I have been dating the most amazing man for just over 5 months. He is everything I ever wanted and I fell hard and fast...hes caring, generous, handsome, ambitious, funny, hardworking and loyal.... I think he may also be a heroin addict. Hes had his struggles in the past which he openly admitted to me. I have found drugs on him before but it ended in such a blowout, he swore he'd stop...that i was the best thing in his life and that he would never choose the drugs over what we had. I have never looked at him and thought he was highI have never noticed tracks on his arms or weight loss. He eats regularly, his skin and eyes are always clear, he cares about his appearance and he has a great job....he also has moments where he is very self deprecating (depression runs in his family), frequent moments where he nods off (but hes a chef and works 12-14 hour dayssee how easy it is to explain these things away?), moments where I can say the smallest thing and he flies off the handle.hes in and out of the bathroom numerous times throughout the night or while were watching TV or hanging out, always complaining of stomach aches. Its not his appearance but his actions that make me wonder.I just cant telldoes he need rehab or therapy or both? Am I assuming its drugs because of what hes told me about his past? How do i rid my guts of this feeling? How can I know for sure? I need to know for sure
You have found drugs on him in the past, he has admitted to past drug problems, he disappears into the bathroom frequently, has mood swings, and lashes out when confronted about his suspicious behavior. This is enough evidence to suggest he has an addiction.
Addiction thrives when people deny, lie, cover-up and generally don't confront reality. Addicts often are wonderful people with horrible problems. No amount of pressure or help from loved ones really changes them unless they choose to be sober.
You need to consider whether your boyfriend is someone you can trust in the long run. You cannot take on his problems. Think about what you want in a relationship. No matter how great someone seems, addiction can really make life miserable for you.
Addiction thrives when people deny, lie, cover-up and generally don't confront reality. Addicts often are wonderful people with horrible problems. No amount of pressure or help from loved ones really changes them unless they choose to be sober.
You need to consider whether your boyfriend is someone you can trust in the long run. You cannot take on his problems. Think about what you want in a relationship. No matter how great someone seems, addiction can really make life miserable for you.
I got home from work yesterday and he was already there. He told me he'd fallen down the steps and was sent home by his boss. He had no bruising. I didn't believe him so I spilled my guts. I told him how scared i was for him. How i knew he was still using. How i felt that it was so unfair that he was able to be in a good, stable relationship with someone who's been nothing but open, honest and supportive, has no skeletons in her closet and keeps nothing from him opposed to my version of our relationship filled with dishonesty and fear of finding him dead. I told him i longed for the time before i knew he could look me straight in the face a lie to me. I cried...a lot. He just stared at me unable to find words to console me or even try to make me feel better so i walked out of the room and he turned over. I slept on the couch as he struggled to find comfort last night, assuming he was withdrawing. By 5:30AM i found my way beside him in our bed and when he put his arm around me i cried again, unable to hold it in. He asked me what was wrong! How does he not understand?! When i didn't answer he got up and went to the couch and i found his phone. He'd told his boss id been in some horrific car accident. That i had 4 broken ribs and needed stitches in my face and i was in ICU and all of these terrible things, placing all of his bad karma right on top of me so that he could be sick and not have to go to work. I found messages from his brother talking about dope and when they could go pick up and that days were easier "because it was hard to explain the late nights" to me. I wrote him a long letter, mostly because i knew i wouldn't be able to get it out. I ended a relationship with the first man who being with made me feel like i could get married and have babies. He didn't say much. He didn't deny anything. He didn't cry or fight me or try and win me over. Just asked for a few days to get his stuff out of my place. I thought it would feel like a lifted weight but i just feel worse. I still love him and i feel only like I've given up on him....and us and now i scared of what ill find when i get home.
I hate to say this because you obviously love him so much but if he could sit there while you poured your heart out and cried and have no real reaction.....please move on. You deserve to be fought for, and no one should choose a drug over an amazing woman. I speak from experience, I was your boyfriend about 7 years ago, and I didn't deserve the wonderful woman who walked out on me. I still love her and am glad she found someone who is good fore her, and I hope you do the same. Remember that you should always be more special to your guy than he treated you. You deserve happiness and you will not find it with him, at least not now. Please feel free to respond or if you need to talk I will check daily. I hope you are well and feeling better. God Bless
Jesus I'm so sorry I'm so sorry to hear this I'm in the same situation kind of if you have time please read my post (it's long tho so I understand if you don't have time) it's called 'I think my boyfriend has relapsed please help'
Listen I know you are beside yourself right now I know how you feel you think that being rid of him will release the pressure on you but really you are worried about him worried what he is upto because somehow it's safer when he's with you when you can keep an eye on him.
But I have to say what I really believe right now after reading both of your posts. He doesn't want help, Not yet, he isn't low enough yet, but the time will come. You've left now and I know it isn't easy but try so hard to move on because even being with and living with a recovering addict that you love is so hard, in my experience it's so hard because you worry constantly you look for signs you are paranoid, so scared he will relapse and go back, but you can't leave because even tho you think it you have no evidence and they will never admit it. It will be ok for a while but it always is there in your mind.
He needs to seek help on his own Hun.
I really wish this post could be more positive but please keep fighting be strong I know things are s*** right now but be strong you are obviously a strong person to have dealt with this xxx
Listen I know you are beside yourself right now I know how you feel you think that being rid of him will release the pressure on you but really you are worried about him worried what he is upto because somehow it's safer when he's with you when you can keep an eye on him.
But I have to say what I really believe right now after reading both of your posts. He doesn't want help, Not yet, he isn't low enough yet, but the time will come. You've left now and I know it isn't easy but try so hard to move on because even being with and living with a recovering addict that you love is so hard, in my experience it's so hard because you worry constantly you look for signs you are paranoid, so scared he will relapse and go back, but you can't leave because even tho you think it you have no evidence and they will never admit it. It will be ok for a while but it always is there in your mind.
He needs to seek help on his own Hun.
I really wish this post could be more positive but please keep fighting be strong I know things are s*** right now but be strong you are obviously a strong person to have dealt with this xxx
You may feel awful breaking up with him, but in the long run you are protecting yourself and your future life. How can a marriage and children be planned with the amount of dysfunction you described about him?
We all grieve the loss of our ideal futures with our addicts. We love who they are, but hate what they do. We have to be realistic about what it takes to build a relationship, and sadly the drugs put a roadblock in the way.
Do not think breaking up with him is abandonment. Do not think there was something more you could have done to help him. What you did was put your safety and interests ahead of his problems, and probably saved yourself from becoming a martyr in the long run. No one should be expected to put up with lying and drug abuse in a relationship.
Keep coming back for support. Many people here struggle with the same sadness.
We all grieve the loss of our ideal futures with our addicts. We love who they are, but hate what they do. We have to be realistic about what it takes to build a relationship, and sadly the drugs put a roadblock in the way.
Do not think breaking up with him is abandonment. Do not think there was something more you could have done to help him. What you did was put your safety and interests ahead of his problems, and probably saved yourself from becoming a martyr in the long run. No one should be expected to put up with lying and drug abuse in a relationship.
Keep coming back for support. Many people here struggle with the same sadness.
