my beautiful 49 yr old daughter has been using heroin for about 2 yrs. I only became aware last weeken when my grandson called me to ask for help. I live pout of state, but hubby & I drove two days to get to her. She agreed to go to an inpatient detox facility for 6 days, and will be coming home in 3 days. Naturally I am worried about doing the wrong thing to help her. she calls from the center and at first threatened to come home she is on methadone, and very nauseus, et. I convinced her to stay and finish the week, and she will continue as an outpatient .
I intend to find some help group so I will know how to cope, and help her children cope alo.
Any suggestuons you can give to me would be appreciated.
I wish you all well with your own struggles.
Hi Rita, First I am so sorry you are going through this, and your grandkids. I put my mom where you're at right now.
You and your husband are wonderful for going to help. In her heart your daughter knows that. The calling and threatening. We do that, and be ready for more. Find out if they weaned her off the methadone before she leaves.
You'll probably not know this woman you gave birth to. We're mean, selfish people, and the only thing will be on her mind is a struggle. If she's in a facility then she wanted help most likely, but that's just detox. She'll need more than a detox. Long term rehab. Maybe outpatient.
Bottom line is SHE HAS to WANT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go over to the family section of the Board, and there's tons of mom's have been through this horrific thing we do to ourselves and wreck mayhem around us.
I'm thinking of you and the kids, and especially your daughter. Not to be all negative, but newly clean is TOUGH. We become Queen BABY. She'll be depressed. Don't give her a RED CENT. My opinion. You just don't have any money and that's it.
Meanwhile again you need to worry about you and your hubby and the kids. I never did heroin until I was in my late thrities, and my parents were no spring chickens. It is tough. BUT BUT BUT she can do this. All different kinds of help and suggestions will be on the Family Board. They rock over there, and get you through some of the toughest times. They've seen it all.
Hang on, and Bless you for being a dear mom, and grandmom.
You and your husband are wonderful for going to help. In her heart your daughter knows that. The calling and threatening. We do that, and be ready for more. Find out if they weaned her off the methadone before she leaves.
You'll probably not know this woman you gave birth to. We're mean, selfish people, and the only thing will be on her mind is a struggle. If she's in a facility then she wanted help most likely, but that's just detox. She'll need more than a detox. Long term rehab. Maybe outpatient.
Bottom line is SHE HAS to WANT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go over to the family section of the Board, and there's tons of mom's have been through this horrific thing we do to ourselves and wreck mayhem around us.
I'm thinking of you and the kids, and especially your daughter. Not to be all negative, but newly clean is TOUGH. We become Queen BABY. She'll be depressed. Don't give her a RED CENT. My opinion. You just don't have any money and that's it.
Meanwhile again you need to worry about you and your hubby and the kids. I never did heroin until I was in my late thrities, and my parents were no spring chickens. It is tough. BUT BUT BUT she can do this. All different kinds of help and suggestions will be on the Family Board. They rock over there, and get you through some of the toughest times. They've seen it all.
Hang on, and Bless you for being a dear mom, and grandmom.
thank you so much for your reply. I certainly will check out the family section.
I am preparing myself for a long haul, and with a wonderful husband (not her father) we will all come out of this ,
I wish you all good things and know you will continue to be strong.
God bless
I am preparing myself for a long haul, and with a wonderful husband (not her father) we will all come out of this ,
I wish you all good things and know you will continue to be strong.
God bless
Take what Bryn told you real seriously. Your idea of group help for you is good. Nar-Anon and Al-anon will help you. Might not be a bad idea to see about Al-Ateen for the kids if they are old enough.
I agree about the support grroups for the kids. 2 are in college, but the 17 yr old is home.
I esp need to know just how I should be...........stern, understanding, and how much verbal abuse I should chalk up to the drugs she will be wanting,
this is scuh a whole new thing in my life, it really shakes my foundations, drugs were the last thing I ever associated with her.
Although, for the past few years, there had been a lessening of communication with me and some requests for money that she explained away by saying her ex husband was late sending her money, etc. Of course now I know that wasn't true.
