First of all thank you for reading this lengthy post. I have a 22 year old son who is addicted, at this point I am not sure what he is using. He has been in trouble since 9th grade so about 8 years. It just gradually got worse. He has been sent to a youth correctional facility as a teen, jail, even prison to shock him. Then as an adult prison for 8 months. This was all over a theft charge that could have been wiped clean but he kept failing the drug test and eventually had to serve his time. During all this time his Father who is bi-polar and I divorce. I remarry and move to another state. At first I offered to let him move with me and he refused, he has no home and was living couch to couch. At Christmas his sisters brought him down and he literally slept for about 4 days straight. We took him back to his town and took him to the ER for a back problem, and we asked about getting him committed. We couldn't do it until after the weekend and then they said they would only be able to keep him three days. That same weekend, he was beat and ended up in ER again. I am assuming it was over drugs but never did find out the whole story. Since then he has been living with a girl and her grandpa in a not so nice place. He doesn't work, his post on FB are all about FU, F them, gangster garbage. He wants to come back down and stay with me while he gets "clean". My husband is afraid of him or what he will do, he doesn't really know him. We did find a used needle in his stuff at Christmas. I don't blame my husband but I don't think my son would hurt us or steal from us and I want to help him. I found two treatment programs in his town but he refused to go because they are a year long. He said he should'nt have to go in a year long program just to come see me. I'm torn daily, I miss my son and I want to help him. My husband doesn't want him to stay with us. I feel like I have abandoned him and he has even told his friends that his Mom just abandoned him. I have two daughters that have no relationship with him. His Dad is messed up. He doesn't have any relatives near that would help him. I also worry that he could have bi-polar, how can he help himself if he is messed up mentally. Does anyone have any advice or have you been through anything similar? Thank you in advance for any advice.
I am truly sorry about the hard time you are going through now. Addiction is something that not only touches the addict, but those who love and care about the addict as well.
I mean no offence when I say this, but keep in mind that an addict is selfish. They only think about themselves and their next rush. This is not to speak about themselves personally, but them as addicts. They will lie to those who love and care for them to get what they want. But I do not think, it is not out of a bad place that they lie, cheat and steal. It is from a place of addiction. To them, the drug is number 1. Everything else is second. Their family, money and their job all become irrelevant as the drug is the number 1. That is why it is essential that the recovery program that they get into becomes their number 1. Their recovery program essentially will provide them with the proper support they need to hopefully get on the right track towards sobriety.
I am a firm believer that if one is an addict of drugs or alcohol, it means they must live a sober life style. As clearly drugs, alcohol and the addict can not coexist together. I think you are right in telling him that he must go to a treatment centre. If he is serious about being in your life, and your husbands life then you should stress to him that it involves getting clean. Because him high or drunk is not actually him and the only way you can possibly have him living in your house or being in your life means he must be sober. Maybe it involves you going to an open NA or AA meeting with him. Often times they will have an inspirational speaker that will share their story in hopes of inspiring sobriety or the right path to those that might need it.
I mean no offence when I say this, but keep in mind that an addict is selfish. They only think about themselves and their next rush. This is not to speak about themselves personally, but them as addicts. They will lie to those who love and care for them to get what they want. But I do not think, it is not out of a bad place that they lie, cheat and steal. It is from a place of addiction. To them, the drug is number 1. Everything else is second. Their family, money and their job all become irrelevant as the drug is the number 1. That is why it is essential that the recovery program that they get into becomes their number 1. Their recovery program essentially will provide them with the proper support they need to hopefully get on the right track towards sobriety.
I am a firm believer that if one is an addict of drugs or alcohol, it means they must live a sober life style. As clearly drugs, alcohol and the addict can not coexist together. I think you are right in telling him that he must go to a treatment centre. If he is serious about being in your life, and your husbands life then you should stress to him that it involves getting clean. Because him high or drunk is not actually him and the only way you can possibly have him living in your house or being in your life means he must be sober. Maybe it involves you going to an open NA or AA meeting with him. Often times they will have an inspirational speaker that will share their story in hopes of inspiring sobriety or the right path to those that might need it.
