Lately I've been down and keeping it to myself. Mostly because I am ashamed I have a ton to be grateful for and I keep letting myself get down over the one thing that I don't have. I want to share this so it can stop festering. I am one hundred percent preparing myself for the thought that this will be a lonely yucky Christmas. Because my kids will be with thier dad. I get them Christmas Eve for my Mom's party wich they are so excited for. They will be over later on Christmas day. (another blessing) I am totally and utterly prepared for the loneliness in fact I started feeling it December 1st. I have been packing it around and getting it out and petting it and wallowing in it nearly every night. (Character flaw that I have self pity is so nice-LOL) But I have not prepared myself that it might not be so bad and it could infact be very nice. WHY!!!!! You know the old saying "Change the way you look at things and the things you see will change" I keep thinking I am trying been to a lot of meetings but something keeps holding me back ME. I am so irritating. So I am letting this go by telling someone YOU (whoever reads) How do you prepare for things to not be so bad?
Love,
Jane
p.s. thanks for listening
(((((((((((((((jane))))))))))))))))))))
i have to get ready for work..........but wanted to give you a hug this morning...
i will be saying a prayer for you..........
thumper
i have to get ready for work..........but wanted to give you a hug this morning...
i will be saying a prayer for you..........
thumper
Gee hun,
I myself am working on this, I think it is a mom thing and the holidays when there are spilt families. I get really selfish and want my kids with me at all holidays,,,even easter and they are 18 & 20....
It was sad this year, I didn't get home till 5:30 am Thanksgiving day,( not by my chose) ( My kids did not know if I would make it back or not so they had plans to have dinner with their dads g/f and younger brother.. ( their dad took off to Arizona to play golf and have thanksgiving w/ his folks...leaving his boys home...very selfish guy)
Well Kyle had come over once he knew I was home to see me, then we went shopping for our dinner for Friday..he said this year is really werid and that he feels holidays are just not the same the older you get...kinda broke my heart...I am just thankful they came and spent the day withus after thanksgiving...
I am going to make this xmas a great one for them so they don't feel as he stated..
Hang in there ..
Krazi/Traci
I myself am working on this, I think it is a mom thing and the holidays when there are spilt families. I get really selfish and want my kids with me at all holidays,,,even easter and they are 18 & 20....
It was sad this year, I didn't get home till 5:30 am Thanksgiving day,( not by my chose) ( My kids did not know if I would make it back or not so they had plans to have dinner with their dads g/f and younger brother.. ( their dad took off to Arizona to play golf and have thanksgiving w/ his folks...leaving his boys home...very selfish guy)
Well Kyle had come over once he knew I was home to see me, then we went shopping for our dinner for Friday..he said this year is really werid and that he feels holidays are just not the same the older you get...kinda broke my heart...I am just thankful they came and spent the day withus after thanksgiving...
I am going to make this xmas a great one for them so they don't feel as he stated..
Hang in there ..
Krazi/Traci
Make plans with friends and family while your girls are gone. Surround yourself with someone ( anyone) who loves you. Someone you enjoy talking to and being with. That will make the time go bye.
Sorry you are feeling low. I have no great advice other than that or do something special for yourself.
Rae
Sorry you are feeling low. I have no great advice other than that or do something special for yourself.
Rae
Gratitude, Jane. I spent my first few holiday years alone down here. My son would make a few hours for me on Christmas and then he was off to the girlfriend's mother's house for dinner. Did they invite me? No. Not that I would have gone but it was the principle. Anyway, instead of feeling sorry for myself I practiced being grateful. I would go to the club for Christmas dinner and celebrate with my new family. After a couple Christmas's doing this, he found out he had to plan my Christmas visit around my schedule at the club instead of his. I learned to make sure I had something to do instead of waiting for him. There were a few tough spots after dinner was over and I was home alone but I talked myself out of it and found something to do or enjoyed the quiet time. It is what you make of it. You know that. We just have so much to be grateful for in sobriety. I almost feel guilty if I get on the pity pot. Besides, who says we need to be with our blood family on Christmas anyway? There are plenty of things to do. Go serve food at a homeless shelter or call a church and see if there is some volunteer work to be done. There's always someone worse off than we are that would welcome some help. You'll be fine, Jane, just stay out of your head.
Thanks everyone. Good advice and I guess typing about it has got me out of my head for a minute anyway. I keep hearing the volunteer thing. I keep being afriad that if I volunteer and my kids want to come home earlier than planned that I will already be commited until a certain time. I don't know. AHHHHHH! I know I do feel guilty for being such a pity party specialist. Then it sets off a whole new set of fears that I get caught up in pity and guilt and my mind is off and running _LOL not really but to keep from crying. God it is not that bad in fact for doing it on my own-financially. I have done alright. My kids will have a decent Christmas. I am an a******. I just want everything another character defect. I am going to find something or someone to do for Christmas. LOL. I just need to get this out for minute and hear some experience strenth and hope. Love you all.
