Hello,
Strength to you all!~
I recently got my 20 yr. old daughter into a suboxone program as well as NA meetings, psychologist & counselor etc...Well, she claimed she was clean. NOT! She had her sister pee for her & she put it into a condom, which she taped to her inner thigh then used as her own, to pass her test! FURIOUS & DISAPPOINTED don't begin to describe how I'm feeling! The older sister didn't want her younger sister to fail the test & not be accepted into the suboxone clinic. Not a good excuse, but I somewhat understand it. I don't agree with that method of denial, of course.
Anyway, nonetheless my husband & I didn't know & fell for the story of how she was trying & got applauded at an AA meeting. I am SO mad about that! But....
she decided to quit the sub. clinic because she felt so stiff & sore in the mornings. I told her she just wanted to use heroin again & whatever else she wanted to use to get high.
We tested her three times. She failed for opiates but blamed it on the suboxone. I read it doesn't test positive. She lied over & over making me doubt myself even though I was right! She tried to break into my pill box the previous day (Locked of course). Then she denied it when it occurred when only her & I were in the house! I even questioned myself then! She's a master of manipulation to say the least! She should really play poker she's so convincing.
Now she is out! I feel great, but still sad. It's always a relief & a sense of loss each time she 'moves out'. This is her 5th or 6th time. She'll try to come back in a couple of days, no doubt. You know her boyfriend doesn't want to be obliged to pay for her cigs, food , make-up, etc...Us girls require a lot. lol
Anyway, I had my husband stand behind me & I searched her boyfriend's car & found the typical small heroin bags, empty of course. I'd found a burnt foil before she moved out again, though she tried to say it was 'old'. Ha. He's 'clean' 5 yrs off heroin. HA! Why was it in his car!? I believe he's buying it or enabling her or both. She lost her job & has no money. Told them both to leave.
I could explode! I haven't smoked (cigs) in 20 years but I have now! The stress is more than I can bear! I'm going nuts or maybe I'm seeing life the way it truly is. I have multiple, serious health issues, heart etc....I have enough on my plate!
I don't feel guilt, at least not often. lol The 3 C's give me tremendous strength & comfort. I know I'm a great mom & I won't let her failures be labeled as my fault. This is all her. We've done well by her & she doesn't see it. She's become a very cruel self centered person. Nothing means anything to her except the drugs. She uses the boyfriend too. He loves her & I heard her telling a friend on the phone, how she hates having to make him believe she loves him. To me that says she's getting something from him whether it be drugs, cigs, whatever....I'm embarrassed. Where did she learn this crap!?
Just had to vent. Thank you all. GOD BLESS each & every loved one suffering at the hands of those we so desperately love. They're getting more than they deserve. Sorry if I sound negative. This all just sucks.
love & God bless,
Dee
The more you try to manage her the more she'll fight you.
I think if you let her find her own recovery and suffer her own consequences the easier it will be on all concerned.
all the best.
Bob R
I think if you let her find her own recovery and suffer her own consequences the easier it will be on all concerned.
all the best.
Bob R
Bob,
You're right. I will give her space & let her take over. We sure haven't gotten real far trying to 'run' things ourselves.
Thanks for the new perspective.
Have a good night.
Dee
You're right. I will give her space & let her take over. We sure haven't gotten real far trying to 'run' things ourselves.
Thanks for the new perspective.
Have a good night.
Dee
