I would be very interested to know what you good folk do to show that you love yourselves.
I have considered that I should do for myself what I would do if a man was around and I would be doing it for him to get love for me. So, cut him out, and do it directly for me!!
Firstly I have thought that next week I will cook myself a nice meal and buy a bottle of red grape juice to go with it, and sit at the table with candles and flowers.
I will go for a day out somewhere nice and have a coffee in a cafe.
I will take a bath in the mornings, put on some face cream and a bit of perfume.
That's me anyway. What do you do to love yourself?
Lacey your idea sounds so nice. I don't know about you but I have always put myself last or at least I thought I did. I am learning however that I put my addiction first. which in reality was putting me first. (gee was that me that just said that ? ) lol Then I took care of everyone else. I guess we have looked after everyone and everything but ourselves because it is easier to love and show that love to someone else rather than our selves. I think it's a great idea to do things to pamper yourself. You know someone said to me that I was lonely and I denied it and denied it and it ticked me off.Because after all how could I be lonely when I am married and have family and friends all around me. But it got me to thinking and I have come to the conclusion that yea maybe I am lonely. :)This addiction can make us lonely people even when we have others around doing things for us and paying attention to us because we have isolated ourselves and whoever is around us. We don't allow them into our alcoholic self pitying self hate world. I think you meal alone is a great thing and while you are at it try and ask yourself questions like you would ask someone else that you are trying to get to know.Try and get to know yourself . Lacey maybe you have come upon a new approach that can help us all. Hey guys lets All take ourselves out to dinner lol. Take care Lacey ..enjoy YOUR company.God bless and be safe.
Funnily enough, I choose not to drink.
I've been invited to watch the rugby with friends (Quote: "nice atmosphere, cheap drinks...")....and the better part of me knows that if I drink I risk waking the beast that wants to wreak havoc and destruction, not just in my life, but all around......keeping that beast under control while I sort out why I created and caged him and then fed him for years is vital to my safety, health and happiness.....
So the BEST think in the world I can do RIGHT NOW to show the wounded part of me that I'm serious about getting well and happy - that I love myself and am worthy of living - is to refuse alcohol under any circumstances......
But chocolate and cake and spending time with my kids playing silly games and even skiving off work has, for this workaholic, also helped! I'm self-employed so I'm not letting anyone else down or avoiding any commitments, just giving myself TIME to get to know the real me, and to heal.
I've been invited to watch the rugby with friends (Quote: "nice atmosphere, cheap drinks...")....and the better part of me knows that if I drink I risk waking the beast that wants to wreak havoc and destruction, not just in my life, but all around......keeping that beast under control while I sort out why I created and caged him and then fed him for years is vital to my safety, health and happiness.....
So the BEST think in the world I can do RIGHT NOW to show the wounded part of me that I'm serious about getting well and happy - that I love myself and am worthy of living - is to refuse alcohol under any circumstances......
But chocolate and cake and spending time with my kids playing silly games and even skiving off work has, for this workaholic, also helped! I'm self-employed so I'm not letting anyone else down or avoiding any commitments, just giving myself TIME to get to know the real me, and to heal.
Great thread Lacey,
Omg the ever elusive self love. In my opinion I think that is why many of us have substance abuse problems. He don't have enough self love.
Slowly I am getting it back with sobriety but it is still a battle. I used to fill that empty hole with drugs and alcohol and when that ended I began to fill it up with stuff.
I am still trying to not confuse stuff with love. Growing up I was always given "things" as rewards or as a way to prove I was loved. I know that "things" will never take the place of actual love but it's the one thing I seem to be holding onto. It's tangible.
You have definitely given me alot to think about Lacey. Thank you. I think I will try some of the things you wrote. Your day sounds pretty peaceful. I love bathes...I think I will go have one.
I think for today to show myself love I am not going to go and buy anything. I am going to sit and be at peace with myself. I am going to look at some beautiful flowers and just "BE".
