I did it again. This time I fell to the bottom, I dropped like a rock and my life broke into a million little pieces. I got buzzed, the next day I got more buzzed, the following day I got drunk, and Saturday I got blackout, pass out, wake up, drink more, blackout, break stuff, beligerient wasted. I now have a compound fracture in my right hand and I am single.
I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND MY LIFE HAS BEEN UNMANAGEABLE.
I need to fix myself. I want to be sober and stay sober. I have admitted powerlessness, many times. But when my brain thinks it can handle a drink, I have had difficulty saying NO. Before my first relaspe in january, it was easy for me to be sober. Even be around those who were drinking. But once I fell off the wagon, I couldn't stop the "stinking thinking."
I had my girlfriend to thank for getting charges dropped on the first binge, now she can't help heal broken bones. Nor will she help me mend a broken heart. I am so sincerely sorry to everyone in my life for my behavior. I need support from everyone. Not just about being sober, but staying focused, getting ahead, moving on with my life, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
LL
Hi there LL I know how cunning and baffling this disease is. Once that first drink is in us there is nothing that can stop with the exception of divine intervention. I hated the way I looked, the way I felt, the way I existed but had no clues on how to build up a defense against that first drink. Try not to beat yourself up over the last bust. Many of us have to have a few attempts before getting it. Myself I had my first intorduction to aa and relapsed and didn't get back for another 18 months or so. This program requires revolutionary changes with out thoughts, feelings and behaviours and this does not happen overnight, although lord knows I had wished that be the case. we take small baby steps together. Keep hanging in there and know that god is leading you to where you are meant to be. This makes the concept of now serve a purpose. god bless
Fi
xxx
Fi
xxx
Hi LL,
I know exactly where you are and where you have been....it took me twenty years to get sober! Don't give up, there is always hope! We all just have one day...be good to yourself...you don't have to live like that any longer, there is a solution and it is right at your finger tips....surrender to win, my friend, surrender to win!
I know exactly where you are and where you have been....it took me twenty years to get sober! Don't give up, there is always hope! We all just have one day...be good to yourself...you don't have to live like that any longer, there is a solution and it is right at your finger tips....surrender to win, my friend, surrender to win!
Hi LL
maybe you could benefit from a rehab program at this stage in your life.
Sorry to hear you are struggling - its a beastly disease.
thinking of you
Idgie
maybe you could benefit from a rehab program at this stage in your life.
Sorry to hear you are struggling - its a beastly disease.
thinking of you
Idgie
HI LL,
I struggled with alcohol and accepting I was an alcoholic. I was able to admit my powerlessness, but like you, thought I still had a drink in me. And sometimes I could just have a glass of wine, or 2 beers - but only for a short while. Then, I would end up getting blind drunk again.
I have found it easier to stay off alcohol, since accpeting I am poweless.
Accepting is a heart thing, admitting a head thing. You need in your heart to come to terms with your alcoholism.
Or rather, that is what woreked for me.
Take Care, and well done for comming back hewre and being honest.
I struggled with alcohol and accepting I was an alcoholic. I was able to admit my powerlessness, but like you, thought I still had a drink in me. And sometimes I could just have a glass of wine, or 2 beers - but only for a short while. Then, I would end up getting blind drunk again.
I have found it easier to stay off alcohol, since accpeting I am poweless.
Accepting is a heart thing, admitting a head thing. You need in your heart to come to terms with your alcoholism.
Or rather, that is what woreked for me.
Take Care, and well done for comming back hewre and being honest.
Hey LL:
I can relate. Although, I don't drink much anymore, when I did - s*** happened. Bad s***. My DOC is opiates, I also broke bones while using lortab & xanax. My right leg - 2 years ago - Jan 19, 2005 and I've since had to have 12 operations on it. Everything went wrong, I was hospitalized for 5 months straight. BUT ANYWAY, it's hard to change the stinking thinking, no matter what the substance. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I always thought that gave me an edge, I would never be like that, Wrong again. I don't usually post here, I'm usually in pain pills. But an addictions an addictions. I also know what it's like to lose someone you care about because of drinking. Are you in a program? Do you have a sponsor? You're on a slippery slope (as are we all) but you don't have to slide all the way to the bottom. Reach out like you're doing, that helps. My ex-boyfriend has a drinking problem, and I've never seen anything like it - even me. He doesn't drink ofter, but when he does usually the police are involved, paramedic's, jobs are lost. Going through all that with him helped me in a strange way. It gave me some perspective. We remain friends & when he comes back in town, I think he & I should go to a meeting together. He's never tried any sort of support system before to stop drinking. He went 3 years without a drink, then the 1st time in 3 years that he drank, the police were called, he was fired, he was evicted, his daughter didn't speak to him for about 2 years. So it doesn't matter how ofter you drink, but what happens when you do. Or if you can control it successfully, and consistantly. Good luck
I can relate. Although, I don't drink much anymore, when I did - s*** happened. Bad s***. My DOC is opiates, I also broke bones while using lortab & xanax. My right leg - 2 years ago - Jan 19, 2005 and I've since had to have 12 operations on it. Everything went wrong, I was hospitalized for 5 months straight. BUT ANYWAY, it's hard to change the stinking thinking, no matter what the substance. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I always thought that gave me an edge, I would never be like that, Wrong again. I don't usually post here, I'm usually in pain pills. But an addictions an addictions. I also know what it's like to lose someone you care about because of drinking. Are you in a program? Do you have a sponsor? You're on a slippery slope (as are we all) but you don't have to slide all the way to the bottom. Reach out like you're doing, that helps. My ex-boyfriend has a drinking problem, and I've never seen anything like it - even me. He doesn't drink ofter, but when he does usually the police are involved, paramedic's, jobs are lost. Going through all that with him helped me in a strange way. It gave me some perspective. We remain friends & when he comes back in town, I think he & I should go to a meeting together. He's never tried any sort of support system before to stop drinking. He went 3 years without a drink, then the 1st time in 3 years that he drank, the police were called, he was fired, he was evicted, his daughter didn't speak to him for about 2 years. So it doesn't matter how ofter you drink, but what happens when you do. Or if you can control it successfully, and consistantly. Good luck
I am in AA, I have a very strong program. Religiously and spiritually. I have been doing a lot of reading lately and have gotten into touch a lot more with AA than I did before. I was sober for 10 months and I relsapsed, then I was sober for almost a month, then relasped again. I would like to take my girlfriend to a meeting (or two) with me, just for her to listen. To learn about what me and the other AA's are going through. I think it could be an enlightening experience for her and for us. I was going through a deep rough patch in my life and I drank, I caused some huge fights and we split up. She has let me back into her life, to a point, but she still hasn't forgiven me for what I have done. She does not want to accept my alcoholism as the source of my problems. In the beginning of our relationship, I was sober, but my chararestics were very much like a dry drunk. Which is a huge reason for my insecurities and my anger over too much stuff. Worring when I had nothing to worry about.
My program is very strong now. I have a very good sponsor and we have been working together on my 4th step. I have read the 12 and 12 and I feel like I am on my way to a long productive life. I would love to see her and her children in my life for a very long time to come.I have the tools to be the great man I know I can be. Hopefully she will keep me around long enough to see that.
LL
My program is very strong now. I have a very good sponsor and we have been working together on my 4th step. I have read the 12 and 12 and I feel like I am on my way to a long productive life. I would love to see her and her children in my life for a very long time to come.I have the tools to be the great man I know I can be. Hopefully she will keep me around long enough to see that.
LL
Great job LL ~ you are embracing the Program...keep it up, you're doing great!