Jane
Jane
Jane! i do the same thing and it is my goal this year to be gratfull and enjoy my blessings. remember i am here and you can come with me again to a meeting every day if you like! im here for you hon. . . . pants
Jane I wish I had the answer for you.Making plans with friends sounds good but for me it makes it worse.The hoildays are hard on me.Too many bad memories that even though I try not to think about them they still creep in.I know Ill be here Christmas day just like Ive been for 2 years.To reach out & talk with others in between cooking & cleaning.So maybe if your feeling down & lost & alone you can sign on & we can lean on each other???
molly
molly
"Or someone to do for Christmas". Hmm You GO GIRL!
Seriously you will find something to do. To bad I don't live closer. We could go to your ex's house and ask if you can join them for lunch. LOL Or sing Christmas Carol's outside their front door. Now wouldn't that be a site. LOL
Stop thinking so much you are going to drive yourself insane. Everything happens for a reason and things have a way of just working out like they should. Your going to be okay. Think positive Jane. You are a beautiful strong woman with so much going for you. You will find true happiness again. I promise, it will happen!! Stop beating yourself up and start giving yourself more credit. You've come along way.
Rae
Seriously you will find something to do. To bad I don't live closer. We could go to your ex's house and ask if you can join them for lunch. LOL Or sing Christmas Carol's outside their front door. Now wouldn't that be a site. LOL
Stop thinking so much you are going to drive yourself insane. Everything happens for a reason and things have a way of just working out like they should. Your going to be okay. Think positive Jane. You are a beautiful strong woman with so much going for you. You will find true happiness again. I promise, it will happen!! Stop beating yourself up and start giving yourself more credit. You've come along way.
Rae
Jane Hun Lets face it for some this time of year is the hardest & if you keep thinking about it all yeah it will drive you batty but sometimes things arent that easy.Im glad your talking about it & talking about it.Holding it all in can harm you more than you know????
molly
molly
MJ- B I N G O. That is just it if I do something else besides be at home it will make me feel like twice the looser.
Rae- LOL- You caught me..... I will try to be nicer to me just for you. and thanks
PANTS_ there you are. I just replyed to Molly's thread for you. I didn' know you were posting. We need to do a meeting this weekend. I will txt you. I am prob. free fri- sat and sun. The kids are with thier dad this weekend.
Kat- I like your train of thought. You are a pilar of sobriety.
Thanks again. Sorry to blow off on all of you I am not so sad I can't function but it boils under the surface. It's nice to let someone know how I feel and just get it out. again thanks for lsitening.,
Rae- LOL- You caught me..... I will try to be nicer to me just for you. and thanks
PANTS_ there you are. I just replyed to Molly's thread for you. I didn' know you were posting. We need to do a meeting this weekend. I will txt you. I am prob. free fri- sat and sun. The kids are with thier dad this weekend.
Kat- I like your train of thought. You are a pilar of sobriety.
Thanks again. Sorry to blow off on all of you I am not so sad I can't function but it boils under the surface. It's nice to let someone know how I feel and just get it out. again thanks for lsitening.,
Jane....think about next year for just a second! It will be your turn!!! That is what I had to do when mine where little. Looking back it was a tuff day without them...but it was sort of a relief too....I didn't have to spend a ton of money...I didn't have to prepare a huge meal! I knew that they were safe and happy!
I was so afraid that I wouldn't see my kids this year being in Hawaii...they arrive tomorrow night....I am sure the "honeymoon" will be over within hours! LOL....they are both adults but get those two under the same roof for any amount of time and its funny but you start to see all those little power plays happen!!
There is so much build up to Christmas and then its over.....so much commercialism with the true meaning somehow always getting lost. Especially when there are little ones...this year we will do a service at this adorable little stone church right on the ocean! This year it will be about giving not getting and being thankfull for all the blessings that we have in our lives!
Hugs Jane...you will get through...and then it will be over!!!
I was so afraid that I wouldn't see my kids this year being in Hawaii...they arrive tomorrow night....I am sure the "honeymoon" will be over within hours! LOL....they are both adults but get those two under the same roof for any amount of time and its funny but you start to see all those little power plays happen!!
There is so much build up to Christmas and then its over.....so much commercialism with the true meaning somehow always getting lost. Especially when there are little ones...this year we will do a service at this adorable little stone church right on the ocean! This year it will be about giving not getting and being thankfull for all the blessings that we have in our lives!
Hugs Jane...you will get through...and then it will be over!!!
This year it will be about giving not getting and being thankfull for all the blessings that we have in our lives! -Say's Kee kee.
