Hi u all,
Just would like to know how everybody is doing and if u nEed 2 talk
I wouild like 2 listen and pray for u
Luv priscilla
Hey P...you writing in the bathroom again ? LOL....well Lady...this heroin addict broke down and messed with her dose this morning...I upped myself because after two attempts to do it "right" with the doctors...I did it my way...the first Doc is sick and out...and at the clinic yesterday I asked for his replacement...she'd gone home...its 4:30 in the afternoon...entire place of IP's and not a doc in the house...incredible..they told me to try today somewhere around noon if I wanted...ya..ok....so this morning....I woke up sick to my stomach and barley able to move...I surrendered...I upped my dose...not alot...just a few mls...enough to feel better ...I mean, screw this...I need to be able to work...maybe a poor excuse like every other an addict can use but...I need to stabalize and get better before I continue...The Hep C doc wants me to go another round of therapy and do a biopsy...I told him my body can only handle one thing at a time...I just hope my sponsor understands Im not using in the sense of using...or maybe I am again...I dont know...upping it throughout the day, to feel better isnt exactly the right way to go about it and its VERY close to actually using...BUT..its not much..and oh the relief is indescribable...I promise to settle on a managable dose when I feel its right...and as soon as the doc decides to show up I'll discuss it and get the dose changed...im dissapointed ...and its going to take longer now...but its become a quality of life thing..this isnt a normal kick and I cant keep walking around like this...SO...thats its for me today.,..how about You ? How are things going for you ? your son ?
Con
Con
I'm glad, Con...you need what you need and anything less is not healthy. Your long-term sobriety was endangered by the drops and you can sort it out much better when you can think about something besides how crappy and craving you feel. Hang in there, GF.
Peace ~ M&M
Peace ~ M&M
Con***
This is a problem with many clinics- -a backup plan for the patients when the staff (in this case -the doctor) isnt there. usually the counselors arent helpful, and the answers and help you need have to be put off.
I think you did the right thing.- Why suffer over the week-end if you can make it a bit less miserable. Hell, your gonna get miserable- dont worry about that- - so putting off it off for a few days is fine
Also- its not like they raised your dose 30 frigging mgs- so I wouldnt even concern myself with it.
I see that you looked for advise from the long term methadone treatment site. I hope that they were helpful.
do what is best for you- -this is a marathon not a sprint, ya know?
love&respect
jack
This is a problem with many clinics- -a backup plan for the patients when the staff (in this case -the doctor) isnt there. usually the counselors arent helpful, and the answers and help you need have to be put off.
I think you did the right thing.- Why suffer over the week-end if you can make it a bit less miserable. Hell, your gonna get miserable- dont worry about that- - so putting off it off for a few days is fine
Also- its not like they raised your dose 30 frigging mgs- so I wouldnt even concern myself with it.
I see that you looked for advise from the long term methadone treatment site. I hope that they were helpful.
do what is best for you- -this is a marathon not a sprint, ya know?
love&respect
jack
Hi con
Never a doctor around when u like REALLy need them
I'm am glad that u r doing what's good for year body
Even if it take longer you will have a better change if u listen to year body and you can lesson the pain a bit
My son is doing well as can be expected he told me that he is takiong it slow and every day his clean is a achievement he is writing a play for the guys there and they will perform it on parents day
HE said he realise thEre is no quick fiX and that he is only concentrating on staying clean as the cravings gets hectic
Hang in there and please talk to me as much as u can I would like to know how u feel different days an how u coping u r a tough cookie and brave
Lots of blessings
P
Never a doctor around when u like REALLy need them
I'm am glad that u r doing what's good for year body
Even if it take longer you will have a better change if u listen to year body and you can lesson the pain a bit
My son is doing well as can be expected he told me that he is takiong it slow and every day his clean is a achievement he is writing a play for the guys there and they will perform it on parents day
HE said he realise thEre is no quick fiX and that he is only concentrating on staying clean as the cravings gets hectic
Hang in there and please talk to me as much as u can I would like to know how u feel different days an how u coping u r a tough cookie and brave
Lots of blessings
P
Wow..that was totally heartwarming...thanks everyone...sponsor and aa were not all that logical or understanding about it....but i see where they're coming from...and even my wife wasnt too sure or happy..but she understood...i had to actually get a white chip...3 years of sobriety...from my point of view ...gone....but...whatever...promised as i did here to leave it alone until i got to the doc...now we all know here that might not happen...but...sometimes you got to take the good with the crazy in aa...and i think in a way they could be right..and i need all the help i can get anyways..i can only hope the doc decides to go to work soon..but...i really LIKE being able to function..and i was dreaming of things i dont even want to say..and thats frighteninig....its still there...but hoping that goes away now..and as Jack said...Im going to feel crappy at some point...but slower...steadier..thanks for putting up with me everyone...you are all truly incredible people...now i must get to work...
