I have been married for 4 years to my high school crush. We met up later in life when we were 30ish. He didn't drink by choice when we started dating. Now he drinks most every day. He cannot stop at one or two. He is in denial that he has a problem. we have two daughters and I find myself making excuses for him and painting a picture that it is "okay" to drink.
I told him last evening that the choices he is making is toxic to the rest of us and to let me know what his plan is going to be to resolve this issue. If he chooses to continue down this path, he needs to move out and I will take care of the kids....this has been an issue for 3 years...I have tried not saying anything, going on with my own life, dumping the booze(dumb), asking him to only drink on weekends or after the kids are in bed.....help!joesgirls@cableone.net
Dear Janelle, Hi... I am sorry you and your children and husband are having to deal with this horrible disease. First, I want to tell you that you cannot and will not be able to make him stop. He has to want to stop and when that time comes he can go to AA meetings and start working on underlying issues. In the meantime, if you want to stay... which it sounds like you are ready to leave, you can attend al-anon meetings. These are for family members of alcoholics. I have heard these places really help. You may also want to post on the family members board. You will find alot of support there as well. If you are ready to leave, this may be the thing he needs in order to reach his "rock bottom". For alot of us addicts and alcoholics, hitting rock bottom is the only thing that made us wake up and want help. It was in my case. Keep posting and we will be here for you... you are all in my thoughts and prayers!
Love,
Briana :)
Love,
Briana :)
hello janelle.
i was married to a alcoholic, and it was bad. I don't know how he acts when he's straight, how does he act when he's drinking? My ex husband was very abusive<physical, and mental. I was young so at first i didn't know what to do, because i came from a house of alcoholics. My father was one, thats another story.. anyhow i was accustomed to the abuse, and believed it was my fault. when he drank he was very mean. put it this way. i have many broken bones, and scars not to mention the mental torment i went through, it took years for me to heal, physical ,and mentally. to learn that i wasn't a piece of s__t, or other.. i gained my dignity back. i did go and get a black belt just because...
any how, my point is , if he's (ur husband)not abusive, fine, but him drinking on a regular basis can not be good. he needs to get help. as you know its not something that just ends. he has to want it to get better..if he doesn't he won't. its not fair to you or your children,,, he could become violent later. or he may just drink himself to death, seriously. I have seen it. i saw a man that lived next me me die from serosis of the liver from drinking. he was young..
and had 2 little girls.. very sad.
If he wants to change he will want help, if he doesn,t want to stop drinking, he needs more than help.. you need to follow through on what you believe for the sake of you and your children. I hope that you can do what you need to,, good luck and be strong..we are all here for you.. peace
i was married to a alcoholic, and it was bad. I don't know how he acts when he's straight, how does he act when he's drinking? My ex husband was very abusive<physical, and mental. I was young so at first i didn't know what to do, because i came from a house of alcoholics. My father was one, thats another story.. anyhow i was accustomed to the abuse, and believed it was my fault. when he drank he was very mean. put it this way. i have many broken bones, and scars not to mention the mental torment i went through, it took years for me to heal, physical ,and mentally. to learn that i wasn't a piece of s__t, or other.. i gained my dignity back. i did go and get a black belt just because...
any how, my point is , if he's (ur husband)not abusive, fine, but him drinking on a regular basis can not be good. he needs to get help. as you know its not something that just ends. he has to want it to get better..if he doesn't he won't. its not fair to you or your children,,, he could become violent later. or he may just drink himself to death, seriously. I have seen it. i saw a man that lived next me me die from serosis of the liver from drinking. he was young..
and had 2 little girls.. very sad.
If he wants to change he will want help, if he doesn,t want to stop drinking, he needs more than help.. you need to follow through on what you believe for the sake of you and your children. I hope that you can do what you need to,, good luck and be strong..we are all here for you.. peace
Hi Janelle
Alot of good stuff said so far. I am an alcoholic and the best thing you can do for your self and your kids is to look after yourselve's first. ( This is only my opinion and I can't speak for tohers)
Alanon is a good support group and it is a great place to network if you need help. They can provide you with emotinal assistance and support.
Alot of the information posted above is great and your husband will only change if he wants to change, not because you want him to change. And sometimes it take dreastic measurses and some pain till the alcoholic sees that his ife has become unmanagable, and he sees that he either changes or the life that he has with you is no more.
It takes alot of courage to call or Alanon, and I sse that you already have the courage with in you because you have stuck it out this long with your husband, so make that call and get some support. The members can assist you in making anew transition to look after yourself and your kids.
Wishing you a new tommorrow
Roy W
Alot of good stuff said so far. I am an alcoholic and the best thing you can do for your self and your kids is to look after yourselve's first. ( This is only my opinion and I can't speak for tohers)
Alanon is a good support group and it is a great place to network if you need help. They can provide you with emotinal assistance and support.
Alot of the information posted above is great and your husband will only change if he wants to change, not because you want him to change. And sometimes it take dreastic measurses and some pain till the alcoholic sees that his ife has become unmanagable, and he sees that he either changes or the life that he has with you is no more.
It takes alot of courage to call or Alanon, and I sse that you already have the courage with in you because you have stuck it out this long with your husband, so make that call and get some support. The members can assist you in making anew transition to look after yourself and your kids.
Wishing you a new tommorrow
Roy W
Great advice from everyone. It is you that has to make the change, you have the control that he lacks. You also know that covering for him helps him to stay sick.
My mantra is this..
"I will not accomodate his addiction"
If you remember this, you will make all the right choices. I also endorse Al Anon and Alateen.
best wishes
My mantra is this..
"I will not accomodate his addiction"
If you remember this, you will make all the right choices. I also endorse Al Anon and Alateen.
best wishes
