"When we listen to another through the filter of our prejudices,opinions,and beliefs,we are listening to our own thoughts;we do not truly hear the other.What we hear instead is the image of the other that we have created,and this image is in turn a reflection of our own self image" John McAfee
I'm tying up some loose ends with on this landscape contract I got the other day and I noticed another little glaring character defect of mine in the process.LOL....I have a tendency to steer the dynamics of a job into the way I want it to proceed and actually will interupt and not fully listen to the client.
Today I'm praying for the willingness to keep my big mouth shut.
I do it in other areas of my life too.Sometimes a conversation for me becomes a competitive event.My voice becomes louder and I've missed half the dialogue.
I was talking to my buddy John yesterday at the gym and I noticed how loud we were getting and how our body language must have appeared quite egregious to everyone.We weren't fighting but simply having a conversation about how fronts are formed in the gulf...........I don't know anything about fronts.LOL
Finally I told him I didn't know what I was talking about.We just laughed.
I do not have to be right and when I think I do,I miss out on a lot.
Hope everyone has a good day.
I have a sugar hangover
Yes Mam.LOL
Now practice saying that to your client this afternoon...
Seriously, though, when it's something that you're passionate about, like your work, it's difficult to let a point go. Especially when someone is going to make a terrible mistake and will have to live with it. Like the time they planted gingko trees by the school cafeteria; Gingko berries smell like s***, literally.
Seriously, though, when it's something that you're passionate about, like your work, it's difficult to let a point go. Especially when someone is going to make a terrible mistake and will have to live with it. Like the time they planted gingko trees by the school cafeteria; Gingko berries smell like s***, literally.
Thank you for your honesty Tim. You helped me today
With love
Calabash
With love
Calabash
Tim...
I can do the same thing so I also pray every morning on this issue...especially when I come to work and when I start wanting to be right and do it my way, this little Katbird saying starts playing in my head "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy" and pretty much I can let sh*t go & give it back to God...
It's not all about me today, even at work and I have learned to pause and pray...
Thanks for sharing...I love reading a post by you first thing in the morning....now I need some coffee....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
I can do the same thing so I also pray every morning on this issue...especially when I come to work and when I start wanting to be right and do it my way, this little Katbird saying starts playing in my head "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy" and pretty much I can let sh*t go & give it back to God...
It's not all about me today, even at work and I have learned to pause and pray...
Thanks for sharing...I love reading a post by you first thing in the morning....now I need some coffee....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Of course it's all about me! Why wouldn't it be??? lol I catch myself doing that as well Tim. You're not unique (I know, bummer), I do the same thing, talk over people. I caught myself doing it the other day while on the phone with Rachel and I thought, how rude. Just shut up. We both have so much to say and just kept getting louder! lol Too funny. Thanks for an important lesson today. Lisa
Tim, thanks for enlightening me on this subject! I do the same thing.....it is like my mind is racing to the next thought or question and I don't stop to listen. I have been told its ADD ....I am working on it! Good luck on your project!
Tim because of a chemical imbalance in my brain caused by the steroids and you add my natural personality? This was and to this day one of the hardest character defects I fight.
But its has improved so much. I catch myself a lot more than I used to. I have slowed down a lot. Not as impulsive -thank god--
Tim in the halfway house I went to we had all types of fines. I was put on a no talking without raising my hand and in the kitchen you were fined if you left a closet open or did not put things away before siting and eating.
I broke all records for 3 weeks I was throwing quarters into the basket. It was comical but it taught me to slow down. That was in 1989 and still today i find myself having days where my mind goes a million miles an hour. Its pucked up.
I do close cabinets though. And always make sure everything is put back in place. May sound trivial but to me its amazing and so important as I took these changes and have applied them to many facets of my daily routine.
Jeff
But its has improved so much. I catch myself a lot more than I used to. I have slowed down a lot. Not as impulsive -thank god--
Tim in the halfway house I went to we had all types of fines. I was put on a no talking without raising my hand and in the kitchen you were fined if you left a closet open or did not put things away before siting and eating.
I broke all records for 3 weeks I was throwing quarters into the basket. It was comical but it taught me to slow down. That was in 1989 and still today i find myself having days where my mind goes a million miles an hour. Its pucked up.
I do close cabinets though. And always make sure everything is put back in place. May sound trivial but to me its amazing and so important as I took these changes and have applied them to many facets of my daily routine.
Jeff
Don't you hate it when people don't want to hear how right or smart you are? I do. When I came back this time I had been around AA popping pills for over 4 years so I thought everyone wanted to hear what I had to say about everything. I mean, didn't they know who I was? My then sponsor shut me down pretty quick and taught me to listen. I found out how wrong I was about things and how foggy my thinking was when I was taking pills. Today, I have to remind myself to listen often. I still think I know more than you but I am practicing listening to everyone. I know my way isn't always the right way and you really don't need to hear my opinion on everything no matter how important I seem to think it is that I tell you. But it is HARD sometimes hehe. Practice, practice, practice
working on humility today
working on humility today
| QUOTE |
| I know my way isn't always the right way and you really don't need to hear my opinion on everything no matter how important I seem to think it is that I tell you |
Thank You.