Jack..yes...thanks !...its a decent site..they were really helpful and very informative...always good to get as many points of view as possible...in fact if anyone wants hep c info its a good place to pick up some opinions and info on that too..
P...cravings suck...no other way to put it..he's right..one day, one hour at a time...its good he is writing and doiing stuff and he had others and support to talk to...its a long road but hopefully he will learn what to do when he needs to do it...sounds like he's learniing that...he will use the tools when he knows he has too...hang in there...
Con
Jack..yes...thanks !...its a decent site..they were really helpful and very informative...always good to get as many points of view as possible...in fact if anyone wants hep c info its a good place to pick up some opinions and info on that too..
P...cravings suck...no other way to put it..he's right..one day, one hour at a time...its good he is writing and doiing stuff and he had others and support to talk to...its a long road but hopefully he will learn what to do when he needs to do it...sounds like he's learniing that...he will use the tools when he knows he has too...hang in there...
Con
i dont totally understand why it is viewed as a bad thing..you do what you need for your sanity, adjusting would be your body saying there is a danger lurking if you dont. maybe some are too rigid in exact protocols and unforgiving in "failure" im not an addict of that sort but i dont think it is a failure, but a very smart person knowing their needs and responding in a smart way....maybe its only your pressure on yourself that makes you feel bummed
Good attitude about the AA/NA thing...some groups are more militant than others so as they say, take what you need and leave the rest!
Love ~ M&M
Love ~ M&M
Exactly M&M...and BTW if i might be nosey...are you OK ? your posts seem...not sure...not you somehow...but then again i may be just delirious...hoping all is well ?
oh..sorry Momg...they see it as addict behavior...which it is in a way...its how bad crap can start...upping your pain meds or whatever on the side...in this case...the first time i upped was probably sensible...the second time...if im honest...was because i wanted to feel even better...total addict behavior...its the intent i would think...
con
oh..sorry Momg...they see it as addict behavior...which it is in a way...its how bad crap can start...upping your pain meds or whatever on the side...in this case...the first time i upped was probably sensible...the second time...if im honest...was because i wanted to feel even better...total addict behavior...its the intent i would think...
con
but con, you are aware of your motivation, you are I'm guessing knowing that you are in a dangerous place where you have many options, and some not as legal as meth..i do see what the upping implies but you sound very smart and very intuitive and Brynn seems to have your number and back...and so do we all so i guess you look at it and analyze what's what and then make your next decision.
unfortunalty Brynn knows EXACTLY my number..as do other and most addicts....which is...given more time..I am capable of talking myself into taking way more than I need...indeed a dangerous situation...dont ever be fooled Momg...we dont change...awareness and intelligence have nothing to do with it...i can lie to myself so quick i dont even know im doing it until its over..and i can make u believe anything and everything and make it sound so reasonable u wouldnt even know what hit you...sad but true...but I appreciate ur confidence in me...i cant live up to it but i appreciate it...
Hugs
Hugs
How about this weirdness??- - I guy I used to cop from- once in awhile . when I was trying to stop maybe 10 or so yrs ago tex-ed me a message this morning.
I have no idea how he got my number , lots of people do- and he probably asked the right person.---- This guy ran to Pakistan when he was busted for sales yrs ago- - came back- - did about 5 yrs- - and now is out and back in business.