I love that! It needs to be about something other than me. It should have been all along. This year it is about them having the best Christmas where they are not worried about mom being alone or not even there. (Which has happened) They get to have a worry free child like Christmas and that is what is important. Good reminder. Your posts say the right things at the right time for me thanks Kee.
Hugs Jane...you will get through...and then it will be over!!! Yup and then I will find something else to b**** about LOL. I hope not.
Love,
Jane
*****edited to say : This is my 3rd Christmas sober and recovering. That is something to be thankful for.
I love that! It needs to be about something other than me. It should have been all along. This year it is about them having the best Christmas where they are not worried about mom being alone or not even there. (Which has happened) They get to have a worry free child like Christmas and that is what is important. Good reminder. Your posts say the right things at the right time for me thanks Kee.
Hugs Jane...you will get through...and then it will be over!!! Yup and then I will find something else to b**** about LOL. I hope not.
Love,
Jane
*****edited to say : This is my 3rd Christmas sober and recovering. That is something to be thankful for.
Had an Aha! I replyed on a post to Kelly My answer to her is just what I need to hear myself. I want to share it. I wrote a few years back I sat in jail through Christmas. I learned there a program of faith and prayer. I was just where I needed to be at that time. The future sorted itself out and here I am 3 Christmas's later with everything I thought at that time would never come back to me. With faith all is possible. I will have faith that I am just where I need to be right now. Thanks for sharing my moment of clarity.
Love,
jane
Love,
jane
Awwww Jane.....that is so amazing sweetheart!
Jane:
Maybe jail is where you need to go to volunteer for Christmas. Do they do that??? let people in to bring candies or fruit or something? You certainly could offer a powerful message there...seeing how you know first hand exactly what it is like.
Just a thought...kinda connecting the dots on your own line there!
And also, if you do decide to volunteer anywhere...you set your hours babe...it is a gift...your time is a gift, so most places are flexible. When I worked the food line that day, I had to leave early. I found they were grateful for any and all help they could get....
You know, it could be as simple as picking someone up and dropping them off somewhere...or do you know anyone elderly that may be alone on Christmas Day??? Just a visit with a piece of pie would mean the world to someone like that. It doesn't have to be big...just from the heart!
No matter what you do....keep your heart open and ask for the insights...you will get them!!!! Perspective change, I love it when that happens!
Much love,
Sarah
Maybe jail is where you need to go to volunteer for Christmas. Do they do that??? let people in to bring candies or fruit or something? You certainly could offer a powerful message there...seeing how you know first hand exactly what it is like.
Just a thought...kinda connecting the dots on your own line there!
And also, if you do decide to volunteer anywhere...you set your hours babe...it is a gift...your time is a gift, so most places are flexible. When I worked the food line that day, I had to leave early. I found they were grateful for any and all help they could get....
You know, it could be as simple as picking someone up and dropping them off somewhere...or do you know anyone elderly that may be alone on Christmas Day??? Just a visit with a piece of pie would mean the world to someone like that. It doesn't have to be big...just from the heart!
No matter what you do....keep your heart open and ask for the insights...you will get them!!!! Perspective change, I love it when that happens!
Much love,
Sarah
Sarah- You are just the little push that I needed I was thinking that myself. The year I spent in jail someone came and brought us ding dongs. I was so grateful for that chocolate. I will let you know if I get the nerve up to call out there and ask. Although I am in recovery and have been for sometime. It still scares me to deal with the PO-lice. I hope I outgrow that. LOL
Love,
Jane
Love,
Jane
Jane Im so sorry to ask but PLEASE where is Pants I tried calling & I really need her right now....
By the way working or volenteering with animals or the elderly can be so helpful for ones souls!!!
By the way working or volenteering with animals or the elderly can be so helpful for ones souls!!!
MJ- I don't know where she is at I am at work. I met her yesterday for a meeting but I don't know her plans. Although she did go out to lunch with some friends after the meeting yesterday maybe that is where she is. If I can help send me an email justjanep@hotmail.com If not and I hear from her I will tell her your looking for her.
Love,
Jane
Love,
Jane
Jane, I really like the idea of the ding-dongs...lol.
It can be hard to deal with holidays; even with my kids it seems so un christmas like....I don't know if that makes sense. I just make the best of it and make it festive as possible.
Sometimes the holidays aren't all that fun.
but just remember, that you are sober and that is number one. I get the loneliness; but try and enjoy the solitude. Do some things for YOU...whatever you like to do.
Tell Miss Pants I said HI.
It can be hard to deal with holidays; even with my kids it seems so un christmas like....I don't know if that makes sense. I just make the best of it and make it festive as possible.
Sometimes the holidays aren't all that fun.
but just remember, that you are sober and that is number one. I get the loneliness; but try and enjoy the solitude. Do some things for YOU...whatever you like to do.
Tell Miss Pants I said HI.
