thank you tim for that beautiful post...(tears welling, choked up) i needed to hear that.. it is true.. i am a true gift... he is 15 years older than me and i always worry that i wont get my chance in life to say: don't you miss me now?
dont you now realize i was the best thing that could of ever come into your life??? he will always be in the sickness and fog of alchoholism/porn and i dont think he is ever gonna have a clear mind to see what he lost... presently he thinks i am the bad guy, you forced me to marry you and have kids, that is what he believes and for years he convinced me to believe that too. but i know better now and i want REVENGE! but revenge is mine sayeth the Lord and i need to be at peace for that and stop obsessing whether or not he will ever see his mistakes, fess up to them and give me the apology and grace that i deserve, i think that is hindering my progress as well and i need to stop worrying whether of not i will get the last laugh. jewels
good morning back to ya shantell....morning to ya too sharon. yes tim does make us think, but i am grateful to have his excellent wisdom.
i have to take a break here and give my son a much needed hair cut that he has been begging for. be back soon.
i have to take a break here and give my son a much needed hair cut that he has been begging for. be back soon.
Shantel
LMAO
Well I did take into consideration that the bed might need to be changed?
Jewels-It's o.k. to want revenge...you would be brain dead if you didn't.
Acting on it would just be another ammends you might have to make later.
You can't go wrong seeking the higher path no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
It's time to think about you now.Your recovery and well being will produce a light around you that everyone will see.....even the next deserving male in your life.Don't rule anything out.
That dude your with?........he's not even worth any more space in your head.
Think of him as an old dirty piece of carpet in your house that's going to need changing.It's not even worth cleaning,it needs to be deposited for trash pick-up.You don't have the money right now for a new one so you can live with it.
When you have the funds for a new one,clean the spot that the old one left,and plunk down that new Persian carpet with the stunning colors.
I know......cheesy analogy but you get the point.
| QUOTE |
| Tim, 5 minutes after sex or even 2 is a little to long don't you think. |
LMAO
Well I did take into consideration that the bed might need to be changed?
Jewels-It's o.k. to want revenge...you would be brain dead if you didn't.
Acting on it would just be another ammends you might have to make later.
You can't go wrong seeking the higher path no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
It's time to think about you now.Your recovery and well being will produce a light around you that everyone will see.....even the next deserving male in your life.Don't rule anything out.
That dude your with?........he's not even worth any more space in your head.
Think of him as an old dirty piece of carpet in your house that's going to need changing.It's not even worth cleaning,it needs to be deposited for trash pick-up.You don't have the money right now for a new one so you can live with it.
When you have the funds for a new one,clean the spot that the old one left,and plunk down that new Persian carpet with the stunning colors.
I know......cheesy analogy but you get the point.
Yes, but I loved that carpet for years. All the good carpets may be gone now. I'm not confident that I have any taste when it comes to chosing carpets in the first place and it's been so long that I don't know how to deal with hardwood floors anymore.
LOL
Talking to all the hunky carpet salesman and visiting the different stores trying to find out what would work for you may be just the spark you need?
Talking to all the hunky carpet salesman and visiting the different stores trying to find out what would work for you may be just the spark you need?
Okay. I admit it's time to redecorate but I've never really enjoyed trying carpet swatches out and then returning them to the showroom. I guess I'd better learn how to polish up the hardwood floors on my own. All my friends who have redecorated tell me that hardwood floors are much easier to maintain.
Gee, have never thought of my husband as a dirty carpet. I'll just keep cleaning the dirty carpet no sense wasting money on a new one after 19 years. You guys are to funny. Shantel
Later, ladies. I have paperwork to pull together for tomorrow. With God and the "biggest, baddest divorce lawyer in Orange County" on my side, so help me, I'm taking this carpet to the cleaners.
LOL
Love,
Gina
LOL
Love,
Gina
LOL LOL LOL! look at what i missed!
just got done with sons haircut, carpet huh? i like that analogy tim,,, thanks. i am gonna print this out and keep and remind myself about capret cleaning. although at the present no future carpets are on the agenda as this hardwood floor has alot of work to do on herself before i let a new carpet lay over me!! ha ha haaaaaaha! this is too funny lol. jewels
just got done with sons haircut, carpet huh? i like that analogy tim,,, thanks. i am gonna print this out and keep and remind myself about capret cleaning. although at the present no future carpets are on the agenda as this hardwood floor has alot of work to do on herself before i let a new carpet lay over me!! ha ha haaaaaaha! this is too funny lol. jewels
Good luck Gina. Shantel
Weel, I agree that addicts need to change. However, their partners also need to change and accept their own shortcomings. Which is rare.
the carpet analogy is a good one !
heres another one...........
TIM...........your deep.
your post are very thought provoking..........
thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts with us......
God Bless you kind gentleman..........
goos morning everyone................
i hope everyone has a very nice day
thumper
heres another one...........
TIM...........your deep.
your post are very thought provoking..........
thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts with us......
God Bless you kind gentleman..........
goos morning everyone................
i hope everyone has a very nice day
thumper
ha ha ha lol! thumper you crack me up! we love all the pretty glittery pics and the most funny smilies! thank you for teaching me how to do those! love ya! jewels
Tim,
Maybe this post struck a chord with me for a reason. But do you know what? I can accept that I am not perfect...as a matter of fact, I will be the first one to point out every single f***ing flaw that I have. I can admit it, maybe not accept it, but I can admit that I've done alot of things wrong.
