There may be afew that remember my old post 'please help'.
I wanted to help my bf go through withdrawl, which he did and be his rock.
For a while things were great and he was back.
Then the lies started again and knew he was back on the gear. So I've kicked him out. So far he's slept in his van for a couple of nights at least but now I think he's staying with a friend (I don't know who but I hope so cos it's getting so cold).
I couldn't take it anymore and realised that he really was only bringing me so down and making me so miserable. The pain right now is killing me, but mostly it's the pain he must be going through. My little girl and I need to go on alone for now and he needs to do this himself. He did have a great job (still working now) and a lovely home and family. But, I think I need to push him to rock bottom before he'll go up.
I've got every faith in him that he can do this, but I cannot support him when I'm with him, there's just too much pain he puts me through on a day to day basis. The real shock came when I wrote a diary. I really realised that there was nothing I could do to change him and he was so nasty at times and got me all wrong when I really was just caring. I'm not saying I was perfect, far from it but as far as I can see there's no rationalising with someone that's on the gear. And only a bleak future was ahead of us.
I have forgiven him sooo many times and believed so many lies when we both knew that I knew and I feel like he just knew he could get away with it because my love for him made so many excuses. And after a really really hard year for me I know he wasn't there. I don't blame him, his life has been awful. His dad committed suicide and his family are all quite messed up, his mum shows very little care and love. He has no friends (mostly from heroin I'm sure now).
I pray to God I'm doing the right thing....even though turning my back feels wrong. I hope that he'll do this now, on his own and realise what could be waiting for him if he can do this. I've told him there's no reconciliation. Only the possibility if he can prove himself clean and get proffessional help. I have to think of my daughter and me now, I've given everything to helping him but only now do I truly realise that there's nothing I can do in his recovery.
I'm at the end of the phone for him and he's my baby's father. It's heartwrenching cos deep down he's such a good guy. He could be amazing....he just needs to realise this. I pray that he finds this out, if it's too late and he only goes down then I guess he would have anyway, I just removed myself from it.
Sorry it's long. I just hope maybe on his own he'll do this, cos he sure as hell won't do it with my full support.
He needs his own full support first and formost....your support will help.......... but it is his work that will get him back on his feet(BOY do I know the struggle). Deep down, from some to most, addicts are cool people....under the pain. His pain is not your responsibility so dont question what you are doing.....it is SO far from wrong.....let this time now be for you and your daughter.....the ones that matter most.
KT i remember your posts...i had been wondering how you were doing since you stopped posting.....sorry to see how things turned out, was hoping that you weren't posting beacuse things were ok.
sounds like you are having a really hard time, kicking him out must have been heartbreaking, but you have to think of you and most of all of your little girl. really hope, this will make him hit the oh so talked about "Rock bottom" and he will find the strength to recover, that some time in the future things will be better for the pair of you and you can work on building your family andfuture together.
things with my boyfriend have gone downhill...rapidly at the moment. have just found out that the last few months of supposed cleaness or nearly being clean has all been lies, basically has been using on and off the whole time, resulting in the past couple of weeks being a huge relapse.
He now has two very black and blue arms covered in missed loads of missed shots, swollen hands, has spent thousands that we don't have, now is going through withdrawels..... etc etc ....... i could go on....... but think its sufficiant to say that we are basically having a bit of a s***ty time together.
keep posting on here for support,
take care and stay strong x
sounds like you are having a really hard time, kicking him out must have been heartbreaking, but you have to think of you and most of all of your little girl. really hope, this will make him hit the oh so talked about "Rock bottom" and he will find the strength to recover, that some time in the future things will be better for the pair of you and you can work on building your family andfuture together.
things with my boyfriend have gone downhill...rapidly at the moment. have just found out that the last few months of supposed cleaness or nearly being clean has all been lies, basically has been using on and off the whole time, resulting in the past couple of weeks being a huge relapse.
He now has two very black and blue arms covered in missed loads of missed shots, swollen hands, has spent thousands that we don't have, now is going through withdrawels..... etc etc ....... i could go on....... but think its sufficiant to say that we are basically having a bit of a s***ty time together.
keep posting on here for support,
take care and stay strong x
Thanks so much for your reassurance. I know deep down that it's the right thing to do and as much as I will beat myself up about it, it's not my fault and I'm not being selfish. I did do everything I could to be there and with him while he tried to get clean and it's really all him that has to do this.
He's called and is staying with his boss. He's been clean since Sunday and is going to get a room and sort him self out. I've told him there's chance of reconcilliation but only when I'm sure he's clean and living as I need him to be to then be a supportive partner and great daddy.
Our debts are high, but I can manage mine just about. I can no longer do the work of two when only 1 is actually team working. I know he can do it and am giving him lots of positive encouragement but I understand now when someone on this board said to remove myself from the madness.
I also need time alone to heal from this hell.
Sashab, I commend you for the strength you have. In my situation I feel like I'm doing Lee more benefit from leaving him...I guess time will tell. I hope things work out for you this time. Stay in touch, sending you ((hugs)).
He's called and is staying with his boss. He's been clean since Sunday and is going to get a room and sort him self out. I've told him there's chance of reconcilliation but only when I'm sure he's clean and living as I need him to be to then be a supportive partner and great daddy.
Our debts are high, but I can manage mine just about. I can no longer do the work of two when only 1 is actually team working. I know he can do it and am giving him lots of positive encouragement but I understand now when someone on this board said to remove myself from the madness.
I also need time alone to heal from this hell.
Sashab, I commend you for the strength you have. In my situation I feel like I'm doing Lee more benefit from leaving him...I guess time will tell. I hope things work out for you this time. Stay in touch, sending you ((hugs)).
Ikati,
well done for choosing to live for yourself. I am a recoveing addict, and it was not until my family stopped enabling me that I nwas able to find my bottom and get clean.
I post a message of hope, that it is possible. Granted, I was not on H, but I stop using. And after 4 months my wife and I were able to reconcile. But I had to do a lot of work, and even today, need yto be very open and honest, and willing to be wrong.
But we are closer today than ever before.
It is possible.
But she had to look after herself first. I thought it was mena. But than God she kicked me out, as I then had a choice - all the way down - or quit. I decided to choose life.
So from an addict - you did the right thing
If and when he gets his s*** together, put strong boundaries in place. And then take the leap of love
I wish you strength and love
calabash
well done for choosing to live for yourself. I am a recoveing addict, and it was not until my family stopped enabling me that I nwas able to find my bottom and get clean.
I post a message of hope, that it is possible. Granted, I was not on H, but I stop using. And after 4 months my wife and I were able to reconcile. But I had to do a lot of work, and even today, need yto be very open and honest, and willing to be wrong.
But we are closer today than ever before.
It is possible.
But she had to look after herself first. I thought it was mena. But than God she kicked me out, as I then had a choice - all the way down - or quit. I decided to choose life.
So from an addict - you did the right thing
If and when he gets his s*** together, put strong boundaries in place. And then take the leap of love
I wish you strength and love
calabash