Thanks so much for this thread Lacey. I am not sure why it resonated so much with me but it did.
Omg the ever elusive self love. In my opinion I think that is why many of us have substance abuse problems. He don't have enough self love.
Slowly I am getting it back with sobriety but it is still a battle. I used to fill that empty hole with drugs and alcohol and when that ended I began to fill it up with stuff.
I am still trying to not confuse stuff with love. Growing up I was always given "things" as rewards or as a way to prove I was loved. I know that "things" will never take the place of actual love but it's the one thing I seem to be holding onto. It's tangible.
You have definitely given me alot to think about Lacey. Thank you. I think I will try some of the things you wrote. Your day sounds pretty peaceful. I love bathes...I think I will go have one.
I think for today to show myself love I am not going to go and buy anything. I am going to sit and be at peace with myself. I am going to look at some beautiful flowers and just "BE".
Thanks so much for this thread Lacey. I am not sure why it resonated so much with me but it did.
great thread Lacey
for myself its about taking care of my appearance. And I don't mean buying lots of expensive clothes. Its Taking time to do my hair, put on a little make-up and making sure my clothes are ironed and clean.
these are things I frequently neglected while drinking.
Lacey its like your nice dinner - its about saying am worth the effort involved in this.
Can I say Lacey that the red grape juice rang a discordant note for me in that post. Be careful you aren't romanticisiing a glass of wine with dinner there. I only say that - because its exactly what I would do!!
These days I stick with fruit flavoured mineral water or plain water. But you have been sober a lot longer than me so maybe you are Ok on that front where I am not at that point yet.
Back on self-love - I also try to make time to do some of the things I love. Like hiking getting out in the bush. Scrambling down a steep climb to discover a secret and quiet stream, bubbling along the valley floor is a natural high for me.
Hey Vally - don't get too close to those flowers pal - there might be a spider hiding in one!! LOL LOL.
for myself its about taking care of my appearance. And I don't mean buying lots of expensive clothes. Its Taking time to do my hair, put on a little make-up and making sure my clothes are ironed and clean.
these are things I frequently neglected while drinking.
Lacey its like your nice dinner - its about saying am worth the effort involved in this.
Can I say Lacey that the red grape juice rang a discordant note for me in that post. Be careful you aren't romanticisiing a glass of wine with dinner there. I only say that - because its exactly what I would do!!
These days I stick with fruit flavoured mineral water or plain water. But you have been sober a lot longer than me so maybe you are Ok on that front where I am not at that point yet.
Back on self-love - I also try to make time to do some of the things I love. Like hiking getting out in the bush. Scrambling down a steep climb to discover a secret and quiet stream, bubbling along the valley floor is a natural high for me.
Hey Vally - don't get too close to those flowers pal - there might be a spider hiding in one!! LOL LOL.
Idg...I wear a Bee Keeper suit when I go out in nature! LOLOLOLOL
Batteries... And Skittles.
Hi Lacey,
I think it was Idgie who said she had talked back to her negative inner voice. Thats what I need to do......
one day at a time, Cookster
I think it was Idgie who said she had talked back to her negative inner voice. Thats what I need to do......
one day at a time, Cookster
Hey Cookster,
Once again, in the interests of honesty I'll declare I'm not a counsellor or a trained psychotherapist....
....but I've come across some interesting stuff over the years that might be useful.....so take what you like and leave the rest....
Generally people who ARE counsellors and trained psychotherapists say that negative voice is often an archaic response to an old situation.....human beings develop an "inner critic" or critical parent part of our mind to help us "get it right" because the external world sometimes feels....less pleasant when we "get it wrong"......and the less pleasant it feels when we get it wrong the more urgent our need to get it right....