I feel so sad that I didn't know before this, but her children thought they could handle it on their own, getting her to promise to stop using, etc.
From the viewpoint of former users, could someone tell me how much I should believe of what she tells me?
Thanks
I esp need to know just how I should be...........stern, understanding, and how much verbal abuse I should chalk up to the drugs she will be wanting,
this is scuh a whole new thing in my life, it really shakes my foundations, drugs were the last thing I ever associated with her.
Although, for the past few years, there had been a lessening of communication with me and some requests for money that she explained away by saying her ex husband was late sending her money, etc. Of course now I know that wasn't true.
I feel so sad that I didn't know before this, but her children thought they could handle it on their own, getting her to promise to stop using, etc.
From the viewpoint of former users, could someone tell me how much I should believe of what she tells me?
Thanks
Words from someone who has dealt with this. Believe actions and not words. Lies only exist when we believe them. Manipulation only works when we allow it.
Hurt Dad, you know I just reread what I wrote. I am sexist. I always do that. I always say MOM'S. Like a mother is the only parent who goes through this. I owe you an apology.
PARENTS!!!!! DAD'S. That's what I should say. You are always the voice of reason, Hurt Dad. Always to me.
Hope Rita is making out O.K.
Pay attention to what she DOES not what she SAYS. That's the sum of that.
17 years old now that's going to be really tough. Really tough. I can imagine what that poor kid saw. How helpless he felt. Definately, actually I'd worry about him FIRST. Personally I don't think his mom is capable of putting him first right now. I sure didn't. It was ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hang on Miss Rita. Good on your husband too. Man, my dad didn't take too kindly to my crapolla I'll tell ya that. Most police people don't have an ounce of tolerance for any kind of drug use. Then again for my mom I guess he kind of tried not to wring my neck.
PARENTS!!!!! DAD'S. That's what I should say. You are always the voice of reason, Hurt Dad. Always to me.
Hope Rita is making out O.K.
Pay attention to what she DOES not what she SAYS. That's the sum of that.
17 years old now that's going to be really tough. Really tough. I can imagine what that poor kid saw. How helpless he felt. Definately, actually I'd worry about him FIRST. Personally I don't think his mom is capable of putting him first right now. I sure didn't. It was ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hang on Miss Rita. Good on your husband too. Man, my dad didn't take too kindly to my crapolla I'll tell ya that. Most police people don't have an ounce of tolerance for any kind of drug use. Then again for my mom I guess he kind of tried not to wring my neck.
My daughter comes home from her week in detox today! I feel so anxious I could jump outof my skin.
Please say a little prayer for me, as I will do for all of you who have been so kind..
If I may, I will let you know how things are going. It is so good to have a place to vent.
Thank you
Please say a little prayer for me, as I will do for all of you who have been so kind..
If I may, I will let you know how things are going. It is so good to have a place to vent.
Thank you
Dear God:
Give both Rita and her daughter your guidence and loving care as only you know how. Show them both that they have the power to overcome this time of struggle. Show them that healing will come in due time.....AMEN!
Darin
Give both Rita and her daughter your guidence and loving care as only you know how. Show them both that they have the power to overcome this time of struggle. Show them that healing will come in due time.....AMEN!
Darin
Thank you for those wonderful words.
We are at home tonight, and of course she is happy to be here. she has not said too much, other than to say she will take each day as it comes.she starts her outpatient meth dose tom'w morning,
I know it will be a long hard road, and I hope she can maintain her clean state,
With patience on my part, and trying to not be controlling, I hope we can make it back to the way things were; or at least to a better place for her.
I am going to meetings, also this week, and am sure it will be beneficial.
I will update , thank you again for your encouragement.
We are at home tonight, and of course she is happy to be here. she has not said too much, other than to say she will take each day as it comes.she starts her outpatient meth dose tom'w morning,
I know it will be a long hard road, and I hope she can maintain her clean state,
With patience on my part, and trying to not be controlling, I hope we can make it back to the way things were; or at least to a better place for her.
I am going to meetings, also this week, and am sure it will be beneficial.
I will update , thank you again for your encouragement.
