well I busted something horrible. Went on a 4 day binge. Drank all sat. night, all day sunday, all monday night and then tuesday night. Well tues night was the corker. Normally I have a rythym to my drinking, drink ata certain rate and pass out. but tues I lost my mind. My husband came home to find me falling down drunk, walking into walls and vomiting everywhere. yes disgusting isn't it?
so if anyone is in ANY doubt about what happens when you go back out there read this post. The 'fun' and 'good times' are extremely shortlived and rapidly deteriorate into hell.
my drinking is as bad or worse as it ever was - its true that you start back where you left off and it gets worse. I was completely non-functional on wed and barely functional yesterday - yesterday i was full on unreasoning, undirected rage.
today i'm calmer but also terrified and at the bottom of the well.
just last friday my sponsor told me i still had choices, (i had told her i was close to busting) she told me if i go back out there for any extended period i will lose those choices. i believe that now. I was a hair's breath from just not going into work for the whole week and just drinking the week away.
i also have a big family function this weekend and i would have been incapable of attending - which would have caused great problems in my family. even after tuesday's debacle i still thought about a drink on wednesday. i didn't do it, got rid of what was left in the house - but i thought about it. that's insanity.
today is friday and my third day of putting the bottle down. the rapid escalation of my drinking this time has scared the hell out of me. right now i'm only focussing on 2 things - staying sober today and praying.
some of those "yets" seem very possible to me now and i have to face the reality of my situation something I have on some level been avoiding.
Idgie
Idgie, I'm sorry to hear that you relapsed but am so glad that you are currently not drinking....I'm also grateful that you shared with all of us the progression of this disease and that it still isn't working out there if you are an alcoholic like me...we just can't go back to any type of "normal" drinking and half measures avail us nothing, just like the Big Book says. I'm sure I'd pick up right where I left off at and probably worse, which means I would most likely end up killing myself within a short period of time....thanks for the reminder and you can send me an email anytime if you want to chat offline.
Hey Idgie YGM
Thank you for sharing what happens...and how the disease is right there waiting.
Dive back into the program and ask yourself ....What am I going to do differently this time?
we love you and are behind you 100%
love,
Carolyn
Dive back into the program and ask yourself ....What am I going to do differently this time?
we love you and are behind you 100%
love,
Carolyn
Hey Idgie hows things?
Cunning, baffling, powerful and addiction will just keep going till we are emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically dead. There is no inbetween and you have just had first hand experience of how the disease is progressive. keep fighting the urge and keep it simple, don't drink and goe to meetings and try not to over think the equation.
One day at a time and you will be okay.
There is a in house total abstinence treatment centre at Canowindra near Orange.
For me it wasn't about drinking in the end it was either i live or die and i wanted to live ( when i was sober), it does get better throw away all the books except the AA big book for awhile and again keep it simple.
Keep posting and share at the meetings about your relationship as that will no doubt be taking a hammering at the moment as well.
My thoughts and energy with every typed letter and god has blessed you Idgie just hang in there
Light and love Zac
Cunning, baffling, powerful and addiction will just keep going till we are emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically dead. There is no inbetween and you have just had first hand experience of how the disease is progressive. keep fighting the urge and keep it simple, don't drink and goe to meetings and try not to over think the equation.
One day at a time and you will be okay.
There is a in house total abstinence treatment centre at Canowindra near Orange.
For me it wasn't about drinking in the end it was either i live or die and i wanted to live ( when i was sober), it does get better throw away all the books except the AA big book for awhile and again keep it simple.
Keep posting and share at the meetings about your relationship as that will no doubt be taking a hammering at the moment as well.
My thoughts and energy with every typed letter and god has blessed you Idgie just hang in there
Light and love Zac
Hang is there Idgie... I'm thinking about you...
Izzy X
Izzy X
Hey Idgie i feel a disturbance in the force, How are you? You are not alone, you are loved and understood by so many who share in the addiction mayhem and sobriety. Remember keep it simple don't drink and go to meetings and let us know how ya doing from time to time, may the love of god touch your face like a gentle breath of wind letting you know that you are not alone. And hey i bet your cat is folowing you and keeping you company when you need it.
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Wow. This post sounds like a replica of my very own just last week! I've made an appointment for some Disulfram and counselling. It's time--at least for me--to deal with this differently.
hi all
zac thanks for all the words of wisdom
I am OK - still processing it all. Sober though. Been busy with a big family wedding which I got through without disgracing myself or family - stayed sober.
Also busy at work.
spending a lot of energy praying and staying in the day.
cheers
Idgie
zac thanks for all the words of wisdom
I am OK - still processing it all. Sober though. Been busy with a big family wedding which I got through without disgracing myself or family - stayed sober.
Also busy at work.
spending a lot of energy praying and staying in the day.
cheers
Idgie
