I feel so stupid - I think my boyfriends back on heroin again.......... Over the past 7 years he's been on and off it. I still here waiting for him to come good. I used to think if i loved him enough he'd stop.. How wrong was I!! Not sure why i've really posted on here i know that I can't make him stop, he needs to want to do it himself, but he's does he does! Everytime things look like they are getting better I see the all to commen signs again. Sometimes feel like i'm waiting for the let down..
I'm sorry for your pain.
You're not stupid. You love someone who is a heroin addict.
You know he won't come clean. We don't do that. You also know as you stated it's on him to want to stop.
First thing is take care of YOU. Worry about YOU FIRST. Making a plan works.
It can be done. We have alot of people on here who have been clean for a long time. That's something to look up to. Still you need to care for you. Go over to the FAMILIES/LOVED ONES part of the forum. People over there are or were where you are at right now. Awesome people. That will help. Definately.
You're not stupid. You love someone who is a heroin addict.
You know he won't come clean. We don't do that. You also know as you stated it's on him to want to stop.
First thing is take care of YOU. Worry about YOU FIRST. Making a plan works.
It can be done. We have alot of people on here who have been clean for a long time. That's something to look up to. Still you need to care for you. Go over to the FAMILIES/LOVED ONES part of the forum. People over there are or were where you are at right now. Awesome people. That will help. Definately.
hello to the stupid girl friend. I'm the stupid wife. I've just discovered my husband has been using again. Enough is enough for me. I'm out of here with the three kids.
Hi there girls! Firstly to the girlfriend - ditto Bryn! You can't put your life on hold my dear, waiting for him to sort his s*** out. Listen now, some people call heroin addiction as disease, and so it is, a really f***ed up nasty mutha of a disease. But it is ALSO a CHOICE!!! In my years of active addiction, I made up every excuse in the book as to why I kept relapsing. It was only when I woke up and realised that the only reason I relapsed was because I wanted to, because I'd chosen to, that I figured out that I DID have a choice, and I could choose not to do it, if I really wanted to. And that's when I got clean.
Honey, he isn't doing it because he wants to hurt you, but by now he must realise that it does. And he does it anyway. He probably kids himself that you won't find out, but he figures you probably will, and hell, it's worth the risk. Heroin addiction serves nothing but itself, so he'll always put you second, unless he conquers his addiction. And the pull is so strong, that usually, addicts have to suffer a great deal before they get to a point where their desire to end the suffering is stronger than their love of the drug. You have to let him take the consequences of his actions, and stop cushioning the blows for him.
Put yourself first, coz you can be damned sure he won't.
People do beat their addictions. I've been clean since May 2005, and I'm doing OK. The suffering has ended, and I'm a much better person, and far stronger person because of it. But you can't wait around forever.
And now to the wife: I wish you every happiness that you so surely deserve, after all the times you've had your heart broken before you reached this point. You've done the best thing you could have done, and I hope you can start to heal now.
best wishes both (and Bryn)
Diff xxx
Honey, he isn't doing it because he wants to hurt you, but by now he must realise that it does. And he does it anyway. He probably kids himself that you won't find out, but he figures you probably will, and hell, it's worth the risk. Heroin addiction serves nothing but itself, so he'll always put you second, unless he conquers his addiction. And the pull is so strong, that usually, addicts have to suffer a great deal before they get to a point where their desire to end the suffering is stronger than their love of the drug. You have to let him take the consequences of his actions, and stop cushioning the blows for him.
Put yourself first, coz you can be damned sure he won't.
People do beat their addictions. I've been clean since May 2005, and I'm doing OK. The suffering has ended, and I'm a much better person, and far stronger person because of it. But you can't wait around forever.
And now to the wife: I wish you every happiness that you so surely deserve, after all the times you've had your heart broken before you reached this point. You've done the best thing you could have done, and I hope you can start to heal now.
best wishes both (and Bryn)
Diff xxx
dear stupid girlfriend,
i am another stupid girlfriend. heroin is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. we have NO sex life. we hardly ever even kiss. i have never in my life dealt with anything like this and i have been crying for days. he swore that New Years he was kicking for good. He was clean (on meth) for 6 days and went back Friday night when he lied and said he'd be home in a half hour and i found him high as a kite at his a****** running mate's house. we have not talked since and all i have done is cry. please help me cope. i love him and don't want to see him in a coffin.
