuse--they only worked as long as I took them--and if I didn't take them, I could drink. I am off the anti-deps--who've thunk that alcohol was a depressant and, if you did enough of it for long enough, I'd be depressed?
I am 67 days out of the bottle, I'm working my program and my steps, going to meetings--usually once a day and on the weekends if I get wobbly I attend a meeting which may not be my usual group, but it's a meeting. A fellowship this broadly accessible has GOT to be working for someone, right?
And it does--and it's much less work than sneaking, hiding, lying, pretending, controlling, and all the while fooling the only fool I know: Me. And it's so damned SIMPLE for me. I just stay out of my analysis-paralysis, enjoy the little things, and smile alot because I am more at peace that ever before. My Higher Power is in meetings and in simplicity. Go figure. And all this time I was looking in all the wrong places!
PS. It's been much less expensive, too! :)