So, with that being said, what do you do when you are dealing with the impossible person? When no matter what you do, they will always be right? I don't want to be right all the time. But when I am getting treated in a way I don't deserve? I'm just supposed to look at myself and figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong? What if you can never win? What if you can go from one extreme to the other and everything in between and still never get it right?
Where is my responsibility in that?
I also can admit that just because I choose to have a person like that in my life, it is no excuse. No excuse at all for my behavior, for my flaws.
When you are around a person who behaves so outrageous that you just wish you could videotape them and make them watch later and make them see how unreasonable they were...I just want to shake the s*** out of him and make him see how absolutely f***ing ridiculous the behavior is. Some people, though? Maybe they will never see their part in all of it. They are never wrong. They can always find some way to pinpoint it to being all your fault.
What then?
Do we still keep on searching for what it is about myself that I must change?
I don't mean to go off on a tangent here. And I'm sorry. And I'm sure this got me riled up for a reason. But give me a break...I'm trying here. What else is there? I don't think anything I do will ever be good enough.
And I know I can't use that as an excuse...but it sure doesn't do a whole lot of good for my self-worth to think that the way my marriage is must be because of my behavior and only because of me.
i've wracked my brain trying to figure out what in the hell I can do to make my life...my family's life better. I'm at a loss.
Maybe this post struck a chord with me for a reason. But do you know what? I can accept that I am not perfect...as a matter of fact, I will be the first one to point out every single f***ing flaw that I have. I can admit it, maybe not accept it, but I can admit that I've done alot of things wrong.
So, with that being said, what do you do when you are dealing with the impossible person? When no matter what you do, they will always be right? I don't want to be right all the time. But when I am getting treated in a way I don't deserve? I'm just supposed to look at myself and figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong? What if you can never win? What if you can go from one extreme to the other and everything in between and still never get it right?
Where is my responsibility in that?
I also can admit that just because I choose to have a person like that in my life, it is no excuse. No excuse at all for my behavior, for my flaws.
When you are around a person who behaves so outrageous that you just wish you could videotape them and make them watch later and make them see how unreasonable they were...I just want to shake the s*** out of him and make him see how absolutely f***ing ridiculous the behavior is. Some people, though? Maybe they will never see their part in all of it. They are never wrong. They can always find some way to pinpoint it to being all your fault.
What then?
Do we still keep on searching for what it is about myself that I must change?
I don't mean to go off on a tangent here. And I'm sorry. And I'm sure this got me riled up for a reason. But give me a break...I'm trying here. What else is there? I don't think anything I do will ever be good enough.
And I know I can't use that as an excuse...but it sure doesn't do a whole lot of good for my self-worth to think that the way my marriage is must be because of my behavior and only because of me.
i've wracked my brain trying to figure out what in the hell I can do to make my life...my family's life better. I'm at a loss.
Jodi,
Divorce his a**
Wendy
Divorce his a**
Wendy
The truth is that I actually enjoy some of my defects even though the end result is misery.
wow thanks for posting that Tim - I needed to read that today. That has just crystallised something I have been thinking about myself and my alcoholism.
thanks
Idgie.
wow thanks for posting that Tim - I needed to read that today. That has just crystallised something I have been thinking about myself and my alcoholism.
thanks
Idgie.
Jodi-If you're waiting around for him to admit he's wrong,I'm afraid you're going to miss the rest of you're life.You're the one that has made the choice to stay there.
Ultimately, for me it doesn't matter what someone elses behavior is.I am only responsible for mine.It doesn't mean they're right and I'm always wrong.I am not saying that at all.
I know in my own life that I've wasted a lot of personal time trying to prove the indescretions of other people.Maybe they were at fault but the amount of time I spent punishing them in my head was a total waste.It didn't change them and the only one that really suffered was me.
I'm trying not to do that today.It takes away from my serenity.
Ultimately, for me it doesn't matter what someone elses behavior is.I am only responsible for mine.It doesn't mean they're right and I'm always wrong.I am not saying that at all.
I know in my own life that I've wasted a lot of personal time trying to prove the indescretions of other people.Maybe they were at fault but the amount of time I spent punishing them in my head was a total waste.It didn't change them and the only one that really suffered was me.
I'm trying not to do that today.It takes away from my serenity.
Jodi, I don't know if your read The Silent Partners post on Anger on the Families board but it pertains alot to what Tim is saying. Go read it, it is very good. Shantel
Jodi,
Bless his heart, Dr. M has already, first thing this morning, emailed me the name and number of a psychiatrist in your area. I told him your case was very similar to mine and I assume he is recommending someone who will understand people like us.
While there is the possibility that she is not currently taking new patients, she will certainly be able to refer you to someone else in your area.
There are strangers out there who are batting for you.
Please email me. I'm going to be out all morning. I'll check my email after lunch.
Love,
Gina
Bless his heart, Dr. M has already, first thing this morning, emailed me the name and number of a psychiatrist in your area. I told him your case was very similar to mine and I assume he is recommending someone who will understand people like us.
While there is the possibility that she is not currently taking new patients, she will certainly be able to refer you to someone else in your area.
There are strangers out there who are batting for you.
Please email me. I'm going to be out all morning. I'll check my email after lunch.
Love,
Gina
Shantel-I wished he would post that on here.It was an excellent read.