stupid girlfriend #2
i am another stupid girlfriend. heroin is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. we have NO sex life. we hardly ever even kiss. i have never in my life dealt with anything like this and i have been crying for days. he swore that New Years he was kicking for good. He was clean (on meth) for 6 days and went back Friday night when he lied and said he'd be home in a half hour and i found him high as a kite at his a****** running mate's house. we have not talked since and all i have done is cry. please help me cope. i love him and don't want to see him in a coffin.
stupid girlfriend #2
diff,
your response has me in tears. i love him so much. i feel like he hates my guts becasue when i find out he's high i flip out and he tells me i'm the reason. he say's the only way he can deal with me and the kids is to be high becasue we are a huge stress factor. i hate feeling the blame.
he cops drugs in the worst areas of town where people have been shot, i worry an lose sleep thinking "what if he gets a hot bag and it kills him"? i would be crushed becasue i feel like i need to do something to help him stop and i feel helpless. he is always brok by Monday or Tuesday and he has a pretty good job making decent money. we go no where or do anything. we hang home and i worry that wehn he is in the basement that his cigarette might light the housew on fire becasue of his nodding out. there are hole in rugs and funiture down ther, therefore i get no sleep till he comes up stairs (in the wee hours of the morning) i am a mess.
thaks for your posting, it did help me to TRY and put things in perspective.
danielle
your response has me in tears. i love him so much. i feel like he hates my guts becasue when i find out he's high i flip out and he tells me i'm the reason. he say's the only way he can deal with me and the kids is to be high becasue we are a huge stress factor. i hate feeling the blame.
he cops drugs in the worst areas of town where people have been shot, i worry an lose sleep thinking "what if he gets a hot bag and it kills him"? i would be crushed becasue i feel like i need to do something to help him stop and i feel helpless. he is always brok by Monday or Tuesday and he has a pretty good job making decent money. we go no where or do anything. we hang home and i worry that wehn he is in the basement that his cigarette might light the housew on fire becasue of his nodding out. there are hole in rugs and funiture down ther, therefore i get no sleep till he comes up stairs (in the wee hours of the morning) i am a mess.
thaks for your posting, it did help me to TRY and put things in perspective.
danielle
Dear Dannielle,
Boy did your post ring a bell! My son was living in an apartment when he was in the heaviest part of his addiction and there were burn marks all over the carpet there and his nice furniture has a lot of burn marks on it. Also, his pajama pants have them. They have their guardian angels working overtime, that's for sure! I found a paper from the apartment complex mixed in with his bills when I went through them reprimanding him for putting the other people in his apartment building in danger. Evidently the fire company was called for a problem in his unit. I think it might have been something in the kitchen that was left unattended because of the drugs. It's a wonder he and his girlfriend didn't get thrown out.
I will keep you in my prayers. Trust me....YOU aren't the reason he is using. That's an excuse. There are stresses in every family...in every relationship...and we don't go out and use! If so, WE most definitely have enough reasons to escape our reality!
Love,
Susan
Boy did your post ring a bell! My son was living in an apartment when he was in the heaviest part of his addiction and there were burn marks all over the carpet there and his nice furniture has a lot of burn marks on it. Also, his pajama pants have them. They have their guardian angels working overtime, that's for sure! I found a paper from the apartment complex mixed in with his bills when I went through them reprimanding him for putting the other people in his apartment building in danger. Evidently the fire company was called for a problem in his unit. I think it might have been something in the kitchen that was left unattended because of the drugs. It's a wonder he and his girlfriend didn't get thrown out.
I will keep you in my prayers. Trust me....YOU aren't the reason he is using. That's an excuse. There are stresses in every family...in every relationship...and we don't go out and use! If so, WE most definitely have enough reasons to escape our reality!
Love,
Susan
| QUOTE |
| i feel like he hates my guts becasue when i find out he's high i flip out and he tells me i'm the reason. he say's the only way he can deal with me and the kids is to be high becasue we are a huge stress factor. |
Of course he blames you. It is just another reason (read excuse) he is giving to use. If it wasn't you it would be something else. It isn't about you, it is about his choice to use.
| QUOTE |
| i hate feeling the blame. |
Then don't. You feel the blame because you allow it just as he uses. Any blame, anger or whatever other feelings you have are because of you. He isn't making you angry when he uses. You are allowing yourself to be angry. For you it is either you accept it or you don't. If you don't, what are your consequences? If it is yell and scream then forget about it in a few days. He has saw that a few times I would imagine.