He texes- "Jack- hope all is well . This is Paki. I have 2 different bags -both hot & heavy - stamped "big Mitch" and "Hollywood"- - Can you believe that??- -a guy that has been out of my life for sooo long- - -I guess (he is from Pakistan) he has good connections from that unstable region , so he is trying to drum up old business.
I thought about those old days- - some good- - most bad- - but just the fact that he can find me is scary.- - There are ther are a whole lot of new customers out there,& some of these dealers dont know any other way- the quick buck. Its a lot of dough in a short time- if you are willing to take the risks and consequences, and get away with it- -these people will be tooling around the neighborhood like kings- impressing the younger set.
Not that I would turn any one in- -but its a scary thing- -The cycle of dealing and the addicted goes on and on
asthe worldturns on a friday morning in northern Jersey
jack
I have no idea how he got my number , lots of people do- and he probably asked the right person.---- This guy ran to Pakistan when he was busted for sales yrs ago- - came back- - did about 5 yrs- - and now is out and back in business.
He texes- "Jack- hope all is well . This is Paki. I have 2 different bags -both hot & heavy - stamped "big Mitch" and "Hollywood"- - Can you believe that??- -a guy that has been out of my life for sooo long- - -I guess (he is from Pakistan) he has good connections from that unstable region , so he is trying to drum up old business.
I thought about those old days- - some good- - most bad- - but just the fact that he can find me is scary.- - There are ther are a whole lot of new customers out there,& some of these dealers dont know any other way- the quick buck. Its a lot of dough in a short time- if you are willing to take the risks and consequences, and get away with it- -these people will be tooling around the neighborhood like kings- impressing the younger set.
Not that I would turn any one in- -but its a scary thing- -The cycle of dealing and the addicted goes on and on
asthe worldturns on a friday morning in northern Jersey
jack
Holy Crap !!!...Jack...no way...thats too bizarre...Man..its like anytime..anywhere..out of the blue...the cycle never stops ....that would have been a HUGE think for me...im glad your in a place where it is what it is and its not even a think...or if its a think...its not happening...
whoa...thats huge
con
whoa...thats huge
con
Yikes, Jack...that's the kind of thing that brings ya up short, eh? It creeps me out that he found you, but such is the digital age...in touch with the entire world at all times...ugh. How's life, Jack? Work and all? The kid? The ma?
Love ~ M&M
Love ~ M&M
I know I haven't posted over here for a long time but I read every day to keep up on Con, Jack and Bryn...
Con..yep, you slipped. Maybe not a full blown relapse but a slip all the same. Clean time is just a number, it's important to us but it's not everything. Honesty is and you outed yourself, I think, before it got worse. Very proud of you. Not a lot of people would even had bothered to tell.
When will you see your doc next?
Time to rethink what you're doing. It's a slippery slope right now my friend....
Con..yep, you slipped. Maybe not a full blown relapse but a slip all the same. Clean time is just a number, it's important to us but it's not everything. Honesty is and you outed yourself, I think, before it got worse. Very proud of you. Not a lot of people would even had bothered to tell.
When will you see your doc next?
Time to rethink what you're doing. It's a slippery slope right now my friend....
oh Cowgirl, dont I know it...thanks so much for peeping over here and checking up on us all ....and BTW, you've been in my thoughts too ...Im so sorry that your Mom passed...Im sure she passed knowing and pleased that she had a wonderful daughter...
and ya...i know its a number...but...crap...and the worst part is...I keep doing it latley...sigh...yes...back to the Doc....thanks for keeping me honest
con
and ya...i know its a number...but...crap...and the worst part is...I keep doing it latley...sigh...yes...back to the Doc....thanks for keeping me honest
con
Thank you..
You have a tool at your disposal right now Con..abuse it too and then where do you go? Think about it. Play the tape all the way through when you get up each morning and take your "appropriate" dose. Get on with your day. Get your butt to a meeting.
You know you're worth this, right? I sure think you are.
You have a tool at your disposal right now Con..abuse it too and then where do you go? Think about it. Play the tape all the way through when you get up each morning and take your "appropriate" dose. Get on with your day. Get your butt to a meeting.
You know you're worth this, right? I sure think you are.
i know...and its time to take a breather ...be back when i get quiet...and clean