By unpleasant I mean profoundly distressing.....but that doesn't require child abuse! When we're VERY young, "getting it wrong" might be no more than THINKING that your hungry and your loving mother telling you it's not dinner time yet........or FEELING warm and your loving mother telling you it's cold....or FEELING angry and your loving mother telling you that you're "tired".....in other words the situation might not have been any more unpleasant than a loving mother confusing herself with yourself......all the time and throughout your childhood.....in other words a pervasive and persistent fundamental wrongness about yourself in life.......the felt consequences for such a child can be a a sense of "wrongness" - "I'm always wrong" ....."I can't TRUST my FEELINGS, I can't trust my SELF" - which can then pick up a MORAL connotation of "Being WRONG" or "BAD" in some fundamental way, or even a persistent existential threat if we feel we're about to get it wrong or make a mistake.....we can also end up with a very frail sense of Reality and a profound fear of abandonment ("I don't know how to feel if no-one else is here with me"....maybe "I don't exist if no-one's here with me").....obviously these things generate profound anxiety and panic deep down in our very young inner selves, which we then translate as adults as being about our girlfriend being about to leave us, or arguing with us, or our having to go to work, or having to fix the faucet or whatever....we can feel overwhelmed by simple tasks.....because the profound anxiety is very deep and our mind has to find SOEMTHING to blame it on so it THINKS it's about something in the "here and now" when it's really about something in the "way back when"....
....our young mind had to try harder and harder to "get it right", to sort out the confusion....and as adults we can sometimes hear ourselves being VERY critical over minor points.....the inner critic has outlived his/ger usefulness but unless and until we reassure it/him/her that there are NO fatal consequences of being "wrong" in the "here and now" it will keep bugging us....telling us we're "rotten", "stupid" "clumsy" or whatever, and of course if our parents actually abused us in some way - emotional or psychological neglect, physical
neglect or abuse...then the situation is even more challenging for us....
......anyway, many people have an inner critic, a voice that emerged TO HELP us when we were young.....and of course it DID....it helped us learn lots of things....and that part of me is STILL trying to help me now by helping me learn....by helping me learn more to become safe, well and happy.....but today the adult me is learning to detach the positive learning motivation from the fear of making mistakes/terror of being wrong, abandoned, etc that has, in the past, made my negative inner voice such a burden and a threat....
.....and as you say idgie suggests, I've been shown and have found that one way of helping that voice "move on" is to have a conversation that recognises and celebrates what "it" has done for you and to try by your actions as well as your internal dialogue (speaking out loud to it is good) that it's wonderful energy and desire to keep you seafe, well and happy can be more useful focused on other issues of your adult choosing.....
I know the short version of all that is "talk to your negative inner voice", and I know that for some people that great advice is enough to help them....I'm posting this because I know that it really helps me to UNDERSTAND why something works, otherwise I'm very sceptical and might not try it.........so just in case someone else finds it useful, there's my ESH - and it IS my ESH and what I've come to understand through reading and counselling and experience about how it comes about and what to do about it........I can't in good conscience not pass it on.
And to bring it back to the topic of the thread, I show these archaic parts of myself, the inner critic, the wounded Child, the rejected drummer boy, the Raging, angry part of myself that wants me dead for forsaking mySelf in these ways, that there is room for them all in my conscious mind....that I LOVE them...for doing what they had to do to keep me safe, well and happy....and for bringing me to a place where by easing their pain my hurt and anger and guilt and shame flows more and more easily through me and away, as intended.
I know I don't have to say it to anyone here really but nevertheless, take what you like and leave the rest.....
Once again, in the interests of honesty I'll declare I'm not a counsellor or a trained psychotherapist....
....but I've come across some interesting stuff over the years that might be useful.....so take what you like and leave the rest....
Generally people who ARE counsellors and trained psychotherapists say that negative voice is often an archaic response to an old situation.....human beings develop an "inner critic" or critical parent part of our mind to help us "get it right" because the external world sometimes feels....less pleasant when we "get it wrong"......and the less pleasant it feels when we get it wrong the more urgent our need to get it right....