I sat.I listened to how she wanted to divide up the irrigation system between the two townhomes.I didn't cut her off and tell her how foolish that would be.I just politely assured her I would be meeting with the contractor tomorrow and get a bid for doing exactly what she wanted.
Yes.My lips were bleeding because of the intense pressure from my teeth biting down.LOL but I shut my trap and smiled.
Afterwards she let me know how happy she was to have me working on the project.[mouth drops open]
My ego wants to overwhelm everyone with my knowledge and expertise.Some people simply appreciate silent competence.They don't need to be dazzeled.
Man,I've never realized how obnoxious I can be.It makes me ill.
Man,I've never realized how obnoxious I can be.It makes me ill.
LOL But the sad thing is, I REALIZE this and I still have trouble keeping my mouth shut. Sheesh.Want to see how obxonious you are? Listen to a newcomer. New people don't know that we are just like them but we have learned how full of s*** we are. I love recovery.
LOL But the sad thing is, I REALIZE this and I still have trouble keeping my mouth shut. Sheesh.Want to see how obxonious you are? Listen to a newcomer. New people don't know that we are just like them but we have learned how full of s*** we are. I love recovery.
When my partner and I first got together I was still popping pills and drinking. One time he told me, very kindly, something his Oma said to him as a child.
You have two eyes and two ears and only one mouth. You should always see and hear much more than you say.
Needless to say, its taken getting sober to finally try and put it in to practise for me LOL
Wendy
You have two eyes and two ears and only one mouth. You should always see and hear much more than you say.
Needless to say, its taken getting sober to finally try and put it in to practise for me LOL
Wendy
Thanks everybody for your responses.
I had another meeting yesterday and was able to let everyone talk without trying to run the show.At one point the silence seemed deafening but maybe that was because my trap was shut.LOL
Extreme ego deflation ....yes,it's as painful as having wisdom teeth pulled without anesthesia but you finally have some painful reminders put to rest.
I had another meeting yesterday and was able to let everyone talk without trying to run the show.At one point the silence seemed deafening but maybe that was because my trap was shut.LOL
Extreme ego deflation ....yes,it's as painful as having wisdom teeth pulled without anesthesia but you finally have some painful reminders put to rest.
Hey Tim, your humility is endearing, truly. Ya know though, I am picturing the meeting o' silence, and wondering if maybe there isn't a happy medium? I only mention this because it is my experience that the folks who truly do need to just shut the heck up are the people who will never, ever realize that! You? You've got a lot of good things to say, and good leadership? Hard to find.
Just a thought, love your posts, have a great weekend!
Just a thought, love your posts, have a great weekend!
Hey Tim, I haven't talked to you in a while but I thought that I would share something with you that they are trying to teach us here at rehab.
One of the first things that they tell us when we get here is that the reason we were born with two ears and only one mouth is because we need to listen twice as much as we speak.
I hope you have a great weekend...
One of the first things that they tell us when we get here is that the reason we were born with two ears and only one mouth is because we need to listen twice as much as we speak.
I hope you have a great weekend...
LOL...Thanks Pam.I'm glad you are learning some things in Rehab.
One of the things I picked up on your thread the other day was some true humility .When I see that,I always feel real hope for recovery.It's o.k. you don't have a car,phone or whatever luxury you might have become accustomed to.You are in exactly the right place at this moment.
If you ever need any help,don't hesitate to ask.
I'm behind you 100%.
One of the things I picked up on your thread the other day was some true humility .When I see that,I always feel real hope for recovery.It's o.k. you don't have a car,phone or whatever luxury you might have become accustomed to.You are in exactly the right place at this moment.
If you ever need any help,don't hesitate to ask.
I'm behind you 100%.
Tim,
I went to a Quaker college and I have no problem sitting in silent meeting (believe it or not, LOL). Once a new professor told us that teachers usually will wait only 30 seconds after asking a question before answering himself due to the discomfort of silence, but that he was prepared to outwait his students. We laughed in his face. A bunch of Quaker kids, we could sit him out for 15 minutes, no problem.
Sitting in silence means that you give God a chance to speak (and not just the other people you're in the room with). It's actually been an invaluable tool for me in my recovery and in my work.
Gina
I went to a Quaker college and I have no problem sitting in silent meeting (believe it or not, LOL). Once a new professor told us that teachers usually will wait only 30 seconds after asking a question before answering himself due to the discomfort of silence, but that he was prepared to outwait his students. We laughed in his face. A bunch of Quaker kids, we could sit him out for 15 minutes, no problem.
Sitting in silence means that you give God a chance to speak (and not just the other people you're in the room with). It's actually been an invaluable tool for me in my recovery and in my work.
Gina
Gina quotes-
That's beautiful Gina.Thanks
| QUOTE |
| Sitting in silence means that you give God a chance to speak (and not just the other people you're in the room with). It's actually been an invaluable tool for me in my recovery and in my work. |
That's beautiful Gina.Thanks