I won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do that is on you. But if you plan on living with an addict you absolutely must take care of you. Find and read the other 12 steps posted by Bob. Going to meetings is up to you. I think they would help you but that is up to you. At least read the steps and think your own situation through.
Right now you are thinking I am not the one with the problem it is my boyfriend. But I have been there with my daughter so know better. If you want to make your life better whether your boyfriend uses or not, you have to work on you.
Think of this experience as a fast moving merry-go-round. You are on the edge and getting dizzy. You have 3 choices. Stay where you are, jump off (fall down get skinned up and be dizzy for awhile) or move to the center and let the spinning go on around you. If you are not happy with your life, at some point you have to look in the mirror and say you aren't happy because of you.
Here is a link to the first 3 steps for family and partners of addicts. Read step one and understand it.
Step 1-3
WOW!!!!!!!!! All these people devastated by heroin. That s*cks.
One of my biggest guilt trips is having my poor family worry I was going to burn the house down.
A few months ago we inherited some awesome furniture from a loved one. A close relative of mine moved it and I got a gorgeous bedroom set. His helpers, and him then went to remove my mattress, and these young people just looked stunned. Then all the burn holes in the carpet that are like an entire ciggie length. They just looked shocked.
All I said was "That's where drugs will take you. Don't ever use. This is what you do to the people who care about you." I then took my relative aside, and said "They are all over two years old". He hugged me and said "I know. I know that".
Yeah, we'll burn your house down, and when the fire engines come we'll be worried about where to cop our dope. That's if we make it out.
One of my biggest guilt trips is having my poor family worry I was going to burn the house down.
A few months ago we inherited some awesome furniture from a loved one. A close relative of mine moved it and I got a gorgeous bedroom set. His helpers, and him then went to remove my mattress, and these young people just looked stunned. Then all the burn holes in the carpet that are like an entire ciggie length. They just looked shocked.
All I said was "That's where drugs will take you. Don't ever use. This is what you do to the people who care about you." I then took my relative aside, and said "They are all over two years old". He hugged me and said "I know. I know that".
Yeah, we'll burn your house down, and when the fire engines come we'll be worried about where to cop our dope. That's if we make it out.
Spot on as usual..i wouldve probobly ran back into the inferno to get my stash/works/benzos.....selfish f***er that i was.Take care&as Bryn said ladies yer deff.not stupid..just caught up in the emotional hell heroin addiction can be ...........Davey
Hi all,
Thanks so much for you kind word and advice. It's just so hard to keep going through this time and time again. I know that he needs to do it for himself not me - But I can't help but feeling that he's bringing me down emotionally, not sure how much longer I can carry on like this. I'm scared cos we've been together 10 years and I really want/need him to come good. I don't want anyone else, I just want my old BF back!
I know when he lies to me about it, that it's just cos he doesnt want to hurt me, but somehow he dosent realise that the lies hurt more. I know the signs now.
Thanks again x
Thanks so much for you kind word and advice. It's just so hard to keep going through this time and time again. I know that he needs to do it for himself not me - But I can't help but feeling that he's bringing me down emotionally, not sure how much longer I can carry on like this. I'm scared cos we've been together 10 years and I really want/need him to come good. I don't want anyone else, I just want my old BF back!
I know when he lies to me about it, that it's just cos he doesnt want to hurt me, but somehow he dosent realise that the lies hurt more. I know the signs now.
Thanks again x
there should be a page stupid gf .i was so stupid and wanted just to do something together so i started smoking crack with him lucky for me after 4 months i give up and never looked back .hes trying too but the cant do it i just stand and watch and cry like b4 begging him to stop .
thank god for me i stopped no help just me being strong and wise .hes gone on neth for his opium and trying to stop crack AGAIN .
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and just wish one day our life could be normal
be strong for him and support him
or leave him
hey i know thats hard i tried it so many times but this is the last time for me
after 4 years of a circle of opium along came crack ..............
thank god for me i stopped no help just me being strong and wise .hes gone on neth for his opium and trying to stop crack AGAIN .
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and just wish one day our life could be normal
be strong for him and support him
or leave him
hey i know thats hard i tried it so many times but this is the last time for me
after 4 years of a circle of opium along came crack ..............
