Hitting My Bottom

[sobrpants]

I tried my first pill in july of 03. Up intil that point i had never smoked drank, or anything like it. I was a over ahceiver I got accepted into hygeine school by my senior year of high school. And i finally got burnt out. I was going through kidney failure and had to take quite a bit of RX's. Then one night the guy i was dating got in a argument with me about what a hypocryt i was. He said that addicts became that way just by using once. I wasnt the smartest obviously. So i snorted my first pill to prove a point. I hated it!!!! It made me so sick and i seriously thought i was going to die from it. MY drug of choice was OC i havent taken or done anything but that. And to be honest i dont remember the second time or why i even used again. I steadily used for two years strait. I got to the point of were i was using ten to twelve 80 mg pills a day just to function. I was killing myself... Then one day the addiction was verry aparant to me. I had dropped out of school and used my full tuition to buy my supplie which went quickly. I didnt like the person i was anymore i wasnt living i was using. I went home and asked my mom for helped. I thought i was going to get turned down flat on my face. but they let me in. I quit that night cold turckey. I weighed 92 pounds when i went home i was beyond recognition. I threw up well over 200 times that first night, and near the same for the next few weeks, it was the worst pain i have ever felt, the cold sweats legg cramps and anxiety seemed never ending. Not to mention my kidneys that were shot. But i made it i quite the first time that i tried, and now i am a year and a half clean today. I am married and living a completly different life. I have been lucky and have not had any actuall cravings and my kidneys are hanging on with constant caution on my part. But i cant take all the credit for my sobriety. The only reason that i did it and didnt go to rehab was because of my father in heaven. I knew that if he wanted me to make it through and live a drug free life he would make it happen if i opend my life up to him. I went to two meetings a day every day for a year, and have worked the 12 steps over and over again. I have moved now away from any meetings and it is a struggle but i still do my program every day. And i stay verry humble. I never thought that i would be able to live clean again and i have, and it is the greatest acomplishment i have ever made in my life...During my recovory i have went back to school and earned part of the degree i wanted and am finally debt free... there are good days and bad days but CLEAN days none the less.

Sober pants