Hi From A Newbie, At The End Of My Tether!!

Hi, As the title says I am at the end of my tether and just don't know what to do.
I am a 34 year old male, no kids, single and have been addicted to heroin since I was 18. I have been on methadone for the past 8 years but I just can't stop using on top of that. I have always held down a job, own nice stuff, car etc. But after work every day I go and buy some and get wrecked. Now I know how good it feels to be clean as I have been clean for months at a time every now and then but for some reason I always feel as though I don't deserve it and I go and mess up again. It is really doing my head in. Anyway it feels good to just write it down on here. Never realised sites like this existed. Thought I was all on my own. I hope reading and talking to everyone else will help me and perhaps I can help someone else. Thanks Pat.
Hi Pat wellcome

I to am a addict and have been clean for 2 month not by choise but i was arrested and in the end landed up with 3 court cases and still kept on messing up. The mess was just getting worse. I never had any one that I could talk to so when I found this sight and the advice I got from every one on this sight it helped me even when I read other peoples problems and to know im not the only one with drug problems. Ive only been on this sight for a few weeks but when I want to get high I come here and vent so I hope this sight will help you to. Only you can make the dession to stop useing but it helps to get incouradgement from people that have been were we are. Im not very good at the advice as I am new at this but if you want to chat you are mor than welcome.

Cheers Jadene
Hi Big Pat,

Like our Jadene said you are not alone.

Heck no.

We've all been there and some of us are still there. Surely does screw with our head, don't it?

Please come back and share no matter what. No judging here. I never had a nice car, but hey I had a family. We all have something in common.

Thinking of you.
Hi pat welcome, i work a full time job have a little girl and my life mirrors yours its hard but these are good people.x
Hi Pat,

I'm new here and I know how you are feeling. Because I hold down a full-time job and look forward to 6pm when usually I am at home by that stage. I'm at the beginning of recovery, but I know it's recovery, even if I do slip up. I am worried I will end up being like you and on medication and gear at the same time, but I am going to do my best not to, and instead try to get on here and be an encouragement to others instead of getting wasted.

You do deserve it, Pat, you hit the nail on the head. You deserve the life that is there waiting for you to spread your wings and soar.

Rachel :)
Hi Pat. Welcome to the site.

The very fact that you're on this site speaks volumes. Personally, the best advice I was given here was to go to N.A. meetings where you meet like minded individuals who are just as lost and desperate for the answers on how to get clean and STAY clean. N.A. has made an immeasurably huge difference to my efforts at staying clean. I would suggest that you try it.

Good luck.

Reshie