Hi folks, Bette here! Tired, fedup, worn out , exhausted etc etc with this fight against heroin! and I doubt that I'm winning! Just diagnosed diabetic in my 61st year too! MUST have done something really bad in a previous life! LOL Son settled in his own flat now, so making changes here including the proverbial " smudge sage sticks!!!Still very depressed that I can't effect any real change and
sometimes wanting to sleep and NEVER wake up! Does that sound bad? Just want to be able to "smile" again and feel that emotion called happiness! I am 61 now and feeel SO tired of life. I've had to fight my way through loadsa situations but this one has got me beat!This has been my final attempt at giving him back "his life"......can't do any more as i will be sucked under too!I If anyone out there has words of advice , I'd welcome them................obviously down in the
dumps tonight and dreading THAT phonecall that says he's in bother again!
or needs some cash!
Luv from Bette xx
Oh Bette! You poor thing!
You deserve happiness, but you aren't going out and getting that for yourself. You are too caught up in your son's life to do that!
"This has been my final attempt at giving him back "his life""
You can't give him back his life because you didn't take it!! He gave it away when he started on the heroin and it is only up to him whether or not he takes it back. You cannot do that for him. And if you keep giving him money and helping him out of his jams, he will never have a reason to take it back. He has to realize for himself that the life he is living is not going to work. If he keeps getting bailed out, it is working for him though and he'll never have a reason to quit.
You have to start focusing on yourself and figuring out what you have to do to take care of yourself. You have to be your number one priority now. You have to look after your mental health as well as your physical health because they are obviously both being affected. Have you tried going to meetings?
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you certainly can't cure it!!!
I hope your son does get better, but I hope you do too!!!
BIG HUGS!!
Mickey
You deserve happiness, but you aren't going out and getting that for yourself. You are too caught up in your son's life to do that!
"This has been my final attempt at giving him back "his life""
You can't give him back his life because you didn't take it!! He gave it away when he started on the heroin and it is only up to him whether or not he takes it back. You cannot do that for him. And if you keep giving him money and helping him out of his jams, he will never have a reason to take it back. He has to realize for himself that the life he is living is not going to work. If he keeps getting bailed out, it is working for him though and he'll never have a reason to quit.
You have to start focusing on yourself and figuring out what you have to do to take care of yourself. You have to be your number one priority now. You have to look after your mental health as well as your physical health because they are obviously both being affected. Have you tried going to meetings?
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you certainly can't cure it!!!
I hope your son does get better, but I hope you do too!!!
BIG HUGS!!
Mickey
OHHHH MY! I have to tell you this site is sure enough a definite tool to people that either need help with their addictions or for family members trying to help their loved ones.
Bette, when I read your story ( I have been on this site for only 2 days now) you described one of my biggest fears. Will I have the strength to be stern and use tough love on my son and daughter if need be. Reading your message I feel your pain. And I'm scared. We all love our babies (no matter how old they are) and we want to help them, but reading your message has brought things from the past to my mind that I now associate with aiding my son with his addiction. He's short on money alot, and I have always helped him out (which he pays back(everytime) but still short alot. Now I know he's short on money because he's and addict. I can sit here and type to you, "you didn't cause this", "you can't help him if he dosen't want help". That is all true, but it dosen't make it any easier to say no to them. Your posting will be a tool for me when I have to be firm. I will not let the drugs take my life away as it is trying to do with my sons'. I'm sorry I can't give you any advice as I am new at this and know not much at all. But, I do wish you all the luck.
Bette, when I read your story ( I have been on this site for only 2 days now) you described one of my biggest fears. Will I have the strength to be stern and use tough love on my son and daughter if need be. Reading your message I feel your pain. And I'm scared. We all love our babies (no matter how old they are) and we want to help them, but reading your message has brought things from the past to my mind that I now associate with aiding my son with his addiction. He's short on money alot, and I have always helped him out (which he pays back(everytime) but still short alot. Now I know he's short on money because he's and addict. I can sit here and type to you, "you didn't cause this", "you can't help him if he dosen't want help". That is all true, but it dosen't make it any easier to say no to them. Your posting will be a tool for me when I have to be firm. I will not let the drugs take my life away as it is trying to do with my sons'. I'm sorry I can't give you any advice as I am new at this and know not much at all. But, I do wish you all the luck.
Hi Mickey and Mom Stessed out,
Thanks for taking out time to post a reply.............Both VERY appreciated. Sorry I was feeling SO sorry for myself when I wrote. Some days are better than others! His old room ( in which my husband died) is now completely redecorated in a nice plain magnolia colour. A new bed arrives next week, so as you can see trying to make some positive non-materalistic changes!I am a born worrier and even if he hadn't smoked heroin, I would probably still worry about him and his brother! Think that there is a lot of doom/gloom tracing back to my Polish roots! ( My dad was a soldier who settled in Scotland after the war!)
These anti depressants are NOT a magic cure as I hoped! KNOW I am just needing some love, light and happiness which i am sure you two would wish for yourself also!
Thanks again,
God Bless Bette X
Thanks for taking out time to post a reply.............Both VERY appreciated. Sorry I was feeling SO sorry for myself when I wrote. Some days are better than others! His old room ( in which my husband died) is now completely redecorated in a nice plain magnolia colour. A new bed arrives next week, so as you can see trying to make some positive non-materalistic changes!I am a born worrier and even if he hadn't smoked heroin, I would probably still worry about him and his brother! Think that there is a lot of doom/gloom tracing back to my Polish roots! ( My dad was a soldier who settled in Scotland after the war!)
These anti depressants are NOT a magic cure as I hoped! KNOW I am just needing some love, light and happiness which i am sure you two would wish for yourself also!
Thanks again,
God Bless Bette X
Hi Bette:
I feel sorry for myself too sometimes . . . don't worry . . . it's normal.
Just keep doing things for yourself more often. Go get a spa treatment or something. Use the money you would normally use to help your son out of yet another jam due to drug use on yourself instead. That way you can't give it to him because you won't have it anymore!!! lol
Just don't run yourself into debt!!
I guess you don't have to go to those extremes, but keep remembering to do things for yourself and don't feel selfish in doing so. YOU DESERVE IT. The only person that can make you happy is you, but you have to treat yourself well and with love to do so and know that you deserve it.
You'll never stop worrying about your son. I think that's basically psychologically impossible for a mother to do! But you can stop him from controlling your life and your mental health.
Let go and let God deal with him and his problem. You've done everything you possibly can (except let him deal with it himself maybe?).
Hope you start feeling better.
Now go get a pedicure or something!!!!
Take care,
Mickey
I feel sorry for myself too sometimes . . . don't worry . . . it's normal.
Just keep doing things for yourself more often. Go get a spa treatment or something. Use the money you would normally use to help your son out of yet another jam due to drug use on yourself instead. That way you can't give it to him because you won't have it anymore!!! lol
Just don't run yourself into debt!!
I guess you don't have to go to those extremes, but keep remembering to do things for yourself and don't feel selfish in doing so. YOU DESERVE IT. The only person that can make you happy is you, but you have to treat yourself well and with love to do so and know that you deserve it.
You'll never stop worrying about your son. I think that's basically psychologically impossible for a mother to do! But you can stop him from controlling your life and your mental health.
Let go and let God deal with him and his problem. You've done everything you possibly can (except let him deal with it himself maybe?).
Hope you start feeling better.
Now go get a pedicure or something!!!!
Take care,
Mickey