By unpleasant I mean profoundly distressing.....but that doesn't require child abuse! When we're VERY young, "getting it wrong" might be no more than THINKING that your hungry and your loving mother telling you it's not dinner time yet........or FEELING warm and your loving mother telling you it's cold....or FEELING angry and your loving mother telling you that you're "tired".....in other words the situation might not have been any more unpleasant than a loving mother confusing herself with yourself......all the time and throughout your childhood.....in other words a pervasive and persistent fundamental wrongness about yourself in life.......the felt consequences for such a child can be a a sense of "wrongness" - "I'm always wrong" ....."I can't TRUST my FEELINGS, I can't trust my SELF" - which can then pick up a MORAL connotation of "Being WRONG" or "BAD" in some fundamental way, or even a persistent existential threat if we feel we're about to get it wrong or make a mistake.....we can also end up with a very frail sense of Reality and a profound fear of abandonment ("I don't know how to feel if no-one else is here with me"....maybe "I don't exist if no-one's here with me").....obviously these things generate profound anxiety and panic deep down in our very young inner selves, which we then translate as adults as being about our girlfriend being about to leave us, or arguing with us, or our having to go to work, or having to fix the faucet or whatever....we can feel overwhelmed by simple tasks.....because the profound anxiety is very deep and our mind has to find SOEMTHING to blame it on so it THINKS it's about something in the "here and now" when it's really about something in the "way back when"....
....our young mind had to try harder and harder to "get it right", to sort out the confusion....and as adults we can sometimes hear ourselves being VERY critical over minor points.....the inner critic has outlived his/ger usefulness but unless and until we reassure it/him/her that there are NO fatal consequences of being "wrong" in the "here and now" it will keep bugging us....telling us we're "rotten", "stupid" "clumsy" or whatever, and of course if our parents actually abused us in some way - emotional or psychological neglect, physical
neglect or abuse...then the situation is even more challenging for us....
......anyway, many people have an inner critic, a voice that emerged TO HELP us when we were young.....and of course it DID....it helped us learn lots of things....and that part of me is STILL trying to help me now by helping me learn....by helping me learn more to become safe, well and happy.....but today the adult me is learning to detach the positive learning motivation from the fear of making mistakes/terror of being wrong, abandoned, etc that has, in the past, made my negative inner voice such a burden and a threat....
.....and as you say idgie suggests, I've been shown and have found that one way of helping that voice "move on" is to have a conversation that recognises and celebrates what "it" has done for you and to try by your actions as well as your internal dialogue (speaking out loud to it is good) that it's wonderful energy and desire to keep you seafe, well and happy can be more useful focused on other issues of your adult choosing.....
I know the short version of all that is "talk to your negative inner voice", and I know that for some people that great advice is enough to help them....I'm posting this because I know that it really helps me to UNDERSTAND why something works, otherwise I'm very sceptical and might not try it.........so just in case someone else finds it useful, there's my ESH - and it IS my ESH and what I've come to understand through reading and counselling and experience about how it comes about and what to do about it........I can't in good conscience not pass it on.
And to bring it back to the topic of the thread, I show these archaic parts of myself, the inner critic, the wounded Child, the rejected drummer boy, the Raging, angry part of myself that wants me dead for forsaking mySelf in these ways, that there is room for them all in my conscious mind....that I LOVE them...for doing what they had to do to keep me safe, well and happy....and for bringing me to a place where by easing their pain my hurt and anger and guilt and shame flows more and more easily through me and away, as intended.
I know I don't have to say it to anyone here really but nevertheless, take what you like and leave the rest.....
Thanks Lacey and Gidday Everyone
to love myself i have to be honest with myself and the rest just happens as long as i dont add alcohol to the mix, as long as i am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually honest and working the tools i have been given then im ok.
light and love zac
to love myself i have to be honest with myself and the rest just happens as long as i dont add alcohol to the mix, as long as i am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually honest and working the tools i have been given then im ok.
light and love zac
This is a hard one, Yet, I know deep inside of me it shouldn't be. Facing that in my brokeness a condition that is crushing. I saw my need for God and have a willingness to let him change me.
I've started eating healthier. Fruits and vegetables, colorful ones. Some sort of daily exercise, even if it's streching and deep breathing. While saying a positive affirmation to myself. Breathing deeply that rich oxygen into my muscles.
Taking care of my hair and skin. Somedays wearing something that makes me feel sexy. Practicing bedtime hygene, something during active addiction I didn't do.
Praying reading something inspirational. Listening to uplifting music. Looking at pictures of happy times. Calling my mom, or an old friend telling them I love them. Spending time with my beautiful daughter's, that in it self makes me want to love me, take care of me. Laughing at myself or something funny.
Talking back to that inner critical voice. Not drinking. Spending time in nature. Telling my dog he's so cute and that I love him. Watching little children play and laugh. They remind me how precious life is.
Knowing that I was created in God's image. That I'm his child and that he loves me.
Buying good Brie, toasted bread and strawberries, knowing no one else in the house likes Brie. Savoring it thinking and knowing how blessed I am to love myself enough to splurge once in a while. Eating chocolate makes me smile.
But this one thing makes me feel the most loved. It's when I help another person. That's when it happens. When my house is dirty and it needs to be cleaned, instead I go and clean for someone else. The time I bought some flowers and ended up giving them to my mom. That's when I loved myself best. When I did to others as I would have them do to me. That's when I saw God in me. Being kind to others giving a smile to someone who looks sad. Helping the old person at the store who looks confused, or can't reach the shelf. Letting the person in the lane. Opening the door and even if they don't say thank you, still feey happy about it. I see how beautiful I am in other people's reflections.
It's really these things, many of them small that makes me love me. I love this thread. It's very good for us to see how wonderful we can be. We can and do deserve to love ourselves. Thank You Lacey!
I've started eating healthier. Fruits and vegetables, colorful ones. Some sort of daily exercise, even if it's streching and deep breathing. While saying a positive affirmation to myself. Breathing deeply that rich oxygen into my muscles.
Taking care of my hair and skin. Somedays wearing something that makes me feel sexy. Practicing bedtime hygene, something during active addiction I didn't do.
Praying reading something inspirational. Listening to uplifting music. Looking at pictures of happy times. Calling my mom, or an old friend telling them I love them. Spending time with my beautiful daughter's, that in it self makes me want to love me, take care of me. Laughing at myself or something funny.
Talking back to that inner critical voice. Not drinking. Spending time in nature. Telling my dog he's so cute and that I love him. Watching little children play and laugh. They remind me how precious life is.
Knowing that I was created in God's image. That I'm his child and that he loves me.
Buying good Brie, toasted bread and strawberries, knowing no one else in the house likes Brie. Savoring it thinking and knowing how blessed I am to love myself enough to splurge once in a while. Eating chocolate makes me smile.
But this one thing makes me feel the most loved. It's when I help another person. That's when it happens. When my house is dirty and it needs to be cleaned, instead I go and clean for someone else. The time I bought some flowers and ended up giving them to my mom. That's when I loved myself best. When I did to others as I would have them do to me. That's when I saw God in me. Being kind to others giving a smile to someone who looks sad. Helping the old person at the store who looks confused, or can't reach the shelf. Letting the person in the lane. Opening the door and even if they don't say thank you, still feey happy about it. I see how beautiful I am in other people's reflections.
It's really these things, many of them small that makes me love me. I love this thread. It's very good for us to see how wonderful we can be. We can and do deserve to love ourselves. Thank You Lacey!
Yes this is a good thread (you rock Lacey!)
{waving hi to Lookinup}
Like Lookinup, I need to give myself a kick start and not get stuck in the rut of being a couch potatoe.... there is lots of positive action that I am capable of doing.....
one day at a time, Cookster
{waving hi to Lookinup}
Like Lookinup, I need to give myself a kick start and not get stuck in the rut of being a couch potatoe.... there is lots of positive action that I am capable of doing.....
one day at a time, Cookster
